Hopelessly Hopeful

By Linda Haynes

Have you ever lost a loved one? A child? Your parents? Or maybe you have known someone to lose someone in a tragic way and watched their suffering and wondered where God is in this or why would God allow this to happen? Have you ever thought you knew what love was, only to realize you can neither give it or receive it unconditionally because you don't know how to love yourself? Have you turned to other things in search of fulfilling that void we all have--sex, money, drugs, self-harm?I invite you to read my memoir. I was only a newborn when I was hit the first time, and from that time till I was six, I was given away twenty-three times to twenty-three different families. I was alone and hated myself for causing it all. I grew up into a young battered woman, who was still allowing the abuse and medicating with drugs. No matter what I achieved, I was never good enough for myself.This is my story of finding hope and keeping it no matter what came my way. This is a story of how I developed an intimate relationship with the one I call God and how He led me to redemption, a life free of drugs and a life filled with joy and peace and promise. It's a life I never have to be alone in again and a journey I want to share with the world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9798886160260

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Hopelessly Hopeful

Linda Haynes

ISBN 979-8-88616-025-3 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88616-026-0 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Linda Haynes

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

About the Author

Introduction

It was the year 2019, in Boston, Massachusetts, when I finally got serious about writing a book. After typing up my first paragraph, I was so excited that I had to tell everyone I knew. My best friend at that time and still today, Cheryl Grosso, was just as excited as I was. She was so supportive that she bought me a book on how to write true stories. There was a piece of advice that the author gave that went like this: Keep in mind that the reader is using your book as a house they want to live in. That sentence kept going around and around in my head until I started to wonder if anyone has ever wanted to live in my life.

I know that I had envisioned myself in someone else's life before; I'm sure at times we all have. However, in my head, I saw it as this: If they really knew me, they would change their mind. Does it sound familiar? As I began to reflect, I started to have a little more admiration for the struggles I'd made it through. I'm glad I can say that today. How about you, if you look carefully on where you are in your life right now and where you started, can you begin to see how each trial and tribulation was specifically crafted for you, each mountain you climbed gave you strength and endurance to climb the next; each tear you cried built resilience in you to carry you through the times you thought your world was going to end. I didn't see the purpose in my pain while I was in it; all I could see was loneliness, confusion, abandonment, fear, and shame. It was in a dark and cold jail cell that I finally took hold of faith. I took Jesus's hand and walked through my messes with blind faith. Looking back now, I am grateful God chose me to go through the things I had. Some things still hurt and don't make sense, but I trust now more than ever a God that I cannot see because at what could have been the end for me was the beginning of the story you're about to read. This is my story.

Chapter 1

When I was in high school, we had an assignment to write an essay on our hero, and I chose my papa. It took a lot of forgiveness to get past myself and the hurt feelings I had bottled up, but I was so glad I did. My heart was glad. You see, growing up, I thought my papa hated me because I was a girl. I thought he caused all my tears, but with faith on my side, today I view my papa as my very own hero. Sometimes blood doesn't matter when it comes to family. I see him as a noble man who cares deeply for people. He never gives up or turns anyone away. He's actually funny now that I have seen him through different lenses. He is the one person I tried so hard not to be like and turns out thankfully I am just like him. I love my papa more than words could ever express, and I am finally receiving the love from him I've always longed for. It may have even been there all along, but I was so blocked and angry that I wasn't able to receive, feel, or know love at all, which is very unfortunate and life affecting for a child. It's so important to find forgiveness in your heart for those who have hurt you and to make amends and to pray for them that God prick their heart. But then you have to do just the same for your own heart. When you go to the altar with heaviness in your heart, God directs us to leave that and go back and make your amends and then return to the altar with your clean heart. I did this for Papa and it worked; I mean really worked. He changed like night and day. I can see now after a lot of growing in my faith that he merely changed in my eyes. He didn't dye his hair or buy new boots; he was still the same him, but I was different now in Christ, which made me a new creation. I saw the whole world with my newfound heart of understanding instead of just with my eyes that only go surface-level deep.

When I met my papa for the first time that I can remember, I was about six-and-a-half years old. He and my granny picked me up from foster care and were