SALIENT TRAGEDIES of Mr. AKE: Mr. Ake's Monotone Marriage Satire

By Ghenrietta Von BLOOME

Ah, marriage. The pinnacle of excitement, adventure, and limitless surprises. Or, at least that's what they say. Welcome to the thrilling world of Mr. Ake's monotone marriage, where every day is like Groundhog Day...minus the adorable rodents. Meet Mr. Ake, a man of routine, a true connoisseur of monotony. His life revolves around predictability, so much so that his servants probably dream about whirring up something different for once. And let's not forget about Mrs. Ake, the queen of indifference. Her poker face could win a world championship, or at least fool everyone into thinking she's a professional mime. You see, in the Ake household, variety isn't the spice of life; it's just mildly irritating. Their daily routine is like clockwork, where excitement is nothing more than an urban legend.
Let's take a quick glance at Mr. Ake's monotone marriage. Perhaps, after reading this we all will appreciate our own non-changing predicament with a bit more enthusiasm...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 16, 2024
• ISBN: 9781329906457

Book preview

SALIENT TRAGEDIES

Of

Mr. AKE

Ghenrietta Von Bloome

SALIENT TRAGEDIES of Mr. AKE

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law

2024

Bloome Publishing

978-1-329-90645-7

Imprint: Lulu.com

978-1-329-90645-7.png

CONTENT

PRELUDE

Breakfast

Words in the Hallway

Snakes and Ladders

Lunch

Walk in the Garden

Perfume

Smoking Lounge

Stolen Watch

Uninvited Guest

Private Execution

Bedtime

Sleepless Night

Salient Tragedies

PRELUDE

Mr. Ake looked out of the window with a displeased expression on his face, which all his servants were very much accustomed to. The generous amount of mockery and criticism that went on in his home solely came from his most vivid imagination and an inherited trait his late father blessed him with, along with other generosities that were graciously deposited into his bank account. Singing the melodies of his skillfully invented sorrows to anyone who would listen, he kept a strict mental record of everyone’s flaws and imperfections; for he genuinely believed that his sense of fair judgment and character appraisal was the only one that should matter. For a very long time Mr. Ake believed and assured his own self that he was the only righteous man who ever walked this sad, in his opinion, world by making sure everyone did their virtuous deeds in a timely manner. Thus, in no way at all did he ever consider sharing his privileged existence with anyone but his own conceit, well hidden beneath his polished exterior until the day came when he met his other half. Mr. Ake was very much surprised, shocked and irritated all at the same time when his eyes were laid on a woman, who would have deserved his infinite critique if it wasn’t for a bottle of sherry and a temporary loss of his firm grounds, on which he couldn’t stand any longer considering the amount of sweet and expensive poison he had consumed and the amorous events that followed after. When he woke up the next morning, soon to be Mrs. Ake stared him right in his face clearly reminding him of the vows he had made the night before, which she intended to take quite seriously.

At that moment, Mr. Ake accepted his fate as dreadful as it presented itself and silently gave in to the unexpected wrath of his gloomy destiny. The wedding was performed and the lights went out, making him the most arrogant and egoistic man who ever lived.

‘Marriage is a lottery, where men stake everything on a cupidity that can never be satisfied…’

Oscar Wilde

ring.jpg

BREAKFAST

A typical day in the house of Mr. Ake always started with breakfast. There was no exception. Three servants he had, who were recruited by the lack of common sense and his manipulative tactics of wicked persuasion ran around the house like the demented clowns with their arms above their heads usually praying for the event to be over. Mr. Ake would graciously come downstairs in his silk long robe to make sure everyone was aware of his not willing to surrender to the day’s frivolous activities- at least not yet. 

He would then light the remainder of his polished wooden pipe, which was given to him by his late father, whom Mr. Ake gave his strong word not to share it with anyone and later on pass it along to his children, that was if he was meant to have any in the first place. Considering Mr. Ake’s oblivious disposition to life in general, it was very much doubtful that any soul out there would agree to be part of his earthly existence, but stranger things had happened. Thus, attempting in advance to ruin everyone’s day including his own, at least give it his best try anyway, Mr. Ake would sit at a table waiting for everyone to gather and begin the somewhat traditional day in the realm of his household. A few minutes later, Mrs. Ake and her mother, who was staying with the newly wedded couple for a matter of a few weeks now, joined him in the attempt of wolfing down the lumberjack style breakfast, swiftly prepared by the chef who continuously prayed in his kitchen for a miraculous show of freshly fetched hemlock that would accidently end up on Mr. Ake’s plate.

As the breakfast began with Mrs. Ake’s mother muttering a few words of a divine prayer, Mr. Ake kept a close eye on the old woman’s mouth in the hopes of one day being able to read her lips, for he was utterly assured that his wife’s mother was in fact whispering curses, rather than benevolent prayers in his address. As the prayers were over, the family would start eating freshly made meal, which consisted of a well-known palette of