How To Be Happy Again

By Gloria Niemi

Going through postpartum depression completely rocks your world. You forget who you are, you wonder if this is how motherhood will always be, and it can feel very hard and confusing to get through it. How To Be Happy Again walks you through the four main parts required to heal and feel like yourself again:

1. Getting your head in the right place.

2. Understanding (& letting go) of what you've been through.

3. Figuring out who you are again.

4. Building a life that feels like you.

Not only is it possible to feel like yourself again after postpartum depression, but when you go through this process you will also become the mom you always thought you would be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gloria Niemi
• Release date: May 1, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224226559

Book preview

BE HAPPY AGAIN 

How To Find Yourself After Postpartum Depression So You Can Be Happy Again

You’re currently on the other side (or the tail end) of going through one of the hardest times of your life - postpartum depression. Now you’re trying to figure out the answers to these questions - Who am I? How do I live my life? How do I just be happy? Will I ever be the mom I used to dream of being?

The answer to that last question is unequivocally YES. The answers to the other three are in this book.

I’m going to help you rewire those patterns that you gained from experiencing postpartum depression so that you can feel like yourself again. I will teach you how to connect to your hubby and love on your kids just like you always dreamt you would. And I’m going to help you learn how to feel safe again after trauma - because yes, what you just went through was trauma, and likely a result of some trauma.

Last but not least, I’m going to help you live with joy. Because right now you may feel like you are the furthest thing from where you thought you would be, and feeling happy feels like the light at the end of a very long tunnel - but through each chapter in this book, you’re going to move closer to that light until one day you find you’re living outside the tunnel.

Ready? Come with me.

Table of Contents

PART 1: BASIC RULES & FUNDAMENTALS

1.   Welcome

2.   Getting your head in the right place

3.   Ten commitments to yourself

4.   Three fundamental shifts to make

5.   Your daily practice

PART 2: YOU HAD PPD... NOW WHAT?

6.   What is PPD and where does it come from

7.   Understanding trauma and emotional neglect

8.   Making sense of it all

9.  Four phases of healing

10.   Common patterns we’ll begin to unwind

11.   How to get more energy

PART 3: [RE]CONNECT TO YOU

12.   Who you are

13.   What you want

14.   Am I allowed to feel this way

15.   The things that keep you from you

16.   Making time and space for it

PART 4: REBUILD A LIFE THAT FEELS (& LOOKS) LIKE YOU

17.   What’s most important to you and why

18.    Your dream

19.    Strong marriage: the foundation of your home

20.   Happy kids: being the mom you want to be

21.   Find your people

22.   Living with joy

23.   The truth of who you are: 10 pep talks for when you want to give up

Conclusion

PART 1: BASIC RULES & FUNDAMENTALS 

Before I officially welcome you to my book, I wanted to give a little pre-welcome speech to part one. Think of these sections like our little side coffee chats, right next to our big presentation that is the book. This is where I pull you aside, and tell you the reason that I’m telling you what I’m telling you. My hope is that they’ll put the chapters into perspective, and give you a little boost of Hey - I hear you and I see you. I’m right here with you. Because more than anything, that’s what I want this book to do for you. The healing journey can feel so lonely and tiring, and many times you will feel like giving up before you get there, determined that you’re just not cut out for that. Don’t do that to yourself. Discouragement is a part of the process, and you’re going to feel it along the way. I did, and each and every one of my clients has as well. It isn’t a sign that you’re never going to make it, it’s only a sign that your belief, love, and trust in yourself is lagging, and it’s time to step it up a notch.

I’m here as living proof that it’s possible for each and every one of us to heal and feel like ourselves after postpartum depression - even after more rounds than you ever imagined you’d go through. I have a big passion for learning, so I took all of my research, courses, and studying, and applied it to my situation. I asked questions where I got stuck, and I got back up after I got knocked down. Even though there were times that I thought it was pointless and I would never actually make the change, I didn’t quit. This book will tell you exactly how I did that. 

Part one of this book is all about getting your head in the right place for your healing journey to begin - and this isn’t a one time, check off the list, knd of a deal. It’s a constant checking in and seeing where your head is at today, and then doing what you need to do to get it back in the game. Some days you won’t feel like it, and that’s okay - you may or may not do something about it. I’m not perfect, and not every day do I make sure that my head is in the right place. But each time that you do overcome that feeling, you’re going to get stronger. That strength is going to be one of your main assets as you make this journey.

Throughout this book, we’re going to be shifting your internal view of the world. Depression wrecks your sense of self, and we’re going to need to build that back up so that you can feel like yourself again. In order to describe this process to you, I’d like to share a poem that I wrote a while ago.

Gold, Like The Sun

I used to be like a bird

yellow

fair

free.

Flitting from moment to moment, not a care in the world.

My voice came not from my throat

but straight

from my soul itself

exiting my body as though of its own volition

Spreading light, and joy, and happiness

innocent and free.

No bounds, no expectations, nothing to hold it back – given freely, no need of return.

for she knew

that it always would

when she least expected it.

I don’t know where the bird disappeared to

or where it disappeared from

What caused the bird to go away?

Where are her feathers, so golden and thick – shining in the bright and glorious sun?

I see her as though shriveled up and sick

her coat dry

wing tips dragging in the dirt

What would take her to be free again?

Where is her heart, her glory, her joy?

I’m going to be like a bird again

not the same one I used to be

yellow

fair

free.

Flitting from moment to moment, not a care in the world.

Instead, I will nurse this golden bird inside me back to health

I will show her that I care

that she can be seen again

She can flit from moment to moment, spreading her love and joy everywhere that she goes.

Not because she has never seen any pain

but because she has overcome so much pain

and chosen to be happy anyway.

This does not tarnish her coat like she once thought it did

it only turns the brightest yellow into the deepest gold

a richer hue

something you can reach out and fill your hands with.

Knowing there is depth within, and what is here is meant.

And when I happen upon a bird of yellow like I once knew, once upon a time

I will fan beneath her wings so that she flies

even higher

and never forgets the beauty that she has inside.

-that bird still loves you, has loved you all along

I’ll see you in chapter one.<3

Chapter 1: Welcome

Hey. You’re probably sitting somewhere in your house, reading this book. Maybe curled up on the corner of your couch with a fresh cup of coffee. Or maybe you’re scanning through it after you plucked it off the shelf at the bookstore, perhaps at the recommendation of a friend. 

Wherever you’re at, I’m not there in person with you. But one thing I’ve come to know after doing this work for about 5 years now, is that I don’t need to be there in person for you to feel the effects of this work. As I write this, I’m imagining that it’s just you and I, sitting on the couch together. I’m drinking my favorite (triple shot iced espresso, 3 pumps white mocha topped with sweet cream please and thanks), you’ve got yours, and we’re just having a chat about life.

These are all the things I would tell you to help you stop feeling so overwhelmed, lost, and alone in motherhood. I would tell you that being the incredible mom you dream of is not only possible, but it’s probably a heck of a lot easier than you currently think.

What I’m going to share with you here is going to blow your mind in the best way possible, because how I view postpartum depression is completely different from how many in this world do. Not only do I believe that it’s not scary (yes, there are some parts that we want to be mindful of, which we’ll discuss later), but I also view it as a gift - something that in the end, is going to bring some incredible things to your life. It can be kind of a dreadful gift sometimes, because what you’ve just been through has not been easy, but what I want you to know is that this is going to be one of the hardest things that you’ve ever been through AND it’s going to be 100% worth it.

Who this book is for 

This book is for you if you’re a believing mom who just went through one of the craziest experiences of your life, and you’re trying to get back on your feet. You’re doing your best to figure out who you are, what you want, and most importantly, how to stay believing through all of it. This healing process feels so confusing. There’s a fear of losing your faith, and a fear of what you might find if you go as deep as you need to. You’ve just gotten to know your darkness on a whole other level, like you never thought you had in you, and it scares you.

We all have darkness inside of us though, and it’s what we do with our darkness that counts. We don’t want to live in that place, and that’s why it’s so important to have the tools to not only handle it, but to move through it.

At the heart of what I believe, is that postpartum depression is a chance for healing. There is some pain in your past that has happened that’s keeping you from being the happy and loving mom that you want to be, and it needs to be healed in order to move to that next level of yourself. The only problem is, that many of us don’t know how to move through it, and so we use this as a reason to believe that we weren’t meant to be a mom, or that we’re ruining our kids. But the truth is that you have a job here to do. God doesn’t make any mistakes, and you having had these kids isn’t a mistake either. It’s time to stop letting your darkness be the thing that keeps you from loving on and raising these kids like you want to, because it’s already stolen enough of your life as it is.

In this book, I’m going to help you understand your postpartum depression so we can unravel it from your life. By the end of this book, you may still have depressive tendencies, and that’s okay if you do. Remember, we aren’t expecting you to be perfect and have it all together from here on out. What we’re trying to do is get to know you a little bit better, know what your wants and desires are so we can fill them in a healthier way, and understand what has happened in your life that causes you to be the way that you are. This is going to allow you to be more of the mom you want to be, because you’re going to come at these changes from a place of love and compassion rather than criticism and shame. And for the times you aren’t the best version of yourself? Well, we’ll know how to love on her and choose something more when we’re ready.

It also doesn’t matter at what point you’re learning this. The healing work is going to be the same, it may just look a little different. When you’ve been struggling with depression for years, some of these habits may be more ingrained in you than if you’ve gone through your first round of postpartum depression. This isn’t an excuse or a reason to think it’s going to be harder so there’s no point. It’s simply to understand that if it isn’t happening right away as you snap your fingers, it doesn’t mean anything’s gone wrong. You may have to work at it a little harder or longer than someone else, but it isn’t a competition. You move at your pace, in the direction that you need to go and that’s all