Identifying Mental Abuse

By Terra Hurst

Are you walking on eggshells, trying to please your partner? Do you constantly fall short?

You post a pretty picture of yourself on social media. Your partner mocks you, accusing you of being too attention-seeking; so, you delete it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Excel Book Writing
• Release date: Jan 4, 2024
• ISBN: 9798869104021

Book preview

Identifying Mental Abuse

EBK01_29March23- TerraHurst-FormattedAspose102023-08-04T22:09:00Z2023-08-11T18:54:00Z12627963159391Aspose132837318698116.0000

Identifying Mental Abuse

Life After Years of Mental Abuse

T.I Hurst

© Copyright 2022 - All rights reserved.

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Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1

What Is Mental Abuse?

Signs of Mental Abuse

Why Abusers Mistreat Their Victims

Your Abuser May Find Satisfaction in Your Suffering

Your Emotional Distress May Result in Their Material Gain

Your Abuser May Be an Attention Seeker

Your Abuser May Envy You

Myths About Abusers

A Victim Can Change the Behavior of an Abuse

Forgiving Your Abuser Is Admitting Defeat

Enough Love Can Account for a Violent Past

The Bottom Line

Chapter 2

The Victims, Why They Stay

Why Victims May Choose to Stay With Their Abusers

Financial Situation

Fear of the Unknown

Fear of Losing Children

Distorted Thoughts

Poor Self-Worth

Societal Expectations

Normalization of Toxic Relationships

How Abusers May Control Their Victims

Impact of Mental Abuse

Short-Term Effects

Long-Term Effects

Effects on How You Communicate Relationships

Ways You Can Help Out

Chapter 3

Red Flags

Innocent Flags

They Disrespect Other People

Making a Show of Generosity

They Make You Feel on Edge

Chronic Boredom

Gossip

Overt Flags

Attempts at Gaining Control

Blatant Neglect of Your Emotional Needs

Stonewalling

Gaslighting

Triangulation

Creating Chaos

Chapter 4 Stages of Abuse

Stage 1: The Honeymoon

Stage 2: Tension

Stage 3: The Incident

Stage 4: Reconciliation

Stage 5: The Calm Before the Storm

Chapter 5

Knowing Your Abuser and Their Tactics

The Victim

The Self-Improvement Expert

The Cynic

Bottom Line

Chapter 6

Four Stages of Recovery

Uncomfortable Traces of Your Past

Getting Over What Could Have Been

Stage One: Gaining Clarity

Transitioning into a World Without Them

Stage 2: Embracing Pain

Stage 3: Unlearning Abuse

Stage 4: Healing

Chapter 7

How Do You Break it To Them?

Who Is Your Abuser?

Your Breakup Strategy

Aftermath: Carving Peace Out of the Void

Conclusion

References

Introduction

Ever been in a room with someone that made it seem terribly difficult to breathe? Strangely enough, it is like they suck the air right out of the room. It reads quite differently on paper, but if you’ve met such an individual, it is likely that you have already gotten my drift. The scenarios are endless, because such is their nature—spontaneous and unpredictable. Being with them is like swimming, except that you aren’t enjoying your laps in the water. Your throat feels tight and you are so tired, perpetually exhausted by the endeavor of gulping up air to keep yourself afloat. So, you find that you are forcing yourself to look upwards and take another breath of air, when all your body wishes to do is to let go. Of course, the situation can vary. You might feel as if you love the feeling of swimming, letting yourself float on the lovely blue. However, this individual may have a quality of making you feel like you’re in a warm, blue embrace, before dunking you head-first in the water, without warning.

Perhaps you do not feel this way at all, for you are of the lucky few who have not been intimately linked with such an individual. However, the example is not lost to you. You have seen the way in which certain people may cause others to feel frightened, or caged, in an otherwise benign environment. You might know someone with a relationship that you can only describe to be beyond your understanding. As we begin this book, and our journey together, it is best that we label this individual, both for clarity and for our convenience’s sake. If you have encountered an individual who may have exhibited or exemplified the behavior described previously, it is likely that they are an abuser. Now, before you spring to their defense, producing their non-violent track record as evidence, let us come to the specifics. The Cambridge Dictionary defines abusers to be individuals that repeatedly treat others in an unfair, cruel or violent manner. Abuse, as a manipulative form of behavior, comes in many forms. A certain individual may subject another person to physical or mental abuse. The effects of both forms of abuse can be devastating, often accounting for prolonged periods of depression, anxiety and self-doubt.

The subject of abuse brings much opinion to the table. Some argue that intent may be a defining factor in the matter. What if it were an accident? What if she had not meant to hit me? What if his bad language was just a slip of tongue, something that occurs when you provoke him? As a stand, this book will hold abusers to the same standard that every other adult in society is expected to ascribe to. Everybody must be held accountable for their actions, regardless of their true intentions. Our sole focus will be ensuring that your comfort, safety, and undisputed right to be treated with respect are met by the people you have interpersonal relationships with. Given that I tread this subject objectively, it is unlikely that we may be on the same page. You might argue that there is more to your abuser than I can assume. You could be right. There’s more to everyone than what meets the eye. However, our discussion aims to consider the best interests of all parties involved in the relationship in a manner that is equitable. In spite of the differences in our struggles, it is important that no one is attributed preferential treatment. With this book, I hope that readers may be aided in identifying behavioral patterns that abuse the trust and resilient care of others in their lives. In this regard, I do not consider an individual’s intent to be a fair contender to the contesting subject of their misuse and ill-treatment of others in their interpersonal relationships.

If you are a victim of abuse, this onslaught of information might overwhelm you. Perhaps, you are not used to addressing your abuser in these terms. It is possible that you may have kinder words to describe them. You may believe that the faults in your relationship may not be owed to them entirely. Your abuser may have a past that you empathize with. Or, it could just be that you do not want to stoop to their level. This does not make you weak, but could actually be a hallmark of your relentless determination not to lose yourself to the toxic nature of an abusive relationship. It is also possible that your abuser occupies a distant territory in your mind that you can only think of in blind rage. Your abuser might take up all of your French. You resent the time and effort that they stole from you. In your mind, they deserve nothing less than your absolute detestation. Your anger does not demean your position in the larger scale of things. It could be your way of dealing with the complex trauma left behind by years of abuse. Perhaps, it could represent your dire need to hold them accountable to their many misdeeds. Perhaps, I am entirely incorrect and your personal experiences are far from the realities portrayed by these words. Regardless of where this book is positioned in your scale of approval, I hope that it only stands to be a means of aid in allowing you to move past your trauma.

Going back to the breathless room and the warm embrace of blue nothingness, what we mean to do with this book is to protect potential victims of abuse from emotionally exhausting situations. It is not normal to feel empty inside. It is not normal to feel disconnected from reality. It is not normal to constantly feel frightened of the ways in which you may possibly hurt another individual. While it may be argued that anxiety and depression are common mental health issues, constantly experiencing these states of mind with relation to a single individual may unfortunately paint a red flag for you. You do not deserve to exist on the brink of breaking, treading on flimsy eggshells that appear to lead nowhere. You do not deserve