Grace, Grit & Lipstick: Wit & Wisdom for the Modern Female Farmer & her Farm-Curious Friends

By Shelby Watson-Hampton

If you can pee behind a barn with two underlayers on and a pair of bib overalls on top without a drop on your boots, you might be a farm woman.

If you've fallen in love with an orphaned or sickly animal and heard yourself say, "it can just stay in the bathroom..." you might be a farm woman.

If you feel perpetually split in half by th

• Language: English
• Publisher: Midwinter Press
• Release date: Nov 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218279486

Shelby Watson-Hampton

Shelby Watson-Hampton is a farm girl, columnist for the Lancaster Farming Newspaper and American Agriculturist, and active member of the agricultural community. Shelby is a graduate of the College of Agricultural & Natural Resources at the University of Maryland and a LEAD Maryland Fellow. She also served on the National Young Farmers & Ranchers Committee of the American Farm Bureau Federation from March 2019 - March 2021. Additionally, she is among eight prominent voices in the U.S. food and agriculture sectors in March 2022 to join Solutions from the Land, an agricultural non-profit that proactively engages United Nations agencies and conventions on Climate Smart Agriculture, and that works towards providing farmer input on achieving the UN's global sustainable development goals (SDGs). Shelby lives the farmed life in Southern Maryland with her husband, son, a bevvy of four legged creatures and their extended families.

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GRACE, GRIT, & LIPSTICK

Note:

Portions of this book have been reprinted with permission from articles I wrote for American Agriculturist magazine, the Lancaster Farming newspaper, and

Pink Tractor magazine.

Big thanks to all of my editors for letting me include them here

and for believing in this book. A list of chapters that include articles with origination from these publications is included in the glossary section at the back of the book.

Copyright © 2023 Shelby Watson-Hampton

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced

or used in any manner without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

To request permissions, contact

Shelby Watson-Hampton via thefarmedlife.org.

ISBN (Paperback): 979-8-218-27947-9

ISBN (Ebook): 979-8-218-27948-6

First paperback edition November 2023.

Cover art & Layout by Betsy King-McDonald

Printed by Lightning Source / Ingram Spark

Midwinter Press

6988 Hitchingham Rd.

Ypsilanti, MI 48197

www.Midwinter-Press.com

Dedicated to…

To my parents, who always knew I would write a book, to my husband, who supports me in all of my wild endeavors, to my son, who makes me want to be a Mama he can be proud of, to my aunt, who’s allowed me to be her partner in this farmed life, and to my grandparents, who started it all.

Introduction

A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.

Diane Mariechild

This one’s for us.

If you are farm-born, with red dirt roads running through your veins, this one’s for you.

Whether you’re another link in the long family farming chain, or the first person in your family to ever hoe a row; whether you are a farmer, a rural entrepreneur, a backwoods homesteader, or would simply describe yourself as farm-curious, come on in. This one’s for you too.

Nationally, women make up 36% of all farmers, putting us at about 1.2 million strong. Still it seems like there are not enough books out there just for us—books that speak to our unique joys and challenges, fears and dreams, and our omg can you believe that moments; books that unite us as sisters of the soil and that explain to skeptical family and friends why we have committed ourselves to long days in the hot sun and cold nights breaking ice on the water troughs.

We need these books and the connection to each other, because sometimes farming is hard, and messy, and stressful, and sometimes it’s also beautiful, and glorious, and worth it. On that roller coaster ride of ups and down, it helps to know you’re not alone.

We don’t have enough books just for us.

So, I decided to write one.

Part I

The Making of a Farmed Life: Getting Started in Farm Country.

1. How and Why this Book was Written

How? To be honest, in fits and spurts over several years. In 30-minute increments here and there; at the home desk between laundry cycles, on lunch breaks at conferences, and sometimes just on my iPhone late at night in my bed.

I don’t sleep much. My brain spins faster at night, and the late pm is when I come up with all sorts of ideas. I’m a farm woman and we just don’t have enough hours in the day. Like more than 52% of U.S. farmers¹, I also have a primary occupation off the farm. I don’t just work together with my family on our farm; I work off the farm too at a daily nine-to-five because I like to be able to pay my bills (and also have full dental). And ok, yes—I do have another side hustle writing freelance as well, because of horses and vet bills.

So there’s the farm, the other two jobs, my husband, our son, the house, and the family, and a hundred other small things that make up everyone’s daily life, and before you know it, you’re typing out the book you swore you’d always write under the covers by ambient iPhone light.

And why? From as far back as we can study humankind’s origins, to the most recent online post you read today, words and stories have bound us together as a society. This matters. Our stories matter.

From my own early history, I was always fascinated by stories and by books. Some of my first memories include my mother and grandmother reading to me. Reading ran in the family. My great-grandmother traded books (of the Harlequin variety—but we’re not judging) by the box-full with the other elderly ladies at her beauty salon weekly, well into her eighties. I transitioned from being read-to, to reading chapter books on my own when I was in second grade, and it was off to the races from there. Reading was an easy addiction for me, and the urge to write soon followed behind it as naturally as a young calf follows its mama.

They tell you to write what you know. What I know is that the farmed life is, as a friend once put it quoting podcaster Glennon Doyle, brutiful—beautiful and brutal. That’s the best way I’ve ever heard this lifestyle described. There are joys too, of course. But the joy is easy; we talk freely about it and share it in curated posts on our socials all the time. The brutal stuff? Not so much.

In this space we’re going to talk about the whole enchilada, babe. We’re going to talk about the trials and tribulations of rural living and farm life as modern women, how to recognize them, and how to overcome them (or at least wrestle them into submission). We’ll talk about what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to be completely overhauled. We’re going to make a plan for you to get as much joy out of this challenging lifestyle as you can because even though you chose it (and mostly love it), that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be easy.

You’re not alone—neither in wanting this particular lifestyle, nor in questioning it. I’ve got your back. Together, we will connect, strive, and rise as we build our farms, lives, businesses and legacies stronger.

This book is to offer you the generations of collective wisdom I’ve been soaking in, anecdotes I’ve been told, tips that float around at farm conferences, and stories from the most amazing women I know. You’ll be witness to all the trials and errors, triumphs and failures that I’ve seen in the amazing farm community around me.

With this book I hope to bring us together, to share our collective stories, our words of wit and wisdom and lessons learned, to create a kinship through these pages that will bind us together and buoy us—and hopefully help future farm girl generations to float as well.

2. It’s a Small Ag After All

When you consider that there are over one million farm women in the country, that can seem like a huge number. However, as many of us soon discover, the ag world is actually quite close. If you and I weren’t meeting between the pages of this book, we could have easily met at one of the many farm shows or conferences that dot the nation from coast to coast.

Let’s set the scene. We are at one of the big annual agricultural conventions (or ag shows, as they’re often known)—let’s say the American Farm Bureau Federation. We’ve both stopped to check out the FarmHer booth (because founder Marji and her people always have such great stuff!) and we’re next to each other in line.

I notice your adorable boots, and because I’m a boot lover who also has zero compunctions about starting up conversations with strangers, I say OMG, girl, I love those boots! You turn to me and smile, and say Thank you, I got them at [insert name of your favorite awesome boot brand].

We start to chat, and you tell me about your family farm in Kansas. Or your horse breeding stable in Kentucky. Or your cranberry farm in Maine. Or your urban farm in New York City. Lingering at the booth turns into walking together into the same conference session. While we wait for the session to begin, I tell you about our 4th-generation family farm in Southern Maryland, and how my aunt and I, along with our husbands, now run the farm as a vineyard, winery, and wedding venue business.

You find it fun that we grow and produce wine, and our conversation shifts to our favorite wine regions and bottles. I am currently obsessed with wine from the Willamette Valley, and also anything from Spain. You tell me about a vineyard you visited when you were on a tour with a local young farmer group, and this leads to us talking about all the different ag groups we interact with. We chat about the Farm Bureau, the Young Farmers Coalition, CommonGround, Mid-Atlantic Women in Ag, FarmHer, Pink Tractor, and a few others. It’s clear we’re both enthusiastic joiners who love to connect with other farm women and advocate for the industry and our way of life.

Like a lot of farm women, we find that we both hold off-the-farm jobs as well. You tell me about your other much-beloved career as a teacher, or a realtor, or a nurse, or an insurance agent. I tell you that I am also the director of a regional organization (a quasi-governmental, non-profit-type group) that helps farmers diversify, market, and promote their businesses. I share that I love this job because it gives me the opportunity to work with farmers all along the spectrum—from aquaculture farmers to zebu owners—big farms, small farms, produce, livestock, equine, agritourism, conventional, and organic, I get to know and celebrate them all in their diversity.

You get excited as we talk about how farms are diversifying these days, and you tell me about your newest project at your place. You’re growing microgreens that you’re selling to two chefs in town. Or you just expanded your cattle herd with that new breed you’ve always wanted to try. Or you are adding a farm store to the front of the property where you’re going to sell your eggs and honey 4 days a week. Or you’re adding a creamery to your dairy, and you’re going to make cheese and ice cream to sell locally.

I tell you that I’m working on something new too; a book that I’m writing about rural living and farm life as a modern woman—its expectations, challenges, and goals—and that you’re just the person I’m writing it for. We squeal over the possibilities of both of our new ventures, and agree to keep in touch to watch each other’s progress. We friend each other right then on Instagram (because business cards are so 2019) and share a moment of sweet camaraderie.

The universal chain of sisterhood gains another link, and together we forge on.

3. We’ve Come a Long Way, Ladies.

The education and empowerment of women throughout the world cannot fail to result in a more caring, tolerant, just and peaceful life for all.

Aung San Suu Kyi, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate

I’ve heard stories from women like you, and I have a few stories of my own. This book isn’t so much mine as ours—something we’ve planted and grown together. Something abundant we can share.

The farmed life is brutiful, so I want this to be an honest space where we can meet. Nothing will be too precious or too sacred for frank discussion, everything will be well-intentioned and served with fierce love. I apologize in advance, however, if something accidentally offends—I don’t see that happening, but, just in case, here I am, covering my bases. (I am a total conflict-avoider, which we will talk more about later.) So know this—we are all good, girl—always, because even when we have different opinions or beliefs or approaches, we are in this supported sisterhood together. Collectively we lift each other up.

To understand where we are now as farm women, farm owners, and rural entrepreneurs, we have to look at how we got here. As Stephen Hawking said, Each generation stands on the shoulders of those who have gone before them. We stand on the shoulders of the female pioneers, homesteaders, farmers, and advocates who came before us.

Let’s do a quick recap of the relevant history. Heads up, some of the things in here might shock you. I know I did a double take at a few. Of course I can’t list the entirety of the women’s rights timeline here, but let me just highlight a few notable items from the 2023 U.S. News², specifically for women who farm. (And no, I am not touching the hot-button issue of reproductive rights.)

1769 – The American colonies adopt the British system decreeing women cannot own property in their own name or keep their own earnings.

1777 – All U.S. states pass laws which prohibit a woman’s right to vote.

1839 – The first U.S. state (Mississippi) grants women the right to hold property in their own names—with permission from their husbands. (sad trumpet sound)

1900 – By this year, every U.S. state had passed legislation granting married women the right to keep their own wages and to own property in their own name.

1920 – The Nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution is ratified, ensuring the right of women to vote.

1963 – The Equal Pay Act is passed by Congress, promising equitable wages for the same work, regardless of the race, color, religion, national origin or sex of the worker.

1969 – California adopts the nation’s first no fault divorce law, allowing divorce by mutual consent.

1974 — the Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) prohibited discrimination against credit applicants based on gender, among other factors. For the first time, women could own a credit card in their own name and commit to a mortgage without needing a male co-signer.

1978+ — The census of agriculture began collecting data on women as primary farm operators in 1978; since then, the census has recorded a steady increase in the share of women operators.

2012+ — An essential addition to the 2012 Agricultural Census was a question asking whether either of the two non-principal farmers was married to the principal—for the first time, the marital status of two farmers on the same farm could be determined.

2001— Ann Margaret Veneman was elected as the 27th United States Secretary of Agriculture. She was the first, and only woman so far, to hold that position.

2017 — The 2017 Census of Agriculture reported that women accounted for 36% of the country’s 3.4 million producers, and that more than half of all farms, 56%, had a female producer, while 9% of farms were completely run by women.

Men went to the moon on July 16, 1969, but down here on Earth, women couldn’t own their own farms without a man’s permission. Not until 1974. Facepalm. This is not that far back in time, folks. For further context, the first Star Wars movie came out only three years later, in 1977. It wasn’t long ago that women’s rights were in a galaxy far, far away from where we are now.

4. The Time I Got a Crazy Idea

It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.

Madeleine Albright

I’ll tell you about the time I got a crazy idea. Ideas, actually.

This will make you feel so much better about whatever thing it is you want to try, because my idea was hella ambitious and basically out of left field. It also came on the heels of a life-altering event.

I was in my second year of college. A phone call was about to change my life—and our family farm—forever. Grandad Russell had died. Our family, and the farm, had lost its anchor. Our world was upside down, and we struggled to find our footing. All of the sudden, nothing made sense.

Of course, I can only write this from my own perspective. I can’t put the inner thoughts of the rest of my family down here, but I can tell you that we were all devastated. Each of us had our own unique relationship with Grandad, but the one thing they all had in common was that he was the center of the family. The center of the farm. The one in the family with the most gravitational pull.

Even in the best of times, farms that are operating with multiple generations are complicated; when the patriarch suddenly passes, it magnifies tenfold. I do not know a single farm family that has weathered such a period easily, even with the best preparation. To say we were unprepared was an understatement. It was an upheaval of epic proportions, coupled with the beginnings of what would later be known as The Great Recession, a sharp decline in economic activity that lasted several years and is considered by economists to be the most significant downturn since the Great Depression in the 1930s.

Family businesses, especially family farms, are complicated creatures. The farm isn’t just land; it’s a living, breathing entity of its own—the touchstone, the gathering place, the solid center of home for many. The business isn’t just a business; it’s the family’s reputation and standing in the community—the identifier, the provider and the safety net. Both the land and the business are tied to the people, their personalities, and deep emotions. Those that know this know this is in their very bones.

As they always have, the older women in my family held the fort, becoming a port in the storm. My Aunt Susan, the youngest sister, and the one who had been working alongside my grandfather for many years, stepped up naturally as the one in charge of the farm and the family business, while Grandma and my mom, Beth, ran the office. It was hardest on Aunt Susan, trying to acclimate to running the farm and business without Grandad. But Grandma and the four siblings, my father Rusty, Aunt Connie, Uncle Robert and Aunt Susan all worked together to figure it out, and to make plans and provisions. Their spouses kept their council and helped them stay sane; the rest of us waited to see what would remain.

His death was untimely and neither the business nor the family were ready. But my grandfather was a forward-thinking entrepreneur and investor, and he had socked away a nice nest egg for my grandmother, the farm, and his kids. Grandma would be okay and the land would be safe (thank God).

The farm remained a nursery for another three years, then Grandma decided that it was time to retire. Grandma really didn’t want to continue doing the farm business without Grandad; she had been in it with him for their life together, and without him by her side, she couldn’t see herself sustaining it. This was an understandable feeling, of course, and one that had to be honored. Nevertheless, it left the rest of us a bit adrift.

It took another two years to transition our Robin Hill Farm Nursery, with over one hundred acres of shade and ornamental trees and shrubs in production, into retirement. It was hard to watch, but it was the right call. We all loved the farm itself,