Completely Healed: How Understanding The Link Between Trauma, Stress, and Autoimmune Disease Helped Me Get My Life Back

By Cindy Wageman

Are you sick and tired of being sick? Did you know that out of all the Americans that are suffering with an autoimmune disease 80% are women?

This book tells the story of multiple sclerosis survivor and relationship coach, Cindy Wageman's journey to recover emotionally and physically from her autoimmune disease.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jameson Publications
• Release date: May 13, 2024
• ISBN: 9798986854311

Book preview

The DiagnosisSick of Being Sick: My Life Started When They Said It Was Over

Look beyond your current circumstances and resources. It’s that kind of believing that requires faith.

The headaches and numbness in my legs were making it difficult for me to take care of my sweet little girls, two and four years old. I wanted to go for a walk with them instead of feeling like I needed to lie down and rest my aching body. It was becoming extremely difficult for me to keep up with the daily chores that you have with children. My troubled mind was spiraling into a hopeless winter storm. My gloomy mood contradicted the time of year. Early springtime in central Idaho was filled with the sweet scents of daffodils and tulips, accompanied by the rich earthy undertones of warm soil. In previous years, my tender senses would have inspired me with new hope for the future. But this year, I just couldn’t shake off the depression that enveloped me. My husband, Gary, happened to be home one morning, so I slipped away for a much-needed walk.

I had grown up on five irrigated acres in Caldwell that were home to a horse, Candy, and several cows. At the back of my parents’ acreage was a stream where my sisters and I spent hours exploring. I loved the way the water sounded flowing over the round rocks and the feel of the sun on my back. I had grown up loving nature as my friend, and on this day, I hoped that a walk would bring me some peace of mind.

As I stood under the trees, I could hear the invigorating sound of a lone mother bird chirping. I thought about that mama bird and the joy she had feeding her babies. I wanted this joy back in my life. I started to feel panicky and scared under those towering maple trees.

I asked God, What is happening to my body?

Easter was approaching and Grandma had invited Gary and me, along with our two young daughters, to share a special holiday dinner in their home with other extended family members.

When I was growing up, Grandma and Granddad lived next door to my family, and their house felt like a second home to me. The only thing that separated our home from Grandma and Granddad’s home was the minute it took to skip down the sidewalk that ran between the two houses. I loved to step out our back door and inhale the heavenly smells wafting from my grandmother’s kitchen.

My sisters and I spent almost every Saturday night at my grandparents’ house, making a bed on the living room floor with Grandma’s generations-old heirloom quilts and feasting on our favorite candy bars while watching Gun Smoke on TV. We always felt safe and warm, wrapped in love by these two people who were completely devoted to our family.

Now it was April 1981, and I had my own little family. That year, I was looking forward to all the delicious homemade food that was the usual fare at Grandma’s house. As we arrived at my grandmother’s kitchen, the delectable smells of chicken noodles, mashed potatoes, and a plethora of desserts, accompanied by the sounds of family chatter, were comfortingly familiar. Everyone was enjoying the Easter meal except me. Something strange and unfamiliar was happening to my body that would take years for me to understand.

I thought to myself, Why are my legs feeling numb?

The numb feeling had returned to my legs, and I couldn’t sit still any longer. When I rose from the dinner table, the sudden vertigo was alarming, so I decided to lie down. I slipped out of the house and crossed the sidewalk to my parents’ home, escaping down the route my feet had followed hundreds of times in my childhood.

My mom was alarmed by my rapid departure and followed me. I told her about my symptoms, but the sensations were so odd to me that I had a difficult time describing how I was feeling. My family gathered around, reassuring me that I was most likely coming down with a virus, the symptoms of which would eventually go away. I didn’t want to frighten them, but I knew this was different. These strange physical symptoms were unlike any I had ever experienced.

I was frightened and on edge that day. At twenty-four years of age, I was a perfectionist about to go on the wildest emotional roller coaster of my life. I had a beautiful family and a fulfilling part-time job as a dental assistant with plans and expectations for an adventurous life ahead. Now I was quickly becoming an overly anxious person. It was like falling off of a cliff, fearful of what the bottom would look like. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.

The next week, I realized I couldn’t wait any longer to see a doctor. An initial visit to my family doctor led to visits with specialists. After a few physicians ruled out several diseases, I ended up with an appointment with a neurologist, Dr. Brown. I was scheduled for a CT scan, and because I feared what the doctor was going to find in the test results, my mom drove me to my appointment. Dr. Brown was a tall man with kind eyes that seemed to pierce right through me as he gave me the diagnosis: multiple sclerosis (MS). I had heard of this disease, but I didn’t know much about it. I immediately recalled a girl who had graduated a couple of years ahead of me in high school who had been diagnosed with MS. She had struggled with her eyesight and for a time, she couldn’t walk.

Oh, God, I don’t want to have the same problems that I saw her go through, I thought.

My mom and I sat there in terrified silence, breathlessly waiting for him to explain this disease. He talked for quite some time, but this is what I remember him telling us: MS is an autoimmune disease that affects the myelin coating around your nerves. In MS, the results are nerve damage that disrupts communication between the brain and the body.

Then he told me something that bothered me more than anything else he said. He continued, Some people must use wheelchairs. Hopefully, you won’t be that sick. If the sun bothers you, stay inside and close the curtains.

My mind immediately went to a negative place, and I asked myself, Is this going to be my fate? Stuck in a house for the rest of my life with the curtains pulled closed?

I was an outdoor person who loved nature. What did this diagnosis mean for my future? My heart went out to my mom. I could see she was also contemplating the consequences of my diagnosis. She was just as surprised as I was by the prognosis.

Gary was working away from home, so the girls and I were staying with my parents until I felt better. As Mom and I drove back to her house, the car was filled with silence. My thoughts were racing overtime. Why do I have this disease? How did this happen to me?

It was like falling off of a cliff, fearful of what the bottom would look like. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.

Although Dr. Brown was honest and forthcoming, he offered me no treatment or hope—only fear of the future. There were no medication options at that time, and my future looked bleak.

In those bygone days before the internet, we relied on reference books for information. As soon as Mom and I arrived home from the doctor’s office, I walked to her bookshelf and pulled out a copy of the Merck Manual. When I looked up the entry for multiple sclerosis, I was terrified all over again. My mom read the article about MS, and she comforted me as best she could. She didn’t know what to expect for my future, either. My grandma was taking care of my two little girls so I could rest, but I was panicked by the information from both my doctor and the Merck Manual. I was being told that I would eventually lose all functions in my body, and, ultimately, wind up in a wheelchair. I was devastated.

Who would take care of my darling babies who were only two and four years old? I didn’t want to be sick and die. Every scenario played through my mind as my fears and anxieties took over. I lay down on my bed and cried a river of tears.

After my diagnosis, I never saw a doctor about my MS again. Why would I? The medical world could not help me, so I was on my own to figure out what I was going to do about this disease. Looking back, I am thankful that there were no drugs available at the time to treat MS. In my fear of the disease, I might have relied on medication rather than working to build up my immune system.

God was already taking care of me and leading me if I would listen. What love! My heart fills up with such warmth as I think about God’s wisdom and direction that He provided in my journey to wellness.

When I decided that I was going to accept God’s love and listen to Him no matter what, I received the ability to make peace with myself and the situation in a way that transcended any difficulty or struggle I had.

While your experience may be different than mine, I pray that through your own experience with Him, you will cry out to Him and be led by His wisdom and knowledge. He is a tender Father who is waiting for you to ask Him about your life. He is inviting you to go on a delightful journey with Him. Sometimes the road is rough, and the pitfalls are always there, but take courage and listen to His calling. It takes so much bravery to accept God’s love and then trust that He has all the answers to the questions in your life, especially the difficult questions during ominous times.

I learned that committing to God’s wisdom is exactly what I needed to face my adversity. When I decided that I was going to accept God’s love and listen to Him no matter what, I received the ability to make peace with myself and the situation in a way that transcended any difficulty or struggle I had. I was fearless in opening my heart to Him. Even though I was still learning to trust Him, I experimented in my prayers with Him. There was no doubt He was listening to me. I simply refused to give up. It was not always easy, and I had to work on letting go of every struggle and asking for divine help. I learned in my struggles that asking for wisdom is a process, because at first, I didn’t realize my need. In the Bible, the book of Proverbs contains an awesome promise that I want to share with you.

My son or daughter, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. (Proverbs 2:1- 6, 10,