Monarch Butterflies over My Head

By SELAH

Monarch Butterflies Over My Head is a collection of poems that explore the the depth and intricasies of growing pains. It touches on delicate thoughts and emotions spaning love, self discovery, healing, apathy, curiousity, determination and many more. These poems pull out the intense weight of these emotions and exposes the frivoulous nature of some. These poems will resonate with people from all walks of life who are in tune with their emotions and thoughts and those who are just discovering them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: SELAH
• Release date: May 24, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224571864

Book preview

Connect with me on Instagram @saeihlargh

Read my other works:

Portrait of a Blue Sun ( https://books2read.com/u/mqM801)

Cover design by @xaneasiamah (Instagram)

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Acknowledgments

I would like to deeply thank God for giving me this gift of writing. It is the only thing I know to do well with my hands.

And he saith unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

Tethering on the Violent Edge of the World

I have realized that these are the preparatory years. The days are slipping by yet I’m at an amniotic standstill.

These are the years where I have to let people go, to finally stop holding on desperately to strings. These are the years where I have to increase my lung capacity and cement the base of my existence. These are the years I have to inhale because I would be exhaling for a long time to come.

It’s not painful. In gathering, I’ve expected to lose some. Yet in losing them I’m aghast and pierced at how few of them I’m allowed to keep. Just memories? That’s torture.

I loved. I really did. I still do. I don’t know whether it’s love but this must be just like it. Yet how can I be this okay in accepting that it should end? It’s just a great sadness where I can’t cry and I don’t even feel my heart breaking but I know it tears silently when I sleep. I didn’t get to do the soul-searing things all people do in their youth but that’s okay. I promised myself to give it my all, to have no regrets when it ends and to love like a mindless fool. I did it. I was embarrassing till the end. I held on. I held on.

Now, what is this grief if not love preserving? If not love persevering?

Now I’m standing at the edge of my world. Ready to take flight. Cutting and gathering. Building and cementing. It’s going to be a ride to remember, won’t it?

In all my preparation, let me find all I’m looking for. let me see all I prayed to see and cry and love with an intensity that would put the gods to shame. Let me do it all and collide into everything and everyone. Please crush my soul back into my body.

That when I take off, all the memories of you, I pray you allow me to keep. I gave you the fire but I’d keep the ashes. I loved a boy once but despite all I’ve known, sadness is not beautiful. It’s not a glorious righteous cause. So, I’m leaving in style.

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If I want the rewards of being loved, I have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Give me the extra pumping heart to carry the weight of the stares and the comments. May I not crouch to commit the ignominy of beholding my reflection or worse of, stand to behold it in pride. May I not hide behind my words or my works, to make up for the fact that it’s me.

So, when the flight ends and I arrive at the trial of God and scream at Him and ask why He allowed it all to happen and when I hear the faint echo repeat that same question to me, there would be no fire in the seven heavens that can burn my answer.

The Invisible Rulebook

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I hate having to read between the lines. I hate having to be aware and obey unspoken rules in environments that judge me.

I hate having to apologize for something not knowing what I did wrong. I don’t want to walk on eggshells all the time, just to impress the circus master.

If I relax my body now, I’d fall apart

There have always been two states I’ve been in;

proving myself and/or correcting my faults.

There has been no in-between.

I hate having to prove myself and ensuring they trust me.

Just to be acknowledged as well-bred; good and faithful.

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You passed the test, you were able to read the message I hid behind my eyeballs and taste the zest and intensity of the situation with your forked tipped tongue.

Your skin prickled and stood at attention when you felt my disapproval and you quickly corrected your ways.

I know you know that there are rules to follow in every situation and I’d never tell you, how else would I know you’re smart if you cant glean them yourself?

Tell me what I like and don’t like and you dare not be wrong.

You learn fast  with a shut mouth.

I like that.

These are the days you have to endure the training you have to take so you can stand tall one day in honour.

IDK

I’ve never wanted to be in the frontlines of anything.

I prefer to