My Mind's Fingers: The Words of a Scorpio Rising from Room to Room

By Bob W.

The original idea for this manuscript's title was "A Scorpio Rising - Room to Room" a suggestion made by my wonderful wife Laura. I am a Scorpion in the truest sense of the Astrological sign and have frequented the rooms of the program that literally saved my life. On one fateful night by the Grace of God, someone set me straight, and I pulled my head out of my ass, opening my eyes and setting my mind free. As disgusting as that sounds, it is metaphorically what really happened. I was at that jumping off point where I had to change my life and my way thinking about life, or I would have forever doomed myself to a sad existence in that self imposed prison cell controlled by my ego: "The Jailer"
The book's title "My Mind's Fingers" comes from a line in a piece entitled "Ocean of Tears" which was seen by my friend Lyn S as a great line to use as a title for that piece, but her idea was so good that I decided to use it as the title of the book instead. All those things combined made this project possible. It started out as a simple collection of inspirational, motivational, and recovery-based pieces which I had written over the years. I would read them occasionally as meditations during the opening of a meeting and I then began to receive requests for copies by people at the meetings. I presented them to the members of the group and would also send out excerpts from pieces I wrote as personal note cards to family and friends.
Most of the inspiration for this collection comes from those unnamed characters in my life - some are totally fictitious and some not - at least I think so. And unless otherwise noted, if they were used on the following pages it was done so with the best of intentions and love. The places mentioned are either real or imagined by the author, and if you recognize any of them, then you are laser focused on the same spiritual beam. Any similarities in content or inferred meaning are coincidental and not intentional, and any references to other works of literature and quotes by other authors are credited to them, or used by permission where applicable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350929065

Book preview

My Prayer

(I had to relearn how to read, gain understanding, and accept)

I opened the book and stared down at the page, but the words seemed foreign to me. As though the letters were just a mish-mosh of consonants, vowels, and punctuation marks randomly tossed together to form sentences that stretched out into paragraphs, all of which I was unable to decipher. It made no sense to me. It was like being plopped down into a distant culture where everyone else is familiar with the language and the colloquialisms except for me. When it came to reading either by myself in my head, or out loud at a meeting, I felt as though my brain wasn’t looking at the same thing my eyes were seeing. It felt as though my tongue was swimming in a sea of molasses and slowly drowning my confidence. It seemed that I could not accept then what I know now to be true. I was hopeless (but not helpless). If this is how recovery is, or at least how I was perceiving recovery to be, then all the schooling I thought I had amounted to nothing when it came to A.A.. I thought I was well educated and definitely never had a problem before now expressing myself in words (just ask anyone about my vocabulary of swear words), but I was the one who wandered down the road into the bottle and this is where my alcoholism led me. I was lost in my own life, a nameless face searching for the person who would eventually take responsibility for their actions. I tried to fit in somewhere, somehow. Maybe you know the feeling, like you’re a stranger in a strange town, sitting in a folding chair in a crowded room full of people that didn’t look like you, or sound like you, but were somehow just like you?

It is said that, The trip from the penthouse to the pavement isn’t that far, and I had truly hit my bottom, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Such was my first of many experiences going to meetings and reading the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous. It took a while, sometimes agonizing, sometimes downright depressing, but working slowly and patiently, I began to realize that my ability to comprehend not only the words but the meaning within the words would never be accomplished without the help of a good sponsor and the faith in a Higher Power. I clearly needed guidance, some Good Orderly Direction… and oh yeah, a proper pair of eyeglasses.

It started out with what I have now been told is acquiring a degree of humility – and that even the smallest amount at first will get your foot in the door. So, one day it came to me. I decided, or maybe I was guided, before opening a book I would say a silent prayer to myself (and what I understood to be my Higher Power): Dear God, open my eyes so that I may see, my mind so that I may understand, and my heart so that I may accept what I am about to read. I would silently recite this at meetings, and I would always ask to read How It Works. When I attended Big Book meetings, Twelve step meetings, when I read from the Grapevine (which I had a subscription to), and even at meetings with my sponsor while doing step work, I would silently say my prayer - - and especially in the mornings while praying and reading out of one of my daily meditation