I Did It Without Looking: A Blind Man's Recovery from Addiction

By Michael W. Moran

"I am blind, and I'm an alcoholic," says Michael W. Moran in his introduction. There was no cure for the congenital glaucoma that caused his blindness, but thanks to a 12–step program and lots of help from others, he put down the drinks and drugs in 1982.

 

Now, 42 years later, he's put together this heartfelt narrative of the main events of his life. The often shocking negatives include the abuse that he and his classmates endured at a Catholic school for the blind, when and how he was introduced to alcohol, and his many failed relationships—for which he blames no one but himself.

 

The positives include his lifelong love of music, the degrees and certifications he earned, the wide variety of jobs he's held, his reconciliation with various people from his past, his love for and help from guide dogs, and his current Christian faith. The self–reflective, giving, and forward–looking man that Michael is today is eloquently described by his musician friend Dion DiMucci and the Reverend Elizabeth Enright. Their testimonials introduce and conclude the book.

 

Michael doesn't want to be seen as "that amazing blind man." He didn't write his memoir to impress anyone. "My wish for you," he says simply and sincerely, "is that you find the following chapters entertaining, educational, and perhaps uplifting."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Moran
• Release date: May 27, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224470914

Book preview

Foreword

by Dion F. DiMucci

You and I—and the whole human race—are the apple of God’s eye. He loves us. And when he looks at us, he doesn’t just see us as we are. He sees us as we could be, if only we used all the amazing qualities and talents and virtues he gave us. He sees, buried under our laziness and weakness, a hero waiting to burst out.

Michael Moran is a lot like God in that way.

I was just a kid when I found myself suddenly thrust into the spotlight. I was a high school dropout. I belonged to a street gang with a commitment to mischief and petty crime. To say I was rough around the edges would be a gross understatement.

But then, seemingly overnight, I was a celebrity singer with multiple hit records. Kids looked to me as a role model. They watched what I wore and how I styled my hair. If I talked a certain way, they tried to talk that way too. When I went out, cameras flashed, and whatever image they captured, I’d see in a magazine or newspaper. I wasn’t ready for this.

For me, the bottom line was the soul in the music I heard. My main purpose was to re–create that soul in the songs I was writing and singing, and ultimately to transmit that soul and feeling of transcendence to others.

With my feet firmly planted on a cloud, I spun out of control with drugs and alcohol, not knowing how to manage my emotions in many situations. I had to work my way through a lot of obstacles to find higher ground and a higher reality.

It’s comforting to have a friend like Michael Moran to help you navigate life’s difficult situations. Giving others a feeling of security, Michael makes difficult circumstances easier to grow through and past. He has a way of seeing the best in people and encouraging them to become fully alive: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. He’s always willing the good for others—for their sake, not his own. He always sees their potential and the value in what they can become. But he does this without fanfare or the need for praise, without seeking any kind of recognition or reward. The guy is a mensch, and I’m proud to call him my friend.

This book has that same soul and is inspirational beyond words.

XOXO, D.

Dion DiMucci is a singer–songwriter who has been making music since the late 1950s, writing and performing many Top 40 hits.

For more information, see https://diondimucci.com/

MichaelAndDion-modified

Michael and Dion

Acknowledgements

I am incredibly grateful to all the people in my life who have inspired and encouraged me through the process of writing this memoir.

Thank you to my wife, Jean, and to my friends who have offered opinions and support. Thank you, Debbie, Dion, and Elizabeth, for your input.

Introduction

Did you ever sit around with folks, chatting, telling stories, and reminiscing about the sad or funny events that happened in your past, and—well—all the weird people you met along the way? When the laughter gets raucous enough, someone is sure to say, I should write a book. Or worse yet, they look at me and say, You should write a book. When they tell me I should write a book, I think to myself, Yeah, that’s a good idea. The thought then evaporates. Now I ask myself, why have I so often and so quickly abandoned the idea of doing just that?

Procrastination, laziness, a feeling of being overwhelmed, and numerous other distractions are among the obstacles I create for myself.

(Just a side note: I was going to attend a Procrastinator’s Anonymous meeting, but I figured, Not today.)

Thinking about all the writing, editing, and then rewriting first, second, and third drafts kicks the idea right off the rails. The thought pops into my head that it might be a suitable time to take a nap or eat a sandwich. Sometimes I do both. Needless to say, the book doesn’t get started. I let my mind wander, call someone, walk my dog, check out the sports scores, or read someone else’s book.

Finally, I’ve come awake. Writing this book is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet door and having everything fall out on the floor in disarray. But now my resistance is down. I’m not tired, hungry, or overwhelmed, and I find myself enthusiastic about sharing my story with you. The door is open, and it’s time to look at what lies in front of me. I’m no longer afraid, but I do wonder whether I’ll be able to put this mess into some semblance of order, so it will make sense to you, the reader.

Well, let’s find out.

People sometimes tell me that I’m exceptional, inspirational, or outstanding. I don’t want to bear the burden of those weighty adjectives. I’m none of those things, any more than any other person who chooses to take an emotional and spiritual journey for their inner growth. My wish for you is that you find the following chapters entertaining, educational, and perhaps uplifting. Somewhere inside, we all have a story to tell, a poem to write, a song to sing, and a wealth of knowledge and emotions to be shared with others.

In the following chapters, I’m going to let it all hang out: the good, the bad, the ugly, and of course the humorous. As the character Stan Kaiser said in the movie My Favorite Year, In my business, you never cut funny.

I’ve been blind for the past 77 years. I don’t want to have my story displayed as one of those Isn’t it amazing what the blind can do? books. Worse yet, Michael escaped from a world of darkness and can actually feed and dress himself. How about, Despite his lack of sight, he has children, grandchildren, and can use an iPhone. Quite frankly, I despise it when so–called journalists encourage those stereotypical mindsets with meaningless articles depicting unsighted people as hopeless and helpless. It’s demeaning nonsense to those of us with this disability, and it’s not based on reality. Most of us live happy and productive lives, just like everyone else. And like anyone else with physical disabilities, we learn how to overcome our limitations and to get on with our lives.

The facts are these: I am blind from congenital glaucoma, and I am an alcoholic. But I haven’t found it necessary to pick up a drink or a mood–altering substance over the past 42 years. Through the fellowship of a spiritually based 12–step recovery program, my Higher Power has cured me from a hopeless state of mind and body. However, you can be assured that I’m still blind and crazy after all these years!

While I haven’t been the worst person in the world, I certainly haven’t been the best. In my zeal to overcompensate for being blind, and due to my inflated ego and my distorted alcoholic thinking, I’ve hurt people along the way, especially my children. It doesn’t matter that they forgive me. Knowledge of what I’ve done still haunts me today. On the other hand, I’ve tried to help others, to set a good example, to clean house, and to trust God. I started to change my life by putting down the drink and the drugs in 1982. Most of my contributions and my important accomplishments in this life came after that.

Some folks tell me that I’m being too hard on myself, and that may or may not be true. I have a few undergraduate and post–graduate degrees. But all my certificates and degrees are not what have kept me sober. I can honestly say that most of my life’s lessons have been learned through a 12–step program. The fellowship and sponsors who have guided me along this spiritual course have brought me humility and have crushed my inflated sense of self–sufficiency. This has propelled me into a new dimension of existence.

Some of the lessons I learned from one of my first sponsors have proven to be immensely valuable. He had a knack for saying just the right thing exactly when I needed to hear it. For example, he would say, Be serious about what you do, but try not to take yourself too seriously. Michael, you came here to get sober, not somber. He impressed upon me the need to find the laughter within the fellowship of recovery. Thank God his wisdom has stuck with me and has helped guide me throughout my spiritual adventures for the past 42 years.

We have all climbed mountains. We are all exceptional and inspirational if we have the will to fight our demons and then break into the light of God’s love.

Life presents all of us with obstacles, heartache, joy, laughter, and challenges. It’s how we meet life every day and manage these opportunities for growth that makes us and shapes us into the image and likeness of our Creator. Understanding that things in life happen not to us, but rather for us, has opened my heart and brought me to a deeper understanding of my journey. How could we grow without learning how to deal with life’s pebbles in our shoes? How could we learn about sadness and joy, how to cry, laugh, and share our emotional pain, how to be grateful and loving, if it were all a smooth ride?

You are hereby invited on a journey through my life. Please fasten your seat belts and place your seat backs and tray tables in the upright position. We have clearance from the tower and will be taking off as soon as you turn to the next page.

—Michael W. Moran, 2024

Chapter 1

The Journey Begins

When the United States entered World War II, the U.S. Government turned to ordinary Americans and asked of them extraordinary service, sacrifice, and heroics. Many Americans met those high expectations and then returned home to lead ordinary lives. When the war ended, more than twelve million men and women put their uniforms aside and returned to civilian life.

—Tom Brokaw, The Greatest Generation, 1998

In 1945, World War II ended. The President of the United States was Harry S. Truman. Soldiers were returning home to the States after several years of fighting and defending our country in foreign theaters of war.

After serving overseas in the Army for three years and receiving an honorable discharge, my father, Private First Class William Patrick Moran, returned home to his wife, Antoinette Rose Silletti Moran, in Jersey City, New Jersey.

On September 8, 1946, Dorothy Harrison Eustis, founder of The Seeing Eye ®, America’s pioneer guide dog school, passed away at the age of 60 due to lung cancer. Twenty–one days later, a child who was blind, Michael Moran (that’s me), made his entrance into the world. That was on the Catholic feast of Saint Michael the Archangel, September 29, 1946.

After my mother’s 12 hours of labor, at 10:45 a.m., I was pulled crying and full of life from her.

I can still hear clearly the beautiful sound of my mother’s voice when she called my name. I love my name, and I remember how sweet and loving it sounded in her mouth.

Little did my mother know that