Days as a housekeeper

By Jolanta Kavoliuniene

Welcome, dear reader, to the untamed, unpredictable, and utterly laughable world of housekeeping! If you've ever wondered what goes on behind those "Do Not Disturb" signs, you're in for a treat. Imagine a realm where mops are wielded like swords, vacuums are the loyal steeds, and every day is a new episode in the never-ending sitcom of life.

I'm your guide, a veteran housekeeper with a knack for finding humor in the most unlikely places—like under a bed where you might discover a lost sock, a half-eaten sandwich, and occasionally, someone's dignity. You see, housekeeping isn't just a job; it's a wild ride filled with bizarre encounters, curious discoveries, and enough quirky characters to fill a comedy club.

Have you ever walked into a room and thought, "How did this much chaos occur in one night?" Well, I have, and let me tell you, it's both a puzzle and a punchline. From guests who seem to think we have magical cleaning abilities (I mean, I'm good, but I'm not a wizard) to the peculiar items people leave behind (who forgets their toupee in the minibar?), every day brings a new story to tell and a new reason to chuckle.

One of my personal favorites involves the infamous "Turndown Shift," a time-honored tradition that occasionally feels more like a scene from a slapstick comedy than a routine service. Picture this: I knock three times, ask for permission to enter, and walk in to find… well, let's just say some guests take "turndown" to a whole new level. My reaction? An internal monologue that would make a stand-up comedian proud, and an external smile that says, "I've seen it all."

Then there's the gym membership I never needed—because who needs a treadmill when you've got endless hallways to sprint down, beds to lift, and showers to scrub? Forget CrossFit; try HousekeeperFit. Trust me, nothing builds muscles and stamina like racing against the clock to clean a suite before the next check-in, all while dodging the occasional guest who insists on having a philosophical debate about towel thread count.

But it's not all just physical comedy. Housekeeping also offers a front-row seat to the greatest show on Earth: human nature. From the guest who insists their room must be cleaned with organic, gluten-free, fair-trade products, to the one who calls at 3 AM because they can't figure out the thermostat (hint: it's usually set to "confuse"), we encounter it all with a mix of patience, professionalism, and a hearty dose of humor.

So, strap in and get ready for a collection of stories that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even appreciate the unsung heroes of the hospitality industry a little more. These are the tales of resilience, resourcefulness, and relentless positivity in the face of messes both literal and metaphorical.

Welcome to "Days as a Housekeeper"—where the cleaning is constant, the laughter is frequent, and the stories are always unforgettable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jolanta Kavoliuniene
• Release date: Jun 7, 2024
• ISBN: 9798227022523

Book preview

Introduction

Welcome, dear reader, to the untamed, unpredictable, and utterly laughable world of housekeeping! If you’ve ever wondered what goes on behind those Do Not Disturb signs, you’re in for a treat. Imagine a realm where mops are wielded like swords, vacuums are the loyal steeds, and every day is a new episode in the never-ending sitcom of life.

I’m your guide, a veteran housekeeper with a knack for finding humor in the most unlikely places—like under a bed where you might discover a lost sock, a half-eaten sandwich, and occasionally, someone’s dignity. You see, housekeeping isn’t just a job; it’s a wild ride filled with bizarre encounters, curious discoveries, and enough quirky characters to fill a comedy club.

Have you ever walked into a room and thought, How did this much chaos occur in one night? Well, I have, and let me tell you, it’s both a puzzle and a punchline. From guests who seem to think we have magical cleaning abilities (I mean, I’m good, but I’m not a wizard) to the peculiar items people leave behind (who forgets their toupee in the minibar?), every day brings a new story to tell and a new reason to chuckle.

One of my personal favorites involves the infamous Turndown Shift, a time-honored tradition that occasionally feels more like a scene from a slapstick comedy than a routine service. Picture this: I knock three times, ask for permission to enter, and walk in to find... well, let’s just say some guests take turndown to a whole new level. My reaction? An internal monologue that would make a stand-up comedian proud, and an external smile that says, I’ve seen it all.

Then there’s the gym membership I never needed—because who needs a treadmill when you’ve got endless hallways to sprint down, beds to lift, and showers to scrub? Forget CrossFit; try HousekeeperFit. Trust me, nothing builds muscles and stamina like racing against the clock to clean a suite before the next check-in, all while dodging the occasional guest who insists on having a philosophical debate about towel thread count.

But it’s not all just physical comedy. Housekeeping also offers a front-row seat to the greatest show on Earth: human nature. From the guest who insists their room must be cleaned with organic, gluten-free, fair-trade products, to the one who calls at 3 AM because they can’t figure out the thermostat (hint: it’s usually set to confuse), we encounter it all with a mix of patience, professionalism, and a hearty dose of humor.

So, strap in and get ready for a collection of stories that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even appreciate the unsung heroes of the hospitality industry a little more. These are the tales of resilience, resourcefulness, and relentless positivity in the face of messes both literal and metaphorical.

Welcome to Days as a Housekeeper—where the cleaning is constant, the laughter is frequent, and the stories are always unforgettable.

Content

: The Unexpected Adventure in Housekeeping

Chapter 2: First Impressions: Welcome to the Five-Star Circus

Chapter 3: Navigating Language Barriers and Cultural Shocks

Chapter 4: Hilarious Communication Mishaps and Misunderstandings

Chapter 5: Acing the Dirtiest Rooms and Outrageous Messes

Chapter 6: Tales from Rooms that Look Like Sets from a Wild Night

Chapter 7: The Supervisor Sorcery

Chapter 8: The Mysteries of Lost and Found

Chapter 9: The Rudest Guests

Chapter 10: Handling Impolite Behavior with Grace and Humor

Chapter 11: