Sugar Coated Tears: When Life Is Everything but Sweet

By Carolyn Henry

Sugarcoated Tears

Think about the taste of your tears. Is there really a comparison to a slice of your favorite cake and a spoon of salt?

Reminisce on those moments of joy or pain as you taste the moisture from your eyes. Although our tears protrude from our eyes, the water--whether sweet or salty--pours from the soul. Usually this purge is necessary for a healthy emotional human. Sugarcoated Tears is a combination of salty life decisions and sweet decisions that were worth every calorie. Journey with me as we skip, hop, run, jump, sleep, and cry through my life--a life of joys, miscarriages, divorce, suicide, depression, exotic dancing, and ultimately, homelessness.

Through it all, I cried cake and salt, and would I do it again? Yes. Every tear has made me who I am today. I am a true believer that in order to taste the authenticity of your true self, you must swallow the sour even when forced. Never give up on yourself! Enjoy the tears...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 14, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662475269

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Sugar Coated Tears

When Life Is Everything but Sweet

Carolyn Henry

Copyright © 2022 Carolyn Henry

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

ISBN 978-1-6624-7525-2 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-7526-9 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

After Life

To My Readers

About the Author

Chapter 1

Couch to Car

Actual journal entries

1/30/2018

Sweet Jesus. Sweet Baby Jesus, so much has happened since I last wrote in here. Let's see. I moved. Yup, so long apartment.

1/31/18

Good morning again. I left off from writing when my dear friend called. Yes, T and I are still going strong:) My trip to Philadelphia was like a dream! The chemistry was there and remains. I was totally attracted to him. Very, very handsome and sweet and truly a great spirit. Yes, we made love. Gosh, we shared each other. Sex before marriage—ugh, it was superb! Every touch, every kiss, every release was very passionate and worth the wait. We made our relationship exclusive. I moved in with Eb to repair my life financially. Back to work! First pay today (1/31/18) $489.00, but that's because I went to Philly. God is working.

2/2/18

Second day of February! Wow, it already awesome! How? T completed paperwork and starts work Monday. We both have goals to get our passports this month, and we are gonna travel to Puerto Rico; he has family there, and we are stoked. My work week was full of surprises. Mentally exhausted. LOL. My boys start a new school Monday morning. Wasn't the news I wanted, but it was the news from God. Again, all is not in my control. God has it already written out. Feels like I'm slimming down, but who knows, I would love to lose the lbs. before Puerto Rico. I'm so thrilled to be in a less-depressive mood and less anxiety lately. I will continue to be grateful content and prayerful. All will be more than okay. I give all control over to the Lord. Gabe and Raz—I am gonna love them the best, I know how. I am letting go of the guilt I had for the divorce, and the changes this last move may not be so comfortable, but they will adjust. Saving for the future. Maybe Carolyn will get a new last name?

am

Yo, sup? It was my sister ringing my phone. "Do you have any gas money? Nope, I got maybe three dollars in the bank and three in my wallet. You want it? No, gas like 4$ gallon. That ain't no help. It's cool." Ard, see ya. That was my cue. Feet touch the floor, took a long stretch, and gathered my pillows and blanket from my couch. I been sleeping on my couch for the past four months.

My objective was to get out the door before my sister came in the house and showed her annoyance by my presence. Not to mention the awkward extra couch that greets her when she comes in from work every morning. I lost another job about a month ago, and I couldn't contribute to the house needs. I agreed to $400/month and the internet bill; that was just disconnected two days ago. I was so thankful that my sister extended her home to me after this second eviction. Two evictions within six months. My life is full of luck.

The 2017 eviction was traumatizing enough, leaving the only home the kids and I had known for the last five years. I really can't catch a break. A break (no pun) is part of my grand luck as to why I could not afford rent again.

Hard-core exercise has always been a stress reliever for me. A challenge when it comes to exercise sounds like a good time to me. Calorie burn that requires more skill rather than traditional exercise. During a body combat class, my high kick resulted in a broken knee. With all the adrenaline pumping, I managed to limp to my car and drive home. When I pulled in my garage, I could not get out of my car. My knee had swollen so big, and I was in pain.

I arrived at the ER via ambulance within minutes. The doctors ordered several X-rays and determined I would need surgery and to follow up with a specialist as soon as possible. They also suggested I stay off my leg, which meant days out of work. I had not even been employed with this company six months.

Completely in prep mode for the coming school year with Clark County Head Start. This job was exactly what I prayed for: great pay, great benefits, awesome location, great timing, and my coworkers were amazing. After reconstructive knee surgery, recovery took six months. My lead teacher position was filled. I was officially terminated.

During the six months of recovery, I had received short-term disability payments. Although I was very grateful for the income, it could not sustain my overhead. Not to mention the amount of debt left to me after my divorce. That concludes the first eviction.

I moved a few blocks away. I was determined to stay in my original neighborhood. The boys had been through too much change, and it was important that school would remain consistent. I received a letter from disability stating, upon the new year, I would receive my last check. My job hunt was a full-time job. It was close to Christmas, and I was already behind on rent because I again was shuffling this limited income to make ends meet. The doctor released me to work, wearing my brace, on January 2018. I also received some great news after Christmas. I was to begin work with the school district in January. Already behind in rent, the leasing office was not going to wait until my first check to play catch-up. I started to panic not wanting to move again, so I looked into borrowing from my 401(k). Must be nice to be in my ex's place, was all I could think of. That's when I decided to sell my wedding ring. I loved this ring; it was princess cut and gorgeous. Sparkly value of $45 was offered from the pawnshop. It was a fake diamond. The cash offered was for the gold.

Back on the couch

I didn't sleep well at all. I haven't had a good night's rest since I've been sleeping on this couch to be honest with you. My phone was in my hand before I closed my eyes every night. It's become a habit, listening to astrology and horoscope videos until I nod off. As I lay in the