Memoriter: Leonie's Latibule

By Laikyn Meng

Notice Me.

 

Leonie Krause has obsessions. First, it was with words, then facts, and then the most passionate subject came to light.

 

With absolute certainty, she knew that she loved Dawson Arzola since she learned how to speak. Three years older didn't make a difference, it could have been 30, and the loyalty

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Orange 9 Publishing Company LLC
• Release date: Sep 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781088132456

Book preview

Prologue

Leonie

Ionce told my dad I would never love another man more than him. It was the first time I lied. Because as soon as I uttered it, I met Dawson Arzola. And I knew I would forever be entranced with a man who infected me with the love bug.

Chapter 1

Leonie

Ican still feel the carpet underneath us.

My mother’s long black curls tickling my cheeks. She always was the first to wake up from naptime, usually with small butterfly kisses from her eyelashes.

But I opened my eyes wide; the books with wings on my walls were still the same, but something in the room felt different.

My mom’s hand wrapped around mine. She worried we might get lost when we fell asleep. Our dreams might take us far away, and we would forget how to get back home.

Daddy slept next to us in our bed most nights. But lately, he hadn’t been coming home. There was an empty dent on his side of the bed.

Mommy tried to encourage me to ignore it.

Momma, I want three red grapes, four green grapes, and a half of pb&j sandwich with one side toasted. The same meal I had requested all week.

But Momma didn’t move.

When I nudged her; I could hear my dad’s footsteps come up the stairs as he made his way down the hall to my room.

I nudged her a little more, her eyes remained closed. But she rolled to her back and remained stiff.

Hey, there’s my beautiful girls! Daddy missed you guys so much, his heart was about to explode! I open my arms, and he picks me up. Swinging me in a circle around the room.

Lennox, or Knox to everybody else in town had blond hair that was so bright, sometimes I swore it shimmered in the sunshine.

Daddy, you smell funny. It was the same scent I found out later walking into the abandoned garage to find Dawson and his cousins smoking.

Marijuana became important at different stages to the people in my life. I liked to think that Mary Jane and I walked parallel dimensions, giving the men something they needed when they wanted.

What have you and Mommy been doing without me, little Leo? He tickles my belly, and I laugh for him. But I hate that he doesn’t answer my question.

Mommy is still sleeping. I push my finger up to his lips to hush him.

Is she? His blue eyes look down, and his smile that appeared for me now has disappeared.

Sweetie, can you be a big girl and go make your lunch? The thing in Daddy’s throat shakes, guarding me from my mother on the floor.

We didn’t go to kindergarten today. Mommy wasn’t feeling well.

I want you to come and eat with me. I’ve missed you, and Momma only tells me folklore stories. I scrunch my nose, being reminded of why the wolf howls at the moon.

Leonie, I will be down in just a minute. Please listen to Daddy. He places me on my feet and turns me toward the door.

Okay, Daddy. See you soon. I take my time counting the spots on the walls. When I get to 6, I hear him shouting.

Rebecca! Rebecca! Why would you do this, baby? Reba, we can’t live without you. My little feet make their way back to him; his arms cradle my mother.

She’s still sleeping.

Where did Mommy go? I’ve never seen a grown man cry. Daddy’s eyes looked like they were reflecting ocean waves rushing over rocks.

Leonie, could you go to grandma and grandpa's house? Tell them to call an ambulance. He held onto her body tighter.

I didn’t know why we had to call the ambulance. Those were for sick people—Momma wasn’t ill. She was sleeping.

Run quick, darlin’. I took off down the stairs, out the front door. Even when the neighbors hollered at me to slow down. Dawson and I practiced fast as I could go when our dads were busy talking business inside the house.

Papa! Papa! My grandpa, my mother’s dad, was a big man. They called him Big Wayne.

What is it, child? His bald head reflected the lamp in the kitchen, making it glow.

Daddy said to get an ambulance. Mommy isn’t waking up; she got lost in her dreams. I point out the front door; my papa looks to my uncles and grandma in the room.

Everyone in the house goes quiet.

One of my uncles curses terrible words. I repeat the same phrase, but by spelling it instead.

Leo, that word ain’t worth repeating. Grandma comes down the hallway with a handful of laundry. She sets it down on the table.

Ain’t is not a word, Nana. My grandmother’s hands go strict on her hips for me correcting her.

Papa is on the phone, calmly giving the address to the house.

Papa, it’s 224, not 242. He sucks in a breath as he corrects himself from the apparent mistake.

Leo, stay here with your cousins. We’ll be back soon. My uncles shout out more explicit as I go and do what I am told. They have on a show my Mommy says will rot my brain.

So instead I play with the baby on the floor. Muting the sound from the show in my head.

Why is your skin so light? One of the older cousins, Andre, flicks me with a glare before pinching my arm. He is in the same grade as Dawson. 3 years older than me.

His skin looks like Mommy’s, so shaded it seems like paint.

It’s my genetic make-up. Momma says it makes me look pretty. I brush off where he touched me.

Looks pretty stupid with your daddy’s skin and your momma’s fro. All the other cousins nod because they don’t match me; they compare to him.

I can’t help how I look, but you can.

Excuse me?

You look like the stereotypical gangster in the movies we aren’t supposed to watch. With your baggy jeans, tank top. I point out the superficial attire; his maturity hasn’t aligned with his appearance.

Stupid. And everyone goes back to the movie. They don’t like me because I’m smarter than them. But now I think the truth is they don’t like me because I’m different.

For the first time in my life, I disobey. I leave my nana’s house and run to Dawson’s.

When I get to his lawn, he is tossing a football back and forth with Hudson, his cousin. He sees me, and the football smacks his head.

Leo? What are you doing here, girl?

Dawson, Mommy won’t wake up. Daddy told me to get Papa to call the ambulance. My hands go to his hand, and I hold on tight, trying to find gravity.

Whoa, calm down darlin’, let me get my dad. He spins around to head inside, screaming for Damian to come outside.

What the hell you yelling for, boy? Leonie, what are you doing here? Where’s Knox or Rebecca, sweetheart? Damian is one of Daddy’s best friends and is more an uncle than Momma’s blood brothers are.

Mommy left us; Daddy kept asking her why she left us. But she wouldn’t answer. She got lost when we fell asleep. He looks more out of breath than I do.

So I walk over to him and pat his back as he clutches his hands to his knees.

She won’t wake up, Uncle Damian. His eyes grow large, and he takes off, running down the road back to my house.

Knew that boy would get her killed one day. Dawson’s mom was never a nice lady. She always had a scowl on her face; Daddy called it her resting bitch face.

Dawson holds my hand until the moon appears, and we watch my dad and his friends come back.

His hands are in his pockets, and his head is down. Those blonde curls that absorbed sunlight don’t even catch the moonlight now.

Mommy never came home after the ambulance took her away. Daddy didn’t leave me alone again. I never took naps after that day either. I didn’t want to get lost like Momma did. It would hurt Daddy too much if he sometimes knew that I went looking for her when I dreamed at night.

Chapter 2

Leonie

Things changed after we lost Mom. Dad worked a lot, but he always had me with him. When I went to school during the day, I swear he didn’t leave. From the time he dropped me off and picked me up, he was always early.

Never late.

I didn’t mind; we became each other’s partners in crime. It was a few months after we said goodbye to Mommy that I saw Dad smile.

When I was 8 years old, I got a terrible fever. And something flashed in Dad’s eyes. He didn’t leave my bed for the whole week. If I ate, he ate. If I drank, he hydrated.

I assumed if I had died, he would have also found a way to meet me there.

Please, don’t do this, Leo, not you. You are all I have left of her. There is a gap I could never fill with any other person on this planet. Tears overflow in my father’s eyes. He doesn’t catch or wipe them. He goes on like this isn’t the first time I remember him crying in the years I have been alive.

Don’t take the last part of her away from me. She has to live on through you. We all do, your sisters, your brother; who are we without you, Leonie? His rough, chapped lips press on my forehead, and his ruffled locks clash into my eyes.

I look away, shame replacing the sentiment of survival.

I’ll be better, I promise. I’ll be okay; I can control this. My words whispering in Dad’s sad tears.

She used to say the same thing to me. In fact, she said it that morning she laid down to sleep into eternity. If there is one feeling you recognize that we gave to each other and most of all to you, is that our love was infinite; no death or destruction could ever take away waking up knowing you are still with us. I know how important it is to be your own hero. But remember, sometimes heroes have sidekicks, and I could be yours.

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Daddy told me that I had a brother and a sister. He said their names were Calhoun and Kalonie.

I met their mother once when she dropped by unexpectedly. She wore a coat and no pants. I told her the weather wasn’t right for her type of outfit.

Her name was Kayley, and by no means was she anything like my mother or Luna. Dad said Luna got pregnant, but she didn’t want to keep the baby.

When Daddy saw what Kayley was wearing, his face got really angry. She waved me off and told me to run along and play.

I had not played since Momma died.

Don’t you dare come to my house and talk to my daughter! Especially not dressed like some street corner whore. There was the venom that made men cross the road when we walked down the sidewalk.

She’ll have to get used to it, eventually, Knox. I’m going to be her new mommy. My pinched cheek between her fingers was not tender.

I smacked her hand away.

Well, Kayley, if you would have played your cards right, I could have hooked you up with one of the Arzola brothers. They would have taken good care of you. But you won’t ever reside inside our kingdom. One day I will take the twins from you, and you will remember what being trailer trash feels like. He shoved her out and called security to escort her out of the gates.

Daddy! Did I hear Mommy? Kalonie came running with Calhoun behind her.

No, sweetie, it was the nosey neighbor. Let’s go make pancakes. He ushered them toward the kitchen. On habit, without looking back, he held out his hand for mine.

With chocolate chips! Calhoun shouted.

No, dummy blueberries! Kalonie shoved our brother.

What about you, Leonie? What flavor do you want? He was trying to calm down. There was