Odd Beginnings: Structural Loss of Fatherhood

By calt shabalala

Odd Beginnings: Structural Loss of Fatherhood analyses the social ills crippling our nation's growth due to ignorance and void-driven behaviours. Its premise revolves around the deprivation triggered by our widespread fatherlessness and unpacks the problematic relationships formed where men prioritise their short-term lust over their children's long-term maintenance.
As the main driver behind minimising fatherhood and generating a loss of structure, Odd Beginnings closely examines the male sexual energy. Too often single mothers relegate fatherhood to a minimal level when their sexually motivated relationships produce an unplanned child. Unmitigated sexual energies can cause void-driven behaviours that wreak havoc and anarchy to a fatherless society. Void-driven behaviours allow dependence and vices to take their toll on individuals if not channelled properly.
Calt Shabalala both describes and criticises people's collective ignorance about the relationship between fathers and their children. He explicates the importance of a father's direct involvement in his children's lives by highlighting the negative consequences of children growing up fatherless or with a minimal contribution.
This book is an on-time reminder about fathers' failures that give rise to deprivation, dependence and various vices as they affect innocent children. Building a functional nation requires families that rely on the knowledge bearers (fathers) and not the government for solutions to their behavioural problems. With poor fatherhood, our nation is doomed to anarchy.           

• Language: English
• Publisher: calt shabalala
• Release date: Apr 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215167403

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Beginnings_-_Cover.jpg

Copyright © 2022 Calt Shabalala

First edition 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Calt Shabalala using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Gerard Peter for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.org

E-mail: [e-mail]

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Calt Shabalala

[e-mail]

To my mother for being psychologically a father And Biologically a mother

I salute your incredible strength as a woman

And Your deepest knowledge about life worth living.

PREFACE

This book aims to philosophise the basic structural problems that fathers continually fail to make meaning of. Basically, when the structure which supposedly should be a safety net where children are cushioned against challenges and problems of life in general is lacking, children suffer as they try to rebuild that structure on their own. It entails a perpetual journey of innocent children struggling in life because they have been neglected by their supposed fathers. It describes a psychological, emotional and experiential pain imposed on innocent children as they go by unnoticed by their fathers whom they need the most. It explicates the psyche of the affected children. A female child that goes through social ills that are never understood by the affected is strictly and strategically exposed. Likewise, the male child is analysed using the analogy of the structural loss of fatherhood. This is achieved by comparison to those who complement the way their fathers have been helpful in moulding them to find the self.

It reminds people that most of our social ills are deeply embedded in the psyche of the unconscious. This is proven when most of the victims do not understand what went wrong. Therefore, it is normalised and in doing so, it cripples growth envisaged by our future goals. As much as it is an ignored reality by deprived societies, statistics prove how many children are growing up without fathers. However, the scope of this book is not to dwell on statistics but to use empirical knowledge and analogy for the purpose of reaching comprehension.

This book is based on real experiences as projected by the sufferers/victims created by the loss of fatherhood in our communities. Such societies overlook family construction by ignoring the imperative structure of building a family. Furthermore, our dormant communities where children are on their own trying to figure out self-discovery without any help from the bearers of knowledge are discussed. Realities about absconded, estranged, cold and distant non-participatory and ignorant fathers that create structural loss without their involvement are described. It goes on to explain the importance of fathers as much as it is denied by our community of single mother-headed households. The denial formulated by single mothers and children alike is discussed in detail. It is more of a psychological journey of protecting the self in all difficulties faced by such unfortunate children. This book discusses the ignored discourses of our everlasting defence mechanisms employed by the mental capacity of children and fathers alike. It is a tell-all tale of the defence strategies unwillingly hidden deep within the reality of the unconscious. In that sense, the social ills experienced by our societies are analogically described in straight talk. It constructively criticises the acceptance of such social ills. They have been normalised by black South Africans and all who are affected by the reality of the structural loss of fatherhood. The basic functionality of a father is analysed in the context of finding a solution. Every family needs a father no matter the circumstances. Every child was born through a male and female bodily union. It is a way of continuing life that inhabits Mother Earth. Life begins by creating a child. A child is wired to seek both parents that make up its genetic composition. Children subconsciously know of duality in the creation of life. Fathers are the origin of life on Earth; no father means less direction in life and results in a soul deprived of duality in nature. Absconded fathers are ignorant in believing only a mother is needed to shape life into a proper structure.

This book highlights most addictions which are on a negative scale of life worth living. If life that was created for a purpose is taken for granted by the owners of life, deprivation takes its course. This book tells of a perceptive journey motivated by the intra-void. This vacant space is left open by the structure needed the most in life. This harrowing, vacant, hollow space is the initiator of continuous problems. People affected by this resonating vacant space become sexually preoccupied and easily addicted. When all basic problems of everyday life are interpreted using easily acquired sexual energy, there is no propagation of life or a strong nation in the making. People under deprivation allow nature to take its course by continually disturbing the propagation of life. When that happens void-driven behaviours are observed in all societies. A male person is a gender-coded identification of a human being with testis and penis as part of anatomical features. Through operational definition, a male becomes to be referred to as a man. By mutual respect, a man is a person who tends to rise above his challenges and find a way to overcome challenges. That person is referred to as a man evidenced by his work and responsibilities that are taken care of, with courage. Male persons who destruct the propagation of life are notorious for sexualising young females of promising futures. That male person is not a man by operational definition. He has the deep-seated conviction that the most socially prised form of masculinity is obtained by sexual conquest. With his derogatory conviction, he identifies young females (girls) with promising futures as objects of his sexual needs and desires. His toxic masculinity is driven by lust, as he sees a sexual partner to be conquered in girls. Through his convictions, he thinks girls enjoy being sexually available to males. This premature sexualisation of girls contaminates their God-given pure innocence. This becomes the silent psychological warfare between heterosexuals. This warfare is fought strategically using sexual energy which is easily attainable. In that context, females are being impregnated for reasons of proving a point. They destroy female persons by impregnating them and then abscond, leaving the mother to bring up the children on her own. This is observed when they create a life and never show up to shape that life to success. Continually, they destroy other female persons in their absence. Such male persons ignore the basic reasons for existence. Eventually, fatherhood fades in structure.

This book is a call to all readers to take care by noting life created by challenges. As people, we are free spirits that decide the fate of our lives. It is a will hard to ignore for all of us to be independent no matter what. This happens to us all unless otherwise specified. Nonetheless, independence is easy when the basics of life worth living are noted by those who create us passionately. These words/observations form a book that hopes to have a less judgemental attitude and to think effectively for the efficiency of living a life of acceptance. One change can never or must never be substituted and that is the structure (a father) of building a family.

A nation with poor structural meaning in fatherhood lacks the guidance of disciplinary and industrial processes. That nation will always fail to solve every basic structural problem experienced in life. All problems will have poor interpretation and wrong definition at hand. People become unruly which points to a lack of healthy authoritative figures in earlier formative years. Then, our societies will soon have no families. There will just be a group of individuals driven by personal selfish desires. When that is experienced, personal propagation is key, ignoring the propagation of life. This book seeks to spread knowledge about methods used by those affected by bondage experienced due to the loss of fatherhood. In so doing, it analyses the carelessness that cripples and destroys the future of our youth. Thereto, it seeks to describe the known but ignored the structure of building a life worth living. Its hope is to be therapeutic when an understanding is gained of destructive behaviours observed. To build a nation we need a strong ‘intentional man’ in his capacity to guide and build a family of values admired and cherished by others. At all costs, the requirement for nation-building is a family built and operated by the outright intentional man.

SECTION 1

ODD BEGINNINGS

Chapter 1

HISTORICAL THOUGHTS

In various African cultures and universally it is known a baby boy would be a father’s pride and a baby girl a mother’s treasure. As a child, it is expected that a boy would carry on his father’s legacy. If the father is absent, estranged or unknown, the child will carry cloudy legends of his supposed father. A father would have been blessed by his ancestors and creator if the wife gives birth to a boy child as a firstborn. The mother who gave birth to the son would be preferred by the family to marry the man for she has proven her ability as a woman to produce a legacy of a man to be created and live forever. This would earn the father more respect among the village and his community. This was because his legacy would live on long after he has gone to his ancestors. His name would be among the homestead owners of the village. As a man who is capable and powerful to create a man of the future, he would be known among his alliance. This is an alliance of visionary men associated through the common sense of a strong, powerful nation. It was the responsibility of the fathers to shape, guide and teach the son the ‘know-hows’ of being a man and not just the caricature of a man. A boy child as a gift from above would be an image and not a caricature of his father. To a father, this is how he would be honoured and respected for raising a future man of honour. So, a father would see his meticulous guidance and passion for his coded name that was passed to him by his respected ancestors live to tell the tales of a well-respected and responsible man. If the father is strong enough to stand against injustices, then children would look up to their father’s strong sense of justice. Based on role modelling, children, inter alia, would learn responsibilities. Children would learn, directly and indirectly, their fathers’ ways of teaching and pride as a man and absorb such methods. Through fathers the sons specifically would learn their destiny which would determine their fate.

Likewise, girls would learn their fathers’ ways of treating and caring for the family. Hence, they based their future husband on their father’s character and responsibility to the family. They wouldn’t marry anything less than a strong sense of responsibility from the father. The father, as a leader in the family, would transfer leadership to the son expected to lead and look after the family, thereby living his legacy. Children were regarded as a symbol of faith in the future. There was no danger for the unknown future, no fear but signs of life.

Africans depended on and viewed livestock as a source of wealth and nourishment. In ancient African times, a boy in the rite of passage to become a man would only be considered as such capable of having a wife or wives through his achievements. This would be attributed to his kraal wealth and how good he was at multiplying his savings of which were his cattle and other domesticated animals passed on to him by his father. As a boy, he would be assessed by how good his hands were in terms of caring, nurturing and taking responsibility for the animals his father had passed on to him as he herded them every day. Furthermore, his