The Aspidistra Code (NHB Modern Plays)

By Mark O?Rowe

A sinister but comic drama of honour and violence, from the award-winning author of Howie the Rookie.
Brenda and Sonia are head-over-heels in debt. They fear the arrival of Drongo, a violent and unpredictable loan-shark. But Brendan's brother Joe has hired protection in the person of Crazy Horse. Turns out the two hard men are old mates and the crisis seems averted - until Drongo's code of honour is called into question and violence threatens once more.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Release date: Nov 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781780014401

Book preview

An average-sized living room. A couple of armchairs on either side of a coffee table. Television, down left. Large window at back and a few feet in front, a sofa. At left, a hallway leading to the front door. At right, a doorway leading to kitchen. Beside this doorway, a phone on the wall. Down right, a dining table and chairs. Sitting at this table are JOE and BRENDAN. There are playing cards scattered across the table. BRENDAN is picking them up and putting the deck back together.

JOE. Imagine, right? We’re in a… One of those… Say, for instance, you’re…

BRENDAN tries to interrupt.

No. Hang on. Hang on. You’re in… Hold your horses. Say you’re in Las Vegas, right?

BRENDAN. No, no…

JOE. You’re in Vegas, playing at one of those crap tables. Or a… No. You’re playing cards.

BRENDAN tries to interrupt.

Stop it, will you? You’re at the card table and you’re playing for high stakes against James Bond and a Venetian, say, property dealer and the… Who else? All these rich fuckers. The Duke of… The Duke of Venice. Hang on. The Duke of Venice and his six muscley bodyguards. They look like the Chippendales, only with tuxedos, right? You’re playing for chips. This is just for instance, now. You’ve a tuxedo as well.

BRENDAN. Tuxedo?

JOE. This’d be the class of people you’re playing against. They’re all rich fuckers, all right? Now, you lose the game and you lose all your chips. That’s all you had and now it’s gone. You’ve nothing. Now, you’re safe enough. You’re not lacking for a place to stay or anything, you’re booked in somewhere. But… That’s all you have. Now… You get a yen for something, I don’t know. For a glass of wine or champagne. You want something to eat.

BRENDAN. Cigarettes.

JOE. Right. We’ll say cigarettes. You have a yen for a smoke. The excitement. You know the way, sometimes, like after a good game, you fancy a smoke.

BRENDAN. Yeah.

JOE. And, you’re broke, now. So what are you going to do? Are you going to go up to the Ayatollah of, of fucking Iraq…? for a few quid, a few dollars for twenty cigarettes? You can’t get tens there. Of money of what he just won from you? Because if you do that, all you’re saying is, effectively, like, gimme some of my money back. Is he going to give you something?

BRENDAN. No.

JOE. That he just won off you? ’Cos he won it. The rules are strict. It’s not yours any more, it’s his.

BRENDAN. I know.

JOE. Is he going to return some of your, which is now his, money to you?

BRENDAN. Of course not.

JOE. Probably have you thrown out of the place or something. Get one of his Chippendales to give you a good hiding.

BRENDAN. Mmm.

JOE. Do you see?

Pause.

BRENDAN. What if…

JOE (interrupting). No, no, no…

BRENDAN. He could be a nice bloke.

JOE. No, Bren. It’s not like that. It doesn’t work that way. He probably is a nice bloke and all. Most people are. Thing is… What I’m trying to get across to you… Do you understand?

BRENDAN. Yeah.

JOE. You…

BRENDAN. I understand.

JOE. It’s against the rules to give you money back. Even if he wanted to throw you a few… something for cigarettes. Etiquette demands that he refrain from such, you know, shows of emotion or good fellowship. And that’s the rules. He can’t do it if he takes his gambling seriously. We all do. We have to. And if you’re going to take it seriously, you have to follow the rules. Do you think I’m greedy? ’Cos I’m trying to make you understand I’m not. Ciga… Something small even. It doesn’t matter the size of the thing. I have to obey the etiquette of the table.

Pause. JOE leans back in his chair and lights a cigarette. BRENDAN watches.

BRENDAN. Play another hand.

JOE. With what? You’ve none left. And we’re not playing for money.

BRENDAN. Play for 10ps.

JOE. No, Bren. No money. The game’s over. Sorry that has to be the way, but… Money’s out. We’ve what? (Looks at watch.) Half an hour. Relax.

Pause.

BRENDAN. Half an hour.

JOE. Relax. (Pause.) What are you worried about?

BRENDAN. A lot of things.

JOE. Relax.

Pause.

BRENDAN. I’m…

JOE. Relax.

BRENDAN. Who knows…? You see, who