When Depression Meets Possession

By Robert Colacurcio

Sometimes depressions feels like being possessed by something beyond your control. In the year 2021, the author was clinically diagnosed (medicated) for depression, anxiety, hallucinations and dementia, and was considered so ill as to require the services of a home hospice caretaker. None of these diagnoses proved themselves to be valid and true. This book is the author's progress towards what he believes is a more valid and true conclusion.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9798369404690

Robert Colacurcio

Robert Colacurcio has been practicing the methodology of the Buddha’s spiritual technology for over thirty five years under the guidance of some of the most accomplished meditation masters in the Vajrayana lineage of Buddhism. Earlier in his life he studied to become a Jesuit priest, and earned his PhD from Fordham University in philosophy. His spiritual background includes two years at the New York Zendo, extensive study in the Human Potential Movement under the direction of Claudio Naranjo and Oscar Ichazo. His journey then took him to a Sufi commune learning the disciplines of the Russian savant, G.I. Gurdjieff. He is also deeply indebted to the works of Carlos Castaneda, Robert Pirsig and Jane Roberts. He currently lives with his wife, Carol, in a suburb of Richmond, Virginia, and delights with pride in the growth and constant source of revelation that are his children and grandchildren.

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Copyright © 2023 by Robert Colacurcio.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 08/15/2023

Xlibris

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Contents

Preface

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Epilogue

Preface

As a child, I was hooked on The Mickey Mouse Club TV version. Their keynote song has always stayed with me:

"Today is the day that is filled with surprises.

Nobody knows what’s gonna happen.

Why, you may find yourself on an elephant on the moon,

Or riding in an auto underneath a blue lagoon."

In the front yard of my mountain top home in Front Royal, VA, I built an elaborate G-gauge train layout. I whimsically called it Mountain Marina because it ran through and under four dozen tropical fish (bangles, mobiles, carousel, etc.) I carved and painted in my crawl space workshop. Inspired by the MMC song I thought, Well, if an auto can go underneath a lagoon, my train can run through a marina.

Be aware and wary of expectations, they can pleasantly surprise and disappoint. People happening upon my outdoor train while taking an exploratory drive up High Knob mountain, usually had their expectations pleasantly surprised. They never expected to see such a whimsical train layout at the top of the mountain. Having no prior expectations left their minds open to be pleasantly surprised. Yesterday, on the other hand, my expectations created annoyance and irritation in my mind. I found the new Royal electric typewriter in an undamaged box by my front door after coming back from a matinee. My previous seventeen books had all gone from handwritten manuscripts to typed copy in an XP word processor. It had been idle for the past five years--that long since my last book--but surprisingly it came alive when I turned it on. However, halfway into Chapter One of this book, it shut down and could not be fixed. So instead of buying a simple computer--I never had the XP internet connected--I ordered a Royal electric typewriter instead. It’s been quite some time since I was familiar with the features of a machine like this, so I carefully followed the instructions. Of course, I was expecting this new machine--old technology notwithstanding--to allow me to get right to work. First press of the return key brought major disappointment; it jammed and made the entire machine inoperable. Calls to Royal Service took me to India. Two poorly trained cubicle dwellers were absolutely no help, even when I could understand them. Moreover, the correction tape feature didn’t correct any errors, so I decided to return the machine for another.

This is an example of how expectations can set one up for disappointment and lots of other trickle down negative emotions. In addition to the disappointing performance of a brand new product, I now must travel to the store where I ordered it, fully expecting they will assume the shipping (free) charges to return it and replace it. Am I wrong to have such expectations?

I ask my readers to ask themselves, Is it really a question of right or wrong? If not that, then what? Everyone knows what it feels like to be duped or taken in by a setup. The question is, how often do we unwittingly set ourselves up to be duped or taken in by a set up? The question is, how often do we unwittingly set ourselves up to be duped simply because we (mistakenly) take our expectations for granted? I’m fond of saying the universe is an equal opportunity lender, but every opportunity it deals out is impermanent. Our expectations typically lead us to assume stability, permanence, reliability--at least initially until the warranty expires. Unfortunately, the universe is not bound by warranties, copyright laws or product guarantees.

This book narrates some surprising events that defied my expectations. Those expectations compounded my suffering a lot. From a philosophical viewpoint--which I discuss in detail--being taken in by being duped by expectations is most often a question of mistaking the Appearances for the Reality. Having a really good theory for how to discern and navigate the difference is one of the most practical tools the reader can be equipped with. My legitimate expectation is that the attentive reader will come away from this book having developed a really practical theory for how to distinguish the Reality from the Appearances.

Introduction

The reader has a right to certain expectations before buying/reading a new book, especially if the author is unknown. This introduction is my attempt to satisfy certain of those expectations.

I am not a newbie author; this is my 18th publication. All of my writings may be fairly classified in a genre called Applied Spirituality. Frank disclosure, I have been practicing the spiritual technology of the Buddha since 1985; before that I was a fallen from grace Catholic and before that I studied for the priesthood in the Society of Jesus (the Jesuits) for eleven years.

In my opinion, spirituality differs from religion in not being confined by the doctrines, dogmas or creeds of formal religious observance within a specific denomination. Spirituality is personally motivated by a free engagement to follow the guidance of the Spirit; it then freely complies with that guidance as one’s method for living a life that goes deeper into that Spirit.

This book is part testimonial to that Spirit, part confession after the famous inaugural work in that genre by St. Augustine, and part philosophical investigation of how we know the truth behind being labeled depressive or possessed. This part necessarily involves some basic epistemology which is quite useful generally in helping one determine how we know what we think we know so that our trust in what we think we know is not misplaced.

This book came to me after experiencing more than a year of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual decline severe enough that my family engaged a home hospice caretaker suspecting I was on my way out, swirling the drain as they say.

I didn’t die. I recovered my full emotional, mental and spiritual powers, but not all my physical strengths. Since that year of decline and apparent demise (2021), I’ve given careful analytical analysis and deep reflection in my meditational laboratory to the puzzling events of that year. This book arose from that analysis and reflection.

Expectation alert: the personal conclusions I arrive at are not to be taken to have universal application; they are convincing conclusions that strictly speaking apply only to me. That story, while interesting, might not have enough appeal for the general reader, even one attuned to the topic of applied spirituality. However, I earnestly believe that the methods I employ from the tool kit of the Buddha’s spiritual technology have universal application. I believe, and my Buddhist teachers always say this: whether one is a devout participant within a specific religious denomination or freely pursuing their own spiritual path, the methodology of the Buddha is applicable and profoundly practical for clarifying and deepening one’s own spiritual efforts. The lamas always also say the Buddhist methodology in no way conflicts with one’s faith based practice, no matter what it is.

So I trust my prospective readers have had a few of their expectations satisfied. However, in concluding this introduction this little story might prove useful. Before I engaged with the Nyingma tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, I had the opportunity to practice Zen while living in New York City. Three forty minute sittings a night with a five-minute walk around the zendo’s meditation room between sittings was the usual program. One night during the second profoundly still sitting, with no warning, the Roshi suddenly yelled out at about 120dB, Expect Nothing! Like a branding iron on my brain, that counsel has remained indelibly imprinted. The Roshi first and foremost wanted all his Zen students to let go of the expectation that enlightenment might suddenly dawn with the next breath or next sitting. Expectations like that completely nullify the habit of practicing to Be Here Now. Well, regarding this book, having no expectations--I realize that’s not possible and probably not even useful. However, be open to a novel revelation arising out of the depths of your own spirit. Be open--but free of the expectation--that your own personal guide (or guidance system, if you prefer) may use my book to jolt you out of a habit of mind that is not operating in the best interest of your eternal evolution.

And finally, as one of my Buddhist teachers never tired of reminding me: Let peace be your every step.

Chapter One

In 2015, I paid a visit to my local GP in Front Royal, VA for my regular six-month checkup. Dr. K still practiced old school methodology, and after palpating my stomach area, there was serious concern on his face when he said, Bob, there’s something on your kidney that shouldn’t be there. I’m ordering an immediate MRI.

That something turned out to be a grapefruit sized tumor, malignant with cancer. Drs. C and W, from the Valley