Here's the Memo!: A Life Guide for Women

By Amy Margolis LCSW

Hi! Here's the Memo!, a collection of every memo I wish I had gotten when I needed it most, is my love letter to all women who walk beside and will come after me.

My "memo collecting" has been both a personal and professional journey I have been on since age 19 when I began my own recovery from Anorexia. And though I always knew I wanted to write a book, that call has become louder in the past few years as I've noticed in my work as a therapist and my deep female friendships that women of every shape and size struggle with deprivation thinking, which is very much like Anorexic thinking! Thinking that robs them of fully enjoying their lives and showing up authentically because of what they have, do, and look like!

Due to patriarchal norms, women are constantly struggling with perfectionism, having to accomplish to feel worthy, pathologizing their appetites and desires, comparing themselves to others and coming up short, and the list goes on!

Here's the Memo! contains personal stories, professional theories, and exercises (with a sprinkling of spirituality and four-letter words;) that will help women free themselves from this internalized mindset, successfully navigate the many chapters of their lives, and live with more self-love, freedom, happiness, and personal power!

Finally, all of the Memos herein have been born out of my own challenges and lived experience as a vulnerable human being. I am the guinea pig, so I know they work!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 6, 2024
• ISBN: 9798350955392

Amy Margolis LCSW

Amy Margolis, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and co-clinical director of Santa Monica Counseling. Amy works with individuals and couples and runs groups for clients seeking healing in eating disorders, addictions, anxiety, depression, and related issues. She also supervises ASWs and AMFTs in gaining their clinical hours. Outside the clinical world, Amy is a Meisner and Groundlings trained actor, who has focused primarily on voice-over work. She has worked for Nickelodeon, Netlix, Disney Junior and on many commercials, podcasts, and video games. Mostly, Amy loves being a momma! She is married to Hank and together they have three children, Caroline, Jack, and Matthew and a dog, Riley and cat, Milo. You can follow Amy on Instagram @heres_the_memo and on Facebook at Amy Margolis LCSW.

Book preview

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Praise for Here’s the Memo!

Here’s the Memo: YOU NEED THIS BOOK! Authentic, insightful and humorous, Amy will help you transform your life into a more fulfilling and enriching one. Powerful in its words but compassionate and gentle enough to help facilitate change, Here’s the Memo! is a beautiful manual on how to live our best lives. Amy somehow delivers the perfect combinations of vulnerability, creativity, and skill-building exercises that make the book an easy, engaging, and effective read. As a psychotherapist, I can’t recommend this book enough to my clients.

—Kelli Miller, LCSW, Award-winning and best-selling author. Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues

With humor, wisdom, and vulnerability, Amy Margolis guides us toward our best selves. Amy’s book is chock full of practical advice for complicated people. I love Amy’s relatable voice, her tangible tools, and her gentle reminder that life is not a dress rehearsal.

—Maddie Corman, Actor/Betrayal Trauma Coach and Creator of Accidentally Brave

Amy Margolis is a treasure! Her ideas are powerful and her words hit home. By turning around embedded negative thoughts, Here’s The Memo! is a self-LOVE book full of compassion. She shares many personal stories that really ring true and the memos include exercises that are accessible to everyone and easy to put into practice. Here’s The Memo! is a compelling read that is both funny and honest, complete with helpful ideas to truly expand and transform yourself.

—Alison Martin, Actor/ Co-creator and Co-podcaster of insidewink

Here’s the Memo! is an inspiring and liberating read! It’s loaded with insights, practical advice, and pearls of wisdom which are seeded throughout Amy’s humorous, relatable, and truly beautiful book.

—Jean Trebek, Co-creator and Co-podcaster of insidewink

Women today are juggling family, work, and friends; trying to excel at it all. Amy’s incredible insight delivers timeless guidance as if she is whispering to you alongside a walk down the beach or in the city! Enjoy the messages as they are crafted with Amy’s true gifts of love, humbleness, and humor.

—Ann Marie Aguilar, SVP, International WELL Building Institute, London UK

Here’s the Memo! is a motivational and thought-provoking guide that challenges you to reflect on your own life and make the most of your time on earth. Amy’s writing style is engaging and conversational; her words are inspiring and empowering, encouraging you to break free from limitations and embrace new possibilities for personal growth.

—Margaret Rowe, Designer, Margaret Rowe Couture Jewelry

Here’s the Memo! provides a powerful and insightful tool kit for women, offering a blend of wit, vulnerability, and personal stories to support mental and physical healing. A valuable read for women of all ages and stages of life.

—Susan Foxley, Life/Yoga/Breathwork Coach, Hypnotherapist and Author of From Mixed Up to Fixed Up

I love this book! It’s wonderful to find a book and writing that makes you feel the author is right there with you, like a friend. Amy Margolis’s book shares her personal experience and expertise, which adds an extra sense of hope. The exercises she presents are clear and inspiring, giving the reader tools and extra support to a better and deeper understanding of self and how to move more successfully in the world. Even those who may have walked a similar journey will benefit from the reminders we all need from time to time on how to live a more authentic, secure, self-aware, productive, and confident life. Amy’s sincere love of people, extensive knowledge, and personal experience are bound to bring personal growth and healing to everyone who reads her book!

—Clarissa Hughes, Photography & Films

Here’s the Memo!

A Life Guide for Women

©2024, Amy Margolis, LCSW

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN: 979-8-35095-538-5

ISBN eBook: 979-835095-539-2

To my daughter, Caroline, and nieces,

Erin, Mary Kate, Claudia, Emmy and Diana!

And to all of the women, who walk with me or come after me,

that may be helped by these Memos born out of my own journey!

Author’s Note

The friends, family members, and clients referred to in Here’s the Memo! have read their excerpts and given written consent. Some folks discussed are completely fictitious, created to be relatable and serve the greater goal of the book: To help the reader grow and thrive!

Foreword

I don’t think there is any human on the planet like Amy Margolis. I haven’t ever met anyone else like her in my life. —my daughter, Emmy Brewer

(age 12)

I met Amy almost two decades ago when we both lived in Santa Monica. She had a voice like I had never heard, a warm smile, and an energy that could fill any room. From the first moment I met her, I knew that she was a magical human being. She is alive and real in a way that few people will ever have the capacity to be. Because her authenticity runs so deep in her bones, she doesn’t have another way to be. She speaks from her heart, tells the truth about things that others would be afraid to, and does it all with a humor and vibrancy that can invite anyone into her world. Amy is someone who can tell you a hard truth, share a very vulnerable story of her own experience, and make you laugh to tears – all in 6 minutes. She is pure magic. Meeting her changed the course of my life, and I will be forever grateful. She has walked me through every hard and celebrated every wonderful moment for the last 20 years.

Amy’s life is about bringing magic, healing, and joy to people. That is her work - both as a highly skilled therapist with a booming practice and as a voice actor, actor, entertainer, writer, and creator. And as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and inspiration. She changes people’s lives in her practice, in her community, and with her art. Amy lives out loud and inspires others to do the same. She has done everything - she wants something, she goes for it - and she succeeds.

Anyone lucky enough to be connected to Amy, personally or professionally, knows how much she can change lives. But now, by buying this book, you (or whoever gave it to you) have the gift of fully experiencing Amy. Uniquely qualified to write this book with years of education and therapy practice and life experience on every single one of these topics, Amy does something more than share her knowledge with you – She comes alive on the pages. These pages are alive with Amy’s wisdom, her humor, her candidness, and her ability to talk about the most important pieces of our lives.

As if you are having a real-life conversation with Amy, your friend, your guide, your therapist, this book is a conversation with Amy filled with all the things I know conversations with Amy to be. 100% real and authentic, equal parts hilarious and to the heart of the hardest moments of our journey as women. She shares raw and powerful moments of her own journey, includes helpful and straightforward information from psychology that I have never heard explained so clearly and includes practical steps for applying these learnings in your life. She gives you a roadmap and specific tools to practice moving into the life you want.

This is a book that just keeps getting better and richer with every page. I recommend taking your time with this book or reading it again and again, and putting the practical exercises to use. Maybe team up with some women you love and read this book together, meet about it and be accountable to each other.

The sisterhood I have with Amy has changed my life forever. In her book, Amy shares the magic behind how she creates sisterhood and community and walks through the beautiful highs and brutal lows of a life lived well. She shares her knowledge and experience and heart and humor, so that you can both be wildly entertained and move toward the life you want to live. And she does it all not from a soap box, but standing right next to you, without judgment - just as if was sitting down on the couch with you and a cup of tea or a glass of wine for a good long chat.

Like everything Amy does in work and life, this book is for the women who come after her. It is all the things she has taught me and her daughter and her nieces and her friends and her clients and everyone blessed enough to walk in her world. And now she has taken her heart and shared it with the world. My daughter Emmy is deeply inspired by Amy because Amy is the person who is magical, charismatic and big. And also the person who can sink in and listen intently to my 12-year-old, someone who takes the time to deeply see people. This book is just Amy as she is in life, telling the truth, sharing her heart, and hoping to help some hearts that have the courage to pick it up and do the work.

Amy has been along for the wild ride of my career journey and the even wilder ride of my journey as a mom, wife, daughter, and sister. She has seen me through my darkest moments in all these areas. And it is oftentimes her perspective - the perspective she shares in this book - that has changed my whole way of seeing a situation. No matter who you are, what you do, what part of life you are in, or what you have experienced on your journey, this book will speak to some part of your heart that needs some fresh air or healing.

Give yourself the gift of it, and don’t rush it – It is worth the time.

—Jennifer Brewer, Chief Ethics and Compliance Officer at Activision Blizzard

Contents!

Introduction

Part 1:

Memo #1: This is Your Life!

Memo #2: Let Go of Deprivation Thinking!

Memo #3: Make Peace with Your Body!

Memo #4: Create a Daily Ritual

Memo #5: Tame Your Critter Brain!

Memo #6: Change is A Process

Memo #7: Goals and Dreams: Wear Them Loosely

Part 2: You and Your Village

Memo #8: Friendship: Get Real or Go Home

Memo #9: Dating: Intimacy, Sex and Boundaries… Oh My!

Memo #10: Life Partnerships Require Big Girl Panties

Memo #11: Breakups and Betrayal Are Inevitable and You Can Heal

Memo #12: Grief and Loss: When No Memo Will Do

Part 3: You and Your Life’s Work

Memo #13: Emotional Freedom: Grant Yourself Permission

Memo #14: Your Legacy Begins When You Leave the Room

A Parting Word

Notes

Resources

Thank You Notes

Introduction

Hi! Have you ever been through a challenge in life or had a huge reaction to a seemingly normal situation and later thought, Jeez, I wish I got the memo! Me too, a bazillion times! So often I felt alone, crazy, and lost. Then I would dig my way out, do the research, find support, and figure it out. And guess what? I always came out the other side a little more confident, stronger, and wiser. And things always turned out okay, and many times, even great!

Here’s the Memo! is me—as a woman and a therapist—paying forward all I’ve learned to the women who walk beside me and all those who will come after me. My Memo collecting has been both a personal and professional journey I have been on since age 19. My greatest hope is that in reading my book and doing the exercises herein, you will feel supported and comforted, gain self-knowledge, and own your personal power—and subsequently, live with more freedom, esteem, joy, and abundance!

Before you read on, I want to share a little scoop on me so you know who you are listening to.

I grew up in a quintessential New England town about 20 miles north of Boston in an Irish-Catholic family, and in many ways had a fun, expansive childhood. We enjoyed big family gatherings with hi-balls (hullo, it was the 80s), cribbage games, pool parties, and holiday traditions. I grew up long before social media in a neighborhood where all the kids played together until the street lights came on.

I had an older sister, Patti, who was tall, thin, beautiful, and in my opinion, perfection on legs. I also lost a little sister, Caroline, who died at just two days old, and her passing cast a shadow of sadness on the house. From a young age, I wanted to cheer my parents up and bring some happiness.

My dad was magical, funny, and the best storyteller I will ever meet—and he liked booze. My mom was classy, conscientious, exacting, and a tad controlling. I mean, she would choose the clothes my sister and I were to wear to school every day, and we were only permitted to wear pants two days a week when we had PE. Hullo. Otherwise, it was dresses and tights (WTAF). This was not going to fly when everyone else was wearing pantyhose by fifth grade. The solution: get my dad to buy me pantyhose, and change in the woods on the way to school.

Dad came in handy again when Patti and I didn’t need bras but needed them if you catch my drift. Mom was a dead end when it came to discussing puberty, period. In fact, she still hasn’t told us what sex is, and somehow we both have three kids. (BTW, my mom is now a 90-year-old badass boss bitch GODDESS, but we’ll get to that!)

Growing up, I truly felt an alliance with my dad. When I was five, eating my favorite peanut butter and peanut sandwich (I know, vomit) out on our front stoop, I accidentally broke the antique jug and freaked out. I ran to the barn (no I did not grow up on a farm, but we had this big old barn out back) and through my tears told my dad how scared