Useless Musings

By Jeffrey Eugene Hoch

As the hell year of 2020 was drawing to a close, and the collective anxieties of every able-minded person in America were making their threat whispers to never, ever go away no matter how many times you brushed your teeth, Jeffrey Eugene Hoch (the author of this book) had an idea. He would write a poem — or something approximating one — for every calendar day of the upcoming year of 2021. The main reason he wanted to do this was to keep his artistic conscience from atrophying across another potential year of emotional isolation, illness avoidance, and embarrassing cult stupidity.

There was some distant hope that something positive would come out of the process, but that something was unknowable and not even particularly hoped for by the author. A year of video games, whiskey, dates, and deli orders later, Useless Musings was “finished.” More accurately, it could just no longer be truthfully worked on because 2021 was over.

Anyway, the results of this year-long whatever-it-was are documented here for you to read and maybe have some sort of emotional reaction to. These “musings” felt pretty “useless” as I was writing them (Hi, it’s me, Jeff), but maybe you’ll enjoy them. That would be cool.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Jun 21, 2024
• ISBN: 9798886932256

Jeffrey Eugene Hoch

Jeffrey Eugene Hoch was asked by Austin Macauley Publishers to write his own author biography. Not comfortable with self-promotion, Jeffrey initially considered finding a way to circumvent doing this. Then he realized it’s really not that big of a deal, and he should just get on with it. He works as an iOS Engineer in New York City and is obsessed with games both electronic and tabletop. Jeffrey is terrified of insincerity, and his archnemesis is nihilism.

Book preview

About the Author

Jeffrey Eugene Hoch was asked by Austin Macauley Publishers to write his own author biography. Not comfortable with self-promotion, Jeffrey initially considered finding a way to circumvent doing this. Then he realized it’s really not that big of a deal, and he should just get on with it. He works as an iOS Engineer in New York City and is obsessed with games both electronic and tabletop. Jeffrey is terrified of insincerity, and his archnemesis is nihilism.

Dedication

To anyone who needs to be reminded (or told for the first time) that—no matter what—you have the power to love yourself.

Copyright Information ©

Jeffrey Eugene Hoch 2024

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.

Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

Ordering Information

Quantity sales: Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.

Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data

Hoch, Jeffrey Eugene

Useless Musings

ISBN 9798886932249 (Paperback)

ISBN 9798886932256 (ePub e-book)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023917238

www.austinmacauley.com/us

First Published 2024

Austin Macauley Publishers LLC

40 Wall Street, 33rd Floor, Suite 3302

New York, NY 10005

USA

[e-mail]

[phone]

I

January

It Won’t Last (January 1st)

A sober January 1st to reflect on those last few mistakes. Well, maybe they weren’t exactly mistakes but you’re torn up about them anyway Then more horrors flood back, half of which pre-date the year you’re supposed to be reflecting on:

Sorry, chum

That feeling that you’ll use that negativity and learn from it

It won’t last

Those plans to be the best you from here on out

Them neither

To get that book done, to hit that weight goal, to stop being such a depressed asshole

None of it

You will be defeated by the same entropic routines that did you in a few weeks into last year as well

Or maybe you won’t

Don’t sweat it

Because even if this year ends up as shitty as the one you just left

It won’t last

I Want to Die with Love in

My Heart (January 2nd)

There’s no guarantee of companionship when you’re facing the end

There are a thousand roads that leave you without family or friend

You can spread goodness and humor wherever you go

But there’s no way to force true connection to grow

However, that’s not to say you are bereft of control

Without outside judgment, shame still takes its toll

It’s not really about others, the star of your story is you

It’s your unknown journey, your threshold to step through

So put love in your heart and keep it there forever

No matter the circumstances you later must weather

That’s where it belongs for you to live and to thrive

It’s the fuel for the fire that keeps you alive

Of course there’s real danger, but it’s not such an ordeal

When you’re supplied by a love that is even more real

And the more that you store, the less room for fear

Less pain in your anger, less sorrow in your tears

You can contend with life with more cheer in your chest

More courage in your core, more bravura in your breast

It’s true no one knows when the reaper will reap them

But at least you will have all the days that precede him

So fill those days with love however you can

Find passions to pursue, fulfill extravagant plans

Seek others to give your love and your home

Then no matter when your time comes, you won’t be alone

Playing Video Games, I Don’t

Like (January 3rd)

It’s fun to be an obsessive until you spend three and a half hours mindlessly tapping through dialogue in a Japanese visual novel you don’t give two craps about

What is it about these stupid things that entices me to waste my time on them?

The characters are annoying

The combat is simplistic

The fan service is cringe

The puzzles are not puzzles

The branching pathways that you have to keep going back and choosing every branch of just to see the actual fucking storyline are just plain obnoxious

I don’t even really like anime all that much, which is clearly what all this crap is emulating

So what am I doing?

What is it about these games that keeps me coming back to them?

I always think they’re going to have some amazing plot full of suspense and mystery that keeps me emotionally invested or on the edge of my seat but they never do

It’s always just tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap while high schoolers flap their lips at each other

Ugh, and don’t even get me started on all those indie games I keep getting duped into buying then get bored of an hour in, damn

My new year’s resolution is not to stop drinking or start exercising more

No

It’s to stop playing video games I don’t like

Intermittent Fasting (January 4th)

From twelve to eight, I eat, it’s great

But after that no more

From eight till noon, I wait, then soon

I act the omnivore

Not only that, less carbs, more fat

And plenty of protein

Clean calories (nuts, meat, and cheese)

Are key to the routine

Then if on the weekend I get drinking—and a-drinking I will get

Gone goes all that healthy thinking, so on Monday must reset

Pork My Buns (January 5th)

I’m only attracted to women

But bromance is all that I’ve been in

I wish I got torqued

By my buns getting porked

Alas, tits and ass keep on winnin’

So, It Begins (January 6th)

When engaging with a system unfathomably complex

Don’t seek edification, just act in reflex

When perspective is required for institutions to be bettered

Filter your conversations through ideology unfettered

When panic creeps upon your spine as neighbors burn your home

Reroute their flames with vitriolic oil of your own

Then when the news is horror and a single breath could stoke the