Finding Home

By Jacinda Penley

Can you find the strength and courage to move forward when your past tries to hold you back?

In Finding Home, Jamie finally turns eighteen and sets off on a journey to build a future for himself, away from the foster system that has defined his life. His journey takes him through different parts of his past. Jamie remembers the neglect and abuse that he suffered at the hands of various foster parents but also the love and protection he received from his adoptive family.

As Jamie meets new people and forms new relationships, he realizes that some of them are connected to his past in unexpected ways. With memories flooding into Jamie's mind as he steps into his new life, the power of God's redemptive love is evident as the reader is taken through the highs and lows of Jamie's journey.

With the help of his faith in God, Jamie perseveres through the ups and downs of his life and learns to trust that God's plan for his life is greater than his own. With strong themes of faith, family, and redemption, Finding Home is a poignant and powerful story that will resonate with readers of all ages and will showcase the importance of trusting God's plan and purpose for our lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 15, 2024
• ISBN: 9798889432401

Book preview

cover.jpg

Finding Home

Jacinda Penley

ISBN 979-8-88943-239-5 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88943-240-1 (digital)

Copyright © 2024 by Jacinda Penley

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Prologue

About the Author

Finding Home

Prologue

Connie Prescot

2005

She had to get away, but she just couldn't leave him. She loved him, and nobody loved James except for her, and it just wasn't fair. Everybody deserves to be loved by their family. But this life was getting so exhausting. He yelled more often than not. She was trying so hard to understand why he was so angry. It was probably because he had nobody. The lead he thought he had on a possible relative turned out to be a dud. But she had already left her family in Marietta, Ohio, to help him try to find a possible family member in Texas, so she couldn't go back now. They had been moving around from place to place, and she was just so tired of it. Why couldn't she and Jamie be enough of a family for him? Jamie was becoming scared of him, and if she coddled Jamie too much, James would yell at her for making him a sissy boy and then would yell at him for being a crybaby. When she noticed she was starting to ignore him when James was being a jerk so Jamie wouldn't come to her to be cuddled, she decided he deserved more. Jamie deserved more than them, more than house to house and just living from bad day to good day and back to bad day. James had left on another wild-goose chase and said he wouldn't be back until Friday. So she called her sister Jane and asked her to meet for lunch. She planned on telling her about Jamie and asking her to take him for a while until she figured out how to get James some help. And maybe if he found a family member, he would be better. He would be satisfied, and they could just be a happy little family. They could be enough for him. But it was hard to help him with a little boy in tow. He would be five in August and could go to school. She could go back to get him then.

Connie packed the car up with their things and most of all of Jamie's. She kept a couple of things to remind her of him. She loved him. He was her little man. She knew she wasn't the best mother ever, but she loved him. She loved to read to him, and he was really smart. He already could read a lot of words, and his vocabulary was really good for a four-year-old. She had a feeling he was going to be something really special one day.

She drove through the night and morning before she arrived in Marietta, Ohio. Jane had promised to meet her at a little diner at noon for lunch. She was a little early. Surely they wouldn't mind if they went in and waited. She knew Jamie would be hungry.

Jamie started to stir in the back seat. He had not slept well at all; he was so excited about their adventure. He had been up most of the night and had only been asleep for a couple of hours. He would be miserable today. What if Jane didn't take him. No, she couldn't think about that. She missed her family. She had never been a daddy's girl, but after having Jamie, she had wished she had mended those bridges. She wished she had the guts to tell him about Jamie and ask for his help. But she didn't, so she wouldn't.

Hey. Did you sleep well?

Yes. Are we on our adventure yet? he asked as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. His little fist were the cutest little things.

We are. We are almost there. Are you hungry?

Can I have a cake?

You can have whatever you want! This is our adventure!

Ice cream?

Anything!

They pulled into the diner, and she got Jamie out of the car. They walked in. She tried to reach out to hold his hand, but he ignored her and walked behind her. He had started withdrawing from her. Didn't he know she didn't cuddle him all the time because it made it worse? Didn't he know she was trying to protect him? Surely this was the right thing to do.

Hello! Welcome to Shirley's. Sit wherever you like, the waitress said from behind the counter. Connie led Jamie to the back corner booth. He sat on one side and she on the other. She could tell he was tired. His little head kept bobbing down, but he would jerk it back up.

Who is the special lady? he asked.

She is somebody I love very much. She is my favorite person in the world. But I haven't seen her in a while because I broke their heart.

How did it break?

Because I stopped talking to them, and I ran away.

Where did you run to?

Texas with James. And then I had you, and I was scared to tell them. So I didn't talk to them again. She had been looking out the window as she talked, and she turned to look back at him. He was sound asleep. She went over and eased his head down into the booth. Her sweet baby. She would be good enough for him one day. And it started with today.

The waitress came over and asked if they were ready. She asked her to let Jamie sleep a little longer. The waitress agreed and went back behind the counter.

She couldn't wait to see Jane. They had been best friends right up until she had to constantly defend James to their father. Her father had hated him from the very beginning. She had just been his friend then, but she felt like she was the only person to ever really care about him. He had absolutely nobody, nobody to talk to, nobody to love, nobody to love him, until her. She had fallen crazy in love with him, hoping and praying she could give him everything he had never had. A family, a future, love. But it hadn't worked out; she and Jamie still weren't enough for him.

Connie was starting to get anxious and scared that Jane wouldn't show up. She didn't have a cell phone to call her; James had made sure he had broken that before he had gone out of town. She saw the waitress heading back toward their table; she really needed to go freshen up in the restroom, so she would ask her to stay with Jamie for just a second.

Hey? Miss?

Yes, ma'am, are you ready to order? She grabbed her pad out of her back pocket.

No, not quite yet. I have to run to the restroom. Do you care to keep an eye out over here so the little guy can sleep a little longer?

Absolutely. Shelley is relieving me in about five minutes. I'll tell her as well. The waitress walked back toward the counter.

Thank you.

Connie slid out of the booth and headed to the bathroom out the first set of glass doors into the vestibule that housed both the men and women's restrooms. The restroom was clean but cold. She shivered. She ran the warm water over her hands and arms and studied herself in the mirror. She had lost so much weight. She had just cut her hair, and it slid onto her shoulders. She pulled it back into a ponytail holder. She put water into both hands and splashed it onto her face. She was a little pale, but she still thought she was pretty. She had always thought she had a sweet and simple face, not gorgeous, not ugly, just sweet and pretty. She wished she hadn't lost so much weight, but stress was her enemy. She needed to help James, then she wanted out. She wanted to come back home. But she had to help James first so he could move on and past this family thing.

Inside, the waitress that had been waiting on them, turned to look at the boy in the back booth, and grinned. She needed to run to the restroom before she left. She had big plans, especially since she planned on calling in tomorrow and quitting. She hated this stupid job, but her boyfriend and her had big plans on skipping town after work and eloping. She could hardly contain her excitement. Shelley hadn't gotten there yet, so she yelled at the bus boy. Hey, Jordan, I'm gonna run to the restroom then jet. Can you tell Shelley to grab that back table? It's mine. The lady went to the restroom, and there is still a kid back there asleep.

He pulled the earbuds from his ear, tilted his head, and said, Huh?

The back table! It's mine, make sure Shelley knows, the lady…

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard ya. He plugged the earbud back into his ear and went back to jamming to his music. The waitress headed to the back to clock out.

Connie looked into the mirror one last time and sighed. She walked out of the bathroom, and a hand clamped around her elbow.

What the devil are you doing here? Where is the kid?

James. Crap, had he followed her? He was supposed to be looking for a lead on a possible relative and not back until Friday.

What are you doing here? Connie spun around to look at his face. His hold on her elbow didn't loosen. He looked like he was on something. She wasn't sure; she was so naive when it came to drugs and what they did to people. But his eyes looked bloodshot, and his face looked hollowed out around the cheeks and eyes. He didn't look like the kid she had fallen in love with.

I'm coming to get what's mine. You had no business leaving. Where is the kid! He jerked her outside, away from the couple that was coming through the diner's front door and away from hearing distance of anybody else who may poke their nose in their business. She hoped the waitress was still watching Jamie, and she prayed really hard he was still asleep and not wondering about her or coming to look for her.

He is with my sister in Marietta. She lied. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, but she sure didn't want to scare Jamie or make a scene in public.

Fine. Get in the car.

Wait. What do you mean? Where is your truck? I thought you were looking for that lady who may have known your grandmother?

Well, it was a lie, just like everybody else was a lie. Just like you're lying right now. Get in the car!

I don't want to go. I still need to give the rest of Jamie's things to Connie. You go on, and I'll meet you back in Texas.

I said I came to get what's mine. I know you planned on leaving me. You ain't any better than all the other people. And now you gave Jamie away. Well, that's just fine, but you ain't leaving. We are going back. Get in the car! He shoved her toward her car.

Wait! Where is your truck? Don't we need to take both vehicles home? She pleaded. She really needed to buy time to see Jane and tell her about Jamie. She wouldn't know to look for him. She wouldn't know he didn't have anything with him, and she would have to buy all of his favorite things. She wouldn't know he liked to wind his little fingers in your hair to go to sleep. Or that he liked to cuddle especially if he was scared. Or that he liked to let his cereal sit for a minute before he ate it. She would have to tell her to remind him of her so he wouldn't forget her. She needed to tell him goodbye. She needed to tell him she loved him and would be back.

Frank drove my truck. Get in the car, and let's go. I sure as the devil don't want to see Jane and hear about her perfect little life. She tried to get her arm loose and jerked it, but he wouldn't loosen his hold.

I said let's go! he yelled at her. She began to cry, and he slapped her across the face. The sting was sharp and sudden and shocked her to her core. He had never hit her before. Her hand flew to her face. He opened the passenger door and shoved her inside. She was more convinced than ever that she had done the right thing by leaving Jamie here for Jane. She could provide more for him than she ever could. Hopefully, Jane came soon and realized that Jamie was hers. He looked just like their dad; surely she would know he was hers. He slammed the door and got inside the driver's side. She still had her hand on her face. Tears burned her eyes and her face. Her heart felt like it was physically breaking. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Jamie

2018

Freedom! he screamed it in his head, much like Mel Gibson screamed in Braveheart. Freedom. It was all he could think about. Finally! He threw his duffel bag into the back of Tommy's beat-up, rusted, old, pickup truck. He had been waiting for this moment since he was seven years old and Elizabeth's witch of a mother had taken a broom to his backside for eating a banana that had belonged to Elizabeth. His shoes fit, his pants fit, his shirt was clean. He had a few thousand dollars he had saved in his wallet, and he was out of here. He hopped into the driver's side of his longest friend's truck, rolled down the window, and grinned.

I can't believe it. I just can't believe I am finally leaving this town, he said to Tommy, who was leaning against the hood of the truck.

Me neither, man. If anybody deserves this, it's you. Now you take care of ole Betsy here, she's my pride and joy. Tommy cleared the lump from his throat and patted the hood of his truck. If you ask him, Tommy would admit he was an emotional sort and then punch you in the shoulder. If you didn't ask, you would still know by the way he treated you. He had always treated Jamie like a little brother.

I'll get it back to you as soon as I can, you can trust me. It's just a loaner, I'll be set up in no time.

I know, Jamie. If anybody will knock this world out, it'll be you. Drive safe. He turned and walked back toward his house. Jamie watched Tommy walk all the way back to the porch of his new house. He was tall and lean, a little buffer since they both had started working out a couple years ago. A cute little blond was waiting for him at the door. Sly devil. He would get his truck back to him soon.

It wouldn't take him long to be up and going in Georgia; he already had a job lined up and couldn't wait to get started. A brand-new life, a brand-new beginning, a brand-new Jamie. He wasn't sure where this road would lead, but he couldn't wait to find out. He had been dreaming this dream for as long as he could remember, and it was finally time he found out what life was really like. A grin as big as Texas stayed on his face. He kept the window down and let the wind whip his blond hair back from his strong angular face. This ride may go down as the greatest ride he had ever taken. Not like the long rides in the back of Mr. Smauls's sedan, this was his freedom ride. Mr. Smauls. He couldn't believe he had come to visit him one last time before he left town. He had driven over three hours to see him and give him the letter he still hadn't had the heart to read. He would read it. Just not right now. Right now, he was going to let the wind whip through his hair and enjoy the sunshine that was starting to burn his face through the window. It was a warm May day, upper eighties if he had to guess. He drove down the familiar roads, past the familiar homes, past Billy's house. Just a few more miles and he would be in town and a few more past town and onto the interstate. Onto his brand-new life. He couldn't wait.

As he turned the corner going past the school, there was a sign that said Detour Ahead. That was strange. He didn't remember them doing road work in the old neighborhood. He leaned out the window and stared at the kid who held the Stop sign. What's going on?

Water main broke. Just circle around by Sycamore, and you're clear.

Okay, man. Thanks.

Sycamore. He hadn't been on Sycamore in years. Sycamore. Where his life had changed. The last beginning. There it was, a little brick house. He could pass it and turn in the cul-de-sac, or he could turn left and be heading back toward town. He didn't know why he chose to pass it, and he didn't know why he circled in the cul-de-sac or why he stopped the truck, and he definitely didn't know why he got out to see it more clearly. He remembered the first time he saw it. He had been thirteen years old. A lifetime ago now, it seemed.

Jamie

2013

Here a house, there a house, everywhere a house, house. Not his house though. Never his house; always their house. Always a temporary house. He didn't care anymore. It was just too much work to care. He didn't remember which house was which, but none of them had been his house anyway. It was starting to look like nothing would ever really be his. If he left something, nobody cared enough to bring it to him. If it had been his and they wanted it, nobody cared when they took it from him. Whatever. He didn't care anymore anyway.

They pulled onto Sycamore. He had decided to sit in the back of Mr. Smauls's four-door silver sedan this time. Sometimes he had let him sit up front, but Jamie hadn't felt like talking to anybody this ride. This house looked similar to the last. Brick, not too small, decent yard, big tree. They pulled into the driveway.

Should I fake smile here and pretend to be happy, or are they the typical ‘I'm doing it for the money' folks? Or is this a family that can't stand to see kids like ‘poor ole pitiful' me not have a stable home? He changed his voice to a dramatic girl voice for the last type of families. He was getting pretty good at telling the difference. He hadn't been fooled too many times.

You know, Jamie, it's this attitude that keeps us packing up and moving from family to family. Why don't you try to fit in? Don't you want to have a family, a place to call home? You're thirteen years old. Time to grow up and want more out of life. These folks are good people. They haven't been foster parents for long, so cut them some slack and give them a chance. Mr. Smauls pushed his glasses back up his nose as he stared at him. His expression made Jamie think he was tired of picking him up; he didn't have a clue how tired he was of being picked up.

I'll care to want one when somebody cares enough to give one. Jamie grabbed his backpack; actually it wasn't even his backpack, it had Billy's name written just inside the zipper. Let's just get it over with, I'm sure you have things to do. Mr. Smauls stared at him, then just sighed and tried to take the bag from him, but he just hefted it onto his back instead and shrugged away.

As Jamie swung open the door, he noticed the hole in the top of his shoe. They weren't his either. He didn't even have a clue where they came from. Probably Billy's too. He had been a decent kid, little fat red headed kid with big brown eyes and freckles all over his face. He would probably still get to see him; both houses were in the same school zone. Oh well, who cared about shoes anyway? Shoes were not important. Billy wasn't important. He was the reason he was here anyway. He didn't want to think about it anymore. He closed the box Billy was in and stared ahead to his next home.

The door was blue. Who put a blue door on a brick house anyway? Mr. Smauls led him like a little pup. He was seriously a decent guy. He wasn't sure why he was in this business though; he seemed like he would be a good banker, or at least that's what he thought a banker would look like, not a social worker. His briefcase made him look so official-looking.

Mr. Smauls rang the doorbell. Jamie scooted a little behind him so he could see them without them knowing that he was staring; he figured it was better to get an idea of who they were before they got an idea of who he was. He put his hands in his pocket and waited.

A young girl opened the door. Cute little thing. Blond curls, blue eyes. Couldn't be more than five or six. He could hear the mom yell at her from inside the house somewhere, Don't open the door, Maddie, wait on Momma! She came running through the house. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun. She was wearing a big sweat shirt over leggings with no shoes. She appeared to be like one of the nice ones. She didn't have a clue what she was getting into. Poor lady.

Anne, how are you?

I am well, Mr. Smauls. How are you? She extended her hand to him. He took it briefly, but not firmly, not like a big strong man or anything.

Well, you know. I'm just working up a storm. This here is Jamie Rodan. Jamie?

He put his hand on Jamie's shoulder and scooted back so he was beside him. Jamie just looked at her. Right in the eyes. He couldn't even remember which Dad told him to do that. It didn't matter anyway; they rarely looked for too