Aftershocks & Rediscovery: Therapeutic Prescriptions for Fractured Communities

By Sky Starr

"There are many topics and issues around gun violence that must be addressed. There are few individuals with the depth and understanding, coupled with first-hand experience, who can do so. Rev. Sky Starr, in her second book series, Therapeutic Prescr

• Language: English
• Publisher: Higher Healing Counselling Services
• Release date: Apr 30, 2024
• ISBN: 9781738098842

Book preview

Aftershocks & Rediscovery

Therapeutic Prescriptions for Fractured Communities

Published by Higher Healing Counselling Services

ISBN: 978-1-7778352-4-8

Copyright © 2024 Rev. Sky Starr

Cover design by Elaina Lee

Interior design by atritex.com

Illustrations by Jay Starr

Available in print from your local bookstore, online, or from the publisher.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other - except for brief quotations in critical reviews, articles or groups, without written permission from the author/publisher. Send inquiries to: www.higherhealingcounsellingservices.com

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace ownership of copyright materials. Information enabling the author to rectify any reference or credit in future printings will be welcomed.

Note to the reader: The information is provided for educational purposes only. In the event of personal use of the information in this book, which is a constitutional right, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Starr, Rev. Sky.

Aftershocks & Rediscovery / Rev. Sky Starr 1st ed.

Printed in the United States of America and Canada

Dedication:

For Victims & Survivors

In Honour of…

Every life taken by gun violence…

For victims and survivors of gun violence who feel adrift

in the chaotic, turbulent waters of traumatic grief.

Every child, youth, mother, father, grandparent, uncle, aunt,

cousin, biological, extended, adopted stepfamily,

blended family and community is held in

concerned esteem.

Contents

Forward

Acknowledgements

Prologue

Usage Summary

Chapter 1: Suicidal Ideologies

- Dejectedness & Survivor-Bonding

- Embracing Self – The Death Talk

- Transcultural Care

- Application

Chapter 2: Scrutinizing Gun-Related Trauma

- Aftershocks & Intrusive Memories

- Clarity & Supportive Strategies

- Caregiver Burnout & Personalized Self-Care

- Grief & Trauma Etiquette

- The Language of Pain

- Application

Chapter 3: A TIME for Every Season

- Mixed Emotions & Emotional Overwhelm

- Laughter’s Medicine – Personal Strategies

- Discerning New Terrain

- Application

Chapter 4: Re-discovery Avenue

- Self-Renewal & Self-Interest

- Adaptation Renewed Insights

- Re-Discovering Self

Chapter 5: Becoming Trauma-Proficient

- Empowerment & Thriving

- Resilience & Unapologetic Tears

- Equipping Oneself to Provide Trauma and Violence-Informed Care…

- Gun-Related Grief & Trauma-Informed Toolkit Approach

Epilogue Spirituality

Concluding Commentary and Recommendations

Final Thoughts

Closing Commentary

Appendix

Bibliography

Foreword

Dr. Eileen de Villa

Toronto Public Health, Toronto, Canada

It is a profound privilege and a daunting responsibility to provide a foreword for Reverend Sky’s new book, as she is truly a remarkable individual.

When I first met Reverend Sky, I knew immediately that I was in the presence of greatness. Drawing on her vast experience as a community advocate and trauma specialist, she has the unique ability to make you feel at ease. Yet, at the same time, she causes all of us to reflect on the hard decisions that will need to be made in order to break the cycle of gun violence and make the world a better place.

There are many reasons why Reverend Sky is uniquely positioned to provide the call to action contained within the pages of this book. First, she recognizes that even in just starting to resolve the complex challenges related to gun violence, there is a need for mutual responsibility and cooperation, such as was witnessed in the extraordinary response to the COVID-19 pandemic. During the pandemic, the world changed, and we all changed with it. The spirit of cooperation was discovered amongst sectors that had rarely needed to work together.

Reverend Sky knows that this need to come together in moments of crisis is linked to our desire not to suffer alone and in our need to be communal and effectively fix problems collaboratively. The pandemic response was clearly a team effort, and it is this collective approach, this shared resilience, that she is asking us to keep alive and channel into addressing the many factors contributing to gun violence.

Second, Reverend Sky can advise on issues related to gun violence because she has a deep understanding of grief and the power of healing. From years of study and experience with countless clients and community members, Reverend Sky is keenly aware of the long, hard path that healing can take.

Moreover, when and where healing occurs, Reverend Sky instinctively knows the incredible peace it can bring. Those who work with her while seeking to recover from trauma have a great deal of respect for the way in which she guides them. Correspondingly, observing the care with which Reverend Sky retells their stories, we gain a sense of the strong empathy she has for all involved, whether victim, survivor, family member or those participating in gun violence themselves.

Finally, Reverend Sky is an exemplary role model, demonstrating how mercy and forgiveness, even for the most painful of wounds, can strengthen us both as individuals and as a community. This approach is most impressive given the adversity that she herself has faced, over and above that which has been shared with her over the years. In making the conscious choice not to become embittered, she shows us all how to act with moral courage and how to act for change.

Reverend Sky’s call to action on gun violence includes many messages on how we must proceed. These messages are, at once, both timeless and timely. Her wisdom is timeless as it illustrates her intimate knowledge of the human condition. It is also timely because during the COVID-19 pandemic, in spite of the enormity of the many challenges, what was previously unthinkable and seen as impossible--became possible.

Essentially, this forms the basis of Reverend Sky’s main messages: issues of gun violence are challenging because of their complexity and requirement for system-wide policy change in order to make a long-term impact. As such, many sectors — education, health, justice, and housing, amongst others — will need to come together, as we all did during the pandemic, to make the impossible possible.

Out of sheer necessity, several times in the last two years, we have had to find ways to join forces across sectors to meet challenge after challenge. From this was forged a new kind of spirit, a new sort of determination, along with a collective sense of accomplishment, which may be one of our best strategies against gun violence.

Additionally, Reverend Sky advises that addressing gun violence means addressing the fundamental human needs that we all have for connectedness, belonging and acceptance. I think that we can all agree that we are better people when we feel loved.

There is a fascinating interplay between love and grief. Having worked with individuals who are struggling to recover from loss, Reverend Sky recognizes that all emotions are multi-dimensional, especially grief. Despite its sadness, grief is mixed with the gratitude that we feel for having had that person in our lives and the joy that they brought us. When we lose someone, then we all feel the loss. Along with it, there is also an outpouring of love for the person, reminding us that loss is a communal experience and an opportunity to seek comfort and work together and, in the case of gun violence, prevent the loss from continuing.

Grief without support can be an overwhelming experience. The main focus of meeting human needs is to provide support immediately when trauma occurs and in the medium and longer-term through creating safe and inclusive environments where all can connect and find a community. Interestingly, when we can feel accepted, we can, in return, contribute to a group’s positive atmosphere and increase the level of trust. These are exactly the conditions needed for violence prevention at an individual level, and for creating innovative policy change on a broad societal scale.

The challenge before us is to contribute to this positive culture by showing compassion in every interaction we have and by building cooperation while advocating for far-reaching change. Again, Reverend Sky models this behaviour as she articulates, without judgement, the tragedy that results when human needs are not fully met. Throughout the book, as she does in daily life, Reverend Sky creates a community of people who care about the effects of gun violence and who are committed to working together to find innovative solutions.

Much like a conversation with Reverend Sky, the book moves along like a smooth, flowing river, and then, at times, it is so rich with insights that you have to pause and ponder about what you have read before going on. I believe that this is precisely what she intended: She wants to open our eyes; she wants us to appreciate things from a different perspective; she wants us to consider, reflect, and then reconsider.

The book is rife with meaning, deeply complex, contemplative, and delivered with a special brand of warmth and wisdom gained from her own experience and study. All of these powerful messages from Reverend Sky call upon the reader to engage emotionally as well as intellectually, and then they merge magnificently to create a genre that is all her own. Her unique and inspiring voice makes her one of the great spiritual leaders of our time.

So you are invited, as you read this book, to spend some invaluable time with Reverend Sky and the vast array of individuals she has spoken to as they seek to recover from trauma, struggle, are tested, and finally draw on the courage, perseverance and strength they have gained by overcoming adversity. I would like to sincerely thank them for their courage in telling their stories. Above all, I thank Reverend Sky for her deep sociocultural analysis and keen storytelling, which she has shared with such an open heart.

Dr. Eileen de Villa is the Medical Officer of Health for the City of Toronto. In this role, she leads Toronto Public Health, Canada’s largest local public health agency that provides public health programs and services to Toronto’s 2.9 million residents.

Acknowledgements

The road to recovery from trauma and psychological upheaval is slow, tedious and emotionally challenging. I give praise for divine guidance, protection and provision in developing this manuscript.

I benefited from many friends who encouraged me; colleagues in the field of trauma who responded to last-minute requests; professors at universities who provided a platform to share strategies and best practices; and institutions and business who provided in-kind support to enhance our service-delivery. Deserved appreciation is extended to victims and survivors of gun violence. Every child, youth, mother, father, grandparent, and family I worked with over the years. To every marginalized community that continues to bear the strain of gun-related trauma, deserved praise is due for your endurance.

I feel humbled and privileged by the unrestrained trust which many survivors granted me. I was humbled because I was privy to some of the most devastating anguish that the human mind, body, spirit and psyche can endure. I am privileged since these brave souls trusted me enough to share their stories, display their vulnerable humanity – at the lowest point in human anguish – and, most importantly, readily include me on their restorative journey.

I applaud children whose trusting eyes and hearts scanned the very depths of the human spirit in search of comfort and the assurance that those who ventured through this vale of turmoil had some inkling of understanding. During these psychologically draining journeys of perseverance and recovery, they embraced my willingness to support them despite my fragility.

Youth, though justifiably cautious, continue to inspire and challenge my efforts, propelling me to be youth-centric in areas of communicating, program planning and implementation, evaluation and service delivery. Though unfettered, their matter-of-fact approach assisted in maintaining focus on the task at hand. I appreciate the tangible ways these youth reminded me of their priorities and the necessity – no the accountability – of allowing, and including youth as central agents of social change in their community.

I am particularly gratified that young men openly and intentionally gave their emotions room to manifest, as they demonstrated lessons learned with positive effects on their well-being. By so doing, other youth gained fresh insight into gun violence trauma, and their forthright approaches helped further the quest for competent, tangible and reliable youth-centric services.

Mothers deserve continuous accolades, which words are sometimes inadequate to express fully. Burrowed deep within the residues of trauma, these valiant, downtrodden beings, although dominated by nonstop traumatic pain, personify Maya Angelou’s poem, Still I Rise. Often at the expense of their own health. Traumatized mothers rise each day and trudge through their specific world, where memories, reality, responsibility, expectations, and trauma blend into an unforgettable whirlwind which they navigate. They participate in their own healing and also support fresh mothers on the trail.

A very special thank you to the mothers and survivors who shared a year of their valuable time and committed to participating in our research project Getting A Grip On Grief. Their commitment enabled the formation and continued success of our G-Social Group and the Customized Care Models created specifically for gun violence trauma. These dedicated participants willingly bared their innermost emotions to provide critical dialogue, which established and solidified these ongoing peer support models.

Fathers and men are also praiseworthy. Though hesitant and even uncertain, they bravely disregarded categories by admitting they needed support and actively engaging in meaningful sessions. They explored, analyzed and deciphered the tumultuous emotions which begged to be acknowledged.

Merited appreciation to volunteers who lavishly shared time, talents and resources to support afflicted survivors. To my inner circle of supporters, whose patronage I relied on: Carmel Henry, trained facilitator and travelling companion, who accompanied me to various fresh crises, viewings and funerals; and Kristine Gauthier, who rose to the occasion to prayerfully support families at funerals.

I am ardently indebted to my extremely supportive family, without whom I couldn’t do this work. My devotion and gratitude are beyond words. Sincere thanks to my younger son, Rowan, for having a heart for community and for being obliging and consistent as my in-house proofreader and editor. My husband, Jay, continues to be my colossal support system on all fronts, to whom I am indebted for his gracious understanding, genuine concern and continual giving. They’ve assisted with monitoring time and ensuring the needed intervals between writing. Such warmhearted supporters continuously buoy me.

Prologue

Human beings have an intrinsic capacity to endure hardships and adapt to palliative circumstances. Humanity’s durability has been compared to the bamboo plant, which is classified as one of the most resilient plants on earth. Over time, humans learn from situations they endure, and although it takes time, most make modifications to thinking, acting, and behaving from tangible lessons learned through adversities. It’s embedded in human nature to grow, evolve, heal and thrive.

We emerge from tragedy with a robust tenacity that is awe-inspiring. Stories of human resilience inspire and motivate listeners or those who are aware of overcomers. These life lessons create a like-mindedness that stirs the need to overcome. Gun violence trauma, however, continues to be the nemesis which victims and survivors of trauma cannot overcome. After eighteen years of intense, first-hand observations, this writer concedes that the trauma imposed by gun violence has proven to be a formidable and conquering adversary which debilitates children, youth, individuals, families and communities.

In The Trenches

The above declarations are honestly asserted from being at the scene of gun violence deaths, from working closely with gun violence victims and survivors, from journeying with mothers, siblings, children, immediate families and communities, and from developing practical strategies for prevention. Groups were created from insights gathered while providing individual and family care; services were tailored to assist communities and survivors from age three (3).

Not only does gun violence trauma weaken victims’ and survivors’ mentality, but it decomposes the framework of marginalized communities, raiding children, youth and residents of the one spark which sustains the human spirit. They are robbed of hope.

Minds and thought processes become unravelled from observing, experiencing, and being assaulted with and by traumatic reoccurrences. Every victim and survivor of this dreaded foe, gun violence trauma, is continuously robbed of optimism. Psychological trauma – the type of trauma imposed by gun violence – is proliferating and affects humanity in all areas of functioning.

Experiencing, witnessing, or being a victim and/or survivor of gun violence is so shockingly stressful with its sudden and unexpected assault that it shatters one’s sense of safety and security, ushering feelings of helplessness, insecurity and fear. An instantaneous sense of feeling disconnected is the most adequate description survivors have shared, which is a recognized repercussion. Although safety cannot be promised, every human being deserves to feel reasonably safe psychologically and deserves to have healthy feelings of safety and security.

Intolerant Effects

Physically, the effects of gun violence drain the body of energies necessary to function adequately and instill frigidity and numbness.

Intellectually, thoughts become scrambled, while scattered memories give way to anxieties as upsetting emotions take root in the affected mind.

Mentally, perpetuated trauma infiltrates the deep recesses of one’s mind with imagery which becomes living particles. These compelling, life-like images are so realistic to a traumatized mind that many survivors believe they are actually thrown into the very depths of fresh, anguished pain. The affected human brain is plunged into mental turmoil, as Dr. Aluana Curry, a Veteran Affairs psychiatrist, noted in an interview.

Several areas of the brain are affected by trauma, including the amygdala, the area of the brain that processes emotions… Every time we have a gun violence episode, we accumulate more and more trauma.

Emotionally, the immediate, insurmountable sorrow felt with sudden, unexpected trauma frazzles one’s emotions, implanting scrambled thought processes, anxieties, safety uncertainties, and reactive nervousness. One’s sense of security becomes non-existent in mere seconds.

Spiritually, belief in humanity, self, religion, God, or Higher Power can be shattered instantly.

Strong believers in faith-based spirituality face a crisis of faith, disintegrating their stronghold of inner peace and purpose.

Psycho-socially, a person’s mental, emotional, social and spiritual well-being abruptly becomes non-existent. The gush of instability ricochets on the personal, environmental, communal, and other inherent levels that once held a person-centred solidity.

Holistically, the tsunami of psychological dishevelment initiates an instantaneous debility and descent to an area of otherness, which survivors describe as THE black hole.

Individuals, families, communities, cities and nations have been invaded by the epidemic termed gun violence, which is yet to be acknowledged and identified as such. It requires titanic stamina to provide adequate services for victims and survivors of gun-related trauma. Researchers continue to express the astronomical effects of sudden, traumatic deaths and the life-long path of healing and restoration that victims and survivors require.

Human reactions to traumatic stress vary extensively. While some people immediately develop trauma-related psychological disorders, such as stress-related depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), others demonstrate mild to moderate psychological symptoms which continue its debilitating effects. Additionally, others on the periphery describe psychological symptoms in response to hearing of, or viewing traumatic stress.

Many of the latter variables depend on a multitude of genetic frameworks and other psychological and intellectual development. This is undeniably not the case with gun violence trauma. In every gun-related incident, the intensified, prolonged distress plunges victims