Nellie

By Brad Heyen

Nellie finds herself alone, confused, desperate. A resident of Sycamore Acres memory care unit, life makes no sense anymore. Where are her boys? Why don't her friends come around? Where are the people who care for her? Her fellow residents hate her. The feeling is mutual. Worst yet, the staff at Sycamore Acres make her life a living hell. Her daily routine is redundant conflict. They look at her with disdain, they treat her like a troubled child. Her mind tries to make sense of her situation, but it fails. Glimpses of wonderful memories are pushed back, replaced by her current reality.

Audrey is one of Nellie's caregivers. Each day, her stomach lurches at the thought of dealing with Miss Nellie. The cantankerous older woman makes every interaction difficult. Issues with other residents, battles with the simplest routines--it is just exhausting. It would be nice if work was a place of solace, a place she could escape her life, but it is not.

Audrey's life is a mess. Her fifteen-year-old daughter, Simone, is having trouble at school. She has begun to see an older boy. Their mother-daughter relationship is strained. Audrey's husband, Silas, had committed suicide three years prior, and her life has been spiraling out of control ever since. Feelings of helplessness are winning.

When Nellie dies, Audrey is forced to attend her funeral. No one could imagine the catalyst this event would be. Learning about the woman Nellie was, the impact of her life, sets Audrey off on a journey of discovery that could change everything. Could her nemesis become her savior?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887934662

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Nellie

Brad Heyen

Copyright © 2023 Brad Heyen

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 979-8-88793-454-9 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88793-466-2 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

To my mother, Nell Heyen.

My hope with writing Nellie is that more will learn of how amazing you were. While Nellie is a work of fiction, your life was the inspiration. You made such a difference in so many lives. Well done, Mom. Well done.

Sorry about titling it Nellie. I couldn't resist.

Love you, Mom!

God bless you real good.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

About the Author

To my mother, Nell Heyen.

My hope with writing Nellie is that more will learn of how amazing you were. While Nellie is a work of fiction, your life was the inspiration. You made such a difference in so many lives. Well done, Mom. Well done.

Sorry about titling it Nellie. I couldn't resist.

Love you, Mom!

God bless you real good.

Chapter 1

Nellie plunged her face into her pillow, sobbing. She hated this place, Sycamore Acres Assisted Living—felt like jail. Shoot, it might as well be , she thought to herself. With the doors locked, it sure seemed like she was a criminal. Thoughts screamed in her head, Why am I in here? Won't someone help me? The desperation of a prisoner serving a life sentence flood her entire being; her soul, parched. Nellie, confident all the other residents had lost their minds, tried having conversations with many of them. They just never seemed to go well. Nellie turned her gaze to the ceiling and her thoughts to her boys. They didn't visit very often. Oh, how she missed them desperately. When was the last time they had visited? she thought to herself. Her mind not able to remember exactly, it had to have been months, she was sure. The desperation surged deep into her bones, making her whole body cry. I have no one. I am stuck with these crazies and rude nurses. I can't take this place any longer. I must get out of here! She screamed into her pillow, angry, sorrowful, confused.

Nellie turned her head. A conversation outside her room caught her attention. Audrey, one of her attendants, was speaking a little too loudly, Can you believe Miss Nellie? She is just flat-out rude and mean. I have no idea what has made her so bitter and mean but, wow. Nellie felt the comment like a voodoo doll being jammed with needles. She closed her eyes in pain, not wanting to hear anymore.

Nellie recognized the response of Jamie, another of her attendants. I don't want to hear it. You have only been dealing with her a short time. I have had to deal with her for many years. I still remember my first interaction with her. I walked into her room to see if she wanted some breakfast, and she began yelling at me to ‘get the hell out of her room,' and, being new, I just walked out. She has hated me ever since. I can tell you some stories! There have been a few staff Miss Nellie has gotten along with, but not many. Most of the other residents don't like her either.

Although her memory was not great, Nellie remembered that altercation with Jamie years ago. Her mind raced back, feeling the anger surge. Nellie felt so hated, disrespected. It made no sense why she had to fight everyone about everything. It made her feel like a bullied kid in a schoolyard having to endure the bully every day. Why? was all that Nellie could think about as her emotions battled between anguish and anger.

One final comment knifed itself into Miss Nellie's room and proved to be the fuel for an overriding anger as she heard Audrey and Jamie's negotiations, Audrey offering to buy Jamie lunch today if she would help her get Miss Nellie dressed and take her meds, commenting, She is raging today.

Jamie responded with a No way, it is not worth it. You have to earn your stripes! Nellie crinkled up her face like she had taken another punch in the gut. It hurt.

Audrey walked into the tiny room, announcing herself, Miss Nellie, it's time to take your medicine and get ready for the day, her voice veiled in cheerfulness.

Nellie did not even bother to take her face from her pillow. I'm not ready to get up yet, leave me alone.

Audrey looked at her in frustration. Miss Nellie, you know you need to take your medicine, and I have to make sure you do.

Miss Nellie screamed at her young helper like an emotional teenage girl, Come back later!

The worker, Audrey, set her mind to win this battle. No, you need to take your meds now. I also need to have you get up so I can get you dressed. Plus, I need to change your bed. It smells like—

That comment did it for Nellie. She grabbed the book from her bed and threw it at Audrey. The book sailed past her shoulder. Nellie and her attendant stared at each other in disbelief, both knowing there was something wrong in all of this. For a moment, Nellie saw the look of a defeated and hopeless woman. It reminded her of a frustrated student unable to pronounce a word. She felt ashamed yet still so mad. It was confusing. The defeated woman exited her room with the blank expression of hopelessness Nellie knew oh so well.

Nellie, once again, heard a conversation not intended for her to hear, or maybe she was supposed to. Audrey yelled over to Jamie to come over and then proceeded to state quite loudly that she was sure she didn't get paid enough for this verbal, and now physical, abuse. Audrey shared what had just occurred—Miss Nellie had thrown a book at her all because she did not want to get up. Never mind that it was getting close to 11:00 in the morning. She didn't want to take her medicine either.

Nellie was not proud as she heard her young attendant tell of what occurred, and thought, Why doesn't anyone have any compassion for me?

Nellie set her sorrowful emotion on hold and in turn let her anger take center stage as she heard Jamie's response to Audrey. You can't let her be the boss. She may not be easy, but you just cannot allow her to dictate what is going to happen. Here, I will show you. Nellie knew what was coming as the duo walked into her room together. She was prepared for the battle.

Nellie noticed a different facial expression on Jamie than the one Audrey had walked out with. Jamie's face looked like that of an experienced boxer with a rock-hard chin, looking determined to show her young coworker how to deal with her. Miss Nellie knew from experience this was not going to be good, her anger showing the timidity of a bully confronted. Nellie looked at Jamie, more frightened than she should have been, as she went right to the bed in which she laid. Nellie turned her face away and again buried it in her pillow. She did not want this confrontation. Nellie was mortified as the cool rush of the covers being pulled off her startled her as well as chilled her to the bone. Jamie stood, towering above her prey, as she held the covers of her bed. Nellie tried to grab them, but her mobility was no match for Jamie's, and she simply stepped back. Nellie had a confused expression of sadness and anger as she stared at her victorious adversary who proceeded to exclaim, It is time to get up. Nellie stared at Jamie, then Audrey, in disbelief, suddenly realizing her legs and all were exposed, including a urine-soaked pad which had become a potent aroma filling the small room. Audrey's face wrinkled up as she tried to block the smell.

Nellie, embarrassed, roared, What the heck do you think you are doing? This is my room. I don't want you in here. I don't like you, get out!

Jamie turned to Audrey. You see, you just have to ignore her and show her who the boss is. Can you manage her from here? Then she walked out, not waiting for a response from her coworker. Nellie yelled at the exiting Jamie with an immense hatred for how she had been humiliated.

Nellie looked at Audrey who looked like a motherless doe. There was a touch of compassion. She felt Audrey stare back at her but blankly. What is she thinking, the woman with so much anger? Nellie knew she really was a pathetic sight; she saw it reflected in Audrey's eyes. She had her incontinence diaper on, exposed, with her nightgown pushed up, which also showed her very swollen legs. Nellie was broken at what she had become. She closed her eyes. An empty prayer spoken. As her eyes opened back up, she saw Audrey still just standing and staring. Nellie thought for a moment she might have recognized a bit of sympathy in the eyes of Audrey. The stare lasted a bewildering length of time. The thought that Audrey might not be so bad was broken by the more prevalent anger. Why did you bring that nasty woman in here? Miss Nellie yelled.

Well, you were not getting up for me, were you? I had to get you up. You could have made it easier on all of us, you know? Audrey said with a shake of her head. ‘Come on, let's get you cleaned up and dressed." Nellie resigned herself to the routine result of another losing battle.

Nellie sat on the stool in the small shower with a complete feeling of humiliation. Her young attendant had just helped her get undressed and into the shower, all her pride rinsed off and down the drain. She did not want to start another day, at least not one of the days she had now. There was no shower curtain. It forced her to look at herself in the mirror, revealing someone she did not recognize. Her fine white hair wet, her face wrinkled, ashen. As the mirror began fogging, Nellie closed her eyes and images of the woman she was were shown like a picture show in her mind. The slender face, the wavy starlet hairstyle, manicured eyebrows, and eyes that reflected the smile that was so big and evident—that was the woman she knew. She sat and sat, wishing the water would wash away the image of today. Audrey called to her from the other room, announcing the shower had lasted long enough. Nellie turned off the water and somberly sat there, not wanting to face another day. Nellie's anger returned quickly when Audrey entered the bathroom to assist her getting dressed. She hated this ritual each day. It was so humiliating. To have this young woman see her so exposed—she would never get used to it. Audrey assisted in putting on her incontinence diaper. They both hated this part of the routine. The remainder of the process of getting dressed for another unjoyous day became a verbal jarring session, not fun for either of them.

Nellie shuffled out of her room behind her walker sometime later. She caught Jamie's gaze from across the room and shot her a look that promised a future altercation. Nellie scanned the room that was her world. There were the dining tables in the middle that consumed most of the room, a couch and chairs in front of a television at one end, trying to capture a living room setting, and then the resident's rooms all along the outside. Scattered among the large community room, sitting at random and isolated chairs and couches throughout, were the other lonely residents. Nellie knew each had their own health issues. Most were worse than her own. Still her compassion for the others had left long ago. Their conditions did not allow for them to give her what she needed. Day after day, this was her reality. She reluctantly went to the closest empty table and took her seat.

Nellie watched as Audrey emerged from her room shortly thereafter, a large bag of her bedding being drug behind. Nellie cringed as she watched Audrey pass by Jamie, pretending to hold her breath and pinch her nose as she took the toxic-smelling bag to the laundry. Nellie thought about the many conversations she had with her son about changing her incontinence diapers more often to keep her bedding from getting wet and to reduce the odor. It was a conversation neither of them wanted to have but was way too common. Upon seeing Audrey appear back from the laundry room, Nellie watched as Audrey scanned the room. Nellie followed her gaze. Jamie was busy with Miss Ann, Vivian, and Marilyn, doing their nails. George was eating all alone. Most of the residents were in the sitting area, batting a balloon back and forth with Krissy. She was her favorite. She always did the fun activities, and everyone enjoyed her smile and enthusiasm. Nellie stared longingly at Krissy, then noticed Audrey doing the same, unsure why. Finally, Nellie and Audrey made eye contact. Audrey had already figured out her next assignment, and reluctantly, it was her. She was sitting by herself and being the only one needing attention. Audrey made her way to Nellie.

Nellie was surprised when Audrey cheerfully asked her, Miss Nellie, can I get you some lunch? Or I can see if they can get you some breakfast, even though it is kind of late?

Nellie, having none of Audrey trying to downplay their morning altercation, responded with a Are we having the same old crap?

Audrey rolled her eyes. I will just get you today's special, and you can decide if you want to eat it. Audrey muttered as she turned to go get the food. Nellie just stared as she left. Audrey returned shortly thereafter and heavily sat down a plate of meat loaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a roll.

Are you not getting me my coffee? Miss Nellie said with a snarky tone.

Of course I am getting your coffee. I can only do one thing at a time. Audrey's waning patience announced in her tone as she marched off to get the coffee.

Nellie sat alone, pawing at her food like a cat playing with a toy, not sure what to think about, her mind empty. Noticing Jamie and Audrey at the computer station across the room, Nellie was sure she was the topic of their conversation, as they both would look at her every so often, Jamie with her stern, disdained look, and Audrey with a solemn, defeated look. Nellie did not like being talked about, that was for sure.

Nellie finished her meal and was alone in her thoughts when Miss Ann shuffled by with her walker, grazing the chair Miss Nellie was sitting in. Nellie turned to the eighty-eight-year-old culprit who had undoubtedly hit her chair on purpose. Watch out! she roared, garnering the attention of the whole room.

Miss Ann, a meek, mousy type, looked at Miss Nellie with a combination of confusion and timidness. Sorry, I did not mean to hit your chair.

Nellie took no time in yelling back, Yes, you did. Watch out next time. Miss Ann, not used to any altercations, looked as if she would cry. Jamie, who had heard the uproar, came walking up to the situation and put an arm on Miss Ann, quietly saying something to her, and motioned her on. Nellie glared at Jamie.

Jamie turned to match Miss Nellie's glare. What is wrong with you? She did not hit your chair intentionally. Her walker just grazed it on accident.

Nellie yelled back, Yes, she did. She doesn't like me, and she does that on purpose all the time.

Jamie just looked at Miss Nellie with a long stare. Miss Nellie, Miss Ann does not have a mean bone in her body. There is no way she did that on purpose. C'mon, why don't you get ready for bingo in the commons room? You like that. Miss Nellie, who knew that she was trying to be redirected, muttered an umph and sneered up her face like a toddler eating vegetables. She did not like being treated as a child.

Like a defiant child, Nellie watched her fellow residents make their way up and congregate by the door to the memory care area. There was a line of walkers with matching residents accumulating. Nellie thought to herself that they were like puppies waiting at the door to be let out for a moment of freedom. It was sad, really. Jamie yelled across the room, Anyone else wanting to go play bingo? We are getting ready to leave. Nellie locked eyes with Jamie, a silent confrontation, both knowing that she would want to go. She was just being difficult. Okay, we are heading out, Jamie announced and began opening the door.

Wait, I'm coming. Hold your horses, Nellie yelled and began to get up. Jamie caught a glance of Audrey. Both rolled their eyes, knowing everything was a battle with Miss Nellie.

Nellie sat alone in the back of the crowded room. There were the usual long tables they had set up at the front of the large common room. Groups of ladies all gossiping and laughing. The tables adorned with trolls, the superstitious idols of professional bingo players. Next were tables of four littered around the room behind the long tables, all filled with mixes of people, new residents and old, memory care and regular assisted living. Nellie was stuck at a small table in the back, alone and scowling. The plentiful laughter and conversation were like nails on a chalkboard to her. Krissy, one of the memory care workers, noticed the longing yet menacing look and came up to her. Nell, would you like to join the table over there? There is an open chair, and they are all fairly new residents. Being one of the veterans of this place, you could give them the lowdown on everything. Krissy showed a twinkle in her eye and glorious smile.

No, I'm fine, Nellie answered, causing Krissy to have a confused and concerned look on her face.

Well, that does not sound like you. You usually like to talk to everyone. Nellie just looked down at her bingo card. No answer today.

As Krissy walked away, Nellie stared at her bingo card. Krissy was right. She did like to talk with people and would like to join that table up there. She thought to herself how she used to sit at the front table with the popular ladies for many years. Lately, as she moved into the memory care area of the facility, she tried sitting at the other tables with other residents. It just seemed like it always ended bad. No one seems to like me, Nellie thought to herself, confused. Nothing made sense to her anymore. Her mind felt like it was in a deep valley of mud, unable to get any traction to move forward. Her sorrow was deep as she tried to remember when she had friends that liked her, that would visit. The bingo emcee announced the first call over the loudspeaker, which jostled Nellie from her thoughts, but she decided to return to the tormented storm within her mind.

That evening, the phone rang in Nellie's room. The ringer was turned up quite loud and startled her as she was entranced in her latest mystery novel. She grabbed the phone and began randomly pushing buttons. Inadvertently she hung up on the call. Frustrated, she threw the phone down. It never seemed to work for her. The phone rang again. Nellie bent over from her chair, trying to grab the phone from the floor, the desperation of wanting the call and for someone to talk to growing in her like she was underwater needing a breath. With each ring, the worry of not catching the call increased. She felt like she would suffocate without it. Finally, she grasped the phone and, surprisingly, pushed the right button this time to take the call. Hello? she meekly answered.

Mom? How are you? This is Darin. Joy came across Nellie's face at the sound of her youngest son.

I'm fine. How are you? she responded.

I'm good. Just driving home from the office and thought I would see how you are doing, Darin added.

Nellie wasted no time in offering up her next comment, You need to come down and get me out of here. It is terrible. The people they have working here are mean. They treat me like I am insane and a danger to everyone. They keep us all locked up. I have no one. All the other residents are wackos.

Darin paused, knowing they had this conversation every time they talked. Mom, you know you are not up to living on your own. Sycamore Acres is a nice facility. Remember, you were excited to move in there at one time.

Sadness formed on the other end of the phone at Darin's statement. That was before I knew what this place was like. What the workers were like… Nellie's voice trailed off in surrender.

Darin knew he needed to change the subject. The kids are all doing good. Don't see them much now that they are all out of the house, but all are doing good.

The mention of her grandkids stirred a spot in Nellie's heart. You all need to come down and visit. It's been a long time, she said longingly.

Darin hated his answer, but it was the truth. We will, Mom. It's just tough with the girls each with new jobs, Jake at college. My work has been crazy too. But we will come down. Hey, I am almost home. I will call you again later, okay? I love you.

Nellie said, I love you too as the phone hung up. Nellie sat there, looking at the floor like it was a vacuum sucking up all her joy. She wanted so much more.

Nellie went to bed without a bit of drowsiness. Instead she felt like she had a pot of coffee and was being forced to lay down. She clenched her eyes in the darkness, asking herself what had happened to her life. She missed her grandkids, her boys, her home. Her mind raced from one thing to the next of all she missed. Teaching—oh, how she loved those kids—her singing, reading to the grandkids, taking them places, going out to eat, driving, her boys, and especially her husband. She just could not grasp all that was lost. It was overwhelming in her mind. It just made her angry—deeply, deeply angry.

The next morning, Brad stopped by unannounced as Nellie was having lunch. Hi, Mom. Darin said he called last night, her oldest son said as he sat down with his surprised mom.

Yes, but he didn't talk for very long, she said with an ungrateful tone.

Well, were you negative again? You never seem happy anymore. It makes it hard to talk with you, Brad responded with the truth, yet in his heart, that was not what his mom wanted to hear.

No, I was not ‘negative.' Nellie stared at her son with a little contempt, but withholding what she could unleash for others. He never talks long, he always calls on his way home from work, and ends when he gets home. I never get to talk with the kids either.

Brad, his face showing the frustration at having this same conversation again, said, Mom, you know he is busy. Just appreciate the fact he called. And the grandkids, you know they are all grown adults, right? It is just not easy for them to call often. They are busy with school and work. They come down when they can. Nellie glared at her son. He always seemed to hurt her, all her joy stolen. He always thought he was right. He didn't care what she felt. Still, she said nothing, keeping the thoughts to herself. Brad, noticing the hurt in his mom's face, changed the subject, Hey, Maddie said she would bring Rosie by soon. Would you like to see one of your great-granddaughters?

Nellie's eyebrows raised. Well, of course. That is a silly question. I never get to see her.

Brad smiled. Mom, she is only one, so surely you remember how busy you were with a one-year-old? Maddie gets by as often as she can. I know you would like all of us to be by more. We try. A long pause ensued as the topic was a tough one for both of them. I need to get back to work, Mom. Let me know if you need anything.

Nellie looked at him, not wanting him to leave but knowing he would. Oh, I need some more Youth Dew perfume, can you get me some?

Brad looked at his mom in disbelief but with a hint of a smile forming. I just got you some last month. Are you bathing in it? He smirked. His mom wore way more perfume than she should. I will get you more Youth Dew. I love you.

Chapter 2

Audrey pulled into the wide single driveway with grass growing up through the many cracks that gave evidence to neglect. The white home adjacent attested to the same issue as it definitely needed a fresh coat of paint, or maybe it just needed a hard rain to wash away the dirt. Audrey parked and sat with her eyes closed, feeling pressure from everywhere, not ready to go inside. The day had been so long and stressful. As she sat in her self-imposed isolation, her mind replayed life as it had been. Silas, her husband, pulling into a freshly edged driveway, showcasing a manicured yard, flowers outlining their beautiful little home. Audrey could see herself so vividly as she would peer out the kitchen window as she was preparing their dinner, so excited to see her husband arrive each day from work. Her memory included her sweet little innocent girl, Simone, sitting at the table, doing her schoolwork. She had looked forward to seeing her daddy come home each day so much. It was a favorite memory for sure. Her daughter did not have a care in the world. The picture in her mind of a life so beautiful, it was so real. She could smell her cooking, feel the warmth of love, the brightness of a perfect life, yet her stomach turned in anxiety, reminding Audrey of her new reality. She reluctantly opened her eyes only to close them in denial once again. Oh, how she longed for the days gone by. She ached deep within her soul. It had been three years now since her fairy-tale world had been shattered. Not a day went by that her mind did not relive the moment when Silas had announced he had cheated on their marriage. That solitary event setting in motion so many things,