Dealing With Difficult People For Spiritual People: Using The Friction Of Our Most Challenging Relationships To Cultivate The Pearl of Heightened Consciousness

By Bethany Gonyea

Do you successfully negotiate most of your relationships but have one relationship that defies your best efforts to improve it?

Have you been unable to heal this relationship through universal spiritual practices such as prayer, forgiveness, release, acceptance, and loving-kindness?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Quantum Health Solutions
• Release date: Jun 6, 2024
• ISBN: 9781736414972

Book preview

1

ANCHORING IN YOUR QUERENCIA

Take a moment now and bring

your petty tyrant to mind.

What happens in your body as you think

of your relationship?

Where do you clutch, grip, or grasp?

Do you feel a pulling-up sensation?

At every moment, sensations occur in our bodies, and we often don't question their meaning. Yet, in these subtle reactions lie the answers to some of our biggest questions in life. These nuanced cues are windows to our souls. We were often groomed to ignore them to make our responses socially acceptable. We learned to squelch the wisdom that was desperately trying to speak through our bodies' sensations. This response is incredibly unfortunate, as an entire universe is evolving within you, and if you are not attuned to your universe, you are missing out on the real story of you!

I am not being dramatic when I speak about inner space; I have witnessed its mysteries for over thirty years. Years ago, I worked as a biofeedback specialist in a TMJ & Facial Pain Practice where I helped car accident victims release their muscular bracing that was exacerbating their TMJ pain. As I observed people connected to a traditional biofeedback instrument, galvanic skin response (GSR), which measures changes in perspiration, it would reveal a subtle yet powerful phenomenon we all experience. GSR instruments measure electrical changes in the skin caused by sweat gland activity in the fingers. It provides essential information about the body's physiological activation and excitement level in response to stimuli. I soon noticed that as patients moved their awareness down into their bodies, the pitch of the GSR would lower. I have always found it fascinating that our mind's locus of internal awareness in the body is so powerful it influences the external pitch of GSR.

To this day, every day, multiple times a day, I apply this knowledge to manage my consciousness. In thirty years, I have never tired of this process because I have understood that our locus of awareness, wherever it lands, dramatically influences our experience. When we come into command of our locus of awareness, we come into command of ourselves. When our awareness is undisciplined, we create havoc for ourselves. This book will teach you how to master your locus of awareness better. You will then be surprised at how many personal mysteries, including dealing with your difficult person, give up their secrets.

Interestingly, the pitch of the GSR increases when people experience a stressor, whether external or internal. So, for instance, if people are connected to a GSR, and there is a loud bang outside the door, the pitch of the GSR will increase, reflecting an increase in sweat in the body. However, the same room can be completely tranquil, yet the pitch of the GSR will chaotically fluctuate, reflecting the patient's inner state. The pitch reveals a great truth that most people don't know: your body is eavesdropping on everything you think! You look like the picture of peace, yet all sorts of important things are happening in your body as you do nothing meditating.

I can recall one striking example of this phenomenon that occurred years ago. I was doing a GSR demonstration for a group of people. I asked the woman connected to the GSR to bring her locus of awareness to her abdomen. Instead of the pitch of the GSR lowering, it started to squeal sharply upwardly. I am highly skilled at directing awareness, so I gave her my usual queues honed after years of study to recover. Instead of the pitch lowering, it continued escalating. She looked at peace with her eyes closed and hands facing upward in her lap. She certainly did not convey that something was alarming in her environment.

I stopped the demonstration and asked her what was happening inside of her. She said, "Well, you asked me to move my awareness into my abdomen. My doctor told me that I have a growth in my abdomen the size of a grapefruit, so I am scheduled for an MRI this week. I am afraid if I move my awareness into my abdomen, I will make it real." I explained to her that the stress hormones she was invoking while hesitating to settle down in her body would at least delay her from healing because the body, generally speaking, can't be stressed and healed simultaneously. This woman is a lesson to all of us. She demonstrated how we can look outwardly calm, yet inside, chaotic activity occurs that strongly influences our health and life. You might want to remember this the next time you meet with others. People may look calm, yet their internal worlds are often activated and edgy.

We mustn't ignore our inner life because it includes a ton of information critical for managing your relationship with your difficult person, and this book will help you access it. Your body offers wisdom that is entirely oriented around supporting you and no one else. It has no ulterior agenda. It is not trying to get you to buy something or vote for anyone that would not be in your best interest. It is your most crucial advocate because its only goal is to preserve you. Most people have never been taught to access their bodies wisdom, so they struggle much more than necessary. This work teaches you how to access your body's wisdom to choose more resourceful responses to your petty tyrant.

To access your body's wisdom, your locus of awareness has to be in your body first. That makes sense, right? This sounds like a simple approach, and it is simple. But I have to advise you, it is not easy! Unfortunately, many of us spend most of our time in what physiologists call Sympathetic Dominance, also known as the Fight or Flight response. This response is immediately triggered when we feel physical or emotional danger, which causes our bodies to mobilize physical resources to fight or flee from a predator. If we don't manage our bodies well, this response causes havoc in our relationships. For instance, if you are physically safe but having a difficult conversation with your spouse, the chemical hormones of the fight or flight response may activate, distorting your ability to interpret the conversation in a resourceful manner. The fight or flight response can distort our psychological disposition, causing us to overreact in relationships. Our relationships will be more stable if we learn to have difficult conversations without submitting to the fight or flight