Virtual Dating: Swiping For Love, Senior Style

By Ann Reichardt

After fourteen years as a single senior, Ann's relationship history is full of intrigue, drama, heartache, and a plethora of wisdom. The discovery of who may or may not be a fit for a long-term partner for the last third of one's life allows readers to examine their own dating experiences with open eyes. Insight on looking at the red flags that are important in eliminating individuals that are not secure, mutually respectful partners. People love to the level of how much they love themselves and communicate to the level of their self awareness and behave to the level of their healed trauma. The way you feel about someone is not the same as how someone makes you feel. Choosing those that will only serve to elevate each other in a healthy, happy, respectful way will ultimately serve to create a union that works positively.

The many vignette style stories will enlighten, thrill, amuse and hopefully help those looking for love in this era of internet dating as a senior, find helpful clues as to who and what we are looking to find in a partner. The many adventures Ann has experienced will inspire and disappoint but through such knowledge it will hopefully serve to assist both men and women in understanding of ones realistic or unrealistic expectations in finding love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887931111

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Virtual Dating

Swiping For Love, Senior Style

Ann Reichardt

Copyright © 2023 Ann Reichardt

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 979-8-88793-109-8 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88793-429-7 (hc)

ISBN 979-8-88793-111-1 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

About the Author

Introduction

After fourteen years as a single senior, Ann's relationship history is full of intrigue, drama, heartache, and a plethora of wisdom. The discovery of who may or may not be a fit for a long-term partner for the last third of one's life allows readers to examine their own dating experiences with open eyes. Insight on looking at the red flags that are important in eliminating individuals that are not secure, mutually respectful partners. Choosing those that will only serve to elevate each other in a healthy, happy, respectful way will ultimately serve to create a union that works positively.

The many vignette-style stories will enlighten, thrill, amuse, and hopefully help those looking for love in this era of virtual dating as a senior.

The many adventures Ann has experienced will inspire and disappoint. Through such knowledge, it will help serve to assist both men and women in understanding what are realistic and unrealistic expectations in finding love.

Chapter 1

The Dance of Grief

It had been twelve years since that first day of my new undefined life. Without a hint of warning, at the age of fifty-six, my thirty-year marriage had ended. It was a rude awakening and something I hadn't signed up for. The intact fabric of my once unified family of four was tattered and torn. My partner had been my best friend, lover, confidant, and father of my children. That was over.

People love to the level of how much they love themselves and communicate to the level of their self-awareness and behave to the level of their healed trauma. The way you feel about someone is not the same as how someone makes you feel.

Back then, I felt discarded and unimportant. The loss of control of my life left me confused, alone, and grief-stricken. That moment, the proclamation of loss of love, was life changing. This cog in the wheel of life could not be repaired. That wheel had already rolled out the marital door.

Day one of my dance of grief began. Those invisible thirty years of history, memories once cherished, were disposed of, tossed to the curb like refuse, and I was now part of that compost pile, degrading slowly.

The flood of tears were my efforts to wash away that degradation of my decaying self-esteem.

Obsessing over examining my once happy life only prevented me from moving forward in any positive way. Listless in mind and body, defense mechanisms stifled, fragility set in, confidence lost, I regressed to that infantile state for protection. Depression set in for months. Pulled to my bed day and night, I felt catatonic, unable to function. Weight dripping from my already frail frame, I was unable to eat, sleep, or even communicate. The marathon of grieving and the lethargy felt would not allow me to see through to that final lap. Would there ever be a finishing line?

All rationality and self-mastery were temporarily lost. Armoring myself with shields of leftover integrity, depressed, and feeling lost without control of who I was as an individual. Spending too much time on the couch, in my bed, crying for days, even weeks, left me so broken I couldn't rise above these emotions. But eventually, after many months of self-pity, I decided I was not going to be destroyed by the weapons of others' actions. My state of denial became the ignorance I substituted for necessary intelligent plan of action for my survival. Those major cracks within our relationship would take time to repair. Recovery from the gaping wounds of injury to my ego would remain open for some time. Stress became the root of my resilience, allowing coping mechanisms to harness an inner strength. With resilience, I was able to knock down adversity and come back stronger, with a deeper understanding and satisfaction of my circumstances. I was able to recognize my significance and redefine who I was and will be for the last third of my life. I would not allow this one moment or event to define who I was. The marital union dissolved. All those necessary steps of discovery of dissatisfaction from both parties led to stumbling along a new dance floor of life. For every misstep, there was a chance to stand up and begin again. The dance of acceptance began.

Starting over after living a shared life can be challenging, unnerving, and certainly an affront to one's self-esteem. Jumping into the singles scene as a middle-aged man or woman can be daunting, but it can also be fun, enriching, and serve as an antidote to loneliness.

I was not eager to find a new partner in life, but instead of hanging my head low, I jumped into the deep end of the cyberspace dating pool. Decision-making in finding the right partner for a promising relationship through online dating gives us more romantic options than previous generations. The virtual dating world can be a lot of work because there is so much data to filter through. Sorting through profiles and making our own checklists of what is important in finding that perfect mate becomes a dance in itself. We can now be much more selective and feel free to make that first move. In theory, more options are much better. We maximize our choices, seeking out the best, never settling for just anyone.

What I came away with after my twelve years of searching for that perfect partner in this digital-driven age of dating is that many are confused as to how to begin. What are we looking for in a relationship? How to select appropriately and manage and maintain a relationship with success requires dating a lot. Many others enter dating again with preconceived notions about who they are looking for, never settling for just anyone, most often idealizing the process and entering with unrealistic expectations that the new person will fill the void in our personal lives. The emotional disappointments are many and become accepted after a while.

This brings the question of how online dating compares to the real life matching, where normal vulnerabilities without expectation or intent may be more successful than the two-minute elevator pitch at the ready. The technological environment becomes a bit artificial, where everyone is at their best behavior behind the confines of that screen of desires, be it our computers or iPads or iPhones. Apps have driven our lives to finding love. Oftentimes these relationships become easily detached, usually lacking substance, temporary, and without permanence. Once again, a society of being easily discarded if someone doesn't live up to the ideal of one's vision. Swipe and on to the next bevy of beauties or guys presented to us on that screen.

The numbers don't lie. The many men I dated are mostly still single and continue to peruse these dating sites. I'm included in this number. I've asked myself, Why?

Chapter 2

Dance of Dating

September 2018. It had been twelve years since my first attempt at looking for love after my divorce. In 2006 I was newly separated and on route to finalizing the end of a thirty-year marriage.

I never imagined a life could be so uprooted in so many different ways. I soon found out that it is the way of the relationship world today and that none of us are alone in this scenario.

All these events redefined my life in unimaginable ways.

Creating a new life was something I did not want to do at that time. All I focused on was getting through the crap of divorce and the ugliness of separating family, friends, and my self-esteem. It was difficult at first, but with time, as they say, there is a cure to all ills. My cure was to dive into the dating scene. The online dating scene.

I didn't want to find a replacement for what I had. I continued idealizing the wonderful marriage and family and respect and admiration for the man who'd been my partner for all those years. I feel now that there is an unconscious filter that directs our brains into thinking in extreme terms.

Idealizing what we think we had and remembering only the best times together, not the difficult ones, is the body's way of protecting our fragile selves. We assume that all this pain from the loss of someone in a relationship will go away if we return as a unit again. That is our only hope of relief—holding onto that thread of hope, the fabric that intertwined us as a unified family. These thoughts control our actions, neutralizing our emotions to prevent hurting.

The choices I made were and are my own. The decision to reenter the dating scene didn't come lightly. I had to begin to understand myself first; and instead of keeping my head in the proverbial sand of thinking my happiness was dependent upon my former life, husband, or another man, I would never be able to move forward in any successful way. It's been twelve years since I began that first dive into the dating pool. The many suitors offered great insight into who I am and what it is I am looking for the second time around and who to eliminate in the process.

Entering into this world of dating in midlife back then, when it wasn't as common as today, was an eye-opener for sure. The multitudes of loveless individuals hoping to sort through the many men and women in cyberspace took take time, careful thought, and many, many dating experiences. To choose the right partner was another story. Who will be the right fit? As I compared the various men I had met online, I often felt like I was trying on shoes. The size, the fit, the look, the ease of slipping into them daily with comfort were all important factors in discovery, along with the ability to withstand the elements over the years for sustainability.

I tried on a lot of shoes and imagined dancing with each different style. Many would be comfortable at first, but with time and increased wear, each seemed to be less stable and easy to dispose of rather than repair. Better to begin again with a new pair and see if they would stand the test of time. I would continually be surprised at how easy it was to throw away the slightly used ones. There was always a certain pick that I was drawn to over and over again… It kept me in this dancing game for twelve years, and I was beginning to feel the disappointment and exhaustion from trying on so many shoes. None of which would be right. My choices were my own. I needed to analyze as to what drew me to that particular style in the first place. Should I be searching in different aisles? I thought so.

When I first began dating again, I compared it to dancing. They were both beautiful forms of art. The movement of love is much like that of skillfully crafted acts of desire. The flow of conversation and the movement of dance steps along the floor of love binds two people with emotion, passion, and sensuality like nothing else.

Both are much like creating a work of art. The flow, the movement, the process, and the end results all culminate into what we are mostly striving for, that love connection I was dancing in the stars for twelve years; those cybernetic technological waves of passion, desire, and connectivity. Which star would I hitch myself to? There are so many in this vast universe it all seemed so impossible at times. Would I wait for years for that one special soul mate, that special person that is meant to be in my life? The forces that would drive two similar people together in love and life, I was always looking for that sign from the universe that would guide me in the right direction. I danced till dawn with many men, and each brought with them slightly different and unique perspective in my quest for discovering who would be my shining star.

During those years, I likened my dates to a specific dance. Their alter-ego states were strangely similar to a particular style of dance. So I named each gent. Depending on their moves along the floor of love, I would refer to each of the past twenty dates as a dance.

My first dancer was Mr. Slow, followed by Mr. Tango, Mr. Salsa, Mr. Jitterbug, Mr. Contemporary, Mr. Two-Step, Mr. Rumba, Mr. Cha-Cha, Mr. Waltz. The next ten enlistments included Mr. Foxtrot, Mr. Hustle, Mr. Jazz, Mr. Twist, Mr. Paso Doble, Mr. Quickstep, Mr. Lap Dance, Mr. Moonwalk, Mr. Ballet, and lastly, Mr. Samba.

Only a few got close. I have no regrets along the way. They were all necessary steps in my attempt to find someone. I know that I was an important part for all the men I had dated as well. It also gave them the knowledge of what would fit within the framework of a relationship for each. Many are now married or have found a significant other to call their own. I had not. Why hadn't I? I knew that this would happen when it was supposed to. It did occur for the guys, and my time was around the corner. Curiously enough, I never forced the issue. When you least expect it…as the saying goes. I was a patient person and, quite frankly, fearful that I was getting used to being alone and wasn't sure if I wanted to share my personal space with anyone. The longer I spent alone, the less I felt I wanted a man in my life. I kept telling myself this, but I knew that I would eventually discard this notion and start looking again. Yup, that's what happened.

Chapter 3

Dance of Virtual Dating

It was January 2015, a new year, a new perspective, and new hopes of beginning a new life in a completely new demographic. From the traditional values of the small towns of the Midwest, where I'd resided for most of my adult life, I would relocate to the Southwest. My decision to pick up and move wasn't an easy one. I did have daughters in Arizona, and I became tired of the cold and the ungodly winters of the Midwest, so why not have a change of scenery, people, lifestyle, and new guys to peruse on these dating sites. Certainly, the numbers would be vastly different from what I had been used to over the last twelve years. Would the men be similar? Would their perspectives be different from the guys I met before them? Would I have to fit into