Diary of a Schizophrenic Poet

By Nico K Lawrence

Delve into the mind of a clinically diagnosed schizophrenic in this gripping autobiographical anthology written in poetic form. The author takes us on a journey of a life lived with mental illness, and all the insights, elucidations (and delusions?) this offers up.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nico Lawrence
• Release date: Jan 5, 2024
• ISBN: 9781738478835

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 Nico Kyle Lawrence

All rights reserved.

Nico Lawrence asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-7384788-3-5

Cover design by Ana K. Quintero.

Other Works by The Author

The Chronicles of Existence

To me, myself and I

Contents

Copyright

Other Works by The Author

Dedication

Schizophrenia

Insanity

Psychosis

Delusion

Hallucinations

Voices

Thoughts

Anxiety

Paranoia

Depression

To The Man in My Head

The Thought Police

Q&A

Deja Vu

The Phoenix Cry

The Alarm

Dear God

The Abyss

I Lie Ready

Seeing Is Believing

If

Once Upon a Time

The Mirror

Escape Inside

Vipassana

Rise

Tick-Tock

Dark Magic

Religion

War

Speciesism

Moo

Memories

Evil

Existence

The Mind

Women

The Square Root of Happiness

Afterlife

Truth or Daring?

Life

Goodbye

Thank You

Smoking

Music

Friendship

Family

Love

Sex

Flight of The Stars

Sparkling Eyes

Tainted Love

Smile

Sing a Song for Me

Dear World

The Eternal Rift

Space and Time

Fortune

Muse

Tears

Naiveté

Revulsion

A Part of You

Vice and Virtue

Sorry

Rico

Persecution

Oppression

Suicide

Rage

Tears  II

Why Are You Like Attacking Marketing?

Dead Syrian Refugees

Smiling Lies

Scum

Enough

British charm

Nigger

Fear

Hunting

Faces

Betrayal

Force

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Dies Irae

A Pleasing Nod

Marching Orders

I'm Not Your Slave

Dear Mother Africa

The Good Man’s Burden

I Did Not Stand at Your Grave and Cry

The Prayer

God Rises

A Note From The Author

Afterword

Acknowledgement

Schizophrenia

I think of schizophrenia as a kind of overly friendly stalker.

An acquaintance who doesn’t take the group's many hints. 

A blooper reel of my worst days forced to play on repeat. 

A cat that won't fail to wake me up at 5.30am if the door's left open. 

A teenager constantly spurring their mates on to commit crimes. 

A hammer perniciously hacking away from the insides of my temples. 

An alien that abducts me and insists that I invited it for drinks. 

A carpenter attempting to sculpt granite with a saw and hammer. 

A game of ping-pong where I'm the ball and the paddles. 

A thief breaking into my house to rearrange the furniture. 

A flute that fills my lungs with water the harder that I blow. 

An alarm clock that plays in my mind to sing me to sleep. 

A Sergeant Major screaming commands in my face. 

A song that gets caught in my mind and plays on repeat. 

A gun aimed at my head constantly threatening to shoot if I think. 

An avalanche set in motion by the sneeze of a mouse. 

A book that starts at the back and reads from bottom to top. 

A child given the reigns of the world’s armies. 

A row of hot coals I’m forced to run over every time I wake. 

A police division that forces crime then punishes me for it. 

A dog that barks every time I walk past its fence. 

An anthology of poetry written entirely in modern form.  

Insanity

Insanity and grandeur are two concepts I know well. 

The devil and an angel singing from the depths of hell. 

An unimaginable story of cosmic battles between evil and good. 

Thanatos at work, perhaps? Initially it was not understood. 

What even is reality? I could no longer tell you. 

My mind has lost all capacity to acquire new value. 

I know there are before me many objects to view. 

Yet I could not tell you whether that is true. 

I know I think I know what lies outside my door. 

But whether that is true or not I am not really sure. 

The only thing I think I know of which I’m fairly sure: 

Is that I’m having many thoughts and that there will be more. 

How many different entities can play a single flute? 

I would have considered there to be no soul left for them to loot. 

It seems that our existence has asked something of me. 

Something that I am unable to not unclearly see. 

And every time I answer I feel I’ve gone completely mad. 

It couldn't all be possible! Not every dream I've had! 

Psychosis

Psychosis my old friend!

Once more my life upends!

We play our endless game

of unrelenting shame

You've come back in my life

to offer me a knife

That can sever the ties

of my life’s many lies

You speak to me in rhyme

to offer me the time

To write down what you say

on each unbidden day

You play me on repeat

until I know defeat

My thoughts are in disorder

pressing on the boarder

Of the shield in my mind

hoping that