Two Truths of a Lack of Love

By Chavez Christian

When your heart is broken, only the ashes remain and the memories that you keep in a drawer forever.
Miranda Evans decides to leave her entire life behind in Seattle, after Daniel Wimmer shattered her heart. He travels to join Doctors Without Borders in Kenya, a place that will become his second home, where he will live unique experiences and where he will meet Aiden, the charming prince that he always dreamed of, with everything that his great care did not give him. love.
After living under the shadow of a legacy, she must return to the Emerald City to try to fulfill her dream: to be the best pediatric surgeon. However, her destiny puts Daniel back on his path, and that, together with a series of circumstances, will mean that her life becomes a hurricane.
As her life falters, Miranda will have to decide between the past and the present in order to address her future. Her decisions will mark the definitive course of her life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alexandra Rago
• Release date: Feb 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215840344

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

life puts me to the test

Are you nervous? Aiden asks me sweetly.

A little, I reply, as I remove my seat belt, this is my first day as a regular at Seattle Children's Hospital.

Everything will be fine, you'll see, he assures me, placing a kiss on my lips.

-Thank you.

I get out of the car and wave goodbye, watching as it drives away thinking I'm very lucky to have a man like Aiden in my life. I adjust my coat when the first drops of rain begin to fall heralding a gray day, very usual in Seattle, however, my heart yearns for the warmth of Africa and all that I found there. I enter the hospital with my mind set on demonstrating my skills, I smile at Dr. Alessandra Bianco's secretary, she just makes a face and tells me that in a few minutes I will be received, because she is meeting with the director of one of the foundations that gives funds to the hospital.

Nerves won't let me stay still in one place and my heart beats fast because of the desire I have to be in contact with the children. I always wanted to help people, that's why when I decided to study medicine I chose the specialty of pediatrics, since despite all the adversities they may be going through, they will always have a smile to give you, there is nothing more comforting than the smile of a child. I learned it while passing through countries like Ethiopia, when children who have nothing are capable of paying you with a smile that will disarm you, despite all the shortcomings they are capable of being happy with so little.

The door finally opens and I look up to find brown eyes that burn me, I know very well how they are capable of burning me with just one look. I take a deep breath as I realize that once again fate is bringing me face to face with him. Dr. Alessandra rushes to greet me and I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat, I get up and outline my best smile.

Dr. Clark, welcome, he tells me with a smile. Sorry for the time you were on hold.

Don't worry, Dr. Bianco, I say, giving her a handshake.

She steps to the side to give me a perfect view of Daniel who is regarding us with a serious expression, taking my arm and urging me closer.

Daniel, I want to introduce you to the new head of the pediatric area, Dr. Miranda Clark, she announces proudly. She was the head of Doctors Without Borders for more than five years.

Miranda, how long, he says cautiously.

Daniel, I whisper and nod, nodding nervously.

I nervously look at my watch when the doctor looks at us in amazement, he smiles when our eyes meet again.

-They know each other? he asks surprised. I go to answer but Daniel rushes.

—Miranda is a great friend for years, I haven't seen her since she left for Africa.

Yeah, we met when I was a resident, I add.

I close my eyes and for a second I think time has stopped, that I can remember his aroma of Armani Code and feel how his hands ran through my body. I think my cheeks flush, causing him to just deepen his smile.

Well, now you can be sure that your money will be in good hands, Dr. Bianco assures him.

Of that I have no doubt. He smiles so captivatingly that I feel the urge to run. Would you give me five minutes alone with Miranda? he asks Dr. Bianco, and hastily adds, I promise not to keep you for long.

—Of course, Miranda, I'll be inside preparing your contract.

In a panic I just nod, he waits impatiently for her to leave and to my bad luck he calls his secretary. I try to breathe to calm myself.

Miranda... He pronounces my name and takes me to memories I thought forgotten.

No, Daniel, no, I whisper in a broken voice, "I don't want to be near you.

I take a step determined to leave and put an end to this bad time, but it stops me and on my skin I can appreciate the same magnetism as years ago.

You're beautiful, it was you, it was you, he repeats, unable to believe it. It was you on the ferry.

Yeah, it was me, I reply.

-You have returned.

I should have stayed in Africa, I think.

-And I have to go. I wriggle out of his grasp and walk hastily.

I remember you every day, I haven't been able to forget you, he confesses and I stop. That farewell that you forced between the two of us still hurts so much.

I'm engaged, I inform him, thinking that may scare him away.

That has never stopped me, he says, adjusting his jacket and staring at me with defiance in his eyes. We'll see you soon, Mir.

He walks away and his promise makes me worry, however I pull myself together to enter the office of the head of the hospital. She welcomes me and gives me a robe with my name embroidered on it. For a few minutes I forget that I have just met the only being that is capable of destroying my life like a hurricane.

He introduces me to all my colleagues and takes me to the surgical floor, explaining the hospital rules and procedures step by step. He assures me that when I applied for the position they were determined to choose a surgeon who came from New York, however, my resume and the recommendations it brought were enough to know that I was the one for the position.

Thank you, I comment, quite impressed by the state-of-the-art technology that the site has, after working practically with my hands in my previous job, this is the perfect step to achieve my dreams. I hope to live up to expectations.

Sure, besides, you fell a while ago like from heaven, he declares, smiling. Wimmer was quite reluctant to invest in the neonatology area.

"Oh...

—That you guys get to know each other can be helpful, I was telling him about you before I left the office.

-Oh yeah?

When I said your last name, he mentioned that it was known to him, I see why, he says and smiles again. I hope you are interested in this project.

-What is it about? I ask him.

She explains to me that the neonatology area is one of the most important for the hospital, since many children do not manage to survive the first hours of life. Beyond a simple whim, he wants to demonstrate the miracles of science, how a little one with just six months of gestation can survive with the proper care and treatment. The vehemence with which he describes each part of the project to me is contagious, I myself witnessed the death of some neonates.

You're counting on me, I assure him.

I'm sure Daniel will want to work side by side with you, she expresses to me excitedly.

I turn pale, but I try to smile, because life can't put this test on me, especially when I'm finally trying to settle down with Aiden here, in the same city where it all started and ended, I knew I could find him, although not as fast. I manage to escape for a moment to the bathroom and with trembling hands I type a message to my best friend Joana.

Miranda: SOS; drinks tonight. Serious problem .

Joanna: SOS? Seriously Mir?? Okay, see you at the usual place.

I spend the day updating myself on everything administrative at the hospital. As head of the adult surgery area, I must take into account the quarterly and annual budgets we have, as well as how many probono jobs we can accept. I sigh, because the bureaucratic part can be the most boring when you are not used to it.

*****

When Joana arrives at the restaurant I have started my glass of white wine, my friend steals the glances around her. We've known each other for as long as I can remember, actually since kindergarten and we haven't been apart even though I've been away for five years, we always saw each other somewhere when I had vacations.

You look beautiful, he says by way of greeting when he sits down.

I think the one who stole looks was you, I reply, raising an eyebrow, and she lets out a laugh. He wears a set of black pants, with a classic red shirt tied around his neck, his lips stand out with the same color as his shirt. Blonde with gray eyes, almost silver, she is capable of breaking hearts with just one look.

I'm simple, he assures me. Now tell me what the problem is.

Always straight to the point, I reply, as she motions for the bartender to bring her a glass of what I'm drinking. Daniel.

-That? she inquires astonished and hastens to say: This needs more than a glass of wine.

"I know, but I can't come home drunk.

Where did you find it? she asks me worried, and I let out a tired sigh.

At the hospital, I whisper.

-I can not believe it! I swear I've seen him on more than one occasion, but since that day I haven't spoken to him again, for me both he and Mandy are zeros to the left.

Do you remember everything?

Joana clicks her tongue against the palate and takes my hand, I'm not talking about goodbye but about the day it all ended. Who was going to tell me that this would happen after so much time, memories that can come to torment me and take away the little peace I have; she knows that Daniel is capable of bringing my world down if he wants to.

You're with Aiden, remember that it's the best thing that's ever happened to you, he says in a nervous voice, don't go doing something crazy.

"I informed him that I was engaged. —I laugh nervously —And he replied that that has never stopped him.

Peter, Joana murmurs.

Peter was my first boyfriend, he endured the distance when I traveled to study at Harvard. Also the first months of residency, until I met Daniel on his sister Amanda's birthday.

—Nothing stopped him until he got me and they were the happiest years, but also my own hell, I can't believe I lived through heaven and hell with the same person.

—You were one more whim in his life. My friend's eyes darken. Daniel is always used to getting what he wants, you have always been a challenge, as much as you loved him you had the courage to walk away.

"He was the one who left me, remember? He left me the night I snuck into his house and he broke my heart.

—Of course I know, I curse that day and everything that came. Joana takes my hand. Don't go damaging your future for him, remember that returning to Seattle was a decision that took you a long time to make.

"I know, I never intended to go back.

—That's why I love Aiden, because he was able to convince you to be happy. -Smile-. Daniel is just a memory from the past, don't be tormented.

I don't want to keep drowning in your goodbye, not anymore, I assure him.

So friend, here we will only toast the new chief of pediatric surgery, she announces, when they put her glass down and fill mine.

We toasted and talked about everything I have planned in these first months, I was always organized and quite pragmatic when deciding about my life, until I met Daniel, although I don't want to delve into it. There is already a huge abyss that I am not going to jump into again, Joana is right to say that I am lucky to have Aiden.

We said goodbye with the promise to see each other over the weekend, I arrive at the house that I rented for these months of transition. We have plans to buy one when we get married, it seems incredible that after two years of relationship I finally accepted my fiancé's proposal, yes, they are not mistaken in thinking that Aiden practically asked me to marry him in the first months of relationship. He had the courage to declare his love for me, only at the time I wasn't ready for another adventure.

I take off my high heels and I feel like I'm freeing myself, I look at my watch and realize that it's a quarter to ten at night. I check my phone and find a message from him.

Aiden: Honey, emergency I have to do a coronary bypass. [1] . I love you.

Miranda: I love you, I'll wait for you at home .

I go up to the room, take a shower and go to bed thinking about all the promises I made to Aiden, because of him I was able to get rid of everything that filled me with anger and that hurt me. That is why I am sure that what invades me at this moment is nothing more than an immense fear for that gray farewell, because when I fled I was not able to close that chapter of my life, which had led me to believe that I had failed.

I fall asleep thinking that tomorrow is my second day in the hospital, that maybe I can get out of the red tape and pick up the scalpel again.

CHAPTER 2

echoes of the past

Daniel Wimmer

All the years that have passed and I haven't been able to forget her, I think it's one of those curses that you don't know when it's going to end, five years of bad luck in love and in my entire life since she decided to leave.

A marriage.

A divorce.

Zero children.

My parents would be disappointed in the man I've become, I gave up everything I loved to be what was expected of me. I was fucking eighteen when they had that accident, Mandy was barely thirteen, and I had to take custody of her, the business, and a life I wasn't ready for, yet it was what I had to do and I did it.

I remember that I authorized my little sister to have her birthday party at home, it didn't matter, because we only turned twenty-one once in our entire lives and that moved her, I think more than her sweet sixteen, but that night I I fell in love at first sight with the most beautiful woman in the world.

idiotic?

A full-fledged twenty-six-year-old man in love with a twenty-one-year-old girl, five years older than her and had a life made for her, while she was barely going to build hers, however that didn't stop me from pursuing her, falling in love with her and making her mine. Yes, let's say that with Miranda I was the troglodyte type, the typical Cro-Magnon man.

She mine, I hers, mine, mine.

belonged to me

Now it belongs to someone else.

Her parents were scared the first time I went for her, exactly the next afternoon that I kissed her in my room and found out that she was Mandy's best friend, already at that moment I knew that there was no going back and that I would love her until she died. I took my last breath. He was older than his daughter and also bears the stamp on his forehead of a bad boy, one of those who break petticoats whenever they can and leave broken hearts. However, after assuring them that it was what they wanted, they gave me the pleasure to see her and take her on an appointment.

Miranda refused with excuses of a boyfriend, I really didn't give a damn that she was in a handyman relationship with some jerk at Harvard, it would only make getting her more satisfying. I was determined, I convinced her and that coffee showed me that I was not wrong, that she was the woman with whom I would share the rest of my life.

I remember exactly how many times we went out, there were three hundred, also the eight hundred times I took the plane to spend the nights with her in Boston, and the countless times I made love to her until we couldn't take it anymore.

Miranda was mine. Miranda was more. Miranda was my world and nothing else could matter.

And now you'll wonder why I'm telling you about her, I couldn't believe it when I met her eyes on the ferry. It was seeing her and having to take a deep breath, calm myself so as not to run to claim her and snatch her from the arms of the idiot she was with. It was a pretty smart shot to go back in time and realize that I had been a loser, I had let her go and I thought the love she felt would be enough to bring me back, but it wasn't.

Marrying Heather was one of the worst decisions of my life. She only loved my money and I only saw in her an outlet for all the pain that losing Miranda caused me. That commercial agreement lasted two years, I say it that way, because it cost me a sum of five zeros to sign the damn divorce.

I think that I will simply not fall in love again, if I had known that that time would be the last time I would have her in my arms, perhaps things would be different at this moment.

*****

I see you saw her, Mandy tells me.

I found it when I was leaving Dr. Bianco's office, I answered. Mandy sighs.

I've been told you're getting married. And that hospital gossip just makes me unnerved."

That remains to be seen, I reply, as I cook our dinner.

My sister and I have dinner twice a week at home. She now lives with her partner and me in a penthouse downtown. I think the separation from Miranda not only made me lose her, but also Amanda lost a friend.

Don't go doing something stupid, he asks me. She's not a baby you can manipulate anymore and I'm sure what they had was completely over long ago.

I don't think so, I assure him.

Daniel, he scolds me.

"Amanda, you can't ask me to forget the only woman I've ever loved. I grip the spatula hard, hiding my anger. She couldn't forget me, I don't think everything we felt went away, I can't, I don't accept it.

Daniel... And my sister's voice is full of empathy. She is the love of your life, I understand that, however you have to understand that she went and made her life.

I put everything down and turn the knob on the stove a bit so that the chicken breasts are simmering. I turn to look at my little sister. God, I can't believe she's the one acting like the mature one right now.

I don't want to lose her, I confess. I can't lose her again.

—You should have told him I love you when it was the right moment and perhaps the story would be different.

Mandy!

—I'm sorry, but it's my turn to open your eyes and make it clear that you were a coward and that all this is your fault. She exhales tiredly. I will support you in everything you want, although Daniel understands that you cannot expect him to give up everything for you again.

I know, but I hope that you remember me the way I do.

And if it doesn't work?

—I will stay in my hell, because there is simply no other woman who can make me feel all that. Miranda was always more, I didn't see him while I was by his side and now I live with the echoes of the past tormenting me.

Do you love her that much?

—Yes, all this hurts me and I have waited three years thinking that his return would be something easier, that perhaps we could fix everything.

Sometimes I think I don't understand you, he snorts.

Honey, I'm not made of stone and it hurts me to love her the way I love her.

But you let her go, that's not love, he replies. And there is the reproach that she represses whenever she can, I know that my sister is on my side, but female solidarity is a little more.

-Know? Looking at her is painful, because it hurts the way she acts as if she doesn't remember me, as if she forgot all the moments together. A single conversation was enough for me to realize that getting her back is going to be a difficult task.

I'm sorry, he whispers.

—It's not your fault, all this is a consequence of my actions and the biggest idiocy I could commit. I thought that I was showing her that I loved her and it turns out that it was important to say those two words, I was sure that she would never leave me and she did it when I least expected it.

You should have gone after her, Mandy scolds me.

"I made love to her just the night before she left and she still left me.

—Fucking doesn't solve things, Daniel...

—I know, but it was the way of telling her that I loved her and that I didn't want her to leave my side. I turn to continue cooking. I don't want to keep talking about this.

—Don't go doing something crazy and think before you act, you're thirty-seven years old, damn it! You're not a kid and neither is Miranda, you have to step away if she asks you to.

-Can't.

But Daniel... my sister protests.

I can't, I need a second chance with Miranda, I declare and turn off the food. I understand that we both suffer, however I am willing to give my soul to her and learn to love her, kiss her, caress her,