Paper Marriage

By Peggy P Parsons

Chandler's eagle gaze checked Analyn's compact living room. "Is your whole apartment decorated in red, white and blue?" "What if it is?" He'd broken her heart. Would he insult her taste, too? "At least you didn't decorate in pink and lavender." "Why should you care what colors I use?" A smug grin covered his handsome face. "Because I'm moving in."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wings ePress, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9781613091494

Book preview

One

Love bade me welcome

But my soul held back

-George Herbert

Provo, Utah

Loud pounding sounded on Analyn’s apartment door. Under normal circumstances she would have opened it without a qualm, but ever since her best friend’s death six weeks ago, she’d felt as though someone was behind her. Constantly. To make matters worse, the popcorn scattered across her kitchen floor when she wasn’t home today had spooked her. Big time.

The doorknob jiggled. Shivers shot up her spine and down the insides of her arms. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so who could be out there? Not Ron. He had agreed to meet her at the Riverside Country Club tonight. Besides, he wouldn’t be home from work yet. Neither would any of her other friends.

Pounding resumed, making the door hinges rattle. Analyn, I know you’re home, a male voice yelled. Open the door.

Who are you? she called back, hoping whoever it was couldn’t hear the terror in her voice.

It’s me, Chandler. I thought you’d recognize my voice.

Not knowing whether to be relieved or more alarmed, she yanked the door open and glared up at her ex-best friend and former next door neighbor. Their closeness had ended before he graduated from Harvard more than two years ago, but deep inside she still loved him. Not that she’d ever let him know.

What are you doing here? I thought you worked day and night.

You thought wrong. Let me in.

She shook her head. I don’t have time.

Make time. We have something important to discuss.

No, we don’t. She clung to the doorknob to steady her shaky legs.

Wrong again. A wave of dark brown hair fell over Chandler’s forehead. He shoved the wayward lock away with an impatient hand, but a gust of snowy wind blew it back as he muscled his way inside.

He shut the door against the blustery storm, then turned to study her.

It took a lot of effort to stand straight under his close scrutiny. In spite of their differences, she ached to reach up and wipe away the snow melting on his face. She thrust her hands behind her back instead.

He raised his fist, swiping at the moisture himself. While she watched shivers raced through her, merging with the ever-present feeling of having someone behind her. Although she had checked and knew no one else was in the apartment, she backed up until she felt the solid wall at her back.

You look scared, Chandler said. Why?

I’m not scared, she fibbed.

He screwed his features into a frown. You never could tell a convincing lie.

When she didn’t comment, he broke eye contact, his eagle gaze checking every detail of her compact living room. Is your whole apartment decorated in red, white and blue?

What if it is? He had broken her heart. Would he insult her taste, too?

At least you didn’t decorate in pink and lavender.

Why should you care what colors I use?

A smug grin covered his face. Because I’m moving in.

What? she sputtered, stunned beyond belief.

You heard me.

Before she could utter another sound, he said, Let’s go pack your bag. We’ve got a plane to catch, and with a storm brewing outside, it’ll take at least an hour to drive to Salt Lake.

Too shocked to move she merely stared. His nearness was almost enough to put her in a dreamy catatonic state. She steeled herself against the attraction.

While growing up they had spent every hour possible together, and sometimes half the night talking or texting. When they were teenagers she had admitted she loved him. But he had rejected every confession, always claiming he didn’t love her and never would.

She was still trying to deal with his announcement when he commandeered her elbow and guided her toward the hall. Her traitorous heart reacted with unexpected joy. If only his being here meant something.

How could she feel like this? She had started dating Ron before her trip to California last December to be with Nancy while she was ill. Since her return Ron had proposed three times. She’d put him off again by agreeing to have her parents host a dinner at the club to introduce him to some of their close friends and to her grandparents who were visiting from Florida. Tonight. She was having dinner with all of them tonight!

When Chandler saw the popcorn littering her kitchen, he chided, I thought you were neat and tidy, Analyn.

I am, she snapped. I didn’t spill the popcorn. I didn’t even pop it. Someone must have used my microwave and made the mess while I was in classes.

Chandler spun her to face him, his face a mask of sudden anger. Are you telling me somebody broke in here while you were on campus?

She nodded. That’s my best guess.

No wonder you looked spooked. Cupping her cheek, he gentled his tone. Who might be trying to scare you?

Unable to ignore the chills or thrills thrashing through her, she shook her head. No one I know of. And like I said, I’m not scared.

Don’t diss me. You are, too. You shouldn’t be living alone.

She raised her chin a notch, forcing the quiver from her voice. What do I have to be afraid of? According to statistics, Provo is one of the safest places in the country to live.

Tell that to whoever did this. He released her arm, and took both of her hands in his.

She tried to pull free, but he held on, waiting until she gave up the slight tug of war before he asked, How did they get in?

Through the door, I guess, although I thought I unlocked it when I got home. Had she been so distracted thinking about Ron and tonight’s dinner party she hadn’t noticed?

Who besides you has a key?

Only the landlord, she choked out, or, well, maybe a previous renter.

What about Ron?

When she hesitated Chandler gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. Her racing pulse had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with him.

Answer my question.

Ron doesn’t have a key.

Good. Chandler smiled, and her breath caught in the back of her throat. Why couldn’t her body react to Ron the way it responded to Chandler?

Have you checked all the windows?

Yes. She nodded. They’re all closed and locked.

That’s my girl.

She resisted the urge to stomp on his foot, but just barely. It wouldn’t have done any good anyway because she’d kicked her shoes off as soon as she’d gotten home. I’m not your girl.

Yeah, you are. Always have been. And you’re still sensible, too.

Had he just complimented her? Twice? She doubted it.

Don’t worry, he said, his dark eyebrows narrowing into a scowl. We’ll find out who broke in, and since you won’t be living alone anymore, whoever it is will have to deal with me.

Taking advantage of his loosening grip, Analyn pulled free and shoved her hair behind her shoulders, momentarily forgetting she’d had it cut to have a wig made for Nancy after she had chemotherapy, so it was now too short to stay put.

You’re not going to live here, she said, convinced she sounded firm. Mom and Dad plan to introduce Ron to some friends and my grandparents tonight. Soon we might be engaged. You must know that. Besides, you’re dating Coral and she’s my friend. Don’t you care what she might think?

Nope.

A ripple of unease tripped up Analyn’s back. Are you serious?

Yip.

Analyn fixed him with the fiercest glare she could muster. Nothing you’ve said makes sense, Chand. You’re not moving in, and I’m not going anywhere with you.

He raised his hand, as though to touch her again.

She scooted sideways, out of his reach. You need to leave. Right now. I have to clean up the popcorn and change clothes. Mom and Dad expect me to be at the club early.

You’re not going to the country club.

Why not?

Because Ron won’t be there.

Disbelief coursed through her. She tried to judge if this was an act. If so, it wouldn’t be the first time. Not funny.

But true, nevertheless.

Was he telling the truth? Would Ron humiliate her by not showing up? A new fear emerged, along with a lump of guilt. The same one she’d had last night when Ron hadn’t shown up, and hadn’t called to explain why. Had something bad had happened? She pressed her fingertips to her lips. Has there been an accident?

You might say that, Chandler grumbled.

Might? What does that freaking mean?

Ron isn’t going to marry you.

Relief tumbled through Analyn. This must be Chand’s idea of a big joke. She forced a laugh, annoyed when it sounded hysterical. You’re such a tease, Chand. I thought we’d outgrown that stage years ago.

I’m not kidding, Analyn. He reached behind her and flipped the wall switch on, flooding the hall with light before he added, Ron won’t be at the club tonight. He ran off with Coral.

Analyn swallowed, trying to digest his words while he pulled a wadded piece of paper from his suit coat pocket and slid it between her clenched fingers.

See if what that says makes you want to laugh again.

Her hands shook as she unfolded the crumpled scrap of paper.

Chandler,

I’m sorry to be writing this, but Ron and I are in love.

We’ve decided to elope, so he won’t be at the dinner party Friday night. Please tell Analyn and try to forgive us.

Coral

A sense of panic grabbed Analyn by the chest, folding her lungs in upon themselves. She gasped for air, dragging in one shallow breath after another. Dizziness threatened. In an attempt to steady herself, she reached out and braced both hands on Chandler’s sturdy chest.

Feel like laughing now? he asked, covering her trembling hands with his.

She shook her dazed head.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close, and stroked her back, further unnerving her. She knew she should move away, but couldn’t summon the willpower. It felt so good to be in his arms, close to him, and to pretend he could shield her from hurt and disappointment as he had so many times before.

She closed her eyes, inhaling his wonderful masculine scent and savoring the safety of his arms as the panic subsided. Chandler tightened his hold. She followed impulse and rested her head below his shoulder.

He’d always had a reputation for never losing his cool. Because of that, a dozen local firms had jockeyed for his attention and vied to hire him long before he graduated from Harvard. He had surprised everyone, including her, by accepting a position with her parents who owned a small chain of furniture stores in Utah County. Now, according to Ron and Coral, Chandler worked day and night. Did he ever sleep?

Why didn’t Ron tell me? she finally managed to squeak.

Because he’s a coward, Chandler growled, moving his hands up to her shoulders and easing back to stare into her bewildered eyes.

You belong in his arms. The unexpected thought made her feel as though an invisible being had whispered in her ear. Goose bumps scattered down her spine. She glanced behind her. Nothing but the wall.

For a few seconds Chandler had been her anchor and she missed the close contact, also the safety he had briefly provided.

It doesn’t make sense, she tried to reason, running her shaky hands over her arms. If Ron wants Coral, all he has to do is say so.

He’s probably too chicken to tell you.

Chandler caressed her shoulders, chasing away her fear but making her pulse riot. Maybe he decided Coral’s parents will dish out money more freely than yours.

Analyn frowned. Not funny.

It wasn’t meant to be. Ron’s a fortune-hunter. I told you that when you returned from California in August. You didn’t want to hear it. Remember?

She didn’t know what to say. At the time she’d thought Chandler held some kind of grudge against Ron, and had said that to create trouble between them. Tears stung her eyes and emotion clogged her throat. Had he only had her best interests at heart?

I could cheerfully choke both of them, Chandler ground out.

Hurt clawed at Analyn’s insides. She didn’t understand Ron running off with Coral any more than she understood Coral giving up on Chandler. If he’d ever given her any reason to believe he wanted her, she would have danced in her dreams every night for the rest of her life.

She’d had numerous crushes on him. He had known, but he’d never encouraged her. Although he had showered her with attention while they were young, he later claimed he could never love her or any woman. A sudden thought struck. Was he gay?

Let’s go pack your bag, he said. He was good at barking orders. Expected people to obey too. They almost always did. Her included.

Why? Where do you think we’re going?

He hooked his elbow around hers, bringing her so close their hips bumped as he tugged her down the hall. Sometimes getting information out of him was like trying to pull teeth the dentist had cemented in.

Disgusted with the thrills shooting through her, and not about to be bullied, she balked, planting her feet firmly on the carpet, and unhooking her elbow to station both hands on her hips. I’m not moving another step until you tell me what I want to know.

Chandler crossed his arms, and glared, as though daring her to disagree. We’re flying to Vegas.

Confused, she mumbled, You want to go gambling? You think that’ll help?

Yes, he gritted. We’re going to treat Ron and Coral to a dose of their own behavior.

How?

By pretending you’re the one who got cold feet. You’re the one who stood Ron up tonight.

Analyn swallowed, still unable to believe Ron would deceive or embarrass her by running off with Coral on the night she planned to introduce him to her grandparents. You think people will buy that? she choked out.

It’s called damage control.

That sounds like something Dad might say about one of the furniture stores.

All right. I’ll be more explicit. Chandler stepped closer, his six foot height towering above her five foot two. His hypnotic gaze made her wish she could look away, but she couldn’t.

You’re going to elope with me. I intend to call your father and tell him that. Nothing more.

When she blinked, Chandler tapped the end of her nose with his finger. Instead of introducing Ron tonight, that’s what your father will announce.

He could have asked her to shoot him in the head and Analyn wouldn’t have been more startled.

In a dumbfounded stupor she stared at his chiseled jaw. How many times had she wanted to reach out and touch his chin? Caress his smoothly shaven cheeks? Feel his lips on hers, kissing her?

Too many to count. And how many times had she seen him withdraw into sullen silence whenever she confessed she loved him or asked a question he thought too personal? Also too many to count.

Trying to get a grip on her emotions, she massaged her throbbing temple and stared beyond Chandler, at her favorite patriotic painting hanging in her bedroom. Looking at the crowd waving flags during a Fourth of July Parade usually made her smile, but tonight it reminded her of all the holidays she had shared with Chandler and his family, especially after his mother died and there was only him and his dad in the big house next to hers.

She licked her bottom lip, tasted blood and decided she must have bitten it when she’d clamped her teeth together after discovering someone had been in her apartment again when she wasn’t home. You expect, that is, you want us to elope? she finally squeaked.

He nodded.

I can’t go to Vegas. I need to study this weekend.

It won’t hurt to skip studies for a day or two.

Yes, it will. Mid-terms are almost here, and I need high scores to maintain my grade point average.

You’ll pass your tests with flying colors. You always do.

A compliment? She doubted it. Deciding to try another tack, she said, Mom and Dad will be disappointed if they don’t get to attend my wedding.

They’ll understand when I explain.

Mom will want to plan a huge reception, she argued. You know how she is.

She can plan one after we return.

Analyn shook her head. Her short hair flared across her face, reminding her of Nancy again, and her wedding to Ted a few years ago, when Nancy was healthy. They’d been so happy and she’d been happy for them. If she eloped with Chandler, her wedding would be a far cry from theirs and the visions she’d always had of her own.

Not willing to give in, she frowned up at him. My parents adore you, Chand, but they’ll expect to be included in my plans. I’m their only child and I can’t cheat them out of sharing my wedding. Besides, they’ll both expect me to get married in the temple. I expect that, too.

Tough.

Silenced by his low growl and the stubborn set of his jaw, her shoulders slumped. If he had proposed marriage at any other time, she would have jumped for joy. But not now. Because now she knew he truly was incapable of love. He’d proven that when they’d stopped being best friends.

Determined to be in charge of her own life, she cleared her throat and straightened her posture. Part of her was relieved by Ron’s deception. Now she wouldn’t have to break up with him because she really didn’t want to be his wife. Not showing up last night and not calling to apologize had created a mountain of doubt. When she’d called and left a message to make sure he was okay, he’d sent a text stating that she worried too much and of course he was all right. But he’d given no explanation for failing to show up. When they’d talked this morning he hadn’t explained either.

Look Chandler, she said, trying to force a smile. I appreciate your offer to marry me, but it isn’t necessary.

Yes it is.

No. I know you don’t love me and—

Who said anything about love?

She squinted while he stared back, his expression calm, yet unreadable. Isn’t that what marriage is all about? she asked.

Not every marriage. Not ours.

Exasperated, she blurted, You’ve always said you’ll never get married, so what’s going on?

He caught her hands, pulled them to his chest. Then he spoke in the low, husky voice that still haunted her dreams. It won’t be a real marriage.

Another shock hurtled through her, but she managed to mumble, I don’t understand.

Chandler released her hands and shoved the stray lock of hair off his forehead again. Our marriage will be in name only, although everyone except you and I will believe it’s the real thing. And it won’t last forever. When the time is right, we’ll get a quiet divorce or an annulment.

What makes you think I’m dumb enough to go along with such a stupid idea?

To keep from touching her again, he stuck his fists in his pockets. It’s not stupid and you’re not dumb.

I must be. I’ve been thinking about marrying Ron.

Her bewildered rebuttal made Chandler’s heart sting. I wouldn’t have let you, he said, his voice as quiet as hers.

She laughed, a shrill bitter sound that made him feel like a rat. That’s rich. You’re the one who told me I should find a husband and start a family.

That was before you met Ron, before I discovered he and Coral have been sneaking around behind our backs for weeks, maybe months. Probably the entire time you were in California with your sick girlfriend.

Analyn shook her head, apparently still unwilling to believe Ron and Coral were capable of that kind of deception.

I’ve never lied to you, have I? Chandler demanded, then suffered an inward flinch. He had lied, and more than once. Every time she said she loved him, he’d claimed he didn’t love her. Tonight he had lied, too. But he couldn’t let her continue to date Ron or get engaged. She was too good for the two-timing, two-faced bastard.

Without giving Analyn time to reply, he added, In your heart you know I’m not lying now. He gentled his voice, regretting his callous outburst, but determined to have his way. I may have severed our closeness and damaged our friendship, but I still care about you and want to help you.

Analyn looked confused, not grateful, and he knew he had some convincing to do. But he’d never been more sure of himself. You need protecting and I’m the best candidate, the only candidate, for the job.

Taking her arm, he marched her into her bedroom where he hefted her monogrammed suitcase off the top closet shelf, and set it on her red bed cover.

Start packing.

Instead of refusing as he half expected, she obeyed his brusque order. Sliding a pair of black slacks off a hanger, she folded them neatly.

While he watched, a whiff of her fragrant scent attacked his senses. Her perfume was new and contained a hint of ginger. Why did he have to notice the change? Or be so physically aware of her?

Every time he saw her he wished things could be different. But they couldn’t. Before his twelfth birthday he had discovered that he had inherited the genes for Huntington’s Disease, and the debilitating illness would likely result in early death. He wouldn’t bog her down with his health problems, but he would do his best to steer her away from Ron, and men like him.

Tormented by bittersweet memories Chandler wondered why Analyn had cut the long mahogany hair that matched the color of her beautiful brown eyes to perfection. For years her hair had hung below her waist. Now it didn’t even reach her shoulders. Her long stay in California had changed more than her hair style. A permanent sadness haunted her expression and her former cheerfulness had vanished. Small wonder, after spending so many months watching her best girlfriend die.

He doubted he could lessen her mourning or make the grief go away, but hopefully while they were married, however brief it might be, he would find a way to put smiles on her face again, and bring some joy back into her life.

And in the process he’d make some good memories to carry with him when his health deteriorated and life got tough.

Two

While she packed, Analyn’s jaw hurt from clenching her teeth. The pain vibrating in her chest hurt even more. Getting dumped by Ron deflated her ego. She felt like crying, but refused to give in to pity.

Could she marry Chandler? No. Regardless what Ron had done, Chandler’s suggestion wasn’t a good solution. At one time she would have loved to be his wife. But not now. And not under these circumstances.

The idea of a fake marriage sucks, she said.

It won’t be so bad.

Irked by his confident tone, she demanded, Want to bet?

No. He winked. Not while you’re in a bad mood.

She planted her hands on her hips again. I’m not in a bad mood.

What would you call it? PMS?

Hating his amusement at her expense, she poked him in the chest. Very funny. The town clown has gifted me with his presence. Thank you very much. I’m thoroughly entertained. She clapped her hands and pasted a sarcastic smirk on her face.

Chandler reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, once more disarming her. We’ll get along, Analyn, he said gently. We always have. We were friends before you could even walk.

How she ached to believe him.

Instead she backed away, a stubborn tilt to her head. "Were is the operative word, Chandler. You severed our umbilical cord while you were still at Harvard. After promising to text or call every day, you sent only three messages during your last semester. And I never got a single email or phone call either. She hated the way her voice trembled, but found the nerve to continue. We’ve had little or no communication during the last two and a half years. Now we’re like strangers."

I’m sorry. He truly looked apologetic. I’ve always regretted not staying in touch. At the time I thought it was best for you.

Was he really sorry? Not sure, she dragged her gaze from his and stared at her patriotic bedspread and the half packed suitcase.

Sudden awareness of where they were dropped guilt on her shoulders as heavy as a dead elephant. Although she had left home more than four years ago, she’d never drifted from her Mormon upbringing and her parent’s repeated admonitions not to sleep with a guy until she got married. Their lectures and her religion had been drilled into her with a permanence she couldn’t shake, even if she wanted to, which she didn’t. All of her friend’s parents had taught the principles adopted by their church, and like her, none of them had dated until they turned sixteen.

You shouldn’t be in here, she hissed at Chandler.

Why not?

Because this is my private space. And Mom and Dad would both have hissy fits if they discovered I’ve ignored their rules about not allowing men in my bedroom.

That answers one question then.

What?

Whether you slept with Ron.

Of course I never slept with him, she bristled. Not that Ron didn’t want to, but you know I believe people should be married before they have sex and risk making babies. Besides intimacy before marriage is against all my beliefs and the principles I hold dear, plus it would prevent me from going through the temple.

Ignoring her reference to a temple marriage, he said, There are all sorts of ways to prevent pregnancy, Analyn.

But— She snapped her mouth shut, and regretted it when her bottom lip, the one she had apparently bitten, smarted. This discussion is ridiculous. You know I live by a strict moral code.

Chandler nodded. But she couldn’t help wondering how many girls he had slept with, and what methods he’d used to keep from fathering babies. The mere idea made her want to crumple on the bed and cry. Even if he loved her and wanted to marry her in the temple, he might not be worthy of a temple recommend.

He pushed his way into her closet and rifled through her clothes. You should report the break-in to your landlord. He needs to change the lock.

I’ll tell him, she said, unwilling to admit she already had. Mr. Daws had promised to change her lock, and add a deadbolt, but he was taking his time doing it.

She stepped toward her bed. And then she saw it. On the floor by the night stand. A stray glove.

The blood drained from her head. Feeling light-headed, she leaned against the wall, pressing one fist against her throbbing temple.

What is it? Chandler demanded.

Almost afraid to get too close, she swallowed her panic, and inched across the room. A golf glove, she rasped, unable to make her voice work properly. "It looks too small to be a man’s. It must