Crazy in Love

By Stacey Haynes

Sydney Kramer is not crazy!  Or is she?  She's been in a mental institution for eight months.  They said she killed her boyfriend and his friends in a fit of rage, but she doesn't remember.  Her dreams are confusing…or are they memories struggling to come through?  Her psychiatrist tells her she's trying to blame others instead of accepting the truth.

When her doctor goes on vacation and is replaced with a younger, handsome psychiatrist, Gavin Russell, she has hope that he might be the one to help her.  He's definitely changing her heart.  As they race to figure out what really happened that terrible night before her regular doctor returns, she realizes one thing.  She is crazy…crazy in love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stacey Haynes
• Release date: Mar 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9798223245827

Book preview

Prologue

Walking in darkness was a dangerous thing. Not remembering how she got there was more dangerous. She could hear her heartbeat echoing in her ears and feel moisture dripping off her brow. As she wiped her face, it felt sticky. Where was she? A hollow, reverberating sound pierced through the darkness. The sound snapped three times in the darkness.

She turned her head, switching from side to side, to hear where the sound was. She wasn’t alone. She could hear someone breathing. The breath was ragged and slowly it sounded like it was struggling for air then it stopped. Another sound filled the darkness, this time it sounded of a door slamming. Why couldn’t she see? The darkness was frightening. Then, a cry from far away filled her ears. The cry was that of an infant.

Damon, she cried out. Her voice sounded weird, almost unidentifiable to her ears. Where are you? Mommy is coming.

With all her might she pushed herself forward. Her hand brushed across something hard, like a table. From a far distance in the darkness, a light started to appear. She focused on that light until it became brighter. Was she dead? Was this the light leading to heaven? If so, she didn’t want to go to the light. She had a baby, Damon, who needed her. She needed to protect him.

The light grew larger like it was opening to a scene. As she focused on that scene, familiar items came into view. She saw her flat-screen television lying on the floor, broken. The hard surface she had touched was the coffee table, broken. She was on the floor next to it.

She moved her hand to try to push herself to sit up. Pain shot through her body, but mostly her head. It throbbed like lightning bolts jamming through her skull. She sucked in panicked breaths. Her hand touched something smooth next to her. Her eyes were coming into focus now. It was a gun. Pulling her hand away as if it were a poisonous snake, she let out a scream, only to make her head pound to the beat of her heart. Her hand went to her head and felt a warm sticky substance. As she looked at her hand, it was red, blood red.

No, no, no. She sobbed.

Both hands fell to the ground, and she scooted herself on the floor, crying out in pain with every inch she moved. Her eyesight would fade in and out causing her to stop moving until she could see again. As she moved her hand forward to start crawling again, she bumped into something. Her hands touched a body lying next to her. The blue t-shirt had blood in the chest area. She moved in closer to see who it was. Her heart dropped as she viewed the lifeless body of her boyfriend, Connor.

Connor! Wake up. She shook him as hard as she could. There was no movement. Tears were clouding her vision again. She wiped her eyes frantically and looked around the room. On the couch was another body with blood dripping from his head and then another body in-between Connor and the guy on the couch. All three men were dead. No, she screamed.

Once again, she heard an infant crying from the other room. She pulled herself up to the standing position and teetered a bit, then walked as quickly as her body would allow her to the back bedroom where Damon was. Pain pierced her ribs, making it difficult to breathe. Her vision would fade in and out, but she couldn’t stop. Damon was crying louder now. The room was close by.

Shhh, she said in between tears. Mommy is here, all is okay.

She fumbled with the doorknob and pushed her way into the room falling on the floor again. Blood was still dripping from her head at a quicker pace. She pulled herself up and lifted the car seat from off the floor.

We need to go for help, Damon, she said as she strapped the buckles in place. Mommy will protect you.

She dragged the heavy car seat out of the bedroom and toward the front door. She pulled her purse off the hook on the wall before trudging her and Damon out to the car. She opened the door and quickly snapped the car seat into place. She looked up at the sky and said a silent prayer. The sky was dark, and the snowflakes were falling faster.

Don’t cry, honey, she whispered as she closed the car door. The police will know what to do.

Her body shook something terrible, but she had to be strong. She slipped into the driver’s seat and buckled up. The January snowstorm that happened earlier in the day had left the roads very slippery, so she took the descent down the steep hill that led to town very slowly.

Bright lights twinkled as the town approached. Pressing on the gas pedal, she hurried through the snow-filled streets. The light at the bottom of the hill was green.  

She could still hear Damon crying. It was a distress type of cry. She knew he was scared, as much as she was. With her hand, she brushed the blood out of her eyes. Her vision blurred a little more. Just a little further, past the stoplight was a gas station. She could stop there for help.

The light turned red as she approached the intersection. Her foot hit the brake and the car slid from side to side. Black ice covered the road. The car was not stopping anytime soon. The vehicle drifted into the intersection sideways. Just then, headlights from a big truck came heading right toward the passenger side of the car, in-between the front and back doors.

There was no way she could maneuver the car as it was still slipping on the road. Her body jerked forward as the truck rammed into the side of her car. She screamed, or at least she thought she did. Her body flopped around in the car as it tumbled completely over. Her head hit the steering wheel and the seatbelt tightened around her body. The airbag deployed as the broken glass and debris filled the inside of the car.

When the car stopped rolling, darkness filled her mind again. She struggled to breathe. The stinky smell of rubber burning brought her in and out of consciousness. Sirens sounded all around her. She opened her eyes and could see flashing red and white lights. Her eyes felt heavy again and she closed them.

Metal crunching startled her awake. Voices sounded muffled in her ears.

Stay with us, a man said. We almost got you out. Stay with us.

M-my baby, she tried to say. Her voice sounded very slurred.

Look for the baby! the man yelled. What’s your name? Stay with me.

Syd- her eyes closed again.

Wake up, the man yelled at her. She felt her body being moved. Every part of her body was in pain, and she cried out again. Where is the baby... someone tell me they found the baby!

Her eyelids fluttered a bit. The shouts around her slowly became unrecognizable.

The baby is gone, was the last thing she heard.

Chapter 1

The sound of a ticking clock echoed in the silence. Sydney Kramer rubbed her cold hands in her lap and then dug at the corners of her fingers. She tried not to breathe for fear of disturbing the silence. Dr. Carter sat quietly at his desk reviewing the notes he had just finished writing. One page was turned, and then another. The squeaking of his chair, as he leaned back, broke the silence. With his eyes still focused on the papers in front of him, he carefully started picking at his eyebrows. Sydney remembered hearing once that picking at your eyebrows was a sign of severe anxiety or mental illness. That would be hilarious if it were true, considering that was why she was here, sitting in front of her psychiatrist and telling him about her anxieties and he was the one clearly showing the actual signs.

Are you still having those dreams? Dr. Carter spoke in a low voice.

Not every night, she admitted honestly. They only are surfacing about maybe once a week now. That is a big improvement, right?

He nodded. Silence filled the room again. The ticking clock was making her insides twitch like the crocodile in the Peter Pan cartoon. It was getting close to lunchtime and if her stomach growled it would have echoed throughout the room. Sydney wondered if this was a test, to see how long she could sit in silence waiting for an answer. If he didn’t hurry, her fingers’ cuticles would probably start bleeding.

I’ve heard of some outbursts, he said, clearing his throat, coming from you with some of the others here.

They pushed me to it, she told him. They have issues, I don’t. They wouldn’t leave me alone.

But in the real world, there are people out there who will push your buttons. Are you going to lash out at them? Dr. Carter asked seriously.

No. It’s just different here than out there.

How long have you been here, Sydney?  He still didn’t look up from his papers.

Seven, no, I think eight months. I think I’m ready. Sydney nodded and sat on the edge of the seat. I think I can move on now.

Your parents checked you into here, he said. I would need to discuss this with them. If they still fear that you will harm yourself or others, then we will need to try something else.

But you said that last month and they still haven’t come by to visit. I’ve been here eight months with no word from them! Her voice rose a little from anger.

Well, there is still the issue with the court, too. Once your parents agree and the court agrees, you can be released, but then you will have to stand trial.

Sydney felt as though hands were being tightened around her throat and a big elephant was sitting on her chest. Panic was starting to set in. She didn’t get along very well with her mom and stepdad, or at least that is the way she viewed it over the years. She had bad choices of friends and boyfriends and she figured they signed her death sentence by putting her here so they wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore. Or were they saving her from being in prison?

She sucked in a deep breath then exited it slowly through her nose to calm the onset of the panic attack. She watched as Dr. Carter wrote another note on the paper then checked his watch. Closing the file, he stood, and his chair squeaked again.

It’s almost therapy circle time. He approached her. I don’t think you are ready to leave yet.

Dr. Carter, she pleaded as she stood. Can I at least have an outing? A trip to a department store? I need to see real people.

I’ll think about it. He opened the door for her. I’ll see you in the therapy circle.

Joseph, an orderly, was there to escort her back to her room. She stepped out into the lonely, white-walled hallway of Stillings’ Mental Institution and the door to Dr. Carter’s office closed. She let out a deep sigh.

Not going? Joseph asked. Joseph had been a good friend to her since she showed up here eight months ago. He knew of her desire to leave and always encouraged her to try harder.

I even told him that I don’t have those dreams anymore, she replied in a very monotone voice as they walked down the hallway. I don’t think he ever wants me to leave.

Syd, what you went through was a very traumatic experience. Not many people can get through what you are feeling, Joseph explained. Hang in there, it will get better, I’m sure of it.

I wish I could just go out. I think this place is getting to me. She studied the floor as they walked. Her pink fuzzy slippers stood out against the tan coloring.

Yes, it gets to me, too, he agreed.

As they stopped at her room Joseph gave her a nudge. It will work out, don’t give up. They can’t leave you in here forever.

Well, Dr. Carter is sure going to try. She smiled a fake smile at him.

Therapy in forty-five minutes. He opened the door for her.

Thanks, Joseph. Sydney entered her room and the door closed behind her, leaving her alone in her cell. She might as well be in prison.

She had a window that overlooked the garden in the back. Green grass and a few gazebos offered a pleasant outdoor walk for many, for relaxation therapy. But trips like that were earned. She had received many of them upon good behavior, but now and then, the other patients would get on her nerves, and she’d yell at them or throw something at them, and that privilege was taken from her.

The medication that Dr. Carter had given her for the past seven months was always making her more irritable. So, without letting anyone know, she pretended like she was taking it and then she’d spit them out when the nurse’s back was turned. Without the medication, she felt more like herself, like how she was nine months ago, before the accident.

Going to talk with Dr. Carter always stressed her out. Sydney believed that he was a big part of why she was still here. She flopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. If there was a way to escape this place, she’d sure give it a try. While lying on the bed, she practiced her relaxation techniques to gain composure over her body. She closed her eyes to find a happy place in her life to think about.

She had a happy place. It was there some time ago. She recalled the moment he was placed in her arms, a tiny, helpless human being with only her to care for him. Yes, there was Connor to help, but he wasn’t her happy place. He wasn’t even the father. Holding Damon was where she found peace and happiness. She recalled the cooing he made as they snuggled together. Damon was her life, her baby boy.

A knock on the door snapped her out of her thoughts. Being in that happy place made time move quickly. Sydney wiped a tear away from her eye. Even though it was a happy place, it was also a sad place, too. She got off the bed and opened the door to find Joseph standing there again.

Ready? he asked.

I suppose so, Sydney replied. These therapy sessions are so boring.

Maybe you can just listen today.

Maybe.

Sydney sat in her usual seat in the circle and others also took their normal spots. Creatures of habit they all were. Dr. Carter, who was the leader of the therapy session, and doctor to all of them, sat somewhere at the top of the circle. Sydney looked over the group. A few people rocked back and forth in their seats while others kept their stares down to the floor. She didn’t belong here. She just didn’t.

As Dr. Carter began his boring speech about being healthy in the mind and how the only way to accomplish this was to share your feelings and not bottle anything up, Sydney recalled her first sessions where she didn’t say a thing and then the next session her anger toward her parents was unleashed. Now, she didn’t have that anger toward her parents anymore, she was just confused as to why they abandoned her. They admitted her here, yet they didn’t come and see her. It was as if they didn’t want her living with them or to be around them because they were ashamed of her actions. Sydney just wanted a chance to prove that she had changed and that she was better. She wanted desperately to have a second chance.

A few people shared their feelings. Sydney took Joseph’s advice and kept quiet. She felt if she spoke, it would have been targeted toward Dr. Carter for not letting her leave. Dr. Carter had them all practice another relaxation method and then their session was completed. The group waited for their escorts to the dining room. She could smell the food being prepared in the kitchen. The food at Stillings’ Mental Institution wasn’t the best, but at least it was food. She missed a good home-cooked meal.

I kept quiet, Sydney told Joseph as they walked to the dining room. Dr. Carter doesn’t need to know about my thoughts of trying to escape this place. If I do get out, I’m taking you with me!

He laughed. She knew there was no escape, and she knew Joseph knew she was just kidding. That was the good thing about Joseph, he never took the words that came out of her mouth as crazy or insane. If she ever got out, she would miss him the most.

I heard a rumor, Joseph whispered to her. I heard that he’s going out of town for a while. He’s going on vacation. Another doctor will be coming to replace him while he’s gone. Maybe you can convince this doctor to release you.

Rumors, Sydney scoffed. I could never be that lucky.

As she stood in the lunch line, she glanced around at the crowd. There were some new faces. They were the ones with the complete lost look in their eyes. The other group of people mainly had relaxed looks on their faces, mostly due to medication. Rectangular tables, resembling an elementary school cafeteria, filled the dining hall.

There was a table over in the back corner where the staff ate. Dr. Carter was there. Another therapist, Dr. Mitchell sat by him. Dr. Kooney was another one of the doctors that joined the team about three months ago. Sydney hoped that they would have assigned him to be her therapist, but for some reason, Dr. Carter was not going to let her leave his care. Then there was another man sitting with the group. This doctor was new. He was a good ten years younger than the other three at the table. He had a pleasant face. Was he just visiting or was he new?

Sydney grabbed her plate and sat next to Gloria. Gloria arrived at Stillings’ shortly before she did. She was one of the few people Sydney felt comfortable talking to. She considered her and Joseph the only friends she had in this miserable place.

Did you see the new doctor? Gloria asked her with excitement in her voice. Gloria noticed everything.

I saw him. Sydney poked at her sandwich to see if it was going to move on its own.

He’s going to replace Dr. Carter when he goes on vacation, Gloria said sharing the gossip.

Wow, everyone knows Dr. Carter is leaving on vacation but me, and he’s my doctor. She shook her head in disbelief.

He’s cute, Gloria added with a smile.

Sydney looked again at this man. He had dark brown hair that was slicked back on the sides with longer strands loosely on top. He had a smooth looking face, smooth because the other doctors all had bushy beards and unkempt hair. The only thing separating them from the patients was their white jackets. This new doctor wore a light blue