The Good Knight Kiss: Royal Pains, #3

By Roberta Olsen Major

Sir Calabash is torn, Sir Marmaduke is tempest-tossed, and Sir Gabriel is too smart for his own good. Frivolous, beauteous, graceful--Princess Honoria is none of these. But she knows a good knight's work when she sees it…

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wings ePress, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9781590882238

Book preview

What They Are Saying About

The Royal Pains Series

...s mart, hip and hysterical .

—Rob Lauer,

award-winning playwright

...filled with real personalities, interesting twists, imaginative details—and just the right touch of magic.

—Rosemarie Howard,

storyteller

...wit and humor that will appeal to every kid and every one who ever was a kid, including those of us wishing we could be kids again...

—Sara V. Olds,

Hanne’s Farewell To Juarez

...takes ‘happily ever after’ a hop, skip and a jump farther, leading the child in us all on a merry romp through ‘what if’.

—Pam Ripling,

Locker Shock!

Royal Pains Book 3

The Good Knight Kiss

Roberta Olsen Major

A Wings ePress, Inc.

Young Adult Fantasy Novel

Edited by: Lorraine Stephens

Copy Edited by: Sara V. Olds

Senior Editor: Robbin Major

Executive Editor: Lorraine Stephens

Cover Artist: Pam Ripling

All rights reserved

NAMES, CHARACTERS AND incidents depicted in this book are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author or the publisher.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Wings ePress Books

Copyright © 2003 by Roberta Olsen Major

ISBN  978-1-59088-223-8

Published In the United States Of America

Wings ePress Inc.

3000 N. Rock Road

Newton, KS  67114

Dedication

For my kind and perceptive daughter—

a true princess!—

who asks the very best questions...

And to Nettie and Sara

Good catch!

Royal Pains, Book 3

The Good Knight Kiss

Introduction by Honoria, Sixth Princess of Belleflower

MY MOTHER WAS AN OVER-achiever.

That’s how I ended up with eight brothers and sisters—and a widower for a father.

While Mother took her well-earned rest under a marble headstone engraved with the words: Francesia, Cherished Wife, Adored Mother, Beloved Queen of Belleflower, Father went into a parental frenzy. He married off my three oldest sisters, bam bam bam, like they were prize piglets on a country fair day.

On the wedding day of the eldest, Clariona, he awarded her the care and feeding of my baby brother, Iolo.

Duetta and Eleanora and their husbands got estates at the two farthest corners of Belleflower as was geographically possible, since they have always had the talent of turning every minor squabble into an epic battle.

That was five years ago.

Fermata was only thirteen, so she was too young to marry off. A shame, since the promotion from low on the totem pole to oldest-at-home went right to her head and she has been insufferable ever since.

Gloria, who was twelve at the time, always did whatever Fermata did, so she became a real pain to live with too.

That left me. Honoria. The youngest of six girls. At eleven, the only one without a female cohort. Not that I was complaining, even though everyone else seemed to be: Horrors! Cereal without milk. Salt cellar without pepper grinder. Right dancing slipper without left dancing slipper. It just isn’t fair!

My father saw it immediately. His eyesight wasn’t the problem.

His heart was in the right place.

But, in an act best described as a brain fart, he invited our cousin, Vivacia, to move into the palace with us.

Vivacia, the vain. Vivacia, the bossy. Vivacia, the snotty. Vivacia, who was two weeks, four days and eleven hours older than Fermata. Vivacia, who for five long years reigned with terror in our schoolroom and playroom and bedroom and everywhere else that there was elbow room.

And since Fermata and Gloria were inseparable, that left me with Vivacia.

When it came time to halve the grapefruits, Vivacia got the larger half. Never mind that I’ve never been that crazy about grapefruit. Even if I’d adored it and Vivacia had loathed it, the bigger part would have gone to her.

When it came time to take dancing lessons, Vivacia got to learn the girl’s part. Never mind that the boy’s part is actually more fun, since you get to decide where to go and when to spin. Vivacia got bumped into a lot of corners, and spun until she was dizzy. But that was when I was twelve. I outgrew that phase a long time ago.

When it came time for new ribbons, Vivacia got first dibs. This was actually a good thing, as I wouldn’t be caught dead in a ribbon. But still, the point is that Vivacia always demanded—and got—everything she ever wanted. With two exceptions.

But more about those in a minute.

I grew used to it, but those first few weeks were awful. I lost Mother and three of my sisters all at once. And what did I gain in return? The rabid cousin from hell.

Then Father slipped into Parental Frenzy Mode again.

He sent my oldest brother, Adriano, off to the Kingdom of Placidity to try for the hand of the daughter of King Charming and Queen Snow White. Maybe in hopes of keeping Vivacia from getting her seventeen-year-old claws into him. Inbreeding issues aside,

Adriano is a very handsome prince, and so good and noble that he makes your teeth ache.

I love him dearly, but there are days when I wish he could loosen up a little. Crack a joke. Crack a smile. Crack his knuckles.

And Father sent my other brother, Benno, away, too, all the way to Kinkach to boarding school. Benno has always been my best friend, even though he’s three years older. Girls mature faster than boys, so we’re the same age in our hearts.

I miss him the most, but I’m glad he’s safe from Vivacia. Vivacia  has always wanted to rule the world. And she’s just smart enough to figure out that marrying a prince might be a pretty good first step.

Part One

A Good Long Knight

S tinks up here, Princess .

Honoria didn’t look up from her workbench. Keeps out the riff-raff, she said, then pushed her spectacles up the bridge of her nose. Usually.

Ouch, said Sir Gabriel of Virginblest as he advanced a few steps into the tower room. That was a ruddy low blow, Princess. And here I was coming up to this foul-smelling place of yours to say my good-byes.

Honoria looked up at this. You’re leaving?

Got a small errand to run for your royal dad.

Let me guess, Honoria said. "Having married off my three oldest sisters, bam bam bam, like prize piglets on a country fair day, he now means to find husbands for Fermata and Gloria as well." She shook her head, which caused her spectacles to slide back down the bridge of her nose.

Well, Princess Fermata is eighteen now, Sir Gabriel pointed out. Her shelf-life is perilously close to expiring.

If he means to make a match for Fermata, he’d better make one for Gloria too. Unless... Honoria’s eyes brightened. Unless he finally plans to send away Cousin Vivacia!

Sorry to pinprick your bubble of hope, Princess, Sir Gabe said, "but I think King Arpeggio means to unload both your sisters some time in the near future."

Leaving me forever saddled with Lady Vivacia. Honoria sighed. I knew it was too good to be true.

Honoria well-remembered the day, five years earlier, that she had been assigned the loathsome companionship of her cousin. It was shortly after her mother started a well-earned rest under a marble headstone engraved with the words: Francesia, Beloved Queen of Belleflower, Cherished Wife of Arpeggio, Adored Mother of Adriano, Benno, Clariona, Duetta, Eleanora, Fermata, Gloria, Honoria, and Iolo. (It was a very large marble headstone.)

Honoria’s father had gone promptly into a parental frenzy, marrying off the three oldest sisters, and awarding Clariona the care and feeding of baby Iolo as a wedding gift.

Duetta and Eleanora and their husbands were awarded estates as their gifts. It was Honoria who had suggested those estates be at the two farthest corners of Belleflower as was geographically possible. She had had eleven years of watching those particular sisters turn every minor squabble into an epic battle. Distance, she thought, might go a long way in solving that problem.

Fermata was only thirteen then, so she was too young to marry off. Which was a pity, Honoria reflected. Without Mother around to temper her, Fermata became a royal pain. Gloria, who was twelve at the time, always did whatever Fermata did, so she became a pain too.

That left Honoria, the youngest of six girls, and, at eleven, the only one without a companion. Not that she had complained, even though everyone else seemed to: Horrors! The little princess needs a little friend, lest she be like porridge without cream! Salt cellar without pepper grinder! Right dancing slipper without left dancing slipper!

Her father saw the problem immediately. His eyesight wasn’t at fault.

His heart was in the right place.

But, in an act best described as a brain fart, he invited Honoria’s cousin, Vivacia, to move into the castle with them. To keep my little girl company, he proclaimed.

Vivacia, the vain. Vivacia, the bossy. Vivacia, the snotty. Vivacia, who was two weeks, four days and eleven hours older than Fermata. Vivacia, who for five long years reigned with terror in the schoolroom and playroom and bedroom and everywhere else there was elbow room.

When it came time to halve the grapefruits, Vivacia got the larger half. When it came time for dancing lessons, Vivacia got to learn the girl’s part. When it came time for new ribbons, Vivacia got first choice. Vivacia always demanded—and got—practically everything she ever wanted.

Honoria got used to it, but those first few weeks were awful. She’d lost her mother and three sisters all at once. And what did she gain in return? The rabid cousin from hell.

Princess?

With a start, Honoria came back to the present.

This errand for your dad, Sir Gabriel said. It’s mostly reconnaissance. I’m to gather a few tidbits of information—in a strictly social setting—about the two sons of the Duke of Fisticuffs.

No dragons to slay? Honoria’s mouth wore a hint of a grin.

I wish, Sir Gabe said wistfully. But, speaking of dragons, I have a little favor I meant to ask of you before I left.

No, Honoria said immediately. You can just forget it, Sir Gabriel.

I haven’t even asked yet, he protested.

"Not today, Honoria pointed out, but every other day for the