Save Yourself: Overcoming Complex Trauma

By Anna Elsi

"We can only have a truly fulfilling life if we are at ease with the present…" 

A lifetime of hurt may seem impossible to heal.

Trauma is often buried in our subconscious mind and just when we think we have finally moved on, there it is - reappearing out of nowhere in its monstrous ways—not only affecting our hearts and our minds, but also our relationships and our entire lives.  

 

Anna Elsi a NYC-based author and consultant, once faced inner demons that led her down a dark path. She spent countless hours  in search for answers, and ultimately found the solution.

 

In this book, Anna shares detailed accounts of her difficult past, how she worked through the trauma and found the way to thrive. She'll help you get the strength to navigate your own pain and overcome your deepest wounds in order to "Save Yourself."

If you follow the simple steps she has outlined, you will find a path to lasting peace in your life, and most importantly, know you are worthy of it.

 

"An absolute treasure of charisma, wisdom, strength and inspiration." - Sharon

"For anyone who has endured and is looking to overcome their trauma and thrive." - Cecily

"A very personal and relatable account…from recognition and acceptance of one's trauma...to moving forward." - Irene

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anna Elsi
• Release date: May 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223526247

Book preview

CONTENTS:

A few words about the title...

Introduction

How It All Started  

Putting the Past In Its Place  

Letting Your Truth Be Your Guide  

Rediscovering Your Worth  

Aligning With Your Power  

Making Peace With Here And Now  

Rebuilding Your Confidence 

Moving Forward 

Contact

Copyright 2020

All rights reserved by the author. No portion may be reproduced by any means without written consent of the author, with the exception of brief quotes for the purpose of book reviews.

A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE TITLE...

I’d like to tell you the story of how the title of this book came about. It happened many years ago.

It was a freezing November night. I was on my way to a workshop on meditation at a Buddhist Center in NYC. I mostly signed up so that I could get out of the house and meet like-minded people, and also hear an expert speak on the subject. If I were honest, I would say wasn’t as interested in the practice part of the event.

It took me a while to find the right building. As I was rushing up the huge flight of granite stairs, images of an exotic, quaint monk were flickering in my mind, that is how I envisioned the presenter. I slipped inside the incense-steeped room and quickly found a seat. When I looked up at the speaker, the first surprise of the night stared straight back at me. There was an enormous, blond, middle-aged woman standing at the podium. She was speaking in a loud, authoritative voice. That was so far from my expectation, it was almost comical. Still, I wasn’t about to turn around and disturb all the people again by walking out, so I settled down to listen.

The lady rattled off statistic after statistic out of some prestigious college study she had done on meditation. The gist of it was that the practice improved your cognitive function and, therefore, your entire life. All the while she was locking eyes and unabashedly flirting with a young hot fellow at the end of fifth row. He seemed to oscillate between being embarrassed and flattered. In about an hour the lecture part concluded, and we practiced for a bit. That was enjoyable, more so than the lecture. Everything was NOT going as expected. This should have given me a clue.

Once we were ready to leave, something pushed me toward the speaker before I could understand what I was supposed to say. I joined a tight circle of people who were already there, asking questions. Since I was one of the last ones to talk to her, I offered to do that while we were walking out. I told her something about writing a book on mental health and meditation and rambled on a bit. The truth was, I felt like I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be asking but also that I should try and get it out.

In the end, I mumbled something about going through a tough breakup, feeling all alone and not quite knowing how to handle it. I said I kept feeling like I wanted my partner or someone to save me, but I didn’t think that there was anyone who could. The woman stopped in the middle of the large, marbled lobby, stood her big feet apart, bent her knees and put up her fat, white fists so that she resembled a blond sumo fighter. And that is when you say, she started in a hushed tone, I’LL SAVE MY OWN F**KING SELF! she bellowed. The last part rang triumphantly through the building.

I stood there petrified. I did not know what to say. This was wrong on so many levels. Clearly, the notion of saving myself sounded ridiculous, like something out of Baron Munchausen’s tale. The idea of this stout American woman shouting profanities in the lobby of a Buddhist center was completely bizarre. And the thought that I had just asked this creature for advice seemed most crushing of all.

I blinked a few times, said thanks and excused myself. I didn’t know what to think. Except for the fact that I won’t ever go back to the building.

Many years later, I find this story hilarious. For one, trust NYC to bring you the teacher you need, not the one you want. Secondly, if not for the outrage I felt, I doubt I’d remember the incident much later when it actually began to make sense. Thirdly - and most importantly, of course - the woman was RIGHT. Profanities aside, that is just what I ended up doing, even if I thought the idea absurd at the time.

Well, I did come around to saving myself, but not at all in a way I imagined it when I first heard the words that chilly evening. I am guessing the biggest message came through not with words, but with the silent blessings of those few minutes of practice we had beforehand.

In the end, I saved myself, but not by trying harder, not by exerting some supernatural effort and forcing myself to do the impossible. No. I saved myself by finally opening up to the basic truth that I, too, was a valued expression of life, precious enough to be filled with the divine power, worthy enough to be IN-spired and directed by its endless love and wisdom.

This type of DIY saving did not call for any hardened, fear-based ego and pride, but rather dissolved it. Still, I and only I could decide to take that all-important step when I’d consciously chosen to embrace the divine, to just trust in my own nature and be in harmony with it. This opened my mind and my heart to the new, expanded identity and to this seeming dichotomy of saving myself by surrendering, by trading in my old, troubled, worn-out concept of Self for something new, unexpected, unexplained and unquestionably better.

To be clear, I am not saying that it didn’t take any personal action or effort, because it did. Yet I am fully conscious of the fact that all of that happened AFTER the spiritual insight took place. The whole story of my building up and then following through with that new knowledge is written here. After reading about it, I hope you, too, will consider the possibility of saving your own wonderful self. No F-bombs required.

INTRODUCTION

This book is about prolonged, unhealed emotional trauma and its aftermath. It is also about a triumph of human resilience and divine spirit over the open wounds of the past. It is written in hope that some of the steps and ideas I practiced will be helpful to you. I will tell you some personal stories and detail some of my own battles so that you know I can relate to the struggle you are going through. I will then share some changes that grew out of those experiences and can perhaps serve as signposts for people on their own quest for healing. Most important of all, I am writing this book as evidence that such a transition can be done, indeed it MUST be done, if we are to live a happy, satisfying and connected life.

Here are some key observations that first helped me realise the depth of the damage at the start of my recovery story:

I have spent most of my life trying to salvage relation‐ ships that were impossible to repair. I have searched both my heart and my giant country in pursuit of estranged family members. I interviewed people who knew my family in the past with hopes of gaining a few precious stories to try and fill the empty space where my identity was supposed to live. I got some help from near strangers. All I got from my family was suspicions toward my motives, stonewalling and utter lack of understanding or care.

I went on living a shame-filled, joyless life right until I ended up in an emotional and physical crisis that even a battle-hardened little soldier like me could not ignore. That led to some rather startling insights that gave me a whole new way of looking at myself and my life. It was the (rather painful) start of a conscious effort to reconsider the way I treated myself.

Yes, my past was extremely challenging, but in the end, it gave me an opportunity to change my self-battering ways for good. I ran away from the truth of my upbringing and the damage it had left in me for many long years. In fact, the cover-up operation nearly killed me.

In the end, I let my despondency and exhaustion speak to me.

If any of this sounds painfully familiar to you, please take heart! There is definitely a way out of that menacing place, and I intend to do my best to shine some light on the stepping stones that might lead you to something much better.

I am sure you have heard it before, but the hardest part really is becoming fully aware of the pain and also being willing to finally get free of it no matter how much effort it might take, and a lot of it has to do with cutting ties and letting go of our troubled past.

I only became aware of even a tiny part of my value when I finally let go of my family and the painful legacy it had left me.

After all, I managed to survive all these years without any support from my relatives while still having to deal with the consequences of our shared past.

The power that had put me in this world had also pulled me through in the most desperate times. It shined through all of those beautiful people who cared enough to have left their hearts open to me so that I could feel what it means to be peaceful and free.

The painful truth is that it didn’t always go smoothly. My prolonged exposure to trauma made me extremely tough to handle. In my most challenging times, I have been rough even on those kind souls who tried their best to be there for me. My rage, my lack of trust and the out-of-control panic I felt any time my heart was engaged made me nearly impossible to deal with at times. Still, a select few persevered, and through their example, I slowly learned how to soften up and live through my emotions in a less volatile way. Thanks to their patience, I managed to let some of my pain go and have some open