The Game Is to Be Sold, Not Told

By Taali Munjiyah

Navigating the Devil's Playground full of narcissistic men and treacherous women, takes skill but more importantly it takes survival instincts. When you are faced with a life-or-death decision and have no time to weigh your options, what do you do? Do you fight or do you give up? If you said one or the other? You are not ready for the GAME of life. Correct answer is both. You fight and give up. You must fight to see another day, but you must give up the mentally of fighting. That is when you must play the GAME of survival. When you place yourself in a mental place of survival, it's no longer a fight. It is survival which is a mental state of mind of wanting to continue to live. That means you are not fighting but now you are doing what you need to do to survive in that moment. The GAME of life does not play fair and on this Devil's Playground, I had to do what I had to do to survive!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 20, 2024
• ISBN: 9798350958010

Taali Munjiyah

A Stroke Survivor, who has been through everything imaginable in life, and still continues to find joy in helping others. When I was at my lowest point in life, I found myself questioning a lot of things, people and myself mostly. Through it all, I realized the GAME of life, does not play fair no matter who you are. How rich you are or how good of a person you are. Broken crayons still color, so remember that no matter how invaluable you may feel, you are not. The GAME of life requires us all to give grace. Start with yourself...that is who deserves it the most.

Book preview

PART I

CHAPTER I

RIPE

Alarm clock goes off at 6am and I really do not want to go to school today. But I mustered up the strength to get up, shower and dress. I went to a magnet high school that was truly diverse in cultures, so my friends consisted of various races. I had one female friend from South Asia who I was remarkably close to and she is who made me question my sexuality when I was already struggling with raging hormones as a curious teenager in the 90’s. She was my motivation to really walk into school because I knew she was there waiting for me. I knew she was going to be excited to see what I wore that day. She swore I was her fashion inspiration! She was thick and beautiful which was not common for Asians back when I was growing up. She had my hormones all over the place and I was not the shy type therefore I consistently made her smile with my forward nature. I was not overbearing because I did not want to scare her but more importantly, these were feelings I was acting on because I was curious as well. I knew I was physically attracted to women, and I knew I was not going to suppress my attraction for nobody.

That mindset led her to be butt naked on my bed after school for a couple of years straight.  But before we get into that part of my life, I want to take you to when I was twelve years old. This is the age that most young women see themselves turning into women and do not know what is going on internally, but they feel the changes, whereas parents can see the changes. Whew! I took my parents on a ride and my mom will tell you to this day, me from the age of twelve through seventeen years old, were the ride of her life! I came back from summer camp in the summer of 1997 a woman. At least that is what I thought I was! I met a boy at camp that summer and he was my first kiss. That kiss woke me up and everything else in my body because from that moment...I was a changed woman. I came home from camp, and I looked at everything around me differently. I was not content with sitting at home on the couch watching TV or reading a magazine where women looked to be living their best life. Of course, I knew it was not real, but they succeeded in selling that image to me because although my mother bought me everything I ever wanted and I did not lack anything, I wanted more! I wanted my own car, and money. I was not quite ready to leave the nest; I was only twelve years old at this time at camp, so I didn’t put that in my immediate plans to have my residential address changed. But I knew I wanted a car and a job because to live how the women in the magazines lived…I needed a car to get to lavish parties and I needed money to buy the clothes that would get me seen in these lavish parties!

Camp was over in August and school started a few weeks later. I reluctantly got up on weekdays for school and came home from school, ate leftovers, did homework and sat on couch watching TV until my mom came home and cooked dinner. My Mother would ask me how my day went, and my answer would be the same, fine. This is the typical pre-teen response to a question and I’m sure my mother was tired of hearing it. I was very bored after school and I did not like catching public transportation, so I would opt to sit in house before I got dressed, walked to bus stop and got on a bus to go anywhere. My friends were my age so none of us had a car let alone a driver’s license. I was to be in the driver’s seat driving my own car anyways and not in the passenger’s seat. I counted the days for when that would become a reality.

January 1998, I am officially thirteen years old and when I started to hang out with my female friends more and later at night. I did not have a curfew because I never was the type to hang out because once it was dark, I was home. My friends would spend time together with me at my house, and I was cool with that. But at camp something inside me woke up where I needed to listen to that voice inside my head saying, STOP BEING A GOOD GIRL. March 13, 1998, is when I listened to that voice and one of my African female friends told me to hang out with her that night. It was a Friday, and I did not have any other plans, so I agreed. She knew I did not like public transportation, but she did not have a car therefore I had to get over myself and get on a bus. We caught the bus to a hotel and when we got there, it is two guys there I had never seen before. One of the males was Hispanic and the other one is African. They were older than us but very polite and I was at that ripe age of thirteen going on twenty-one in my mind. I was officially a teenager nonetheless and I looked older via my body being curvy, therefore I was telling anyone who asked my age, that I was turning eighteen soon. Juan, the Hispanic’s guy name, immediately let it be known that he has seen me around the way and glad I agreed to come with my friend who name is Michelle. I stood around for a little while and did not say much because I am not naïve to the fact that I do not clearly see what type of mission my friend Michelle was on that night. She was older than me by a year or two, so she was more advanced than me in this department of being around guys. I did not want to seem like I was not considering camp was the first and last time I was in proximity with a male. I had to put my big girl panties on or leave and get on a bus to go back home! I took a deep breath and that voice in my head said, READY OR NOT. I was ready as I was going to be…or so I thought I was.

I declined the alcoholic drinks and marijuana they offered me. This was the first time I saw Michelle drink or smoke, so I was quite impressed with the whole scenery. I was very sober while those three were indulging. They all kept their cool and no one got belligerent, so I was not alarmed or feeling like I was not safe. Juan was talking to me as we sat on one of the beds in the double-bedded hotel room. He was not being aggressive or touchy-feely, which was making me feel comfortable with him sitting close to me. As the time is getting later and later, I see Michelle is getting increasingly touchy-feely with the African guy. Eventually she removes her clothes and gets into bed with the other guy who begins to remove his clothes as well. They both get under the covers, and she straddles the African guy and takes the marijuana he was smoking and puts it to her lips and blows the smoke out very slowly. It was sexy and there I was feeling that feeling I felt when the boy kissed me at camp! I started to feel a tingling sensation in my panties and that visual let me know that I was not going home that night! I followed suit by getting into the bed where Juan and I were sitting, and he did the same. We are fully dressed under the covers and staring at Michelle who was butt-naked and not shy at all or seem to care that we were watching her/them. In hindsight I should have made an attempt to call my mom or dad and let them know I wouldn’t be coming home that night, but that was the furthest thing from my mind. I had a tall, long haired, handsome guy lying next to me and I was feeling things tingling in my panties that were intensifying with every second I was watching Michelle and the African guy. I knew this was gearing up to be something more and I needed to be ready. Michelle began to make orgasmic noises that I knew came from sex because I watched porn a lot once I came back from camp and my mother was at work. I watched them two for a while as I studied them. Compared what I saw to the porno movies I watched. This was better than watching a porno! This was a live action porno I was witnessing, and I admired Michelle’s boldness. I did not tell her I never had sex before, so she assumed I did via how I carried myself. I was always outspoken and non-judgmental. We talked about boys but never got into depth, so to see her in rare form like this was very mind-blowing to me.

I did not tell Juan I was a virgin either so when he got on top of me, I clammed up! He immediately got off top of me and laid back down next to me. I begin talking to myself in my head! I know I said I was ready, but was I?! I have seen love scenes in movies, and it looked so easy and effortless, but this was not going to be easy and certainly not effortless! How do I tell this guy that I cannot do all she is doing! And if I do, it will not look anything like that! Michelle was the first woman to show me what it meant to show me what the pussy made for! Michelle was riding this African’s dick so good that I still to this day…I never seen anyone ride a dick that stellar! It was an amazing thing to see SEX up close. I would have been perfectly fine if Juan and I had just sat up and watched them because they were putting on a show, and I knew I couldn’t follow that act. I could see their winning performance was ending, no pun intended, and I knew they were going to be expecting to see a stellar performance from us the way we watched them. Their romp is what officially made me a Voyeur and I did not know the term back then, but they are why I thoroughly enjoy watching others have sexual relations.

It is 11pm and the spotlight is on me. Juan is looking at me and I am looking at this hotel clock. A drink or hit of blunt would be clutch right now and I did not even know what clutch really meant at that time or even how liquor and marijuana would affect me, but I was a ball of nerves because I knew it was time for me to be a big girl. The woman I self-proclaimed myself to have become after I left camp the year before! I am out late; my parents have no clue as to where I am, and I just watched my friend ride dick like she was on a bull riding show! I closed my eyes and referenced a love scene I had seen in a movie and removed my jeans and panties. This got Juan attention because I could tell he did not know how to handle my awkwardness and I was very grateful that he didn’t pressure me or make me feel obligated to go forth with anything. I looked over at Michelle and they were asleep. I was relieved! Now I did not have their prying eyes on me as I act like a big girl. That made me relax a bit and Juan could tell because I think he was nervous too with them watching him perform.

I never had sex, so I do not know how you are supposed to lay or even initiate it. I missed that part when Michelle kicked it off because it all happened so fast between the two and I was in mental trance with my own thoughts of losing my virginity at the same time. I did not wake up that morning thinking today is the day I lose my virginity! And I definitely did not agree to hang out with Michelle to lose it in a hotel with her and another guy six feet away. But I was there, and it was too late to put my panties back on and go home and get yelled at for coming in so late, so I figured I would finally see what these porn stars make look and feel so good. Juan removes his gray sweatpants and boxers. He reaches for his sweatpants and grabs a condom out of the pocket. This is the first time I see a penis up close, and I do not really know what to think! They are bigger in the porn films and before I can fully wrap my mind around what is going on, he attempts to insert my vagina and my vagina just would not let him in! My eyes are closed and all I am thinking about is WHAT THE FUCK?! THIS SHIT HURTS! MICHELLE WAS OVER THERE LYING! THEM PORN STARS LIED TOO! Juan is asking me if I am okay and if he is hurting me. I lied and said I was okay when I knew that I was not. He flipped me over and that is when I knew it was about to go down. I just closed my eyes and took a breath. He still could not insert my vagina and he is talking to himself trying to figure out why he could not. I wanted to yell out BECAUSE I AM A VIRGIN! But I figured he would figure it out, but he never did. He finally must have said fuck this shit because I was not ready for how he rammed his penis in my vagina one good time! That must have taken everything out of him because he pulled it out after that abrasive move, got up and went to the bathroom, flushed condom, and got back into the bed. He grabbed me close to spoon me and nuzzled up to my neck. He was asleep soon after while I was laying there wide awake in shock.

I just got inducted into the grown women’s club, but I did not put on a show, and I was in pain. Sex hurts is all I could think about, and my vagina hurt so bad that I wanted to cry. A pain I never felt, and I did not know how anyone in their right frame of mind loved sex. I looked over at Michelle and the African guy to see they were still sleep and did not get a chance to witness my failed performance which was a wonderful thing! Juan was snoring softly and contacting my parents still did not cross my mind and it is one in the morning by this time. I finally went to sleep to be awakened with Juan ready to put on a show. Michelle and the African guy are up but just laying there. I am still in pain vaginally and the sun is shining brightly through the hotel blinds, but Juan did take something from me a few hours earlier that I never would get back and for that I looked at him differently. Was it LOVE? I was too young to be in love, but I felt that tingling feeling and that feeling alone made me give into the tingling. We put on a hell of a show and Michelle and the African guy sat up in their bed, lit a blunt and just watched me and Juan. The tingling feeling numbed the pain that was in my vagina, and I looked in Juan eyes and that was when I knew why people loved sex. It is a dangerous act, and it clouds one’s judgment but in that moment you do not care. I did not have a care in the world and in the midst of watching me and Juan, I see Michelle starts to straddle the African guy and I felt like it was a challenge. I am sure it was not but in my mind it was. So, I straddled Juan and I looked at Michelle…SHOWTIME!

Checkout time is 11am so Michelle and I took a shower together and put back on the clothes we came in with minus our panties. We gave them to the boys to take with them. Juan offered to buy me breakfast at IHOP which was next door to the hotel, and I declined. I knew I needed to get home, and I needed to get my lie straight so going out to eat was going to delay me getting home. The guys go one way and Michelle and I go another way together. I was hungry; I just did not want to eat with them per say so we went to a McDonald’s that was close by and talked about our night. I did not disclose that I just lost my virginity, and she gave me my credit on my performance. I definitely knew I wasn’t going to mention it after I received accolades from her. I asked Michelle what fib she was going to tell her mother and she said, Oh I told my mom I was staying at your house. I looked at her in bewilderment because I probably could have avoided all this having to tell a lie had I told my mother I was staying overnight at Michelle’s house! I am a rookie at this and have a lot to learn if I want to keep hanging with the big girls is all I could think of in that moment. We finished our food and went into a clothing store that had cheap cute clothes. I had money on me because my mother always made sure I had $20-$40 on me in case of an emergency. Michelle did not have any money on her, so she said to follow her lead. We went into the dressing room together and put on clothes under what we had on and walked out. That was my introduction to stealing. No warning. No real reason. I was officially in the I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK phase.

CHAPTER II

READY

I walked out of that store and shed my previous clothes like I was snake and revealed my new shiny layer of skin. I put on a pair of form fitting pants and a fitted shirt in the dressing room, so I was feeling like a brand-new woman and was ready for the world to meet the new me. Michelle was a pro at this, so she was not nervous or anything. I admired this chick and that is when I decided it was time for me to have a cell phone. I am sure if I asked my mom, she would have gotten me one, but I never felt I needed one until this moment. I needed Juan to be able to contact me and that is when I went into a 7-11 and bought a cheap cell phone and a prepaid phone card. I mean…really cheap but it dialed out and could receive calls and that was all I cared about.

I decided to call a boy named Sleepy that I met at a train station a couple of months prior. He would call my house phone a lot and was talking a lot of shit about what he could do in the bedroom if he ever got me in his. Being I was no longer a virgin, I was feeling froggy, so I jumped out there and called him. He answered the phone, and I told him I was coming over to see what he could do. Michelle and I headed over to his house which meant I was nowhere near walking into my mother’s house, like I needed to be at over fifteen hours ago! Sleepy’s a short, dark-skinned guy with long cornrows who lived with his mother in a nice area, so I felt comfortable when I walked into his house. I did not have time for small talk because above all I had not contacted my mother yet, and Michelle was waiting in his living room for me. I am really feeling myself after Juan made me a woman and pulling an all-nighter by not going home! Sleepy gets on top of me and I am thinking is this how sex always starts? Being mounted on and looked at creepily? Michelle was waiting in his living room, so I did not feel pressured to put on a show because she was not looking at me. My vagina was hurting from just losing my virginity less than 24 hours earlier but I am the one who called him so I could not punk out now although I was not interested in him like that once I saw him again. Maybe it was me still thinking about Juan and how good he looked or how good he made me feel! Nonetheless it is SHOWTIME. Sleepy had his room pitch black which I was fine with me because I did not feel like him looking me as I winced in pain. He grabs a condom and is struggling to put it on, and I am thinking turn some lights on motherfucker and you will be able to see! But I just laid there and left him to figure out what he needed to figure out. What seemed like forever is finally underway and he tried to insert my vagina and has trouble as Juan did. I immediately clammed up thinking of how Juan tried for hours, and I attempted to turn over to assist him. He quickly grabbed me and said NO! Stay like this. I lay back down on my back and immediately started to regret coming to his house knowing I needed to have been home.

Sleepy takes his time and works his penis inside of me and I am beginning to get that tingly feeling again and then I hear him let out a loud grunt and then fall off of me. That is when I saw a red light! I immediately got up, fumbling all over the place to grab my belongings and quickly got dressed. Once I am dressed, I turned the lights on and yelled Did you record us having sex?! He is lying there exhausted like he just did something and says NO. I ran over to the red dot to pull out a camcorder and threw it against his wall and it broke. He jumps up and Michelle is bursting through the door by this time asking if I am okay. I yell This motherfucker recorded us having sex! She digs in her pocket and pulls out a small knife and says very calmly Give me the SD card. He is now sitting up on the bed, penis exposed with the condom filled with sperm. I realized then that all penises do come in different sizes as porn films showed me, but this is the second penis I have seen in 24 hours. Sleepy’s was bigger than Juan’s, but he did not know what to do with it. Juan seemed to have more finesse and motion. Back to the story! Sleepy is looking at Michelle and I like he may try to take us both down physically if he needs to. Michelle steps closer to him and says I have 3 of my brothers outside waiting in a car for us so if you try anything funny, they will come in here and kill you and your family without thinking twice. Sleepy picks up the broken camcorder and removes the SD card and hands it to me. Michelle says to him If you ever call her again you will regret it, and we walked out his bedroom and out his front door. I looked at Michelle and said Oh you were READY huh? Where are your brothers?! She looked at me and said You have a lot to learn girl. Never go anywhere without a weapon, let alone to a man’s house. As you can see, they can be on some bullshit and my brothers are not anywhere near here. But he did not know that. The goal is always to be able to walk out of a sticky situation then to be stuck in a sticky situation. Do you feel me? I did not one hundred percent feel her, but I just nodded in agreement because little did I know I was going to have that theory tested many of times soon.

I finally decided I had enough excitement for one weekend and took my ass home late Saturday night. The balls of me to casually walk my ass in my mother’s house; go to my room and not say anything was very bold of me. I was not even in my room for sixty full seconds, and she came busting my door open saying get in the car now. I was tired and just wanted to shower and go to sleep! I thought it was a family emergency, so I walked out of my room and got into my mother’s car. The car ride was completely silent as my mother was driving like a bat out of hell and my father was in the passenger’s seat smoking Newport 100 cigarettes back-to-back. I am in the backseat thinking something really bad has happened especially when we pulled into Children’s Hospital Emergency Room entrance. My Mother tells me to get out as she gets out and my father goes to park the car. We walk into the hospital and my mother frantically goes to the front desk and say, I need a rape kit performed on my daughter! I looked at her and yelled WHAT?! My mother says Yes! You have been gone for 24-hours, and you look like shit! Ten minutes later I was in a room with my parents just looking at me like I was an alien. I was in a sense because the daughter that they knew was gone and she was never coming back. Too much happened in the last 24 hours for me to ever be that fun loving, couch sitting, bike riding, chill, thirteen-year-old girl again. I was a seventeen-year-old woman in my mind that was ready for the world not knowing the world does not play fair, and the GAME is to be sold not told.

After what seemed like forever, a doctor came in and said as preventive measures when given a rape kit, I would be given various medications in case I did contract a sexually transmitted disease that way I do not have to wait for results and treatment. I ingested multiple pills and received a shot that prevented STD’S too, and then I was able to go home. The car ride home was silent. It was no need in fighting what was going on because all of that happened in Children’s Hospital was because my parents knew March 13, 1998, their daughter lost her virginity. I did not have to say a word. They could smell I was no longer a pure teenager. I was tainted and the days of treating me like a pure teenager were over.

That next morning, which was Sunday, my mother woke me up and summoned me into the living room. She usually gave me the courtesy of letting me sleep however late I wanted to on weekends, but she was not going for that this morning. She wanted to know why I did not call her and more importantly where I was and who I was with. I did not feel like talking yet and it was early, but my mother is an early riser, so she didn’t care what I didn’t feel like doing. I could tell she was not going to leave me alone and I figured I cannot avoid her so here goes nothing. I confirmed what she already knew, and I apologized for not coming home or calling her. My father sat silently. I am the apple of his eye, so it was tough for him to hear I was no longer his pure little girl, whereas my mother handled it a lot better than I expected. I did not know what I expected her to do or say but she was rather calm and civil about it. Her response eased my anxiety because she is a realist and she said she saw me shifting ever since I came back from camp Summer 1997. I think she had months to mentally prepare for this battle because a battle it becomes! Hormones were the opponent and let me tell you…teenage years and hormones were an all-out war that I could not control but let me tell you this much. The GAME is to be sold not told, but I am going to tell you a little bit.

CHAPTER III

RUDE AWAKENING

My mother did not let me forget that I was not a child anymore. That meant I was given more adult responsibility with consequences that she knew would hurt me. She would take my cheap cell phone away from me or she would not give me any money to hang out with if my grades were subpar. I did not pull another all-night mission with Michelle or anyone for a few months mainly because I did not have to. As long as I was in before midnight, I wasn’t grilled so I did not intentionally make it harder on myself by coming in past that time. Juan and I were kicking it heavily and having sex without a condom. He was the only one I was sleeping with although I knew I was not the only woman with whom he was sleeping with. That was a rookie way of thinking because STDs are real and yet I didn’t make it a big deal because he made me FEEL/THINK I was the main one he cared about. He gave me money whenever he did see me, which turned out to be three or four times a week. I felt I was special because I never had to beg to see him. He would ask to see me constantly and I loved that he was always…available. Not knowing when dealing with a man who is in the streets, giving women money that you deal with is a drop in the bucket and how you keep all your women happy.

All of that changed once I met a guy named Kenny in May 1998, who was older than me by a few years. He was very handsome, had an excellent job, his own apartment, a nice car and was educated. Juan and Kenny were polar opposites and it intrigued me. Juan was a hood guy who hustled and did not have a set schedule. Juan did not have his own apartment because in his culture, they all lived in their parent’s house. They stayed at their women houses or got hotels when they wanted to play. Kenny had a job where he had to be home and sleep by a certain time to be up early for work. Kenny thought I was seventeen years old, turning eighteen soon like Juan did and I did not plan on either, finding out I was only thirteen years old. I adopted the alias name of Xena (pronounced ZEE-na) and that is who I became once I lost my virginity. Juan knew my real name, but this was before I got my first lesson of the game (never give your government name to anyone), but Kenny definitely was not getting my government name.

Kenny would come over to see me at my mother’s house when she was at work and my father was elsewhere. He would bring me flowers and food. I would get money and good sex from Juan, but this was different. Kenny made me believe he was only seeing me with the attention he was giving me in person and how he kept in communication with me when we were apart. Kenny made me feel safe and showed me stability in a man. I did not sleep with Kenny for 2 months. It was July 1998 when I started sleeping with Kenny. He and I were having safe sex, but it began to complicate me having sex with Juan because I did not want to sleep with them both at the same time. Juan did not take me not having time for him well so it became an issue that I had to get under control because I could not lose my Latin Lover! Juan was Superior to all because he made me become a woman in March 1998 and I did have feelings for him. But