Kingdom of Shadows: The Crimson Eye: Kingdom of Shadows Series, #3

By Zivah Rose

She was an outcast with a power that could save or destroy them all. He was a man with a vicious monster within that only she could tame.

Brimming with fae, dragons, and witches, "The Crimson Eye" is a New Adult Dark Fantasy series. It features steamy slow-burn enemies-to-lovers romance, ancient magic, and an evil sorceress hell-bent on revenge.

 

Captured by a ruthless king and thrust into a long-forgotten world, Neema faces the harrowing secrets of her true origins.

As she grapples with her newfound powers, the lives of everyone she loves hang precariously in the balance.

Meanwhile, the Dark Prince finds himself more intrigued by Neema's mysterious origins than by his brother's unquenchable thirst for power. Danger, however, lurks in every shadow.

 

Will Neema be able to protect her family and safeguard her heart against the looming threat?

 

Embark on this thrilling journey where passion and peril collide—grab your copy today!

If you enjoyed A Court of Thorns and Roses and House of The Dragon, you're sure to love this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zivah Rose
• Release date: Dec 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223044550

Book preview

Prologue

Prince Draken

It’s been nine years since the Shadows first cloaked Ilia in blood. The hollow stench of rot and fear was the only scent left outside the walls of Aldmoor Palace.

 Nothing new for Minerat though, I think it’s always had that smell. The only reprieve from it now was the icy wind that swept across the moor.

Prince Draken, the last pillar is complete. Do we fire up the wall now? gasped a short, balding man I’d forgotten the name of.

No—tell them to await command.

Yes, Prince Draken. He bowed nervously, rushing away from me as fast as he could. His stout legs sank knee-deep in the snow as he went. 

I made my way toward Minerat, my old home, and the only stronghold left between Ilia and Ravina’s Shadow Lands.

Like a black pillar of doom, my father’s castle stood, cutting through the white wall of mountains behind it like a beacon of death. It had been a year since I’d stepped foot inside this prison, but today I had no choice.

The prospect of seeing him under this roof again made my blood run cold as I came to the castle door. I took in the jagged icicles nearly cutting into me from the arched awning above, likely left on my father’s order.

I kicked the door open.

An empty black hall stretched out before me. Not a single fire burned to welcome the new leaders of the Ilian realm. My father, King Helion’s silent message to those not yet arrived, I suspected.

Brother! Branimir yelled from the top stairs, his shaggy dark hair flying as he rushed down. Come on, he’s mentioned your absence twice already.

My big brother, always so eager to please our vicious father. I rolled my eyes as he stepped off the last step and reached for me.

I’m the first one here you know. His thick, dark brow raised as his arm hung over my shoulder, weighing my next step. You’d almost think Father isn’t happy I designed a wall to keep those demons out, I said.

I think he’s taken a liking to rule Ilia from Aldmoor, Branimir said in my ear as we reached the top.

He complains about it enough, I joked, as we entered the war room. 

Try hearing it every day, Branimir said with a low chuckle.

 The scent of a bloodied carcass hit me as we moved into the room. Torn bits of a bear were shredded across the gray stone floors and crimson ice crunched under our boots as we made our way toward the wooden table.

Of course, even a day as important as today, my father’s need for carnage had to be met. . .

Draped in thick black furs, my father stood with his back to us, his black dragon-clawed crown curling tight around his head. My skin prickled beneath my armor at the sight of him glaring down at the wall I’d commissioned.

Massive pillars connected for thousands of miles. And if everything went as I’d planned. It would allow our dragon fire to create an impenetrable wall, locking the Shadows in Ravina’s lands for good.

A crack echoed through the room, and a burst of bright light blinded me for a moment. My frail silver-haired grandmother, Lyca, had appeared next to the table.

How long until your dragon’s return from the Shadow Lands, Tarin? she barked.

Father’s pale skin reflected in the white gleam from the window, deepening the dark shadows that lined his features. His thick black brows and beard were dusted in snow, the blood of the bear staining his teeth as a wicked smile spread across his lips.

"It’s King Helion," he said in a low rumble, making his way toward her before his head jerked around to the sound of the next arrivals.

A massive grey dragon landed on the balcony with a woman on its back. The dragon was one I knew well. Lord Thadious, one of my father’s closest friends. 

Dipping his wing low, Thadious allowed the woman to dismount before transforming back into a man. His brown hair was trimmed neatly and speckled with gray, his body thin and soft, his cunning eyes assessing the room as he dressed.

The woman introduced herself to the rest of us as Lady Lamaria and approached my father with an outstretched hand that trembled ever so slightly. And to my surprise, he kissed it and held it firm leading her to her chair.

Must we freeze King Helion? She asked in a sultry tone that had both me and Branimir’s brows raised.

My father’s eyes ticked toward me for a fraction of a second. A silent command for me as he sat at the head of the table. I launched my flame into the fireplace behind us and its warmth spread quickly throughout the icy room.

Lady Lamaria smiled gratefully, and I couldn’t help but notice how her chestnut-colored hair matched her doe eyes.

My father’s fingers laced in front of him as he looked toward the evening sky, now filled with thousands of dragons returning from the mission. So, you would have me give them crowns, Lyca? Call them kings and queens, when without my power, they would be dead? My father raised his hand, the gold and ruby ring catching the firelight as he brandished it slowly from side to side. 

It’s time Ilia was ruled as it once was, Lyca said calmly.

Dragons filled the top of the Fire Wall in droves, their shrieks and growls ripping through the open sky.

My father’s next words were an inaudible growl, the ruby ring, or Crimson Eye, as it was known, glowing as he issued his command. The dragons breathed fire into the tops of the cylinders at once. 

Everyone in the room rushed towards the balcony, watching as the fire spread down the length of the wall, each pillar bursting to life. The fire poured through the interconnecting towers and out the many slatted openings. Breaths of relief moved through the room, nearly everyone beaming at the prospect of what this meant. And I too couldn’t help but feel a twinge of hope spark inside.

And if I should command them to stop? Then how will you protect your people, Lamaria? Father said something between a growl and a purr that made me feel sick.

The Crystal Palace will remain protected, she bit back with a fiery tongue I enjoyed a bit too much.

A smile swept over my lips but Branimir jabbed his elbow into my ribs and I wiped it away with the back of my sleeve at once.

My father’s hand slid beneath her wrist, lifting her trembling hand. "From what I see, the strain of your enchantment is already more than you can handle, witch. He dropped her arm unceremoniously. You will have your palaces, but you will pledge allegiance to me," he said, glaring at her and Thadious.

Tarin, this was not what we discussed. Lyca snapped.

Stay your tongue or lose it. His eyes fell on the others. "Each of you will rule under my crown. His icy stare fell on Lamaria again. I expect all of your kin’s promise of allegiance before sundown tomorrow, or they’ll burn by nightfall."

But there was no time left for discussion. All three moons rose full for the first time in my lifetime, lighting the evening sky, revealing miles of black twisting smoke crawling over the snow toward the Ilian border.

Ravina means to test your wall, son, my father said. What would you have us do next?

I clenched my jaw, taking time to consider my answer, my heart hammering in my chest as I calculated the newfound advantage my wall brought to the table. I would have us defend from the top to minimize our losses. He seemed to consider my words, waiting silently for something more. I swallowed the lump in my throat, adding to my plan. When daybreak arrives, I’ll pass into Aleria and make a deal for the Orb. I’ve read its power could be critical in defeating these demons.

You’d have us put our faith in fae magic? he laughed.

What would you have us do? I snapped.

He grabbed the back of my neck, dragging me to the edge. Have you ever seen so many of them? 

I looked out over the sea of black Shadow Demons that approached. Never. It was as if every Shadow in existence was rushing forth to crash against my wall.

She is unprotected! What should we do? Father directed his question to my brother.

We should attack while she’s exposed.

My father’s thin lips twisted into a smile. Precisely, he said, turning to me. "You will come with me, and Branimir will remain here with our guests until we return." 

But it was my idea! Branimir banged the table and walked away with a growl.

Father’s eyes went tight and his pupils pinched into slits. You are my heir. You will remain.

Branimir’s features twisted, his eyes went glassy and bloodshot and he turned to me before pacing back to the table, tossing his helmet to the stone with a clang.

Father dropped his fur on the floor and walked to the edge of the balcony, the rest of us moving back. He groaned and twisted, his body contorting, red scales sliding under his translucent skin, horns crunching through his skull as he transformed into the dragon. He filled the entire balcony with his size.

His voice came into my mind, a power reserved only for those who possessed The Crimson Eye.

We strike while she’s weak, he said.

With that, his wings spread wide, lifting him into the sky at high speeds. More than half of the other dragons that lined the walls lifted into the air and followed him instantly. 

My transformation was quick. Unlike other Dragon Lords, it happened as easily as blinking for me due to my Fae half.

My mouth watered at the prospect of getting my hooks into the witch who’d killed millions. Attacking may not have been my first plan, but war was something I knew well. I’d been beaten into the perfect weapon since I was a boy, rewarded only when I inflicted pain or death on others, so despite my human mind’s reluctance, the beast in me yearned for battle.

No defense met us as we closed in on the dark stone walls of Ravina’s castle, our dragon flame engulfing it as we ripped at the castle windows, working to open holes large enough to get inside. My father’s command was simple.

Find her and tear her apart.

But something shifted in the surrounding night. The moons turned deep red, setting the night in a strange orange glow, followed by a vicious percussion within the air itself that threw us into the snow with deadly force. I gasped in a breath and thrashed in the snow. My fellow dragons lay writhing in pain around me, some with broken wings and others dead, their lifeless bodies transforming back into men at my side. My ears rang as I struggled back onto my feet intent on revenge as I took in the men who would never make it home. 

I couldn’t hear the commands of my father anymore. My murdered companions, now being transformed into Shadows, rose from the ground in twisted black smoke before pulling into dark humanlike masses, their sharp teeth catching the red glow of the moons as their attention turned to my injured kin.

I leaped into the sky, burning a circle of fire around my men, hoping to keep them safe from the Shadows until they healed enough to retreat to the skies. 

I headed straight toward the castle to find my father and, if I was lucky, kill Ravina. Circling down through the red mists that covered the top of her castle, I saw him, lying in dragon form, with a naked dark-haired woman standing over him collecting his blood. She stared up at me with a wild look in her emerald eyes before flashing a smile across her blood-stained lips.

She seemed very pleased with herself, and I couldn’t wait to rip her heart out through her mouth. . .

Ravina! I lunged for her, my insides suddenly seizing and then twisting. My very spine seemed to be torn from my back at the raise of her palm, my body contorted from the pain and everything went black. 

I woke with my face in a pool of blood, unsure of how long I’d been there. I struggled to clear my blurred vision as a foul voice filled the air speaking a language I couldn’t make sense of. My father was lying unconscious at my side, bleeding from a gaping wound at his neck as the source of the voice revealed itself. Ravina walked around his body, making eye contact with me. The last of her spell left her lips.

Forever bound, she whispered.

She grinned as she licked the blood from the blade she held and rage boiled inside of me.

I leaped to my feet forcing an explosion of blue flames through my palms. They nearly engulfed her, but she jumped through a hole in the stone floor just in time. Shadow Demons poured from within, heading straight for my father.

A merciless voice in my head screamed for me to leave him to his fate, but I stifled it, calling for the help of my fellow Dragon Lords instead.

We carefully lifted him with our talons and flew back to Minerat. My mind racing with what I’d just seen, trying to make sense of the spell she’d cast.

 Setting him on the balcony; the other dragons rushed to reinforce the wall and I shifted back into my human form. Branimir rushed over with a cloak of fur and tossed it over my shoulders. 

What’s happened to Father?

I explained in a rush, telling him everything that happened as the others watched wide-eyed.

Lamaria came to Father’s side to examine him.

Did you feel it? I asked them.

Each of them nodded, horror-stricken as they took in the blood-red moons.

This is a dark curse, Prince Draken, one that was not hastily made, Lamaria whispered.

If that was the case, the entire thing had been planned. Ravina must have known we were going to be here to reveal the wall today. . . but how?

Lady Lamaria bent at the knee next to my father, running her finger through the gash at his neck that was nearly healed now. Shouldn’t he have changed from such a severe injury? she asked.

It was strange that he remained the dragon after being so savagely wounded. The memory of our fallen kin bent and broken flashed into my mind.

My attention snapped to my brother. Can you change?

Now?

Do it, damn it!

Branimir dropped his armor and clothes to the stone as fast as he could. He groaned, trying to force the change and Thadious tried to change too, but neither of them could.

She has trapped you in form, Lamaria gasped.

What do you mean, witch? Branimir howled in her face, grabbing hold of her. 

She shoved him off with a hiss. She cast a binding spell. Whatever form you’re in, it’s yours until death.

If what she said was true — and I felt the truth of it in my bones. . . The Helion reign, the very safety of Ilia was in great danger.

We’d become naught but vicious and hungry monsters if we couldn’t return to human form.

I knew that better than most because my Fae half always kept my monster close. Its savage, lustful rage brooding under the surface of my mind at all times.

There was no other choice… Father is no longer king. The throne is yours. I said in a defeated tone.

My brother’s face went white, looking at the others. Thadious hand quick to his shoulder in reassurance. Followed by the shrieking sound of another wave of Shadows crashing into the wall, the dragons flying above it, raining fire over them. The mix of fire and ice casts a blanket of steam into the air. Me and my brother shared a silent look, coming to the same conclusion.

The wall was useless without the dragons.

I need his ring, Branimir said, rising to get his sword that was leaning on the edge of the table.

The Crimson Eye was the only thing capable of keeping the dragons under control now. We both knew it. Yet, the quickness in my brother’s decision to kill our father still surprised me.

Father opened his large black eyes, the pupils going to slits, his jaws snapping closed only inches from Lamaria as he thrashed and twisted up onto his clawed feet in a frenzy, clearly understanding my brother’s plan.

Father snapped forward again, knocking the sword from Branimir’s hand, going for the kill. 

Without thought, I shifted, locking my jaws onto his, just in time to save my brother.

Everyone rushed back into the safety of the room as we tore at each other, rolling off the ledge of the balcony. 

The other dragons cast their attention toward us, the connection between them and the Crimson Eye calling them to his defense. Iron jaws crushed down on my back, our wings beating against each other as he shook my flesh between his teeth.

We slashed at each other, rolling in the snow-filled sky, dragon fire circling us as we spun. Other dragons joined, ripping at my tail and wings, trying to force us apart. Their fires burning across my scales, my father’s teeth ripping into my shoulder, the hot sear of my blood raining down.

Do it Draken! My brother’s voice rang through the air as I tore out my father’s eye and breathed blue flames toward the now aggressively snapping black and brown dragons that came at me from the sides.

The sheer brute strength Father used with each slam of his massive girth nearly knocked me to the ground, but I was made for battle. He’d spent my life honing me into the weapon I was.

Diving beneath him at the last moment, I tore into his throat, my long talon dragging the length of his underbelly as he passed over me before I flipped upright. Tearing through his wings, then his throat, shaking violently until I felt the bones snap beneath my jaws. Both of us falling from the sky above the balcony, a part of me terrified to let go, afraid he might somehow survive if I did. . .

He landed with a thunderous crash and my brother ran to his side, cutting the ring from his finger and placing it on his own as I hovered above them.

Branimir brandished the ring in the air, ordering the other dragons back to the wall before he called for me to join him. But I couldn’t, not after what I’d just done.

I took off for the mountains instead, refusing to stop until I reached my cave, trying to understand why I was the only one who could still change. . .

Chapter one

Neema

Another night of his voice screaming my name and I’d throw myself in the volcano before the Salencian people had the chance. I’d had enough of these nightmares. . .

I squinted away from the light shining across my bedroom wall. There was to much light. I was late—again. . .

Shoving my covers to the floor, I slid on my leather pants and wrapped my light brown hair in a knot.

My brother and I had a rare request from a high-paying client to tend to today—and she needed it done before the palace celebration. 

A low knock sounded on my door.

Yes, Papa? 

Neema, your brother left nearly an hour ago.

I’m almost ready, I called back. I grabbed my cloak from the foot of the bed and threw it on. 

I made you both something to eat. It’s on the table, Papa said. 

Even now, with me being twenty, he still tried to take care of me. If only his meals weren’t so awful.

I giggled to myself, thinking of what might await me and Lucas for lunch. I snatched the small sack of surprises off the table and rushed out the front door. 

The rising sun peeked over the endless ocean as I reached the path at the top of the hill that lead to the docks. I could see the entire island from up here. Its small white sandstone homes clustered together around the city’s market square and the king’s castle looming over the ocean in the distance. 

I sighed and trudged down the dirt path toward the rock-lined cover below. The call of birds floating over the salty breeze as I went.

For many, I guessed the sea view was breathtaking, but to me, it was an endless blue and green prison stretching as far as the eye could see. Only made bearable by my father and brother. But even they couldn’t make up for the number of times I’ve been spat at by Salencians.

The thought of living out the rest of my days here as my mother had–feared and hated–was hard to bear. But this was my life, and there was nowhere else to go. 

Boats of every size filled the docks, stretching out into the clear waters. Everything was the same as the day before, except for the vast vacant spot where the king’s ship was usually docked. It had been three days since I’d seen it last.

The prince and his guards must be playing sailors again.

Even though I’d never seen him, I’d heard he fancied himself quite the adventurer. Which was laughable, of course, since our guardsmen had seen nothing more than a street-side quarrel.

I don’t know why we even bother with them. . .

You’re late, Neems! Lucas said as I hopped onto our small sailboat. 

His dark, wavy brown hair, which usually was flowing wildly in the wind, was pulled into a small tie today, making me swallow down a laugh. His warm golden-brown eyes made it hard for me to see him as anything other than the boy I helped raise. Though the gawking girl across the dock told me the heat might not have been the only reason he went shirtless today.

He was the young image of my father. His light brown skin and dark hair allowed him to blend with the Salencian people. I, on the other hand, was the image of my mother, and her aqua green eyes and pale skin were both a blessing and a curse. 

You knew we had to get an early start today, Lucas yelled as he moved about the boat getting it ready.

I know, I’m sorry. Last night was awful. 

Another one? 

Yes, they seem to be getting worse. But don’t worry, I brought something to make up for my lateness, I tossed him father’s lunch sack and giggled.

He caught it mid-air with one hand. Not the slightest flicker of complaint on his face.

There was no way he didn’t feel the same way I did about father’s cooking. 

You don’t have to pretend you like it, I joked. 

Get the ropes. We need to hit the barrier before anyone else get’s out there. 

Fine. I hurried to the back of the boat to push us off from the dock while he worked the front bowline.

His annoyance wouldn’t last long. My brother never could stay mad at me for more than a few minutes. 

Our tattered blue and white sails caught the winds and pushed us out towards the open sea. The magical barrier appearing on the horizon, marked by the sideways water current just before it.

Supposedly, the gods placed it here a thousand years ago, but we knew there was no magic. Crossing merely took proper timing and a bit of skill.

Crossing the border was forbidden though, but hunger was powerful and the decline of sea life within the barrier had left people desperate. So, whether Lucas and I got paid to take fishermen across, or if we went fishing ourselves, we spent our days risking lashings or, much worse, Father finding out.

This time was more than worth it, though, as our client would pay double to have the pearls for tonight’s annual homage to the gods. 

The sea was no choppier than any other day, but the further out we went, the waves began sneaking over the side of our ship. Still, we had no choice. I had to dive into the caverns for the prize of the day. Rainbow pearls.

I’d have to swim deep inside the volcanic cavern where the oysters nested in the scorching sands. Doing the work of a thousand jewelers, they gave birth to smooth, gleaming stones. Some purple and others with red fire; a rare gem that could keep us fed for a year. 

Be careful. If you aren’t back in twenty minutes, I’m coming down. 

I can almost last thirty now, don’t worry. I laughed and threw the bundle of rope from the anchor at him. A wide grin passed over his face as he shook his head at me, securing the lines.

We never understood how I could hold my breath for so long or why the hot cavern waters didn’t bother me, but it was useful. And if I could find even one of those pearls, we would be set.

I might even buy another pair of pants. 

I dove deep. The blackness swallowed me for a moment before the cavern walls illuminated around me, flecks of neon blue and luminescent green lighting my way. I reached the back of the cavern swiftly.  Thousands of oysters rested in the dunes, waiting to be plucked.

I filled my bag as fast as I could. Whatever oysters didn’t hold gems would go straight to Harriet’s orphanage. Papa, being an orphan himself, never protested me feeding them when we could even if it meant less for us.

I was in and out with no problem, grasping the bag of oysters as I kicked off the sea floor, breaking the water’s surface much farther from the boat than I’d expected. I couldn’t see Lucas. He must have been spearfishing and let the boat drift. I made my way towards the direction of the boat with a huff. 

I called out to him, but a wave crashed into my mouth.

The salt stung my eyes and burned my nose as I coughed it up. Crap. I flipped onto my back to rest a moment but something strange caught my eye.

Floating pieces of wood were scattered in water and something else. A person? The dark shape bobbed between a cluster of stray boards and what looked like an arm was wrapped around a barrel but I couldn’t get a good look.

I kicked hard against the waves, pushing myself toward the wreckage ahead.

There couldn’t really be a person out here, could there?

I was nearly there. A thick head of hair leaned on a meaty shoulder. Its muscled arm clinging to the barrels rope.

Oh, gods, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.

I reached for him, grabbing his shoulder, and was met with glassy dark brown eyes as he jumped around.

I screamed, over the wind that whipped against us.  Oh my gods, what are you doing out here?!

The young mans eyes brightened as he took me in. Tell me you’ve got a boat. 

I do, not too far from here. I spit the water from my mouth that snuck inside and waved for him to follow me.

Exhaustion overwhelmed him and he struggled as the waves pounded us relentlessly. I had no choice but to drag him. Every time I tugged him forward, he fought to stay at my side, growling each time he fell behind. 

Come now, woman. He sputtered, spitting water. How far is this boat? 

We’re nearly there. Look.

He nodded, just as a crashing wave dragged him under, testing my hold on him. Adjusting his weight, I hauled him above the water again, the sack of oysters slipping from my grasp. I cringed at the loss as it sank to the bottom. 

I’ve got you. Come on, kick, we’re nearly there. 

We made it to the edge of the boat and grabbed the rope hanging from its side, pulling ourselves against the hull. Our faces were mere inches from each other as we caught our breath. He gazed into my eyes and my stomach tensed. I shifted away to hide the flush of my cheeks, but his hand held my side steady in the bobbing waves, turning me towards him. 

Does my lady rescuer have a name? he asked, still winded. 

A slow grin pulled up at the corner of his mouth. Before I could answer, my brother surfaced right in front of us with a fish hanging off the end of his spear. 

Lucas’s eyes bulged. Prince Rainier! 

The young man grinned. Lucas! 

Prince? My mouth fell open. 

His finger traced the side of my cheek lightly. I am.

I pulled away, shooting him a squinted glare. Then Lucas plucked me from the water with one arm. I hadn’t even noticed him climb aboard.

His spear lay on the deck beside me with the fish still attached.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the seat to catch my breath as he helped the prince aboard.

Lucas rushed about the ship, readying the sails and the prince sat by my side.

Besides looking exhausted, he seemed in mostly good health.

What happened to you? I asked.

Our ship was destroyed. We ventured too close to the barrier. 

What of the crew? I asked.

It was dark when we hit the barrier. When I came to, I was alone. If you hadn’t found me. . . His voice trailed off. 

But why sail so far? There is nothing out here but sea. 

Neema, leave him alone. He’s the prince. It’s not your business where he sailed to, Lucas snapped. 

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. I’m sorry. My brother had never talked to me like that before. I crinkled my eyebrows at him, but he looked away, steering us through the barrier. 

Come now, Lucas. She is merely curious, is she not? the prince said, flashing me a sly grin.

We pulled into the dock, and I helped my brother get us tied in as fast as I could. As always, I secured the stern while my brother worked the bow, the prince at his side. They whispered to each other, making it hard not to try to eavesdrop.

The prince pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a bruised and muscled body as he headed straight for me.

Shit did he notice me trying to listen in? I turned to hide my red cheeks. Worry waking in my mind. He knew we’d sailed beyond the barrier, and I was certain he knew it wasn’t a mistake since my brother had a barrel full of fish on board. This had to be the reason my brother was so stressed.

I curtseyed as the price came before me, ready to offer an excuse. 

Please, there’s no need. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be at the bottom of the ocean right now. 

I’m glad we could help. I just wish we’d been there for the others. 

It’s a terrible loss, my lady. 

My lady? I tried to stifle my laugh but failed. "You know who I am?" 

I do. 

You’re not afraid? He tilted his head, his eyebrow raised ever so slightly. 

I see beauty in variety. Not danger. 

I stood frozen, unsure of what to say. My jaw hung open