Pain Management: Learning to Live With Pain
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About this ebook
Renée Goossens
"Renée Goossens was educated in Australia, Italy, France and England. Trained as a teacher for children with special needs, she studied further in medical research at a leading children’s hospital specializing in neurological disorders. Since the age of 19, she worked with medical teams supporting families suffering from a variety of physical and emotional problems. At 21, a serious motor vehicle accident kept Renée in hospital for nearly two years. The day she was finally able to leave hospital, she was wheelchair-bound with a lively toddler to raise,Renée was determined to beat the odds and walk again. From her own experiences, Renée Goossens knows that there is more to the experience of chronic pain than the pain itself. In writing Pain Management, she brings her personal perspective, as one who has successfully fulfilled the roles of mother, teacher, translator, writer and a great friend to many, in the face of increasing physical disability and severe pain. Her work as a teacher and administrator involved caring for colleagues and students. Later, working in Occupational Health and Safety her spinal condition deteriorated. It was then that Renée began writing and researching for a memoir, a novel, travel articles and this book on managing pain."
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Pain Management - Renée Goossens
Foreword
This book is unique in that it is written by a patient for patients. In compiling research, the author undertook over one hundred interviews with families in Australia, France and England, following up some of these patients and their families for up to five years. She also sought the advice of numerous medical and other health professionals from a wide range of disciplines. To this she brings her personal perspective, as one who has successfully fulfilled roles as mother, teacher, translator, writer and a great friend to many in the face of increasing physical disability and severe pain.
Renée Goossens knows at first hand that there is more to the experience of chronic pain than the pain itself. Her book deals with associated problems such as fatigue, difficulty in concentrating, loss of confidence, anxiety and depression. It stresses the suffering, both physical and emotional, of the whole family when one of its members is unwell and unable to participate in usual activities. It contains practical, commonsense advice. It is a book that can be read in large segments or dipped into occasionally.
It is unusual for a subject of such breadth and complexity to be presented from a non-medical point of view, and it is difficult to achieve a balance of readability and rigour. No one is better equipped to do so than Renée Goossens, and she has successfully risen to the challenge in this book.
Richard Hallinan, FAChAM (RACP)
Prologue
Renée’s Story, Part I
Late winter, 1962, Berkshire, England. It was a freak accident. According to the police report, a soft-top Morris Minor 1000 had jumped a country hedgerow, thrown all the passengers out into a field, rolled three times, leaving deep indentations in the grass, then had come to a stop on top of the body of a young woman.
The wreckage was out of sight. Two hours later a couple in a passing car heard the sound of a baby crying. The woman insisted they search for the baby. What they found about a hundred metres away was a field strewn with three bodies—a woman in her late fifties, a young man in his early twenties, both of whom were unconscious, and a baby in a carrycot crying and hungry but miraculously unhurt—and an overturned car with an arm protruding from beneath it. The woman ran to a nearby house to call an ambulance. The man remained at the scene of the accident clutching the outstretched hand.
The two adults who had been flung into the field regained consciousness as the first ambulance arrived. The man crouching beside the car kept holding the hand poking out from beneath the wreck. An army colonel, from his knowledge of first aid he knew that the young woman required a doctor and probably an immediate transfusion of intravenous fluids. He stretched beneath the car and measured the weakening pulse of the bloodless arm. The woman was unconscious and barely breathing, but she kept a tight grip on the colonel’s hand. He hoped that if he could keep hold of her till the moment she was taken into the operating theatre somehow this link might keep her alive.
The ambulance driver radioed for back-up medical staff and arranged for a crane driver to move the car’s weight from the young woman. It was a skilful task: the slightest incorrect movement could cause her death. The team arrived almost an hour later.
The three passengers in the first ambulance were checked out as fit at the hospital. The woman’s crushed ribs were strapped, as was the usual practice then. The young man was concussed, stunned and fearful about his wife—picturing her in the field beneath the car. The seven-month-old baby had settled well in the arms of a nurse, who gave him a warmed bottle of milk. He was sleeping soundly by the time the second ambulance arrived with the young woman, identified as his mother.
The headline in the Oxford Times of 20 February 1962 read: ‘Mother Killed Baby Lives in Freak Accident’.
The newspaper was wrong. I was that young woman.
My pelvis was fractured in nine places and the fractured bones had caused internal organ damage. My liver had burst and, as the surgeon noted, ‘it was as if a bomb had exploded’ within my body. My bowel, spleen, bladder and womb were also damaged: repairs were sutured where possible, the liver reconstructed as best could be, the spleen removed, and blood transfusions of twelve litres administered over the following three days. I was unconscious for three and a half weeks. But at one point, I distinctly heard a doctor say, ‘This one won’t last twenty-four hours.’ A voice within me wanted to scream in language I seldom use, ‘I’ll bloody fight and live, you’ll see.’ I had a young baby to care for and a husband who loved me.
When I regained consciousness, I spoke only in French (which I knew well, but it was not my first language). The doctors thought I was rambling nonsense until a physiotherapist who came in to assist my breathing said, ‘That’s not nonsense, it’s French. She’s asking where she is.’
True, I did believe I was on another planet. Just before the crash, we had been listening to the radio broadcast about John Glenn going into space.
It took eighteen months to get out of the Radcliffe Infirmary. My first operation had taken over nine hours. I had been lucky. I was alive. But all agreed that I would never walk again. I was twenty-one, and this was very hard to cope with. Terrified that my baby might be taken from me forever—he was with my husband’s parents during my hospital stay—I was determined to prove everyone wrong. When I left hospital I was still in a wheelchair, yet more certain than ever to disprove what I regarded as their ‘curse’.
At times like this it seems we either fight harder—if there is something we can fight for—or we give in. One of the reasons I am writing this book is to demonstrate there is always something worth fighting for.
Probably most of us have an opportunity in our lifetime to learn something very important and, if we don’t take that lesson, we keep receiving it again, until finally we get the point. I learned to fight to live, to recover, to keep going—come what may. The period in hospital was one in which I became virtually institutionalised mentally yet my brain kept working out what I would do when I came out. I never doubted that I would be discharged, and I planned ahead. Music was my secret weapon against loneliness and against people saying cruel or negative things about my lack of progress.
It had taken ten months for me to lift my right foot one inch above the bed sheet. The physiotherapists had given up on me. No rehabilitation program was considered worthwhile. I would spend my life in a wheelchair. Why waste time on me?
In the forty-bed geriatric ward—the lot of long-term patients—we had a four-hourly bedpan round, and bad luck if you wet the bed (or worse) in the meantime. Many of us did, and it was time-consuming for the nurses but humiliating for us.
Because I was regarded as a waste of time, in that the staff were busy and others were easier to rehabilitate, I had all the more reason to do something for myself. In a way this was better, because self-motivation is often more powerful than being forced to do things in some pre-planned program. It made me proud of what I was going to achieve. I was going to bring up my baby, make my husband happy, learn to walk and make a contribution to society in some way.
I had the same idea about returning home. Keep on fighting, I told myself. Little did I know how hard that would be. Due to hospital regulations my baby had not been allowed to visit at all. Being separated from my adored boy until he was nearly two was unbearable, but his beautiful picture by my bedside urged me on. I wanted so much to hold him in my arms, to walk with him. No one else believed in me, only I did.
How lucky I was to have someone, something, to live for, and that aim—getting well for my husband and baby—was my mantra. I was not going to be a kind of doomed Madame Butterfly, committing suicide (not trying to walk) or giving up my baby. The parallel with the operatic story that I knew so well was to become a part of my life which I never could have foreseen.
***
On my first night home my husband announced he was in love with another woman and that she was pregnant by him, the baby due in three months’ time. Horrified and stunned, I told him to leave right away, not to hang around out of pity. Yes, he could see our baby whenever he wanted to. He went. He had put Philip in his cot and waited for him to go to sleep before getting up his courage to give me the news he had withheld on his daily visits, visits lasting only thirty minutes, as permitted under the hospital regulations of the time.
Using the wheelchair carefully as a frame, I leaned into the cot, over my sleeping baby, embraced him and fell asleep thus, weeping. (That scene from Madame Butterfly flew into my mind: at least, unlike Cio-Cio-San, I was keeping my baby and my husband’s new love was not going to take him away from me.) Later, when I awoke, I put myself to bed, crawling to the bathroom, too exhausted by grief to make decisions about how I was to cope. I had no support network, no relatives I could call on. It was a ‘challenging’ time.
Pain was an immense and constant presence. When I was in hospital, how much I had hung out for yet another injection of what sounded like ‘pethilorphan’, which was administered four-hourly, as an addition to the morphine drip in my arm. Relief lasted a mere ninety minutes then my countdown in and out of hell would begin. (Nowadays, patients are given a self-controlled device in a drip, which gives them a dose of morphine when they need it. The dose is small and more constant so the awful see-saw of pain control I experienced is not such an issue.)
After the first six weeks, the pain lessened slightly and I was given only aspirin, a sudden withdrawal eased only by barbiturates for sleep. The doctors feared I might get addicted to stronger opiates. Desperately in pain, there was little relief other than the barbiturates, so I was dosed heavily and slept away much of the day. When I was discharged, I was given a bottle of barbiturates. I poured them down the toilet immediately after my husband left. They were no use to me. I had a baby who might wake and need my assistance. I had to learn independence and that was all that mattered.
Fortunately, and I have always found good fortune and inspiring people around me, neighbours rallied and new friends appeared. After six months I had learned to use Philip’s pram as a walking frame and extended my walking from around our flat in Abingdon to the outside—to the washing line, to the corner shop, and eventually to the village one whole English mile away.
My pain was controlled with paracetamol alone. Many tears were shed. But somehow, with beautiful young Philip beside me, crawling at first and then helping me learn to walk—playing opposite roles, with him as leader—I made it. My exercises were those I remembered from ballet lessons as an under-five. Who could ever have thought the importance of those lessons at the time? Gradually, I did my own program of physiotherapy.
Friends strengthened my resolve towards independence. I gained a scholarship to a teacher training college in nearby Oxford. A car was necessary because, although I had given the wheelchair back to the hospital as soon as I could, I still limped and could not walk far. I purchased the car on the never-never, as we called it then, and undertook my three years of professional training.
Through all this, the staff of the clinic and of the hospital where I had worked as a research assistant before the accident kept in touch, visited, helped and encouraged me. Now that I had to support my son, they gave me work in the academic vacations so I could earn extra money, because my scholarship, a mere ten pounds per week, was barely adequate. How lucky I was having work and a professional life to fall back on, not just for financial aid but as a social network—this was a way of dealing with pain by distraction. Hospital staff looked after Philip while I worked as a research assistant again after I qualified as a teacher, and then, six years after the accident, I was accepted as a migrant back to Australia, a country I loved and where I had spent most of my pre-teenage years.
All this led me to Sydney and the field of teaching children with physical and emotional difficulties. For many years I worked with children suffering from varying degrees of disability. Then, after further years working in opera, coaching singers in foreign languages, and for television, it seemed only natural to go back to teaching, albeit in a part-time capacity.
Living with chronic pain is a great teacher, and I hope I have gained an understanding of the suffering of others. It’s been forty-five tough years for me, with many setbacks, the kind that all people in chronic pain probably encounter.
There have been fifteen further attempts to correct my spinal and pelvic injuries. In 1992 I had a setback that made me accept a wheelchair once more. But I am one of the lucky ones. The doctors’ prognosis was wrong. I can walk, at least a little. To someone who is unable to walk one step, walking 100 metres is like climbing Everest. So to all of you I say: have courage and confidence in yourself. To the French novelist Honoré de Balzac (1799–1850), it was important that one ‘should write not of himself but about the pain of others, not that which one sees in the mirror.’ My pain is your pain, we understand one another.
I offer this book as a grain of sand in your ocean of discovery and I hope it will be of some help to some of you some of the time.
1
Pain Explained
What does ‘pain’ mean? You can speak of emotional and psychological pain, or think of any type of suffering as a kind of pain, but I want to start with the plain and simple one, physical pain. ‘It hurts, stupid!’, as a sensible child told me. Of course, physical pain involves emotional and psychological suffering as well, and I have much to say about this too.
It helps to have some idea how physical pain is caused. There are two good reasons for looking at the ‘how it works’ of pain. One is so that you can better understand the language your doctor and other health professionals use when they are talking about pain—because they may have a very different understanding from you, based on their technical training. Good, free and fearless communication is very important in being able to cope with pain, and it certainly helps if you and your doctor/therapist are not talking at cross purposes.
And knowing how pain ‘works’ makes it easier to understand how treatments work. This may help you to have realistic expectations and to use treatments effectively. Also it might make it easier for you to make informed choices about the treatments offered to you, including some less ‘mainstream’ treatments, which may not always offer good value for money or time.
Types of pain
Pain can be classified in various ways. It is like cutting up a cake in different ways: slices, wedges or chunks. Each way of dividing it is interesting and useful in its way, but it remains the same cake.
One such division is pricking, burning or aching pain. Each of us will recognise these from our own experiences. Different types of nerve fibres seem to be responsible for carrying the message of these different qualities of pain, and these qualities may help a doctor make a diagnosis about what kind of problem is going on.
Another way of dividing pain is into ‘acute’ and ‘chronic’. Again, it is helpful to know what doctors and other health professionals mean when they use these words. A lot of us use ‘acute’ to mean really bad and chronic to mean really bad. But health professionals mean something quite specific when they use these words. Acute pain is of short duration—like the pain of a heart attack or appendicitis, a kidney stone or an attack of gout. Chronic pain is of longer, more continuous duration—like the pain of osteoarthritis.
Another important factor is the severity of pain. Nowadays it is common to use a simple scale to describe levels of pain. It generally goes from one to ten, with one being the least severe and ten the most unbearable. A doctor might ask, ‘How bad is your pain on a scale of one to ten, when one is quite bearable and ten is really extremely bad?’ This is not very scientific, but it is surprisingly useful, especially for measuring changes in your pain level. It is less useful for comparing different people’s pain, of course, since everyone is different.
Why do we have pain?
A biologist will answer this question pretty simply: pain is protective. It gives a warning of harm and tells the organism to beat a hasty retreat.
Let’s imagine that a creature comes into