Virtue: Living Uncommon in a Common World

By Tyra Rains

In the beginning years of launching our church, I was standing in a small, congested hallway where our bathrooms and steps met. I was having a fun conversation with a group of teenage girls, talking about life, school, parents, and of course, boys. We were laughing and joking around when one of the girls mentioned something about "happily ever a

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tyra Rains
• Release date: Apr 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088108024

Book preview

Introduction

Living Uncommon in a Common World

In the beginning years of launching our church, I was standing in a small, congested hallway where our bathrooms and steps met. I was having a fun conversation with a group of teenage girls, talking about life, school, parents, and of course, boys. We were laughing and joking around when one of the girls mentioned something about happily ever after. I made the comment that happily ever after was for everyone. One by one each of the girls concluded that happily ever after doesn’t exist. I said, "What do you mean happily ever after doesn’t exist? I’m living it right now. They responded with, Happily ever after only works for you."

It was in that moment that Virtue was born. My heart broke for those girls. It broke for the hundreds of thousands of people that agree with that statement. I pictured generations of girls expecting life to be mediocre at best. My thoughts went to girls and women of all ages who were stuck in situations that appeared to be hopeless. I even saw girls who believed it could happen but just didn’t know how.

That day I went to the Lord and asked Him what I was doing differently that allowed me to genuinely live out happily ever after. Within the year Virtue curriculum fell out of the heart of God and grew into the book in your hands. I’d thought I was living a happily ever after life before the Lord gave me this curriculum, but I can honestly say that the teachings of virtue and living uncommon have changed my life.

In this book I’m going to share the stories, wisdom and Words from the Lord that began as a small group curriculum, which countless women, including myself, have discovered. This is a book that will lead to life change, faith, love, and holiness through following Jesus. It’s a book that teaches women to look different and live uncommon lives full of genuine joy. Virtue has become a movement that continues to spread throughout the hearts of women regardless of their age, lifestyles, backgrounds, and stories.

Happily ever after is for everyone. It’s not just in fairy tales.

Chapter 1: Uncommon

We all want to be that person who lives uncommon in a common world. We’ve seen these people. She’s the woman who seems to love a little deeper. She chooses forgiveness. Her marriage is strong. She doesn’t slander her husband or scoff at people. She lives a lifestyle of holiness—which is different than perfection. Let’s not get them confused. Troubles and trials don’t move her. She has peace in the midst of the storm. Her joy is contagious. Even her children seem blessed. Self control is her friend. Wisdom is in her words. Her actions put first the Kingdom of God. She prays. She has faith. She laughs because her future is secure.

How do we become more like that? It’s taking one step at a time. When I was a young mom living in Kansas, our pastor’s wife had a Bible study every Tuesday. In it she took us through Proverbs 31. If you’re not familiar with that chapter, it is the final chapter of the book of Proverbs, 21 verses devoted to describing the Virtuous Woman. I remember thinking, This is too hard! This girl wakes up early and sews!! I don’t sew. I’ve taught my children how to sleep in! She saw a property and purchased it? What in the world? I didn’t think I could ever be that person.

But God... He’s so good. During that time in my life, He told me to ask Him for one (not multiple) thing I should change. So, I did. And I worked on that one thing. Each time I made progress overcoming one struggle, He’d give me something new to work on. Some things took longer than others. I’m still getting things from Him to change in my life. I’m grateful for a God who doesn’t leave me where I am. Part of living happily ever after is being willing to change. We have to grow. Growing is taking a survey of who we are and where we want to be, then making the necessary changes to bridge that gap. We should be becoming more like Jesus every day. It’s not hard, but it does take effort. It’s definitely worth it.

I still don’t sew. However, there are other areas from Proverbs 31 I’ve grown into. For example, I do get up early these days. I do consider a land and buy it. Every year I keep taking steps, evaluating where I am and where I want to be—not in comparison to others. But instead, I hold myself up to the Lord’s desires for me, where He wants me to be, and seek the places He wants to move next. My life with the Lord, listening to His plan for my life, His friendship, leading, protection and love just keeps getting better and better.

My friend Laura was complaining about being almost 40 the other day. She’s currently in her early thirties. After I rolled my eyes at her, I told her to get excited. Things just get better as you get older. Your twenties can be tough. You’re becoming an adult, having to make significant decisions and possibly getting married and having small children. Or maybe you’re beginning a career, not knowing what career you even want. It’s like that beginning stage of learning to ride a bike. It’s exciting, but comes with a lot of bumps and bruises. Your front wheel wobbles and you feel unsteady in most every situation.

Your thirties are often better. Life is underway. We have a better idea of who we are and what we’re doing. It can be a fun decade. However, I’ve found a lot of people in their thirties, especially men, tend to experience discontentment. They think they should be farther along in life than they are. Perhaps it’s because we look at people in their thirties and think they are definitely a full-blown man or woman at this stage. Maybe we go into life thinking we’re actually going to arrive in life. If in our thirties we can realize that we never actually arrive until Heaven, we will be more content with growing. In our thirties we grow. For me, my thirties were a decade of tremendous personal growth. I’d compare it to the foundation we get as first graders. That’s when we learn the fundamentals of reading and writing. It’s during this year of school that we set the trend for what kind of student we’ll be like for the next 11 years or so. Thirties are learning, foundational years. They’re challenging, but oh so good.

However, my forties have been the best decade yet. I’m so close to the Lord. My family is grown. My kids are my friends. I have beautiful grandkids. My marriage is thriving. This may not be your story but hang in there. The Lord can make all things new. Keep reading. No matter what your life looks like right now, it can always get better. I am anticipating my fifties to be even better! It’s scriptural. In the book of Psalms, it tells us that we are to flourish and bear fruit in our old age. Our latter years are supposed to be better than our former years.

The key to experiencing those better years is a commitment to growing and remaining teachable as we seek the Lord one day at a time. And that brings us back to Proverbs 31. Verse 10 says, A capable, intelligent and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

We look at that scripture and think it’s so beautiful and poetic even. There’s just one problem. The king can’t find her, a virtuous woman that is. He’s asking his mom a real question here. Who can find one? Where she at? He’s willing to trade precious rubies and pearls for just one virtuous woman. He knows these gems are valuable, yet are no comparison to a woman of virtue. Still, despite having ultimate power as a king and likely the pick of an entire kingdom of girls, he can’t find one?

That verse makes me sad. The original plan for a woman was so much greater. She was created to help.

In Genesis 2, the Lord formed man, looked at him, and said it wasn’t good for him to be alone. This was the first time in creation that God said something wasn’t good. To solve this problem, God said He would make a helper for man—one who was suitable, one who would be an indispensable companion.

Sometimes, we read that scripture and think it means that God made women less, just some sort of helper to man. Well, first of all that’s just the devil trying to get women all messed up by offending their pride. Secondly, Jesus said in Matthew 20:26, if we want to be first in God’s kingdom then we must be the servant of all. Moreover, if we look deeper into what God is saying in Genesis, we see that He never meant woman to be a lesser person. The English word helper comes from the Hebrew word ezer.¹ It’s a word that is used to describe God Himself 16 times in the Bible. Did you see that? We’re designed to bring the kind of help that God brings. A more accurate definition of ezer is the one who does for us what we cannot do for ourselves, the one who meets our needs.

What an honor! God created women to bring this incredible help to the world. We are supposed to make situations better. We are to supply where things are lacking. It was the design of creation. Yet, here we are in the book of Proverbs, where a king is looking at his kingdom and he can’t find one virtuous woman. He was willing to pay jewels for her, because even though they are rare, a virtuous woman is even harder to find. She is like wisdom; you must find her. They are both referred to as something of great value that must be searched for in the book of Proverbs. This king could have any woman in his kingdom...and here he is, still looking for one who is truly an ezer.

How did we get to this place as women? God’s purpose was for us to do for others what they couldn’t do for themselves. We were created to be indispensable—a helper, selfless, capable of meeting others’ needs. Yet, here we are searching for just one. From the time woman was created to when the book of Proverbs was written, virtuous women became, if not extinct then quite uncommon.

What happened? How did women become a gender considered bitter and vengeful, people known as gossips and a lot of other words people use to describe women that I don’t say? I think the devil knows how powerful God made women, so just like everything else God made, that enemy of all things good, tries to pervert it. He wants us to use our power to manipulate, instead of encourage. He wants us to be all about self reliance and girl power, instead of our gifting and dependence on the Creator. Yet, it’s when we live and operate as the helper God created us to be that we are most satisfied.

My favorite story of virtue in the Bible is about Ruth. The Old Testament book of Ruth is actually filled with tragedy.

Ruth’s story in the Bible begins during a famine in Bethlehem, in the land of Judah. To find food for their family, Naomi, her husband, and their two sons move to Moab. Here comes the start of the sad part. While they were there, Naomi’s husband died. The Bible actually says, Elimelech died, so she and her two sons were left alone. That’s so sad. I can’t imagine being in a foreign land and losing my husband. She still had her sons and they ended up getting married while they were there.

After living in Moab for about 10 years, Naomi’s sons, Mahlon and Kilion, also died. So Naomi was left all alone, with her daughters-in-law, grieving her two children and her husband. Here we are with three women and all of their husbands have died. I’m telling you, the Bible is filled with interesting stuff. I like to read the Bible like I’m watching a movie. I put the emotion in it. I try to picture all of the details.

When Naomi hears that the famine in Bethlehem is over, she wants to go home. I’d want to go home too. I’d want my people. We all need people. So Naomi, Ruth, and Orpah start back on the road that would take them to the land of Judah. I can only imagine these three women undertaking this journey, which would be an unusual sight. It wasn’t often that you would see three women, their donkeys, and whatever belongings they have all loaded up and traveling this road. I imagine people wondering what the heck they were doing.

All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, Naomi decides the girls should not go with her. She tells them to go back to their own mother’s home. She gives this long, endearing speech about how they’ve been good to her and were good to her sons. She prays a blessing over them for peace and rest and new husbands. Then she kissed them goodbye and they sobbed loudly.

I always like to point that part out because it seems so dramatic. I mean, you can’t blame them. They’ve had a rough few years. But here they are on the road, with their donkeys and all their stuff, hugging and kissing and sobbing loudly. What in the world was going on? The people around them had to think they were crazy!

From here the girls say they are both going with her. They aren’t going to leave Naomi. It was all very emotional. Naomi begins to tell them that she can’t have any more sons, so she can’t give them husbands. She tells them that her life is more bitter than theirs, like it’s some sort of competition. Then she encourages them again to go back to their own homes. And of course, they broke down and sobbed again.

At this point in the story Orpah kisses them goodbye and goes home. When Naomi sees this, she again insists that Ruth go with her.

Look what the Bible says here in Ruth.

Again they wept loudly. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung tightly to her. So Naomi said, Look, your sister-in-law is returning to her people and to her god. Follow your sister-in-law back home!

But Ruth replied, Stop urging me to abandon you! For wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you live, I will live. Your people will become my people, and your God will become my God. Wherever you die, I will die – and there I will be buried. May the LORD punish me severely if I do not keep my promise! Only death will be able to separate me from you!