Sober from Sin: A Law Enforcement Veteran's Journey to Unraveling Addiction and Faith

By Jeff Fields and Adam Davis

Sober from Sin is a poignant memoir detailing the journey of a former law enforcement veteran from the depths of alcoholism to the embrace of sobriety, entwined with a search for spiritual and personal redemption. Reflecting on a two-decade career and the struggles with addiction, the storyteller delves into the complexities of navigating addict

• Language: English
• Publisher: 1333 Consulting
• Release date: May 28, 2024
• ISBN: 9798869295064

Book preview

Sober from Sin

A Law Enforcement Veteran's Journey to Unraveling Addiction and Faith

Jeff Fields

Contents

Disclaimer

Foreword

Introduction

SECTION ONE:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

SECTION TWO

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

SECTION THREE

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Notes

About the Author

Sober from Sin by Jeff Fields

Copyright © 2024 Jeff Fields

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

ISBN: (print) 979-8-8692-9505-7

ISBN: (ebook) 979-8-8692-9506-4

Printed in the United States

1st Edition

Disclaimer

This book addresses sensitive topics such as sexual abuse and suicidal thoughts. It's important to note that it is not a replacement for the advice of licensed therapists or physicians. For concerns related to your mental and physical health, it is recommended to regularly consult with a medical professional. In case you ever grapple with suicidal thoughts, reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for assistance.

A Note from the Author

In my book, you'll find that the narrative doesn't strictly follow a chronological order. This isn't a deliberate stylistic choice but rather a reflection of my own experiences. As someone who has battled alcoholism, my memory is fragmented, and I often recall events in bits and pieces. This non-linear approach allows me to convey the story as I remember it, piecing together moments from different times in my life. Through this format, I hope to offer readers a glimpse into the complexities of my journey and the challenges I've faced along the way.

To CJ and Finley: You deserve the best of me.

To all the sick and suffering: You are always just one conversation away from freedom.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:5-9

Foreword

You’ve done a good thing in purchasing this book written by my dear brother in Christ, Jeff Fields. Maybe you don’t know who I am, and you’re thinking, Who is Adam Davis and why did he write this foreword? Allow me to briefly introduce myself. For the last decade, I have traveled across the United States, sharing my story of complex trauma, suicide, addiction, healing, and restoration. I am a former law enforcement officer. My life has been messy, from childhood sexual abuse to addiction as an adult, and ultimately, the day I tried to end my life. I’ve authored nine books, including my latest book, which I completed in 2022. That book, which was released in 2023 resulted in me being invited on as a guest for Good Morning America, The Huckabee Show, among dozens of other media outlets. Writing my story was one of the hardest tasks of my life. It wasn’t challenging because it was some great literary accomplishment; it was challenging and draining because it was the first time I had shared the depths of my story through writing. There’s something different about sharing my story from a stage versus putting it in print.

But that challenge, much like many others, has led to incredible rewards. The rewards were not a windfall of financial resources, fame, or some other vain and fleeting exchange for bearing my soul. The rewards have been the messages of lives changed forever. And, as such, Jeff Fields is positioned to receive an abundant portion of those same rewards because of his willingness to bear his soul through Sober from Sin. You are in for a transformative experience as you read these pages.

For a moment, lay aside the human tendency to judge a book by its cover or to be presumptuous about someone else’s story. Jeff Fields is my brother in Christ and a fellow brother in law enforcement. We are connected because of our faith and our past calling. But we are also connected by something else, something darker: addiction. What Jeff has done by writing Sober from Sin is no small feat; in fact, it is a significant achievement and a major accomplishment for a number of reasons. The words you are going to read will indelibly dance through your thoughts and touch your soul. There will be places you will likely flinch and want to turn away because of the pain, and that’s okay, too. The reality of Jeff’s story is that he is not the only one who has dealt with these issues, although he is one of the few to share them openly. 

When you look into the eyes of a friend, family member, colleague, or stranger, you never know what lies beneath the surface, much like what we see when we look at the cover of a book. There’s so much depth beyond the surface, and Jeff goes into the depths of his addiction, his pain, and the healing he’s experienced. 

Here are a few facts I know, beyond a reasonable doubt: 

Jeff Fields was an addict.

Jeff Fields nearly lost it all because of his addiction.

Jeff Fields is in recovery.

Jeff Fields is still here and in the fight.

Jeff Fields represents someone you know, maybe yourself, and he is not the only one.

If you are battling addiction, you are not alone, and there is hope beyond your current situation. You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to a local pastor and ask them for resources or to recommend a program where you can be provided the tools and skills needed to fight back against the demons that have tried to take you out. Jeff’s story is a reminder that we all have a purpose, but there are some sinister plans to disrupt that purpose, and they will stop at nothing short of completely destroying our lives. Jeff didn’t let that happen. Don’t let that happen to you either. Open hands, clean hearts, clear eyes, together, we move forward in healing. It’s time to shake off the sin that intoxicates us and be sober in all seasons. This is time for battle. 

Adam Davis

Author & Speaker

www.TheAdamDavis.com

Introduction

I am not seeking to be great, but to be really useful. ⁠ ¹

Charles Spurgeon

Do you ever look at someone and wonder why they are the way that they are? I do this all of the time. In fact, it was my job for nearly a quarter of my life. I have learned a lot about myself over the last several years, and I’m starting to discover why I am the way that I am. I am an alcoholic. Something I developed over the last ten years. At some point I crossed the line into addiction, then dependence. However, my addiction is but a symptom of something else.

I had always viewed an alcoholic as a derelict or a bum, someone you see begging on a street corner. Their body wasting away from a hard life. No job, no home, just the fleeting highs of their addiction. I would often ask myself, what came first in their lives? The addiction, and then they lost everything? Or; did they lose everything, and then the addiction? I would learn in my own addiction that losing everything was one of the best things that could have happened to me. More importantly my definition of "everything" changed. There isn’t much of a difference between someone on the street and myself. We are only as free or broken as we choose to be.

In the realm of police work, officers find themselves rushing with lights and sirens to confront problems and crises. Yet, amidst the pursuit, who is hurrying to their aid? In my experience, it's evident that many first responders resort to alcohol as a coping mechanism for the traumas they encounter in the line of duty. Hollywood frequently romanticizes alcohol and police work, portraying a lonely detective who, despite excelling at their job, struggles with personal demons. The narrative often includes divorce, financial struggles, and a tarnished professional reputation. Movies miss the mark. While it may sell tickets, in reality, what is portrayed would be tearing lives apart. It's imperative that, as a law enforcement community, we shift our focus from reaching for a drink to promoting mental health awareness and talking to others.

For as long as I can remember, alcohol has been my medicine. I drank to pacify so many questions I had running through my head. It has always been a temporary release from my nagging thoughts, inner demons, and social anxieties. My addiction caused pain, and I liked it, as if taking a knife and dragging along my skin to replace the overwhelming emotions with a definable sensation.

When I was a young adult, my relationship with alcohol was primarily driven by a desire for social acceptance. I didn't take the time to reflect on the deeper reasons behind my alcohol consumption. The destructiveness of alcohol didn’t seem to rear its ugly head until I had everything to lose. It was in the identification of my past and my reconnection with God, that I found a path towards recovery.

I have always been a heavy drinker. Alcoholism runs in my family, but I never gave much thought to this until I started exploring my past. I had a childhood that was perfect on the surface but, as with many adults, I would later have revelations that countered this assumption. I am a problem solver by nature. I have always had a cold case investigation into my past. Maybe if I found some missing pieces from my past, things would magically get better. Maybe the uncomfortableness of life would get better. Maybe, just maybe, if I came to terms with something I experienced, I would be cured. The point is, do I (or did I) ever really need to find these missing pieces? The more I have learned about myself, the more I have realized that; I don’t need all of the answers. I will never be cured. I am a sinner in need of saving and this is my cross to bear.

My life has been full of searching for the cause to my effect. Is my addiction a result of trauma? I am slowly learning that it is not so much about what happened as it is about what is happening now? I lived in a constant landscape where I believed I was paying for past sins, whether my fault or not. So I acted out. I have learned through my faith journey that we don’t pay for our sins; Someone has already paid the ultimate price for our sins.

Alcoholism is an unforgiving and terrible disease. It grabs you by the throat and pushes you through doors you would never dream of going through. Once you think you have a grasp, with no warning and no reason, it sideswipes you on a Tuesday afternoon and you end up right back in that deep dark place. This is baffling for most who do not wrestle with this disease. I have often heard people remark, Why can’t you just stop!? Self-will! Well, it doesn’t work like that. You wouldn’t tell a diabetic to self-will their blood sugar levels back to normal, would you? The wiring in my brain and the chemistry of my body all changed over a decade ago. But again, addiction is merely a symptom of a deeper-rooted problem. I now battle an invisible enemy that is as real as it is for a schizophrenic fighting an angry Christmas tree. (I have seen this first hand and sadly, the schizophrenic lost.)

I spent 22 years as a law enforcement professional, from the U.S. border to the Capital Beltway. As a police officer, I had the unfortunate opportunity to witness the darkest aspects of human behavior. Then, as a federal agent, I uncovered instances of corruption within the government. I also spent two and half years as a medicolegal death investigator where I saw firsthand the conclusion of people's lives due to an addiction.

I witnessed the depths of human depravity and encountered individuals who had lost their way. These encounters shook my faith in humanity and exposed me to the vulnerabilities within our government, some of which were at the highest levels. This made me cynical and lost within a vocation I no longer loved. It was during my apathetic career downfall that I started to realize something: I was no longer useful to my career because I was no longer useful to myself. This is where I decided to reopen my own cold case self-investigation.

My upbringing and social experiences led me to my choice of vocation. As I would discover, all my choices along the way would feed the sleeping giant, an already burning fire inside of me. It would take over a decade for me to drop to my knees and admit that I was on the wrong path. For me now, my purpose is to help others who may be facing the same struggles I did.

This book is about self-examination and how my career choice created the perfect storm. A storm that revealed my childhood trauma, pushed me into addiction and ultimately led me to repentance. This book is not about casting blame or living in victimhood. Once I had made the identifications I needed (and still do to this day), I realized that I needed to tell myself, Life is what it is, now let’s get to work. I now work daily on being a victor, not a victim.

This book is not just for law enforcement professionals who may be struggling for answers. This book is for everyone. Law enforcement has just been my only experience in the last two decades. The experiences and principals I talk about in this book can be applied to anyone, despite your gender, career, or religious background.

My journey of self-discovery was not without its challenges. I faced moments of doubt and setbacks, but each obstacle became an opportunity for growth. I learned to embrace failure as a stepping stone to success, and to forgive myself for past mistakes.

Throughout this process, I found solace in writing. Putting my thoughts and experiences onto paper became a therapeutic outlet. Through writing and highlighting the mosaic of my life, I found the courage to share my story with others, in hopes that it might inspire them to embark on their own journey of self-discovery.

As you read through this book, my prayer is that it sparks a curiosity within you. A curiosity that leads you to embark on your own personal investigation, delving into the shadows of your past. By gathering fragments of evidence, you might begin to unravel the threads that weave into your current behaviors and beliefs.

Alternatively, you might find that the knowledge gained from these pages equips you to guide someone dear to you.This process of self-discovery could pave the way for their growth into the person they are destined to become.

Let the lessons from my own journey, marked by moments of both hope and pain, serve as guiding lights for you. Think of them as signposts, helping you navigate through life. So, let's embark on this investigative journey together.

SECTION ONE:

WHO I WAS

Chapter One

Why does a man keep hitting himself in the head with a hammer? Because it feels good when he stops.

Unknown

As I lay in bed, my heart was beating fast and out of sync with the rest of my body. It felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. My