Abba's Baby Girl's Mind Transformation

By Tracy B. Jones Ross

Abba's Baby Girl's Mind Transformation: Series 1 was written after my first minor surgery for my double mastectomy, when my blood pressure dropped and I felt my life slowly leaving me. I grabbed my OES sister's hand and began to pray in tongues. After waking up from an emergency surgery to stop the bleeding, I felt different. I knew how it felt to die. This feeling caused me to feel an urgency to do what God created me to do instead of doing my own thing. During my recovery, Abba God had me all alone with him to instruct me on how to get back on His path. His Word transformed my thoughts during my trials and temptations, causing my emotions and desires to change to God's will and allowing me to make clear choices that would bring me life, instead of death. The paths of life and death are written in the Bible, which guides me back to the center of the cross to gain instructions for the battles I will have to face. Each battle causes an aftermath transformation, which will cause a new testing of my faith in God, with temptation and trials. It was up to me whether I walk on the path of Abba or on the path of my own fleshly desires. Abba gave me an equation to guide me on my journey: TTEDCBA, which means my temptation and trials, will affect my emotion and desires. The choices I make will cause a battle between my faith and my flesh. The results of each battle will have an aftermath transformation. After receiving the equation, I heard a small voice ask me, "Who is dying waiting on you to tell your testimony so they can overcome the path of death?" So I began to write Abba's Baby Girl's Mind Transformation. I pray that my story will help you avoid the pit of death by walking according to the cross compass of TTEDCBA.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9781638855330

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Acknowledgments

1: Abba's Baby Girl

2: The Cross

3: Trials and Temptations

4: The Mind

5: Thoughts

6: Emotions

7: Desires

8: Choice

9: Center of the Cross

10: The Battle

11: Aftermath Transformation

Glossary

About the author

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Abba's Baby Girl's Mind Transformation

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Tracy B. Jones Ross

ISBN 978-1-63885-532-3 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-63885-533-0 (Digital)

Copyright © 2021 Tracy B. Jones Ross

All rights reserved

First Edition

Unless otherwise noted, all scripture references are from NLT version.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

To two of the greatest examples of how to bear my cross while wounded. If it had not been for you, Debra Ann Cleaver and Henrietta Cleaver, the battles of my life would have defeated me, and my suicide attempts would have succeeded. By walking in rebellious thoughts, causing emotional disorder, which tainted my desires to have contradicting choices, it could have resulted in physical and spiritual death. By the grace and mercy of Abba God and your examples, I am still standing. Yes, I am still here standing and now walking in my calling as a teacher of our Abba God's Word. Thank you so much, Mom and Grandma. Your witness will live on for generations to come. I love you to life.

PS. Grandma, I miss you so much.

Acknowledgments

To my four beautiful princess queens—DeHeavalyn, JeLisa, Deborah, and Makeda—I am so honored to be called your mom. Thank you for forgiving me for abandoning you. I am so proud of each one of you. I am encouraged by your boldness and inner strength. I love that each one of you is faithful to your goals and your meek spirits. No matter where you are, near or far from me, you can always come home to your room.

To my grandbabies, Nana loves you so much. Listen to your parents. They have been through things that we don't want you to experience. Set goals, and write them out so you can see how far you come, then go do something to celebrate your achievements. I love you so much. Don't ever forget God got your back, and I'm so happy to be your Nana.

To my favorite ex-husband, Terrell Ross, thank you for loving me, my best friend. I gave you every reason to leave me during the eight years I was divorced from you. LOL. Thank you for always being there through it all, with no judgment, only concern about my safety and understanding about the wounds I caused others. Thank you for changing my mindset and remarrying me. I love you to life, my favorite husband.

To my mom, Lisa L. Thomas, thank you for stepping in as my Alaska Mom. Thank you for making me feel beautiful while silent ugly things were happening to me without your knowledge. Thank you for believing in my talent as a clarinetist and entering me into pageants. I can't still believe we won in Fairbanks, Alaska. I love you so much, Mom.

To my BF, David Dixon, I would not have begun this book without your encouragement and first editing. I love you to life. You will always be my DatDangDav.

Last but not least, to my five smooth stones—my Naomi; big sissy Sharon Holley; my big sissy and everyone's boss, big sissy Kendra McKisick; my Naomi's Naomi, big sissy Marjorie McCraney; my social security nap buddy and empress, sissy Val Val Reyes; and my co-parent of Roc, big sissy Sherrilla Bevins-Henderson—thank you for being lovely examples of a daughter, sister, wife, mother, empress, and widow. I love each one of you to life.

1

Abba's Baby Girl

Looking back over my life, I can remember my grandparents, who taught me that everyone has a cross to bear, but it was up to me to choose which path to carry it on. It always seemed to me I had only two choices. One path is to bear the generational cross of our mom—a cross of being mentally and physically abused by a perverted man who forced her into the polygamy lifestyle. The other path was to be like our grandmother, the greatest first lady I knew, who showed love to God's people and was a good helpmate to a pastor. As a child, I made the choice to be in the likeness of our grandmother, not knowing she endured thousands of trials that equipped her to intercede in prayer for others. My naive childlike faith said, I will be loved by a man who loves Abba God and walks in his purpose as a pastor. I will be a loving teacher of the Word of God to women and young ladies. My power of protest was destroyed by perversion, and I bear the cross of our mom.

Hi, I am Abba's baby girl, and this is my story on how the cross compass transformed my mind. I was so far from the path I wanted to be on as a child and too scarred with fear as an adult to try to change paths, so I sat in my room, waiting to die. What more is there for me to do in this world? I felt I wounded my children with the same abandonment that took over our home as a child, and the ghosts of my past trauma had me like a silently caged butterfly in my master bedroom for three years. On the third year, I decided to pick up a journal and begin to try to examine my life. At first it was too difficult because the few memories I have are entwined among my night terrors. I can't tell what reality is and what is a dream. Either way, they all seem real to me especially when I dream. I decided instead of fighting through my thoughts, I would be my nerdy self and study something new. I began studying the ancient Hebrew alphabet. To my surprise, the first letter, aleph, and its coordinated Bible verses help me to have a childhood memory. I put down my study journal and picked up my life journal and began to write down my memory.

My ordained path of abandonment begins before I was born with the removal of loved ones I never got to bond with. A raging wind divided my family as two young teenagers fell in love and created two other lives before my arrival. Our mom suffered postpartum blues after having her second child. Every time our sister would cry, the sounds felt like lightning was striking our mom's head. She could not take the storm anymore, so she gave our sister to a woman who could provide more for her. A year later I was born. Our oldest sister and I had only a few years with our father before he left. The spirit of abandonment overtook our home. Now our father is gone, but life had to continue, and so did we. A few years later, our baby sister was born. As I continue to mature, so did the storms. As my body developed, my feet did not develop normally; they were severely pigeon-toed. Walking was difficult for me due to my physical handicap.

One day, I heard two sounds that became so familiar to me—one was a loud thundering sound as if the sky were warning us a storm was coming our way. The other sound was like a gentle whimper of a small dog crying to come in from the stormy weather. I slowly dragged my braced legs to follow the sounds. I gained a sturdy stride and made it to the kitchen doorway. After resting for a moment, I took several more steps to reach the corner of the kitchen cabinet. Our stepfather's rumbling voice startled me, and I had to stop to gain my balance but knocked off balance again as his words fiercely blew from his mouth like rolling thunder.

I thought to myself, Should I look around the corner? A small voice inside me quickly replied, Not yet. I made up in my mind to obey the gentle voice. Then I heard a sound like lighting striking something, and then a small drop of wetness hit my face. I braced the cabinet with one hand to wipe the wetness off with the other hand. I looked at the blood on my hand, and my first thought was, That's strange. Rain isn't red. Then there was silence, and I thought, The storm is over. I can move now!

As I turned the corner, my braces on my legs became frozen because of our black-as-midnight stepfather's ice breath. I slowly glanced down and noticed our mom was lying on the floor in a puddle of red raindrops surrounding her head. My attention was drawn to our stepfather, who was breathing hard as if he just ran a race. He slowly lowered his black cast-iron fist, took a few steps, and passed right by me as if I were invisible. Before he took another step, he shouted in a commanding voice, Now do what I said and clean up this mess you made! He then continued to exit the kitchen, and when he left, my legs became unfrozen. I ran to our mom as fast as I could. When I finally reached her, I fell to my knees and hands. As her bloodstained hand reached out to break my fall, she whispered to me, It's okay, baby, I got you, and I know God got me.

Her peaceful voice was confident and sad at the same time. She grabbed me tight, and she whispered again, Don't you ever forget God will always protect you too, no matter how it looks or feels. Now go play.

I slowly stood up on my corrective shoes as slow as I could, not wanting to leave her. As I gain my balance to exit the kitchen, when I reached the kitchen doorway, I paused to take one more look back at our mom. She was on hands and knees, cleaning up the red rain puddle.

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND

As storms continued to rage in my life, the winds seemed to carry my memories away, leaving only night terrors. The next memory I have of our mom is when I gained a revelation of paths according to the ancient Hebrews' language and my name from God.

Before studying, I wrote our mom's kitchen storm memory down in my life journal. I exchanged journals and continued to write what I learned in my studies about the ancient Hebrew alphabet. I began my studies with comparing our language with the ancient Hebrew language. Our language today expresses verbs as action while nouns express nonliving objects. In the ancient Hebrew language, all things are expressed in motion (dynamic) including nouns and nonliving objects. In the Hebrew language, objects are expressed through two different thought processes known as concrete and abstract views:

Concrete thought, when speaking, hearing, writing, and reading the Hebrew language, are the expressions of concepts and ideas in ways that words stimulate all five senses.

Abstract thought is the expression of concepts and ideas in ways that cannot be seen, touched, smelled, tasted, or heard.

After reading these definitions, I noticed my memory of our mom's kitchen storm was remembered in concrete and abstract thoughts. For example, as I turned the corner, my braces on my legs became frozen because of our black-as-midnight stepfather's ice breath. In reality I know that our stepfather's breath was not made of ice. But remembering in concrete and abstract thoughts causes the visual memory to trigger thoughts that stimulate all my senses. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what I allow to lead those thoughts. As I took a moment to reflect on whether I allowed my flesh past experiences or my faith in my heavenly Father, who I call Abba, control my thoughts and actions, to conclude, I had to continue my studies of the ancient Hebrews' language. The Hebrew alphabet represented each letter by a pictograph. Two pictographs grouped together is a parent root word. Parent root words provides a broad definition of a word. A narrower definition is known as a child root word, which is a combination of parent root words combined with another pictograph.

The first letter in the Hebrews' alphabet is aleph. It is represented by the consonants a and l. The original pictograph for the consonant a is a picture of an ox head (א.) The ox head represents strength and power, as in the work performed by an ox. When two oxen are plowing a field, they are yoked together to pull a wagon or plow. The older and more experienced ox leads the younger ox. The Hebrews believed that this is the same as a father of a household and a chief or ruler in a tribe. The ruler or father is seen as the elder who is yoked to the others as the leader and teacher.

The pictograph for the consonant l is a pictograph of a shepherd's staff (ל). The shepherd's staff represents a strong authority as well as a yoke. The staff of the shepherd was a tool of authority to direct, discipline, and protect the flock. The combined meaning of these two pictographs is a strong authority. The Hebrew concrete thought behind this meaning is that the chief or father is the strong authority of his tribe or family.

The one thing I noticed that keeps repeating in these definitions for aleph is a yoke. I sat my journal aside and looked up what is a yoke. A yoke is defined as a wooden cross piece that is fastened over the necks of two animals for the purpose of binding them together. The figurative use of yoke is used in the sense of servitude to God as a teacher and a ruler. I took out a piece of paper and began to draw a yoke. Then I wrote on the picture the last three verses of Matthew chapter 11:

At that time Jesus prayed this prayer: "O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!

My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

Then Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. (Matthew 11:25–28)

I finished my picture and returned reading about the letter aleph. The two consonants combined, al (אל), is commonly used in the Bible for God or any gods. Another name used for God is the word Adonai, and it means Lord. The ancient Hebrews associate the definition of Lord with the action to rule, and the combined meaning for a ruler is the door of life. I found it interesting that the Hebrews associated the door of life with a ruler who restores people's lives so that it is pleasant and righteous. I stop reading the definition for a moment and thought about the phrase the door of life. I found it funny—due to severe anxiety at that time, I couldn't open my bedroom door without breaking out in a cold