My Reality Check

By Marquita Johnson

This book is about how to believe in yourself and living your best life. This book is about the hard reality check. How you may be healing from your past, but you haven't moved on. With how emotionally you are being held back, you can't fully embrace your current future. The hardest part is getting over the past emotionally. Learning to heal one day at a time. Trust the process as long as it takes. Most importantly, be patient with yourself first.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hawes & Jenkins Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 1, 2024
• ISBN: 9781637844823

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My Reality Check

Marquita Johnson

ISBN 978-1-63784-481-6 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63784-482-3 (digital)

Copyright © 2024 by Marquita Johnson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Hawes & Jenkins Publishing

16427 N Scottsdale Road Suite 410

Scottsdale, AZ 85254

www.hawesjenkins.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

A Letter from the Author

Preface

Introduction

My Reality versus the Real Reality

Family Love

Mother's Love

A Child's Love

Freedom

Just Marquita

Inside Marquita

Never-Ending Hurt

The Outsider

Running Away

Waiting

Life after the Storm

True Happiness

Let It Go!

Fear of Letting Go

Courage

Victim to Victorious

But, God!

About the Author

A Letter from the Author

Dear women,

When I wrote my first book, it was just my short stories of traumatic events in my life. I experienced self-discovery, and it was painful. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. I hadn't realized how important mental health was to my life. I had shielded and buried my hurt for so long. I didn't know any other way to live but through pain. I couldn't understand how a mother could love a child when it was born. But somewhere along the way, when I became older, she didn't feel the same way. Somehow I just became a helper.

I didn't tell my story to get sympathy. I didn't tell my story to get empathy. I told my story because I want women to love their daughters unconditionally no matter what the situation in life. I want women to appreciate their daughters. I want daughters to appreciate their mothers. I want mothers to have conversations with their daughters no matter their age. I want daughters to have conversations with their mothers. I want women to appreciate the importance of having a healthy mother-daughter relationship.

When writing the second book, it was because I was so shocked and amazed that a company bought my experiences in life. So I only sent in the first half, and I thought, Let me write about the rest of my traumatic experiences. I was only writing because I was stuck in my house for health reasons, then COVID-19 happened, which led to a two-year pandemic. I was forced to deal with my trauma. It was the first time that I had to deal with my past experiences. It was the first time I realized what was happening to me wasn't okay. I realized that I had to do something about it. I am telling you that healing during this process was very hard for me. There were days when I just wanted to give up. I just wanted to close back up that box and put all those feelings back in. I pretended I never opened it, but I couldn't. I had to realize that for me to heal. I had to deal with all these feelings that were pouring out from my trauma. I'm going to be completely transparent with you. That was the scariest thing I ever had to do. I didn't want to be vulnerable because being vulnerable opened me up to being hurt. I didn't want to love back because I knew that, eventually, they would want something in return.

I was back in my house recovering from another major surgery, and my mind was in control and unstable. Here comes the third book because I need to write some more to gain control of my mind. At this time, I had realized that I let go of the past, but I hadn't gotten over it. I realized that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I could take five steps forward, and all it took was one phone call for me to go backward. One discouraging word or statement send me backward. And when I went backward, I felt harder, and my mind was back in control. The hardest thing that I had to do was to surrender to myself. I had to tell myself that I was in charge. I had to tell myself, You are stronger than you believe. I had to tell myself, You need to believe in yourself as much as people believe in you. I had to tell myself today was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I was going to be a healed woman. It was certain that God wasn't through with me yet.

So as you read this book, I want you to imagine how you're going to move forward in your own life. I want you to be encouraged. Know that you can have a new start, a new beginning, if you acknowledge that you want to be free totally and completely. I want you to know that you have the power to choose how you live through the pain. You have the power to choose if this is going to be the day that your