Free To Fly: After The Love Is Gone

By Nicole Red

Free to Fly After the Love is Gone is a fictional story inspired by actual events, it tells the powerful story of resilience and survival in the face of domestic abuse. This compelling narrative follows the journey of a courageous individual breaking free from the shackles of violence while navigating com

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nicole Red Enterprises LLC
• Release date: Dec 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798868939419

Nicole Red

Nicole Red, M.B.A is a mother of two whose life has been anything but easy. She uses her outlet to speak of her journey to healing mentally, physically, and spiritually, with the hope of encouraging and empowering others. Nicole offers her readers the psychological awareness and the guidance needed to reclaim their lives and begin the healing process. In her spare time, Nicole enjoys traveling, broadway shows, listening to music, and spending time with her family.

Book preview

1

HOW DID I GET HERE?

It was a picturesque day outside, sunny and bright, and here I was, beaten and bruised. I was crying out for help, and it was as if I were invisible; a feeling I had sadly become accustomed to over the course of the years that Ray and I had been together. I cried out many nights to God, asking him, "Why?

Why would you allow me to get into this situation? Why would you let me marry such a monster?" It seemed as if there were thousands of people around, yet I was still alone. It was amazing that not one person had stopped to help me or call the police. I lay there, sobbing and gasping for air—wondering what had happened to me. ‘What has Ray done? Ray is in such a rage that he doesn’t know what he’s doing’.

Blood was everywhere, and I kept blacking out. I felt sick to my stomach, as all of my bodily fluids were spilling everywhere.

I could vaguely hear Ray standing over me, yelling, Nicole, it’s your fault; look what you have done!

He had a blank stare on his face. I began to fade in and out of consciousness, and my life with Ray started to replay in front of me. I wondered how we came to this point. I couldn’t believe that the man I once loved so much—the father of my children—had done this.

When we first started dating, he was so charming. He treated me like a queen, and I felt like I was the center of his universe. ‘This is the perfect life’, I thought. ‘What girl wouldn’t want someone to loveher like that’? He said all the right things—everything I wanted to hear. I did not have the highest self- esteem back then, so it did not take much for Ray to win me over. He acted as if he were so in love; he was very convincing. Ray was ready to settle down, and I was happy that he chose me to settle down with.

To my surprise, Ray turned into a monster very early on. Being with him made me feel like I wanted to die, and I wished he were dead also. This was my life for the majority of the years we had been a couple. I was worried about my children. I did not want Ray to be anywhere near them. ‘Who was going to help Steven hold it together and give him his medicine every day’? My children were my world, and I didn't want to leave them. I wanted so desperately to break this cycle of abuse. It was going to stop right here, right now! My biggest fear was that my children, who were observing the life I was living, would continue this vicious cycle of abuse. I had just come to the realization that it was, perhaps, too late for me. It was my responsibility, a long time ago, to change the way that I thought and to cease the behavior that had continuously led me to become a victim. The tears were steadily rolling down my face. ‘How did I get here’?

If I could only go back to the life I had before Ray. Only God knows why things happened the way they did. But what I do know is that if he had not allowed them to happen, I would not have been able to tell my story.

My story is no different from that of many other women. We all come from various walks of life. As a police officer, I had come across many domestic violence situations. I never thought I would find myself in such a predicament.

‘Free To Fly: After The Love Is Gone’ is aimed at empowering and encouraging women in abusive situations to stand up and speak up for themselves, as well as what they stand for. I want these women to understand that they have a voice, and they will be heard. It is my goal to help victims everywhere understand that the abuse is not their fault and set them on a journey to healing. No one deserves to be physically, verbally, mentally, sexually or emotionally abused. There is help out there! God is able!

2

THE ROOT OF ABUSE

Very early on, I knew I did not want to get caught up in the negative atmosphere in my surroundings, especially in my household. After all, I knew it would destroy me. Perhaps, intending to push my problems to the side, trying to pretend that they didn't exist, and attempting to focus solely on the positives in my life was the best I could do. As a woman, I cried, I felt pain, and my heart ached like I never felt before. But because of my faith, every time I fell, I got back up again. Giving up was certainly not an option.

As a little girl, I grew up in East New York, Brooklyn. It would seem as if I had the perfect life. I had what most kids in the neighborhood did not—a two-parent household, a great set of parents who doted on their children, and a mother and a father who actually spent time with their children. As a child, there was no amusement park or major attraction that we had not visited. My mother was a special woman with a heart made out of gold. She was the type of mother every little girl dreams of. All of the kids in the neighborhood loved and respected her. Even the neighborhood thugs looked out for her as she went to and fro from work. Likewise, on the surface, my father was the type of dad that every child wanted to have. He took a keen interest in his children’s activities. He went to school plays and class trips; and he did all the fun things that the dads in the neighborhood normally did not. Our father even accompanied us to doctors' appointments and parent- teacher conferences.

However, things were not as they seemed. My life was anything but perfect. My parents struggled to make ends meet. My dad drank heavily and was verbally, and sometimes physically, abusive. He cursed my mom all the time when he was drinking; and my mother, being so strong-willed, tried so desperately to hide her pain and suffering from her children.

Somehow, I was still able to feel her pain. The older I became, the more I succumbed to a shell. I became very shy and timid—afraid to express my feelings.

Later in life, this would come back to haunt me. It is the belief of researchers that domestic violence victims display two sets of behavior: either they turn into the abuser, as my husband did—he also grew up in an abusive household—or they become withdrawn, quiet, or join the abuser. I adopted the latter—a silent, reserved, and introverted personality. The emotionally abusive behavior that I had endured led to many characteristics that a lot of abuse victims share. I was no different.

3

THE EARLY YEARS

One day, I was sitting in my room listening to Patti Labelle belt out her tunes, as I often did. I was happy because my mommy was cooking one of my favorite meals—fried steak with green beans and mashed potatoes. No one could make a fried steak like my mother. It was tender and juicy, and the onions were cooked to perfection. As I sat there listening to my music, I started to become anxious because I knew daddy would soon come home from work and probably have his usual beer in hand. This was an everyday ritual for him.

When mommy saw him, she said, Charlie, I need some money to pay the light bill.

Daddy just looked at her, as if he