Herringwood Messiah

By L.R. Bakker

For a guy who can drive to the Underworld on a whim, Eddie Sterling is living a fairly regular life. Rosalie is now his girlfriend, and the Vindicator is still his car.

Of course, when y

• Language: English
• Publisher: L.R. Bakker
• Release date: Jun 30, 2024
• ISBN: 9789083191652

Book preview

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This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2024 L.R. Bakker

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the prior written permission of the copyright owner, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. 

To request permissions, contact the author at

www.bakkerbaard.nl

Paperback: 9789083191645

Ebook: 9789083191652

Edition 1.0 May 2024

Cover art by Rocío Martín Osuna

Contents

Dedication

1.ONE

2.TWO

3.THREE

4.FOUR

5.FIVE

6.SIX

7.SEVEN

8.EIGHT

9.NINE

10.TEN

11.ELEVEN

12.TWELVE

13.THIRTEEN

14.FOURTEEN

15.FIFTEEN

16.SIXTEEN

17.SEVENTEEN

18.EIGHTEEN

19.NINETEEN

20.TWENTY

21.TWENTY-ONE

22.TWENTY-TWO

23.TWENTY-THREE

24.TWENTY-FOUR

25.TWENTY-FIVE

26.TWENTY-SIX

27.EPILOGUE

Acknowledgements

Dedicated to [your name here]

Thank you for [whatever you think you did]

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The church today was a far cry from what it was six months ago when Eddie returned from the Underworld. God—Helen, for friends—had gifted the humble building to him. At the time, he didn't care much about the state it was in. The gnawed chicken bones on the floor, the faint smell of vomit, the clearly recognizable smell of Jolene’s moonshine all added their charm. That was what Eddie thought, anyway, and it lasted right up until a minute later when he realized he was in a relationship with a woman who probably expected better and definitely deserved it. His new job drawing concept models at the local Century Motors branch gave him the means to give Rosalie what he agreed she deserved, while at the same time making a better home for himself. There were no more chicken bones on the floor now.

Eddie came out of the master bedroom, which used to be Helen’s private quarters. At half past eleven in the morning, he woke up painfully early to make sure it was perfect. It had to be. Everything had to be perfect today. Not that he was suddenly a stickler for perfection, but today was an important day. Important enough that going to the Underworld to kill the Devil and rescue the girl was merely a fleeting thought in his head now. At the time, Eddie was worried that Rosalie may have been so overwhelmed by the whole experience that she became his girlfriend out of sheer confusion, and he continued to worry that she would one day come to her senses. He figured that he was punching way above his weight when it came to dating a girl like her. And it had to be said that if you saw the two walking down the street, you probably couldn’t help but wonder if Rosalie lost a bet.

Since Eddie was well aware of this fact, too, he only afforded himself just enough money to show Rosalie a good time and keep the Vindicator’s thirst quenched so he could drive her to those good times in style. The rest of the money he made went into remodeling the church, but sometimes Eddie worried he would run out of money before things were done. He probably would have, had Rooney not been playing Fallen Kingdom with a master carpenter in the neighboring town of May Valley. When Eddie went to see him, they immediately hit it off, and Jonah Craig said he’d do it for a little less. He didn’t disappoint at all, and neither did the other workers Eddie hired, so now the church was completely done.

The master bedroom, to start with, was fine, and Eddie went on to check the rest of the building. The chancel and part of the nave had become a spacious living room. Also perfect. Mostly. There was still space for a dinner table, which Jonah had yet to deliver, but Eddie wasn’t worried.

Off to one side, he had an open kitchen put in. While he would have been content with eating at the Rising Wind Diner every day, he figured a kitchen would come in handy at some point. Probably. Maybe. It was spotless. As was the guest room to the right of the entrance.

Eddie’s initial plan had been to break through the wall of the church and put in a big garage door so he could park the Vindicator right in his house, but Rosalie had talked him out of it. According to her, exhaust fumes and oil stains in the living room weren’t cool or awesome, and with the number of strays he dragged in, a guest room would be the better option. He left Rosalie in charge of it, and it turned out fine.

Amongst the strays she referred to were three goths, for whom he had converted the basement into a hangout. They used to hang out in the cemetery with Lilith, but when she went back to Hell to be the next Devil, the goths seemed kind of rudderless, and he felt somewhat responsible for that. The basement probably looked fine as well.

To the left of the entrance was an office. Or rather, everybody just kept calling it an office because nobody wanted to admit it was a room.

If Eddie was going to give the goths a room, it was a simple fact that he would have a place set aside for his best friend since forever. Rooney needed a place to hang when his Wi-Fi was down, which turned out to be always. The whole reason nobody admitted to it being a room, even though there was a bed in there, was so they wouldn’t have to talk about living together.

The door to the… office opened, and Rooney came out to get a soda.

Still staring around, are you? he asked and wandered to the kitchen. Or are you chickening out?

Of course I’m not chickening out. It’s not like I have to fight ostriches.

Really? You just went there? Rooney grabbed a soda from the fridge. I’ll have you know I didn’t chicken out of that and fuck you very much.

Fuck you too, sweetie.

Eddie smiled. He’d be lost without the guy. Like, literally. Lost and dead.

Woodwork’s a little crooked, Rooney casually said, nodding at the door to the staircase that led either to the bell tower, back door, or the basement, depending on your choices in life. In response, Eddie jerked his head around hard enough to hurt his neck and grunted with some disdain.

Made you look.

Ha ha, very funny, asshole. Eddie rubbed his neck. Jonah did a bang-up job with the wood. Drafts should be at a minimum.

But however confident he was in Jonah's work, his eyes still lingered on the doorframe. If there was anything wrong with it after all, he had no idea how to fix it in time. There really couldn’t be anything wrong with it.

Oh god, was there something wrong with the frame?

Jeez, dude. Relax, Rooney said. I doubt the state of your church slash house is going to influence Rosie’s answer. You two were made for each other. If she hasn’t run away screaming in the last six months, some discoloration on the beams isn’t going to change that.

Eddie looked up at the beams and sighed. Dammit, Rooney. Stop that! I’m about to ask her the big question, alright? What if--

He caught a glimpse of the cemetery through the window.

The goths!

He went out the back and headed to the shady corner because even though they had a basement to hang in now, goths do as goths do, and the three of them were leaning against the wall. Lupus saw him come first, but because he was committed to being a wolf, he didn’t say anything. Scar did.

Hey, what’s up, Ed?

Hey guys, Eddie said and immediately apologized to Asphyxia. Sorry, it’s just a figure of speech.

I know, dear, she answered theatrically and winked. You made my operation possible; you get a pass.

Awesome. So, hey, check this out. Could you hang in the basement for a bit? I need the cemetery for a while.

Scar looked confused. What do you need a cemetery for?

Eddie leaned in and, with a hushed voice, said, I’m going to ask Rosalie the big question.

In a cemetery?! Asphyxia burst, surprising herself with that reaction. She took a moment to compose herself, cleared her throat, and said, I’ll be in the basement.

Lupus followed her, and Scar patted Eddie on the shoulder. Good luck, man.

Eddie saw far too little of Rosalie these days. He had his job and the remodeling, and she was balancing her job at city hall with helping out her father at the police station so he could take the occasional day off. Something that didn’t happen often when the entire police force consisted of a whole two people.

He checked the time. Wouldn’t be long before Rosalie would arrive, so he really didn’t have time to get invested in anything else. Still, she wouldn’t be here so soon that he didn’t have to stand around like a dumbass with his hands in his pockets.

Like some creepy weirdo that hung around cemeteries for no reason.

Well, damn… he muttered to himself and lit a cigarette. Laughing, he leaned against the wall his gothic friends usually occupied.

What’s so funny, Sterling?

He looked at Rosalie as she walked into the cemetery and took a moment to watch her move. Sometimes he tried to find a flaw in her because logic dictated there had to be at least one. Nobody this perfect would willingly spend their precious time with the likes of him. Maybe she was an angel sent by Helen because she felt sorry for him, and if so, he was okay with that.

I’m goth now, Watson.

Nice to see you’re branching out. That rock ‘n’ roll schtick was getting old, she joked and came in for a kiss. What did you summon me for, dark prince?

Romance. Come.

Eddie pulled her along to the last row of graves, and Rosalie hoped with all her heart that he wasn’t implying they were going to have sex on one of them. She considered herself very open-minded, but this just seemed a tad--

She froze as she saw the headstone Eddie stopped at.

Rosalie Watson - Daughter, friend.

She broke a few awkward moments of icy silence by snapping at him.

I don’t know what your plans are, Edward Sterling, but if this is your idea of romance, you might have me confused with Asphyxia.

What?! No! What are you thinking?

I haven’t been back here since… She stared at her own grave. Am I still in there?

She preferred not to think about the logistics too much. They arrived in the Underworld as souls, but she never felt disembodied. When they left the Underworld, she didn’t return as a ghost of any kind.

Well, I’m not going to dig for it, if that’s what you’re asking, Eddie said, but I assume we are. At least we’re next to each other.

Eddie nodded at the hole his body was tossed in. A wooden cross that was already showing signs of decay stated his name, and that was it; nothing particularly dignified about it. Helen, Lilith, and Rooney buried him quick and cheap since he wasn’t supposed to be gone for long.

Please explain to me how this is even remotely romantic, Rosalie demanded.

We had our first date here.

She squinted at him. I don’t think I was here for that.

Eddie let out a short chuckle. He was the only one who considered it a first date, but he stuck to his guns on it. When a demon came and killed Rosalie by mistake, Eddie got the blame for it. He obviously couldn’t be at the funeral, considering her father, the Chief of Police, was there, so he had to settle for saying his goodbyes in the evening when everybody was gone.

Wasn’t an ideal date, no. The day of your funeral, I came here and sat with you for a while. I played--

Oh! Rosalie’s eyes widened. ‘Safety Dance’! That was you?

You heard that?!

Rosalie slowly shook her head and stared at her grave.

No… Maybe, she spoke softly. It’s like a memory, but not my own, and veiled in fog. Is that how it’s supposed to go, you think?

I don’t think it’s supposed to go at all. We weren’t exactly following the rules.

Eddie reached into his pocket and fiddled around with something in there. Rosalie wasn’t really expecting anything, but she had a strong feeling as to what he was fiddling with.

We’ve been together for six months now, Eddie said, trying hard not to stutter and unsure if he should be looking directly at her. To me, it feels like much longer, obviously. I’m not even sure how long we’ve known each other, but I think I know you well enough to be able to ask you this…

From his pocket, he produced a blue velvet box and held it out for Rosalie. She swallowed uncomfortably, her eyes darting back and forth between the box and Eddie.

Oh, Eddie… I, ehm… Don’t think--

Then Eddie flicked the box open to reveal a set of keys.

Do you wanna move in with me?

Rosalie let out a long, relieved sigh and clutched her chest. Oh, thank God.

What, you thought I was proposing? he answered with an amused smirk.

Rosalie laughed away the nerves and nodded. Then the nerves came right back when Eddie’s face went all serious, and he reached into his other pocket.

Well…

But before he could push the joke any further, he couldn’t help laughing. Don’t worry. It’s been only six months; I’m gonna take a whole lot longer than that to propose. I’m not a rockstar, for Christ’s sake.

In that case, yes. Yes, Eddie Sterling, I will move in with you.

She held him tight and kissed his neck, which made him twitch because it tickled, so his only defense now was to do the same thing to her. The moment started to snowball up to the point that Rosalie had to stop it and say, I’m not going to have sex on my own grave.

Eddie, being a man, hadn’t considered that as a reason not to have sex, but since it turned out to be one, he involuntarily glanced at his own grave.

No! Rosalie told him and gave him a push to snap him out of it.

Alright. Okay. Shit. Eddie scratched behind his ear and put his other hand on his hip. How about the bedroom?

How about Rooney?

Ehm… I kinda wanted you to myself--

Rosalie covered her face and shook her head. Jesus, Eddie. I’m not talking about a three-way! What does Rooney think about me moving in?

Eddie shrugged. As much as he loved the guy, Rooney could either deal with it or go set up his own Wi-Fi somewhere else. Besides, he already knew Rooney could deal with it because he was the first one Eddie talked to when he decided to ask Rosalie.

He was pretty stoked on the idea. If he wasn’t my best friend, I’d feel threatened by him.

Rosalie took Eddie's hand and pulled him along to the church. He wasn’t quite sure if the sex thing was still on, but he just went along and hoped for the best.

As it turned out, Rosalie did want to involve Rooney in their activities, but the activities weren’t very bedroom-based. Rooney had been waiting for them to come back in and stuck his head around the corner of his door to check if the footsteps he heard were indeed theirs.

And? he asked, about as excited as if it was his own girlfriend moving in.

Yes, Rosalie answered with a big smile.

Rooney nodded. Alright, I’ll move out tomorrow.

Eddie frowned. This wasn’t the plan. He loved Rosalie, for sure, but he also loved Rooney. There was no reason they couldn’t coexist. What?!

Yeah, I thought about it some more, Rooney said matter-of-factly. You two don’t need me around. I know you, Ed. You didn’t leave the confessional in for the hell of it. There is going to come a moment that I will catch you two in there, and it’ll just be awkward all the time.

Rosalie snorted. Robert Rooney, you’re not going anywhere. You and Eddie were a thing long before I came around; far be it from me to break you up. You’re staying.

You’re pretty cool about it, Rosie. Rooney nodded approvingly. Our favorite idiot is lucky to have you.

Your favorite idiot is right here, Eddie muttered.

Rosalie ignored him. You’ll just need to be a lot louder so we can hear you coming.

And we should be less loud, Eddie muttered, so he doesn’t hear us--

No, Rosalie stopped him. Just… no.

She pulled Eddie toward the front door, and Rooney took this as his cue to get back to whatever he was doing. Eddie, however, started to tug back and looked in the direction of the bedroom.

Sex now?

Dad now.

Eddie froze. Not that he disliked her father; quite the contrary. He had a lot of respect for the man, but he was never sure the feeling was mutual, which may have had something to do with him indirectly being the reason Rosalie got killed. Or, as if that wasn’t enough, there was the time Eddie broke into the psychiatrist’s office for Asphyxia, an issue that was basically left unresolved. That, and Eddie’s frequent visits to the drunk tank in a life before Rosalie, was enough reason to keep contact with Vernon Watson to the bare minimum.

Oh, grow a pair!

The one pair is fine, thank you.

Then work with those. You’ll have to be around my father every so often. Kinda comes with the girl.

Eddie knew, but he still pursed his lips. Don’t make me go with you to tell him I’m taking away his daughter again. He hates me enough as it is.

Dad doesn’t hate you. He just… likes you less.

Less than what? Cheeseburgers? Eddie looked back at the bedroom one more time. Can’t we just go in there and forget about it?

Rosalie tugged him back into motion. If you’re worried about my father now, you should see him when I just stop going home and he comes looking for me.

She had a point, Eddie thought. She always had a point. Being liked less for merely dating the Chief of Police’s daughter would probably be preferable to being wanted for kidnapping the Chief of Police’s daughter. Terrible waste of a good excuse to go to the bedroom, though.

I’ll meet you at the car, he said. Gonna grab my coat.

Rosalie squinted at him. Coats are usually by the front door.

She really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it wasn’t unreasonable to assume he would flee out the backdoor and pretend to be lost just to get out of seeing her father.

Eddie nodded. Yes. In a normal house. Say what you will, but we are not normal.

She had to agree with him there.

So, my coat is under the bed.

Why is it under the bed?

Because I dropped it next to the bed last night after taking Orpheus out for exercise. And when I cleaned the place up this morning, I kicked it under the bed.

I have several questions, Rosalie stated. May I?

Please, go ahead.

Who is Orpheus? What the hell are you doing up before noon? And, since when do you clean up?

Eddie processed her questions before answering and nodded when he had all the words in order.

"The car. The Vindicator. I’ve named him Orpheus. Seemed rather obvious to Eddie, but he knew Rosalie wasn’t into cars like he was. He went on, I got up early to make sure the church was perfect because I was going to ask you to move in."

Babe, you came to get me out of literal Hell. You think some discoloration on the beams is going to influence my decisions?

Eddie looked up.

Made you look, Rosalie giggled and gave him a kiss. See you at the car. Don’t keep a girl waiting.

He gave her a thumbs-up and rushed to the bedroom. His leather jacket was right where he left it, and he took it with him without putting it on. He didn’t exactly need the jacket in this weather, but it was the male equivalent of a purse. His house keys, car keys, and usually his cigarettes were in it. When he came out of the bedroom, Asphyxia came up from the basement and stopped him.

How did it go? she whispered.

She said yes, Eddie answered proudly. So that means you’re gonna have to stop accidentally trying to catch me in the shower.

I never-- I wasn’t trying--

I’m sure you weren’t. I’m just saying you’ll have to start knocking before you burst in here. All of you. Eddie put on his jacket at that point, mostly to signal Asphyxia he was heading out. Next thing you know, you’ll be walking in on us doing it on the couch.

Asphyxia nodded, but the twinkle in her eyes suggested there would be no knocking ever. Eddie pretended not to see it and headed for the door.

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Lilith’s black leather boots thumped through the fine art deco hallway. She always enjoyed the sound—it made her feel important. A lot of employees came through here, but none of their shoes quite sounded the way hers did. Some of theirs squeaked. But the looks she got when passing those employees bothered her sometimes.

Literally the only reason she got this job was because she was her father’s daughter. While it wasn’t true nepotism, since only legitimate offspring of the Devil could run the Underworld, she still felt like people thought Daddy’s girl had taken over.

Some of the changes she implemented weren’t popular either, but the use of sinergy—the energy refined from sin washed off souls in Purgatory—had been downright wasteful under her father. It was her responsibility to generate enough sinergy to power the Afterlife, and with Heaven regularly adding new districts to accommodate every half-assed religion people came up with, they needed to be more efficient. Thankfully, even with humanity’s declining interest in divine worship, or perhaps because of it, there were still enough deals to be made. While Lilith strived to keep her deals fairer than her father did, she still managed to generate a steady influx of souls. Along with the standard arrivals, of course. Everybody went through here, saints and sinners; how long you stayed depended on which one of the two you were. A Samaritan who spent her life bottle-feeding orphaned puppies was going to be out of here far sooner than, say, Jeffrey Dahmer. Serial killers are kind of obvious, but a Samaritan? Dog person. She kicked kittens.

But