The F Words: Furthering Fathering Feeling Fatherless

By Grequan Carter

A Poetic Philosophical Practical Guide to Self Improvement, Community Impact, and Cosmic Alignment. The F Words is a combination of a memoir, book of poetry, a self transformation workbook, and a facilitator's guide to empowering others. The 4 categories within this book Philosophical Concepts, Personal Journal Entries, Purity of Poetry, and Practical Self & Community Inquiries. This is a great reference for Anthropology, Sociology, and African American Studies.

In unique tones, The F Words explores Social Justice, Paradigm Shifts, African American Culture, Fatherhood, Intimate Relationships, Pursuing Goals, Connecting with Nature, Law of Attraction and so much more.

Fathers, Parents, Couples
Community Leaders, Social Justice Activists
Teachers, Coaches, Facilitators
Therapists, Counselors, Social Workers,
Nature Lovers, Meditators

This is a One-Stop Shop for learning effective thought-feeling-action systems that will change your life, and provide transformative rapport building dialogue prompts for groups.

All to inspire YOU to be inquisitive about your internal Self, your Self in Community, and Self connected to all things!

Most importantly, the F Words is a Monologue to my Offspring, revealing my Blueprint of Life, for the World to Experience.

Peace and Prosperity,

-Gre

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Apr 4, 2024
• ISBN: 9798218385491

Grequan Carter

Grequan Carter, A Published Author, Founder/Coach of ROC Vipers AAU Basketball Organization, Life/Executive Coach for Eye of Nature Coaching, and RECivation. Board President of Respite & Restoration at Lagom Landing, Project Coordinator for Partners in Restorative Initiatives, and Accountability Panel Role for Exploring Racism Together. He shares expertise in Life Coaching and Group Facilitation, facilitating Social Emotional Learning, Mindfulness, Meditation, Sound Healing, Basketball, Poetry, Abstract Art, and Cognitive Behavior Interventions. Grequan Carter also facilitates a variety of Meditative and Team Bonding Retreats, is a Professional Nature Photographer, Motivational Speaker, and Marketer. He embodies living in abundance through presence, curiosity, positive energy, and play. Philosophically he utilizes the Arts as a universal language to build community and advocate. Most importantly, Grequan Carter is a proud father!

Book preview

A white cover with black text Description automatically generated

Copyright©[2024]by [GrequanCarter] All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

ISBN: 979-8-21-838549-1

Table of Contents

In-T.R.O.

F1: FURTHERING

F1: Philosophical Concepts

Quarrel Purgatory

Pondering My Blackness

HONORING Grandma the ELDER

Diversity Statement

F1: Precious Journal Entries

F1: Purity of Poetry

Title: C.I of B.C Intro

Title: Right Thoughts

Title: Species

Title: What A Nigga Gotta Do

Title: Mulatto

Title: Honor Ancestors

Title: Inner Kid Please

Title: NEGUS

Title: C.O.V.I.D

Title: Bruised Black Beauty

Title: Change Agent

Title: Social Media Matrix

Title: Black Stroll

Title: I STATE MY CASE

Title: Phoenix

Title: Welcome Home Recidivation Coming Home

Title: Primary-Study

Title: X-Accused-Shunned

Title: The Set Up

Title: Mercy

Title: I’m Not Racist

Title: Rochester Village-Clarrisa Uprooted

Title: Change the Narrative

F1: Practical Self & Community Inquiries

COMMUNITY CHANGE AGENT

EXPLORING IDENTITY

SOCIETAL RELATIONS

F2: FATHERING

F2: Philosophical Concepts

Passion Translating to the Journey of Life

Creating A Future Empire with Day-to-Day Building Blocks

3 P’s of Self-Fulfillment

DEFINE YOUR MANHOOD

Basketball Coaching Philosophy

F2: Precious Journal Entries

F2: Purity of Poetry

Title: Glimpse of Hope for What

Title: New Born to Man

Title: Fatherly Migraine

Title: Duty to Promote Black

Title: On Behalf of the Men

Title: Feminine Diversity

Title: Appreciate Now

Title: Undivided Presence

Title: Nus To Sun

Title: Snowfall on the 14th

Title: Praise Baby Momma

Title: In Sight

Title: Entrepreneur

Title: Defending My Artistry

Title: Self Check In

Title: Fatherhood Vow

Title: Ya Father Got Rhythm

Title: Relinquish Haters

Title: Father’s Day Reflection

Title: Coaching Graduation Letter to Self

F2: Practical Self & Community Inquiries

Spirit of a Child & Leisure

Financial IQ

Exploring Father/Motherhood

Goals

F3: FEELING

F3: Philosophical Concepts

The Difference Between Parenting and Fathering/Mothering

Perfection Complexity

Relationship Fuel Types

Family

LOVE

F3: Precious Journal Entries

F3: Purity of Poetry

Title: Great Adultery

Title: Quintuple the Feeling

Title: Keys and Doors

Title: Storm Chaser

Title: Jungle Fevah

Title: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Title: Complex-At Ease

Title: Family Function

Title: When I Look At You From Above Behind And Within, I Get It

Title: What A Kiss Can Do

Title: Impediment

Title: THC

Title: Tell Me

Title: Feeling on a Roll

Title: Relationship Ulterior Motives

Title: Sexually Frustrated

Title: Mr. & Mrs. Brown

Title: Fraudulent

Title: Blueprint to Manning Up

Title: Seductive Heist

Title: Date Night

F3: Practical Self & Community Inquiries

FAMILY TIES

CHARACTER & RELATIONAL CONFLICT

FRIENDSHIPS

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS & LOVE

RELATIONSHIP DESIRE ASSESSMENT

F4: FATHERLESS

F4: Philosophical Concepts

Simple Identity Through Predators and Prey

Changing the Language of Possibility

EXPLORING NARRATIVES

Optimal Manifestation

The Work

Liberating Self-Cleaning Up

F4: Precious Journal Entries

F4: Purity of Poetry

Title: Cycle of Life

Title: Nature’s Song

Title: Shades of Suffering Salvation

Title: Balance

Title: N.S.F.A

Title: Drink Baby Drink

Title: High Frequency Visualization

Title: Elements

Title: PINE

Title: You Are The Creator

Title: Talk To Me Nature

Title: Syntropy When Alone

Title: IA

Title: Picture Yourself

Title: Condolences

Title: Innocence Plagued

Title: AND STILL

Title: Creative Intelligence

Title: DEI Conflict

Title: Love

Title: CI-BC Outro

F4: Practical Self & Community Inquiries

MEDITATION

SPIRITUALITY

CONNECTION TO NATURE

MANIFESTATION

Mindfulness Progression Challenge

Bonus: Dear Payten Cade

Black Consciousness is Layered

Vocabulary Reference

Book References & Public Figures Mentioned

Honor-Knowledgements

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO

GREISON CARTER MASON CARTER TYSON CARTER PAYTEN CADE

And Any More Offspring I May Have In The Future

In-T.R.O.

The In-T.R.O. stands for Inner Travel Reading Open-mindedly. This In-TRO sets the tone for you to become totally intimate with me as a writer, which is my ultimate form of expression. Writing is MY GIFT, so I am gifting you, ME! As the previous page says, this book is dedicated to my sons and potential future offspring, so throughout this book, I will be writing in a tone that directly speaks to them, as my offspring.

For those of you who are witnessing this monologue to my offspring, I challenge you to take an inner dive and read this book open-mindedly. Put yourself in the shoes of an offspring, and receive, reflect, and act (Double RA)! There is a potentiality this book can be triggering for those who have complexities with their fathers, especially when I utilize statements like Your Father, and My Child. Just remember, I am speaking directly to MY offspring, and not you. At the same time, this book is DIRECTLY FOR YOU! It is meant for you to explore MANY aspects of yourself and challenges you to go even deeper. Also, I must say, I do not agree to take on the responsibility as your father, or volunteer to take on the responsibility to be the father of your offspring, lol! Now let’s begin!

An Embracing Shift

I’m super excited you are here! This is not only an individual journey, but a collective journey you share with millions of others reading this book. Since publishing Journey of a Maturation Rollercoaster in 2018, I’ve learned, and most importantly, embodied a lot of new philosophies, perspectives, and behaviors. So much we are going to have to readdress/explore some of the concepts I previously spoke of in Journey of a Maturation Rollercoaster. At first, I was going to write concepts I previously believed…, insinuating I was wrong before and right now, but that’s NEVER how it is. There is no right or wrong way of Being! There is just BEING! And the way you decide to be, whether you’re conscious of it or not, determines how your reality will play out. So that reality, that state of mind, those behaviors I previously wrote and embodied were totally REAL, and right where I needed to be at those moments in time in order for me to thrive under those circumstances, to get to this beautiful place of bliss! Plus, that past experience no longer exists and is just a figment of my imagination, but we shall talk about that later on.

For example, I previously embodied the idea that I am a product of my mind. During that time of product of my mind identification, the environment I lived in, and community I socialized with, was not something I felt truly connected to. I also didn’t see, or get exposure to people like me. Besides Fabolous, J. Cole, and Kendrick Lamar, I didn’t idolize anyone. I was inspired by lyrics, nothing in my community brought true inspiration. I totally disconnected from the idea of being a product of my environment. In order for me to cope/persevere with my external environment, unconsciously I was shaping my ideal environment/reality with thinking a certain way that was beyond what was; hence my strong embodiment of being a product of my mind.

As I grew, post 2018, I engulfed my understanding of being a product of mind-body-soul. Now 2021, I’m fully aligned with being an exquisite extension of Divine Source. With my final edits in 2023, being an exquisite extension of Divine Source is now complimented with being Pure Consciousness, an extension of a Divine Source, connected to ALL Things, including influences of society. You will learn to see, humans are constantly changing physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I FULLY embrace where I was, where I am, and where I’m headed. I wish YOU the same my child!

Reader's Guide

This is a guide for you to learn from and use as a resource as you explore your journey of life. You’re going to be engulfed in a society that will EAT YOU ALIVE (which is figurative language).It insinuates you being consumed, manipulated, influenced by societal norms, which is how to think, how to behave, how to dress, what to buy, what education you need, what to eat, what type of relationships you should have, what you have access to based on your economic status, stereotypes of where you’ll end up, and what you can accomplish as an African American. Long story short, you can create your OWN reality and not let others dictate it!

At the same time, I’m going to share where I was mentally and emotionally at certain points in life. You’ll even get to witness actual journal entries I wrote. Depending on your level of recognition of penmanship, will determine if you understand what was written. I’ll type it out as well. I won’t make any edits to the scanned journal entries. There will be a lot of spelling, crossing out and some grammatical errors. But hey, it is what it is, I’m an open book (figurative language).

Tell Me More, Gre!

You must be curious how this all ties into being fatherless, and fatherhood in general. Well, first, my father isn’t dead. He exists in this world surviving the best way he knows. He has a few sons and a daughter and multiple baby mothers. I’m not sure exactly where he lives, but most of his settlement took place on the East Coast. Only places I know of are Far Rockaway, Bronx, Brooklyn, Connecticut, Atlanta. Let’s just say he’s been a salesperson his whole life. He has a great smile, has the ability to connect with people and extract what he needs, he was athletic at some point in time, he gives people the benefit of the doubt, he’s not afraid to defend his family, not afraid of taking risks, and has faith he will always be ok. Regardless of those good characteristics, I wasn’t blessed with the opportunity to witness those characteristics on a consistent basis. I don’t know all of the reasons behind why he decided not to be present in my life on a consistent basis. All I can hypothesize is:

He became a father at 19. So, you could say he wasn’t mature enough to take on the responsibility. But that isn’t necessarily true (AT FIRST because he was most consistent and present in my life from birth to 3 years old. BUT, because his mother left him and his brother at the age of 16, and their father died 3 years prior to their mother leaving, and having to figure out where he could secure his basic needs, and doing so through selling drugs, and DOING drugs as a potential coping mechanism, could have led to him becoming a HIGHLY dependable weed smoker, which potentially could have hindered his psychological development; causing him not to even fathom commitment or responsibility to a family, based on his inability to comfortably support himself, the absence of both a positive mother and father throughout life, and altered brain development because of drugs. He could be running from all of those repressed and unaddressed emotions.

Or at my age of 3, living in Prospect Park, Brooklyn New York, he, and my mother had a bad fall out causing them to break up, forever. So maybe he didn’t come around as often because he felt ashamed, embarrassed, sad, upset, or guilty with himself because he put his hands on my mother in an aggressive way, jeopardizing the harmony of our family; or my mother stripped him the opportunity of seeing me on the consistent basis because of the incident and his immaturity, or both. But that still doesn’t answer down the line why he decided to stand me up over 50 times and/or just not take the initiative to consistently show up for me as a father.

I spent years hypothesizing, but hypothesizing did not provide the DEEP awareness/acceptance/forgiveness/ recovery. I needed to move forward psychologically and emotionally, and therefore spiritually. If you read my first book Journey of a Maturation Rollercoaster, you’ll witness my contemplations and pursuits towards healing. As I reflected, those contemplations and pursuits were so critical for my advancement in consciousness, and through those reflections, I accepted those pursuits weren’t the end goal. The acceptance component was challenging. I said to myself, I wrote it down and shared it to the world, I played my part. My process of writing is a deep reflection, so facing the feelings associated with my father’s behavior, was not waters I wanted to tread for long; which is a sense of impatience, so I convinced myself my acts of reflection and writing was deep enough for DEEP acceptance, forgiveness, and recovery.

So the question came up, what am I actually looking for? Simply in that question is AWARENESS. Awareness that there is something that is absent, causing resentment, sadness, anger, envy to arise when I am watching a movie like Pursuit of Happyness, John Q, and any other movie where the Dad is present in the son's life in a positive way. Witnessing it in person has a more subtle effect; but it’s still present. Another question arose, will those feelings ever totally extinguish? If so, what does it look like, and what does it feel like to be in that frequency? My journey continues…

I previously referenced the word DEEP, as a descriptively intense way of attainment of acceptance, forgiveness, and recovery. Visually, intellectually, and emotionally speaking, DEEP can be conceptualized vastly. So, we are going to create another acronym as a mantra for each phase of healing.

DEEP now stands for:

Devoted, Enough, Every, Phase

When you are truly being intentional about the healing process, your durability for obstacles increases dramatically. Obstacles could be relapses physically, emotionally and/or psychologically. When those relapses happen, you must be Devoted Enough Every Phase to roll with the punches (figurative language), continually acting in accordance with the steps required for progression.

The Healing Process

Biologically, our bodies naturally go through a 4-stage process when it comes to healing. Hemostasis, Inflammation, Proliferation, Remodeling.

When we get any type of laceration, Hemostasis kicks in immediately, clotting the blood to slow down, and ultimately preventing blood loss, creating a scab. Once that process is successfully complete, leads to the Inflammation process. In Inflammation, blood vessels sprout to provide fresh oxygen and nutrients for the wounded area, the white blood cells fight off any bacteria and viruses to prevent infection, and growth factors begin to restore the wounded area. In Proliferation, tissues and blood vessels are repaired, and new tissue, skin, and a scar begin to develop. In Remodeling, the tissue strengthens, irritation may arise, the scar may disappear or be subtle on the skin.

Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, and Spiritually, we have the capacity to go through a 4-Stage Healing Process

as well.

Awareness, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Recovery. (AAFR) - (Always Asking For Refills)

Awareness is having the consciousness that there is an undesired internal and/or external reality; a sensitivity/ intuitive identification of an area of improvement.

Acceptance is a relinquishment of disassociation with what you previously undesired, and an embrace/acknowledgement of that undesired reality.

Forgiveness is shifting a negative perspective and/or emotion towards someone(s), yourself, or environment, into different degrees of tolerability, contingent on the subject.

Recovery is rejuvenating from a previous lack, decrease, deterioration, loss, of the subject. It is a form of reinvention, as one is a transformed version of their previous Selves.

Awareness connects to Hemostasis because they both act as a form of intermediary, the beginning process to prevent further degrees of devastation. As awareness identifies areas of improvement, hemostasis identifies vulnerabilities and presents a temporary solution, until the cycle progresses.

Acceptance connects to Inflammation through mutual understanding of productivity. They understand to progress, they must nurture what was previously broken through productive actions towards growth.

Forgiveness connects to Proliferation through maintenance, creating and fully adopting new narratives and actions revolving around positivity to prevent deterioration again.

Recovery connects to Remodeling by strengthening the tools established to not only maintain healing but have cultivated such strong practice, that it forms a new skin of protection to thrive in the world anew.

In the Kybalion, it quotes "As so above, so below", we can shift our frequency to align with our organic ability to heal ourselves. Sometimes we need to get out of our own way and allow our inner and outer magic to be fluid. (That includes fixations on paradigms like society is out to get us, or all systems are designed to oppress). Although there is truth within those paradigms, when one (ONLY) fixates on the problem, one is in bondage to that problem, and can not see past that problem, and therefore cannot visualize or act upon solutions.

Liberation comes from the healing process of awareness, acceptance, forgiveness and recovery.

The Breakdown

Now let’s break down our title The F Words. Though The F Words creates beautiful alliteration, a part of its identity is individuality. Each F Word is symbolic for specific goals of mine, as well as a form of embodiment. Each word has energy to it, characteristics, and with proper channeling I can tap into that word’s essence, like a mantra.

Furthering is a representation of challenging and breaking old paradigms, advancing the quality of fathers in this lifetime, amplifying the frequency of Black People and allies, and creating harmony for humans through new paradigms.

Fathering is leading by example, with authority and grace, passion and purpose, acceptance and support, guidance and demonstration, trust, and submission, and most importantly love.

Feeling is being non-resistant to how I feel, allowing the full spectrum of emotions to surface, and to be expressed in uniquely creative ways. Also, to give others, primarily boys and men, permission to do the same.

Fatherless has become an identity, for myself, and many others. It is writing as a coping mechanism, and being vulnerable to share my truths, and also establishing Fatherless as an ignition during those days my offspring are being beyond a nuisance, which leads to affirming to myself: my kids will never know what it’s like to not have a father. I have transmuted Fatherless into a gift from the Higher Power, so this section is highly philosophical, quantum and macrocosmic.

This book will be grouped into 4 main sections, and 4 subsections. As the reader you may journey page by page, taking a chronological approach. Or you may venture through randomly, letting your intuition and curiosity guide you throughout. Or you may follow by specific subsections. I am confident there are gems within ALL sections, I do request you commit to establishing an intimacy with every page though, for completion guarantees a positive paradigm shift!

This book is written in 3 perspectives simultaneously. Those 3 perspectives are the:

Micro: Lens of the Self

Mezzo: The Self within a Community, Society, Systems. And/or the Self, perceiving a Community, Society, System (Micro-Mezzo)

Macro: The Lens of the World, Mother Nature, The Universe, The Cosmos, Consciousness You’ll see combinations of these perspectives throughout the book.

Big Questions Within The F Words

Furthering (Mezzo-Macro): What’s the bigger picture? How does this influence my reality? Who are my people?

Fathering (Micro-Mezzo): What’s my role? How do I give? What am I striving for?

Feeling (Micro): How does that make me feel? How do I express my feelings? How do I uplift myself ? Who are my support systems?

Fatherless (Micro-Mezzo-Macro): Who am I? Is this who I really am? Where do I come from? What am I? What am I connected to? What are the Laws of this Universe?

Within each F word, there are 3 pillars:

(F1) Furthering – Paradigm Shift, Our People, Society

(F2) Fathering – The Grind, Manhood is Honoring Women, Fatherhood

(F3) Feeling – Relationships, Communication, Conflict

(F4) Fatherless – Consciousness, Reality, Nature

In each F word and subsection, there will be articulations in four unique ways. Philosophical Concepts, Precious Journal Entries, Purity of Poetry, and Practical Self & Community Inquires. Within Philosophical Concepts, one will embark on creative philosophy, giving depth to diverse ideas; this section is more academic-like, enriched with logic, science, and motivation. Within Precious Journal Entries, one will journey to specific moments in my life, revealing epiphanies, streams of thought, or just venting. Within Purity of Poetry, one will embark on my genius of Creative Intelligence, rhythm, rhyme, and a plethora of literary devices. Within Practical Self & Community Inquiries, one will embark on self-analysis questions, group dialogue prompts, and calls to action.

For accountability and deep exploration of this book, I challenge you to find a thought partner, or a group of thought partners to exchange ideas with.

Once again my child, I feel so much appreciation for you taking the time to read this book. It shows how inquisitive you are, how motivated you are to learn, how much respect you have for my writing, how supportive you are, and how READY you are to receive. You are at the right place, at the right time! Greatness is your birthright! Now claim YOUR THRONE!

-Gre

F1: FURTHERING

3 Pillars: Our People, Paradigm Shift, Society

…On an ancestry level, I feel super disconnected.

Born as an African-American, a degenerate but exclusive label, has been offsprung by Africa, the highly recognized and embodied 1/3 human/slave,

the generosity of the European ventriloquist to the Negro; some days like today I am confused and conflicted…

-G. Carter

F1: Philosophical Concepts

Quarrel Purgatory

What is conflict? A disagreement. Because one party thinks they are right, and the other party is wrong. Could be inner conflict, which is self-directed, and the other party isn’t even aware that they are causing conflict. Or it can be a dual conflict, where both parties feel they are right and the other is wrong. Or it can be spite conflict, where one party knows they are wrong, and is aware of the right way and does what they do out of spite or ego, knowing the other party will be conflicted with their behavior.

Regardless of what it is, in order to solve or dissolve the conflict, one must change their consciousness to move forward. Changing consciousness looks like changing their emotional state (nervous system) toward that conflict or changing their perception (thoughts-neuro network) toward that conflict. Whatever one you choose, it will naturally cause the other to shift. SO, shifting in one, leads to shifting in two. The consequence of that is a shift in action (behavior). SO, shifting in one, leads to shifting in two, leads to shifting in three, a trilogy!

You cannot have a SUSTAIN behavior without the initial two. The initial two (emotions and thoughts) DIRECTLY affect the behavior. If you DO NOT address your emotions or thoughts, either one party or the other party WON’T be able to move on from the conflict. This means you will be stuck on perspective clashes and unable to move forward! Resolving nothing!

So, being in Quarrel Purgatory means you are unwilling to or unaware of the discipline required to behave in a certain way.