In the Midst of This Mess: A Mother's Journal

By Sharon K Miller

Hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, possible schizophrenia, dyscalculia, epilepsy, infertility, premenstrual syndrome, rebellion, depression, and personality disorder—welcome to the world of a family in chaos. But in the midst of it all, God was faithful, merciful, and always present.

The dream of a perfect family was not happening for this author. The possibility of ever having a family seemed to be out of reach. Adoption, however, granted a son, then a daughter. And soon after the daughter’s adoption came a totally unexpected pregnancy, a second son. It finally looked as if that perfect family was a reality.

However, each of these children had challenges that generated emotional and physical changes within the family. Instead of perfection, there was chaos. Instead of stability, there was insecurity. And instead of calmness, there was continual strife.

When a family needs to work through emotional and physical challenges, permanent scars can be created along with feelings of frustration, abandonment, and rejection. Today, the children in this story are adults. Some still work through those scars, but most are emotionally stable and living productive lives.

In the Midst of This Mess: A Mother’s Journal was written to share God’s truths and to encourage families who might also be in chaos. Sometimes, we just need to realize we are not alone. Sometimes, we just need encouragement. Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that God is in control no matter what.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636306711

Book preview

Chapter 1

A Mother’s Heart

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, never comes to an end. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

—Lamentations 3:22–23

I always wanted children. I couldn’t wait to change diapers, wipe snotty noses, and pull chewing gum from matted hair. But I had no idea what was in store. It has been a whole lot more than diapers, noses, and hair challenges. Had I known, I probably would have run from it as fast and as far away as possible.

But you see, that’s why God doesn’t allow us to see too far ahead—because we are weak and frail, cowards at heart, and because if he gave it to us all at once, he knows we would run because we couldn’t stand it all. Ever. He knows the exact lesson he wants us to learn from each and every challenge. Through our challenges, we learn our own weaknesses. We also find unknown strengths. For the rest, we learn to lean. And in the process, we become exactly as God intended—more like him. I have learned to lean, to lean on Christ, the Solid Rock. It has taken me many years. But we have a Savior who won’t allow us to fall very often and who is always there to pick us up when we do.

Writing this book has not been easy. I have pulled notes from my files that I don’t even remember writing. I have revisited moments in my mind I would rather have forgotten. I have remembered many things that were just too painful to put in writing during the time I was experiencing them. But since the Lord has brought some of those memories back to mind, I have to believe he wants them shared for his glory.

This has been his story from the beginning—the story of a very ordinary family’s challenges and their survival in the midst of a mess. It is the story of God’s goodness, his protection, his provision, his mercy, and his grace. I believe we are still alive and well because of God’s protection. I believe he will continue to work in each of our lives on a daily basis. It won’t happen as fast as I would prefer but in his time. I believe some of the messages from their childhood will settle into each of my children’s hearts and souls and reap benefits in ways we have yet to see. I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to continue to do in each of our lives! God bless you, dear reader!

What A Baby Costs

How much do babies cost? said he

The other night upon my knee;

And then I said, "They cost a lot:

A lot of watching by a cot,

A lot of sleepless hours and care,

A lot of heartache and despair,

A lot of fear and trying dread,

And sometimes many tears are shed

In payment for our babies small.

But every one is worth it all.

For babies, people have to pay

A heavy price from day to day—

There is no way to get one cheap,

Why, sometimes when they’re fast asleep

You have to get up in the night

And go and see if they’re all right.

But what they cost in constant care

And worry, does not half compare

With what they bring of joy and bliss—

You’d pay much more for just a kiss.

Who buys a baby has to pay

A portion of the bill each day;

He has to give his time and thought

Unto the little one he’s bought.

He has to stand a lot of pain

Inside his heart and not complain;

And pay with lonely days and sad

For all the happy hours he’s had.

All this a baby costs, and yet

His smile is worth it all, you bet."

—Edgar Guest (1881–1959)

Chapter 2

Huggable Scriptures

This chapter is a simple listing of scriptures that I claimed through the difficult years. The majority of them are from the Psalms. David experienced both good days and bad; he was a shepherd, musician, and king, who often needed more strength than he possessed, more comfort than he realized, and more understanding than his human mind could comprehend. I am very much like David.

But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory and the lifter of my head. (Psalm 3:3)

O Lord my God, in you do I take refuge. (Psalm 7:1a)

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole body dwells secure. (Psalm 16:8–9)

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him, and He will act. (Psalm 37:4–5)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. (Psalm 46:1–2)

But I will call to God. And the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and He hears my voice. (Psalm 55:16–17)

Cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you. (Psalm 55:22a)

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26)

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:5–6)

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. (Psalm 127:1a)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts! And see if there be any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23–24)

With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. When my spirit faints within me, You know my way! (Psalm 142:1–3a)

I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.