Authenblissity Reset: self-reflection exercises to reconnect with your joyful inner compass

By Lesley Wong

Authenblissity Reset invites you to embark on a deeply personal journey of awareness, curiosity, and compassion. In this book, you'll find an expansive collection of self-reflection exercises, interwoven with stories and examples, to help you reconnect with your joyful inner compass.

 

Each chapter is a doorway into one of 12 areas of life: food, money, media, creativity, movement, home, relationships, sleep, play, work, community, and spirituality. You'll practice moving past external noise and beyond your inner critic in each of these areas. 

 

This book is designed to be a lifelong companion, providing you with tools to tune in to the wisdom that is already within you. As you discover what it means to be true to yourself, you'll gain confidence in your decisions, even when navigating complex and nuanced situations. You'll come to fully embrace your beautiful and ever-changing authenticity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lesley Wong
• Release date: Sep 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9781738962068

Lesley Wong

Hi, I’m Lesley. I use she/her pronouns. It’s nice to meet you. If I were to choose a job title for myself right now, it would be creative explorer. I spend large parts of my day asking questions and following my curiosity. This means I experiment and change my mind a lot.  Before I started listening to my inner compass, I got two business degrees and spent 18 years working in the insurance industry. These years shaped who I am today. They also helped me realize that my true passion in this lifetime is trying new things and sharing my experiences. I’m an indie author who dreams of releasing many more creative projects. If you enjoyed this book or found it helpful, please leave a review as it will help my work reach more people.  I have a few ideas for free bonuses related to Authenblissity Reset, including printable worksheets, video companions, and new exercises. If you’d like to be the first to know about these, you can sign up for my mailing list at www.authenblissity.com/subscribe. For more information about what I’m working on, please visit www.authenblissity.com. I would love to connect with you there.

Book preview

Authenblissity

(noun):

the joy you feel

when you’re being

true to yourself;

derived from the

words authenticity

and bliss

Introduction

When I turned 18, my birth mother sent me a book by Tony Robbins. In the accompanying letter, she wrote, I found his ideas are helpful in dealing with life. I hope you will enjoy this book too. I glanced at the smiling man on the cover and set the book aside unopened. Then I rummaged through the rest of the package, excited to see what clothing my mom had picked out for me. I had no interest in motivational speakers, no desire to awaken my giant within, no enthusiasm for any of the ideas that had helped my mom. Her life was completely different from mine. She had a husband, a toddler, and an office job in San Diego. I thought she was so old, so serious.

When I looked back decades later, I realized my mom was 41 years old when she gave me that gift. And she only had two more years to live.

~

A month after my 40th birthday, I quit my full-time job with nothing lined up.

It was the summer of 2018, and only two weeks of work separated me from the wide expanse of an unknown future. My friend and I were on a week-long retreat that we had booked a few months before I made my life-changing decision. I was feeling a strange brew of hope, uncertainty, and fear. This quiet time away from the city was exactly what I needed to soothe my anxious thoughts about what to do next. We spent our days taking meandering walks, reading on the edge of the lake, and chatting on the dock.

One of our final group activities involved making a wish and writing it down on a long strip of cloth with a water-soluble marker. Then we tied our wishes to the branches of the conifer tree that stood majestically over the labyrinth. We left the colourful ribbons to flutter in the wind. The rain would eventually wash away the ink, clearing the fabric to receive future wishes. I still remember the golden rays of sunlight streaming in through the windows as I pressed down, black marker to pink cloth.

May I learn to love myself fully so I can in turn love others.

I’ll admit, part of me wanted to roll my eyes when I looked back on my wish a few years later. My inner critic was judgmental. What a cliché! Could you have been any cheesier? But on that late summer day, as I sat in that quiet room after a week of relaxed contemplation, I felt that wish bubble up from the deepest recesses of my body.

After nearly 20 years of working in a career that didn’t fulfill me, following the money, and ignoring my inner compass, I had reached my rock bottom. The more I suppressed my desire to leave my career behind, the more it became all I could think about. It was a struggle to wake up, trudge off to work, and spend hours at my desk, all the while wishing I were somewhere else.

As I diverged from my inner compass, seeds of shame and self-loathing started to sprout, displacing my hope and optimism. My growing anger and resentment manifested as physical symptoms — dizzy spells, shooting pains up my arms, pressure in my chest. I made appointments with acupuncturists, naturopaths, and doctors, certain that something was terribly wrong with me, but the only plausible explanation was stress.

So I tried to distract myself with fun hobbies and side projects. I tried venting to anyone who would listen. I tried practices rooted in gratitude, affirmations, yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. I felt like a failure when nothing worked. I noticed myself becoming more ego-driven and paranoid, oscillating between pleasure and numbing, and making poor choices that put me and my relationships at risk. I didn’t know what direction my life would take if I were to quit my job, but I knew I couldn’t stay where I was.

I wish I could say I was magically healed after deciding to step away from my career, but change is rarely straightforward or linear. The path was obscured by long stretches of uncertainty, stumbling, and backtracking. I was a long way from loving myself, but through carefully considered wishes and many nights of inner work, tiny shifts started to take shape. In the weeks, months, and years following that moment under the conifer tree, I tried to reconnect with my inner compass by asking many iterations of three simple questions: What makes me happy? How do I want to spend my time? Who do I want to be as a person?

The deeper I dove into self-reflection, the more I realized I had been responding to these questions at a surface-level, without considering what I truly wanted. Shopping is so much fun. I love my new handbag! My calendar is full of productive activities. I don’t want to waste a minute. I want to be someone who is successful and makes lots of money.

Meanwhile, a tiny voice was challenging my patterns and assertions. What if you’re using shiny new things to quiet your discomfort? Are you keeping busy because you’re afraid to be bored? Is your salary worth your mental health and personal dreams?

When I quit my full-time job, I no longer had a clear line of sight into my future, but even more troubling was that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. My genuine desires were clouded by what I thought I should want, and by what I thought people expected of me. I turned to self-help books to figure things out, and I noticed some general patterns in the advice.

I should follow my passion. What if I don’t know what my passion is?

I should prioritize the most important things in my life. But everything is important to me.

I should be authentically me. What does that even mean?

The authors made it sound simple, but they were writing to readers who already had some foundation of knowing themselves. I tried to pinpoint my passions, priorities, and authenticity, but there was a lot of noise. It was hard to tune in, even with a mountain of self-help books at my side.

So instead, I started paying extra attention to basic, everyday situations — like choosing what to eat for dinner or what to watch on TV. The more I practiced with these little things, the more clarity and confidence I had about my bigger desires, hopes, and dreams.

In my search for my authentic self, the idea for this book was born. Many of the self-help books I read were right — I had to be true to myself to find lasting joy. But first, I had to learn which part of myself to be true to. I wanted someone to hold my hand and show me where to begin, but I couldn’t find a book at such a foundational level. I decided I would try to write that book, carefully crafting the self-reflection exercises and encouraging myself to test them out. Each exercise brought a sliver of clarity, as I slowly pieced together the puzzle of me.

~

Humans are multi-dimensional creatures, capable of having competing desires, rationalizing our behaviour, and changing our minds. In addition to our inner dialogue, we’re inundated with external pressures, expectations, and advice — from family, friends, colleagues, TV, social media, and more. Many of us have become disconnected from our inner compass, the hopeful part within that’s ready to guide us to true contentment.

This book provides a framework to guide you through confusion, self-doubt, and external noise. Rooted in awareness, curiosity, and compassion, the self-reflection exercises in this book are designed to help you reconnect with your joyful inner compass, even as you inevitably change over time.

The journey through this book will be different for everyone. Some exercises will be light and fun; others will be challenging or tedious. The outputs from the exercises will become inputs that influence you. As you move through the chapters, you may feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. It won’t be easy, but the more you work through the exercises in each chapter, the more you’ll learn about yourself, as you slowly piece together the puzzle of you.  

I wrote this book so I could use it as a doorway back to myself, and I hope it can be a doorway for you too. If you like, you can take my hand, and we can take the first gentle steps together.

~

Note: While the premise of this book is that self-reflection can help us through a lot of stuff, it does not replace professional help. My therapy sessions in recent years have been both healing and enlightening. If you find that introspection is taking you to places you can’t or don’t want to process alone, please seek professional help.

How to use this book

Principles

There are many nuanced ways to be true to yourself.

In the context of this book, authenticity means to be in alignment with your inner compass, and bliss means to be joyful or at peace. But these concepts don’t exist in a vacuum. Our words and actions have a ripple effect on the people around us. In turn, their words and actions affect us. There are many ways to navigate this dynamic — when to let the pendulum swing toward your inner people-pleaser versus your inner rebel. Each situation you encounter is a chance to experiment with the many nuanced ways to be true to yourself.

This book offers a framework to re-centre yourself.

It’s often helpful to ask for feedback or read publications containing interesting research, but sometimes we receive confusing or mixed messages. This book purposely does not contain facts or figures to convince anyone of anything. Instead, it provides tools and gentle guidance — to help you live a life that is in alignment with who you are and who you truly want to be. As unique individuals who are continuously shaped by our experiences, we’ll each interpret and use this book in a different way.  

It takes intentionality and time to reconnect with your inner compass.

Learning to listen to and trust your authentic self has the potential to change your life in meaningful ways, but it will take intentionality and time. It’s tempting to skim this book and set it aside. It’s more difficult to slow down, complete the exercises, and really consider the concepts in this book. The benefits you receive will mirror the effort you put in.

This book will be here when you need it.

Even though this journey takes time, there’s no urgency. I wrote this book so I could come back to it again and again. If I wander away from myself, in any aspect of life, this book can help me gently reset and return to my inner compass. I designed this book to be an ongoing practice, an iterative process, a lifelong companion. This book will be here when you’re ready.

Tools

Self-observation

Sometimes it can be hard to witness yourself simply being who you are. It takes practice to do this without judgment, rationalization, or shame. This book invites the use of journaling to help with self-observation. Journaling is particularly useful if you are new to inner work or enjoy keeping a record of your journey. The process of documentation can offer a clearer and more objective lens to observe your thoughts and emotions.

Repetition

The use of repetition is a key feature in this book. Each time you read the sentences that are repeated throughout the 12 chapters, you may notice something new or gain a fresh insight. The repeating exercises are also synergetic when applied to different areas of your life. As you practice checking in with yourself, you’ll develop a form of muscle memory you can lean on when things get noisy or confusing.

Curiosity

Each chapter opens with a personal story that is offered for your own self-reflection. You may or may not relate to the stories and examples in this book — both are perfectly valid responses. It’s natural for humans to have a range of thoughts, emotions, and opinions. Every time you react to something in this book, reflect on what you can learn about yourself and how you see the world. Try to use curiosity as a tool, and gently ask yourself expansive questions that begin with what if, why, or how.

Perspective

When it feels like too much to keep looking inward, take a pause and turn to the sky. This can be an effective way to gain a different perspective. Many of us enjoy sunrises and sunsets, but the sky is also spectacular in all its in-between moments. The sky cycles through times of brightness and darkness without attachment or judgment. It’s beautiful and ever-changing, just like you and me.

Structure

There are 12 chapters in this book, each providing an expansive journey into a specific topic.

Food

Money

Media

Creativity

Movement

Home

Relationships

Sleep

Play

Work

Community

Spirituality

Each chapter contains five sections:

We’ll arrive at the topic and settle in. I’ll share an opening story, and we’ll warm up with three self-reflection exercises: reaction, word cloud, and pendulum.

We’ll observe ourselves for a week by completing the journal exercise. At the end of the week, we’ll move through the patterns exercise to see what we learned about ourselves.

We’ll explore the topic by completing two or three exercises out of the ten offered in this section. We’ll let our curiosity guide us when choosing the exercises.

We’ll connect with our inner compass by completing five exercises: memories, disentangling, perceptions, perspective, and interconnections.

We’ll reflect on what we learned about ourselves by completing three exercises: pendulum redux, looking up, and treasures.

This book contains a lot of exercises, and you may feel pressure to do them all. If so, pause and think about why you feel the need to do more. Then see if you can find a way to do less.

Approach

You are invited to use this book in a way that works for you. Here are three ideas depending on how much time and desire you have:

1.  If you want to dip your toe in:

Pick a chapter that piques your interest and dabble in the arrive, observe, or explore sections.

If you choose arrive, read the opening story and complete the exercises that follow.

If you choose observe, complete the self-observation practice for as many days as you like.

If you choose explore, complete one or more of the exercises depending on how much time you have and how much you want to do.

2. If you want to try a chapter:

Select a chapter as your starting point and go as deep as you like. Here are some questions to help you choose:

Which topic is calling for your attention right now?

Where do you want to reset in terms of returning to your inner compass?

Which topic do you want to learn more about?

3. If you want to fully dive in:

Start from the beginning and move through all the chapters. Each chapter was designed to take around a month to complete with short breaks at regular intervals, but you can go as fast or as slow as you like. Pauses can help with self-reflection. When you have some time between exercises, take a moment to notice the thoughts and emotions that come up around each topic. If you like, you can skip chapters or complete them in a different order.

It’s important to recognize that we all have different rhythms in life and learning. You have full permission to ignore the approach and timing offered in each section of this book. While I provide some general guidance, you are welcome to listen to your inner compass to make the exercises your own.

~

The best way to use this book is the way that works for you. If you’re ready, let’s begin. Let’s each find our own unique path, together.

Chapter 1 • Food

— how food nourishes you —

---

Food • Section 1 • Arrive

Intention: Arrive at the topic of food.

Approach: Read the opening story and complete the three exercises that follow (reaction, word cloud, and pendulum). If you want to skip the opening story, you can start at the word cloud exercise.

Timing: You are welcome to go at your own pace. If you enjoy planning ahead, a suggestion for this section is to set aside 30–60 minutes over the course of 1–2 days.

---

A young child is sitting quietly, her eyes following her parents as they move around the kitchen in harmony. She feels the heat from the stove, even though she’s positioned herself well out of the way. She listens for her name in the lighthearted banter among her older siblings as they set the dining room table. She breathes in the cozy scent and gets up right away when her grandmother calls out, It’s time to eat!

These memories feel familiar even though they’re not my own. When I hear people reminisce about their families in warm and lively kitchens, I can almost taste the food seasoned with love and care. At the same time, I also feel a sense of longing. What would it have been like to grow up with a warm and lively kitchen at the centre of my childhood home?

The kitchens from my early years were cool and silent. Back then, it was just my dad and me, and our most used kitchen appliances were the coffee maker and rice cooker. We rounded out our meals with takeout from Chinese BBQ restaurants and a rotating supply of convenience foods. I always had access to food that came in crinkly and colourful packaging — food that some of my friends weren’t allowed to eat. You’re so lucky, they’d tell me.

For a short time in my childhood, my dad bought me two chocolate bars every day on his way home from work. I was usually sitting in front of the TV when he arrived, the blue light of Jeopardy illuminating my tiny face. He would hand me a brown paper bag from the corner store, and I’d eagerly open the bag to see what he chose for me. The candy bars represented more than a jolt of sugar. They were a sign that my dad was thinking of me, and they were a reliable source of wonder and play.

I had specific recipes for how to enjoy each sweet treat.

Mars Bar

Drape a bedsheet over the clothes rod in the closet to make a secret clubhouse.

Sit on the floor of the clubhouse.

Cut the chocolate, caramel, and nougat bar into bite-sized pieces.

Share with friends, real or imagined.

Kit Kat

Break off one of the four long rectangular pieces.

Take a bite of the milk chocolate covered crispy wafer.

Let the sweet morsel melt slowly in the mouth.

Notice how the taste and texture change as the morsel dissolves into nothing.

Smarties

Find a place to pour out the contents of the box.

Listen to the sound of the candies as they tumble out.

Sort each colour into its own little pile.

Select a piece to eat, from one pile at a time, in whatever order makes sense in the moment.

Food was a source of fun, but I never gave it much thought until I moved away from home. By then, my grandparents had emigrated from Hong Kong to live with us, my dad had remarried, and my stepmom was nourishing our entire family with delicious homemade meals. As my new sisters took their first shaky steps as toddlers, I got a taste of what it might have been like to grow up in a home with a warm and lively kitchen. I was glad to have this glimpse, even though I spent most of my angsty teenage years in my bedroom with the door closed.

In the days before my big move, my stepmom gave me a few impromptu cooking lessons. It’s easy. I only learned when I came to Canada, she reassured me. But when I tried to make the dishes myself, they never tasted as good. Instead, my own home-cooked meals usually involved adding ground beef to Hamburger Helper, coating chicken drumsticks with Shake ’n Bake, or mixing cubes of ham into Kraft Dinner. At age 18, improving my cooking skills was low on my list of priorities. It wasn’t until five years later, after I graduated from business school and started my first full-time job, that cooking arrived at the forefront of my curiosity.

I found some recipes and tried baking — banana bread, cinnamon buns, bagels. I can’t believe I made this from scratch.

I went to a pick-your-own fruit farm. Why don’t the strawberries from the grocery store taste like this?

I took a multi-week course on how to make dim sum. It takes so much time and effort to make these dishes!

Then I went down the rabbit hole of food blogs. I noticed that the convenience foods from my childhood were curiously absent. All the bloggers I admired advocated buying whole foods and cooking everything from scratch. Each post contained a cherished family recipe, alongside a heartwarming personal story and beautiful photographs. I started to feel like there was something wrong with my eating habits, what I naturally liked to eat, and where I found nourishment and comfort. I fell into a should spiral.

These shoulds catalyzed an internal push and pull that persisted for the next decade. The part of me that was ashamed of the food I was eating wanted to learn everything about the elusive world of delicious home-cooked meals. With each paycheque, I splurged on things I thought were essential for a properly equipped kitchen: a cast iron skillet, a digital scale, a Microplane, an immersion blender, thick cookbooks like Larousse Gastronomique, a Le Creuset dutch oven, a food dehydrator, a sous vide cooker. The other part of me wanted to hold on to the nostalgia of the food with the crinkly and colourful packaging. I pushed back defiantly on perfect, healthy eating. What’s wrong with having instant noodles every once in a while?

The pendulum swung wildly between these parts of me. I puffed out my chest with pride when I made elaborate meals from scratch; I sank into shame when I was too tired to cook and turned to convenience foods. The more strictly I tried to eat healthy, the more erratically the pendulum swung. As I grappled with this push and pull, I continued with my experiments.

I tried to stop buying snacks with crinkly and colourful packaging. I can’t stock chips and cookies at home. I’ll think about them until they’re gone.

I did a 3-day juice cleanse. My teeth feel strange. I hope I didn’t damage my enamel.

I started eating in silence, with no multi-tasking. That’s interesting... I’m noticing so much more about my food.

I completed my first 30-day eat-at-home challenge. I saved