Blooming of Me

By khushwinder k. Heer

Khushwinder k. Heer, a teenage girl trying to find her voice through her writings, is a little different from the people of her age, she suffers from OCD and anxiety disorder, making it difficult for her to fit in but a good thing, she never wanted to fit in. She has

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blue Rose Publishers
• Release date: Jun 4, 2024
• ISBN: 9789362611475

Book preview

Part 1

It All Started with A Panic Attack

‘I wish I had known you earlier.’ Something happened today, something unexpected. I have known him for a while now yet today it felt like I met him for the first time. I had a panic attack which is pretty normal considering I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I was with him and well for the first time in my entire life, I had a panic attack in front of someone, that too him. God! I cried, now that I think about it, it was pretty embarrassing.

Sitting there on my knees, crying hard, it was hard to breathe, I felt like the life was being sucked out of me. There he came in with a worried look on his face, I couldn’t have caused it, no way. Was it an illusion, the way he looked as if he was suffering, not me?

He called for me with such care in his trembling voice, sat next to me, and offered me his hand. I was too busy feeling the pain in my almost lifeless body, I clenched my hands, forming a fist. He held my hands, calmly yet forcefully. Seeing me in pain and breathing hard, he started rubbing my back and asked me to look at him. For the first time I truly looked at him, he had such a calm yet tense expression. He had such beautiful eyes, a nose so perfect and that concern on his face made him look even better. When nothing could have made him more perfect, he started singing a song to me. Wow! That voice. Was it beautiful or was it my anxiety making it sound as if the gods are singing to me themselves? It felt like a moment straight out of a book where I was the main character.

Was it my panic or him that made it hard to breathe? I don’t know but I started gasping. Then he took my leftover breath away and hugged me. I don’t remember it well, how I felt, I was panicking, come on. What hit hard was that he didn’t let me harm myself. He told me to close my eyes and breathe with him, we slowly worked on inhalation and then exhalation. Slowly breathing. Again, and again.

When did he become so kind, when did he become so caring? Did I misunderstand him, he would have done the same for anyone right? That was when I first came to know him. The first time someone was so kind to not get weirded out by my panic, the first time someone so kind to help. At that moment I made a connection with him, a connection that would be hard to break. I don’t forget people and he became one of those I would always have on my mind.

This was a new start, a start of a friendship that slowly turned into something more. For anyone else, it may not be a special memory but for a person who contemplates if there would be anyone crying at her funeral, it was a big moment. Where were you all my life? I wish I had known you earlier…

Honey Forest Eyes

Have you ever looked in someone’s eyes and found a home, well apparently I have? How do I describe the feeling I feel when I get lost in your eyes? It’s almost like I am drowning, drowning in those honey forest eyes of yours. When I look into your eyes, it’s a risky task because It feels like you can finally see the real me as if I removed all my masks. It’s risky to sink deep in your soul through those windows of yours, it’s risky because I know, I wouldn’t want to return from that home.

What’s so special in your brown eyes, they are just like anyone else’s eyes, then why do I drown in yours only, why do I find peace in yours only? Your extraordinarily ordinary eyes, why are they so special? I never learned to appreciate brown eyes until yours met mine. Just how can I find a whole universe in them, just how can I get lost in them and never want to come back to reality again?

I love it when they shine so bright like the north star in the sky with your dreams and ambition, how they almost turn invisible when you smile your teethy smile, how you look at me and stare at my ordinary eyes and I almost feel like you can see all my hidden secrets and read me like a book.

Time seems to seize when I drown in the feelingof enchantment as I look deep into your eyes. Your eyes are like pools of honey and when I sink deeper, they turn into a forest I can roam in forever. Sometimes, maybe it’s just an illusion but when you lay your eyes on me, they shine brighter than any city ever could. The anger in them is the flames of fire, the fire turns into bright sun when you are happy and smiling, and when sad, they become deep pools of liquid gold.

Your eyes are the kind that tells me everything will be fine. Your honey forest eyes are the sun in my long dark night, the summer in my winter life. My eyes met many but got lost in yours only, none other can compare to your eyes. Your windows to your soul hold so many unread and beautiful stories, I just want to be there reading them forever. They are the black hole carrying all the stories that make you, you. They carry the weight of the universe.

They pull me in more and more, they make you imperfectly perfect. They are so warm and inviting like a hug of comfort on a long night. Brown, is such a common color for eyes but yours feel rare, I don’t even know why. They are as innocent as a child’s innocence, at the same time so fierce as if a dragon’s flame and confident like I could never be. They make me feel things I never felt before, they make me want to stare at them till time stops and I have read all your secrets. Your eyes hold the richness of the earth, the secrets of the universe nobody else can hold.

You make eye contact because you are well aware of what it can do to others, do you not know it makes us feel seen, scared, happy,