Why Didn't You Tell Anyone?

By Ade L. Allan

Why didn't you tell anyone? by Ade L. Allan. Faced with multiple mental and sexual traumas by the age of 28, Ade wrote a short, vulnerable, raw memoir that dives into the blame and pain that sexual assault survivors experience and the toll that it takes on the lives of victims. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ade L. Allan
• Release date: Mar 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9781738900510

Book preview

The first sentence

Depression, anxiety , PTSD, narcissism, self-harm, rape, and sexual abuse. This is your trigger warning of what I write about throughout this book. I know they say to capture your audience on the first page, but I want to give my audience a fair warning in the first sentence.

I used to dream about being a writer when I was little. I started rough drafts when I was twelve, about everything from spies, to fantasy worlds, to romance. When you’re young and innocent, your imagination is wild. Everything feels like magic.

Now, here I am, twenty-eight years old, and struggling to find something better to write about than depression, anxiety, PTSD, narcissism, self-harm, rape, and sexual abuse.

Here’s the thing. When you experience any of these traumas, it’s hard to find happiness. It’s hard to think about anything besides the trauma that you went through or continue to go through. It takes over your happy moments, your happy memories, and your happy thoughts.

I thought I had it figured out for a while. Just ignore it, I’d tell myself. Pretend it didn’t happen. Change your name, change your number, change your e-mail address, and move far away. That will help. That will make it all better.

But what are you supposed to do when you go to this extent of trying to forget, trying to run away, just for it to continue happening?

Not once, not twice, not even just three times.

When trauma follows you like that, you begin to think that you’re the problem, that there’s something wrong with you and not with the people who put you through the hell that you’ve experienced.

My name is Ade, and I am a sexual assault survivor.

The narcissist

Iguess I should start from the beginning. I didn’t always go by Ade, pronounced Add-ee.

I grew up with a covert narcissist for a mother. By this I mean she was someone who had to look good to everybody and be everyone’s best friend. She needed constant attention, and she always played the victim. She had an extremely poor me attitude, and wanted nothing more than to be the subject of everyone’s sympathy. Throughout my life with her, she never once took accountability for anything she did wrong.

I have weird memories from when