Golden Adventures of Hank and Helen

By Judy Harvey Gibson

The Golden Adventures of Hank and Helen is for the AARP members to know what is ahead of them and to reassure the Social Security generation that they are not living this life alone. Their everyday activities will make you laugh out loud, sob quietly, and relive romantic moments with memories of tingling where you think you use to tingle.

Their beginning is different from most. Their careers are successful and meaningful.

Hank and Helen live a life of challenges that the two of them figure out daily with two mugs of wine. They might not solve the problems as you might think, but they get them taken care of.

Sit back and enjoy Hank and Helen with a mug of boxed wine.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 30, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662473685

Book preview

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Golden Adventures of Hank and Helen

Judy Harvey Gibson

Copyright © 2022 Judy Harvey Gibson

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

ISBN 978-1-6624-7367-8 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-7368-5 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Cover-Up in Grand Canyon

Gravity Takes Its Toll, and So Does Old Age

Is That a Snake?

I Love a Parade

Pills in a Pill Case

Anything for a Frosty

Hairy Spiders

Hank Saves the Day

Trip to the Thrift Store

Hank’s Cough

We Are Going to Italy

We’re Out of Toothpaste and JFK

Hello, Hello, Hello

What’s in the Mail?

Do You Remember?

Walk to the Drugstore

Memories of Tenderness

They Remembered Us

Not Your Average Morning

Funeral Clothes

New Radio

Hungry Hank

Hank, We Must Die Together

Chapter 1

Cover-Up in Grand Canyon

Hank and Helen were not your typical golden-age couple. They had their times of traveling the world, attending the ballet and opera, their cabin in the woods on a lake, and many cultural events. They were very active and present in their church, teaching youth and adult leaders. It came to a slow stop as the aspect of entertainment came to be in their home with just the two of them sharing a box of wine.

They were not blessed with any children, which was sad for both of them.

Spending most of their time alone, they finally decided to get out and take a trip offered by their senior center. They knew that everything would be fine because they didn’t have to drive, and every minute was planned for them.

As they got off the bus and entered the nearby dining room, Hank told Helen, "I have to get to the bathroom fast." As he slowly went down the decades-old stone stairs, holding the seat of his pants with one hand, Helen knew they were in for trouble. The all-too-familiar odor of Hank’s nine-year problem had raised its ugly head once again. As the gentle breeze came up the stone stairs, the innocent visitors changed the looks on their faces to ones of bewilderment as Hank’s disorder took over all fresh air.

Helen waited about ten minutes outside the men’s restroom door and hoped every time the door opened, it would be Hank. But, all she was greeted with were men with expressions of disbelief. She finally went to the door, opening it slowly, holding her breath as she had done for years, calling out Hank’s name. Hank, did you make it?

What do you think? he replied.

They looked at each other and surveyed the damage.

To both their horror, Hank had not been quick enough, and it was all over his light-blue double-knit jeans. These had been his favorites since the ’60s.

Helen came up with a plan to get Hank outside so the gentle wind would dry his pants. They walked out the exit door to find a tree they thought would be perfect: a short, aged, gnarly spruce tree a little bit away from the walking path. Helen posed him leaning against the tree with his legs bowed.

Helen said, I will go to the shops and find you a clean pair of pants.

As she left on her journey, she looked back at Hank and saw the looks on the people’s faces as they tried to figure out how the clean, fresh air from the canyon smelled like a cow pasture. She hurried away on wobbly legs to pay, whatever the price, for a new pair of pants even if they were not light-blue double-knit jeans.

She wandered into the first store and asked the clerk, Do you sell boxes of wine? The answer being no, she then asked, Do you have light-blue pants for men?

The young teenage clerk glared at her and said, in a way only a disgusted kid can say, We don’t sell any pants, much less light-blue ones.

Helen said, Thanks, thinking that she wished she had this kid in her classroom so she could show him how to answer an adult.

She wasn’t sure where she was going. She did find another store and asked her two most important questions. The answers again were, No.

In the meantime, Hank was growing weary of standing with his legs bowed and sat down on a bench thinking about the box of wine back in the room. He also enjoyed watching the young ladies walking past, knowing that Helen would fuss at him for doing such a nasty thing. Even in his soiled pants, he had a giant smile on his face.

Helen was now in her fifth store. She found everything from ugly baby T-shirts to heavy bear jackets, but no pants, just another person telling her that she couldn’t drink wine in a national park.

She started back on the uneven stone path to find Hank and gave him the bad news. After a few minutes, she spotted him smiling at the young ladies and tipping his head. She came up beside him and asked, Just what do you think you are doing?

Hi, Precious.

Don’t ‘Hi, Precious’ me!

Bad news, mister, no boxed wine and no pants.

Hank dropped his head and acted like he was crying.

Helen said, I still remember you were looking at the young ladies.

Do you know what time it is, Precious?

No, what time?

We only have ten minutes to get back on the bus.

Where is the bus?

Hank looked around and saw all the tour buses sitting in a row. Over there!

You go ahead and go to the bus site, and I will stop at that store to buy a picture of the Grand Canyon. I’ll get a plastic bag for you to sit on in the bus.

When Helen returned, she talked to the bus driver about their problem. She told Hank, She will drive us to a store across the street from the IMAX show. She doesn’t think that they have light-blue but maybe something else.

Great.

Helen got on the bus and spread the plastic bag on Hank’s seat. Hank was the last one to get on the bus. Helen said, I’ll guide you onto the bag.

Hank went to sit down and said, Pilot to tower.

To the back a little, now to the left, now set ’er down.

That’s the only way I can set ’er down.

Slower, slower. Perfect landing.

Everyone else got off the bus for the IMAX movie, but Helen and Hank stayed on, and the bus driver took them across the busy highway to a souvenir shop. They entered the shop, and Helen said, You go that way, and I will go this way.

Helen turned to the clerk and asked, Could we have a couple of big bags? We won’t fill them with clothes, we need them for trash.

The clerk also gave her a surprising suggestion, We have pink and yellow women’s knit shorts on the left side of the store.

Helen gently pushed Hank toward the dressing room. I think yellow would be better for you. He went to the restroom and cleaned up a little more, and Helen handed him a pair of x-large women’s yellow shorts. He put the soiled pants and underwear in the plastic bags and handed them to Helen.

Before she could say anything, he waltzed out the door and turned in a circle. He said, I like the way this feels with no underwear. I think I’ll stop wearing underwear.

Helen stepped in front of him and said, I can see through your shorts. I’ll get you another pair. In the meantime, go back into the dressing room. Hank’s black-and-red flannel plaid shirt didn’t go well with the shorts, but at least, he didn’t smell.

They made it across the busy road with only three cars blowing their horns at them and into the movie just in time: it was great. They fell asleep on the bus and were surprised when the bus driver told them it was time to get off.

Making their way to their room, they found their unopened box of wine, pretzels, and mugs. They sat down to enjoy their snack.

Helen said, Hank, you must take a shower.

"Yes, yes, just give