Dark Drivers

By Cynthia Corsetti

In the shadows of our minds, emotional tripwires silently steer the course of our decisions and actions, their influence is profound yet concealed. Unbeknownst to us, these trip wires, or Dark Drivers , often manifest in our lives as self-destructive behaviors like:

* Relentless Rumination

* Defensiveness

* Poor D

• Language: English
• Publisher: Manuscripts LLC
• Release date: May 31, 2024
• ISBN: 9798885043717

Book preview

Dark Drivers

From Unconscious Shadows to Conscious Leadership

Cynthia J. Corsetti,

MS, CPCC

copyright © 2024 Cynthia J. Corsetti, MS, CPCC

All rights reserved.

Dark Drivers

From Unconscious Shadows to Conscious Leadership

ISBN

979-8-88504-376-2 Paperback

979-8-88504-371-7 eBook

979-8-88504-378-6 Hardcover

To the extraordinary individuals whose real-life experiences and stories inspired this book, your courage and resilience have left an indelible mark on my work. While I must honor your anonymity, your voices and journeys have enriched the pages of this story. I offer you my deepest appreciation and respect.

To Kelly and Bobby, my guiding lights through my own Dark Drivers and the true joys of my life.

To Alex, your support means more than my words can express.

Contents

Introduction

PART 1

Origins of Darkness

Chapter 1

The Snark Queen

Chapter 2

Mental Meltdowns and Disruptive Behaviors: How Dark Drivers Impact Culture

Chapter 3

Emotional Anchors: How Early Memories Mold Our Beliefs

Chapter 4

Hidden Influences: Exploring the Depths of Human Behavior

PART 2

Journeys of Transformation

Chapter 5

The Inherited Burden: Shame as a Generational Dark Driver

Chapter 6

The Habitual Mind: Breaking the Chains of Negative Self-Talk

Chapter 7

The Struggle Within: Navigating Imposter Syndrome

Chapter 8

Rumination: The Negative Spiral

Chapter 9

Blurred Lines

Chapter 10

Grief as a Dark Driver: Navigating Profound Loss

PART 3

Navigating the Shadows

Chapter 11

Breaking Emotional Chains: Sam’s New Future

Chapter 12

Could I Be Driven by Dark Drivers?

Chapter 13

The Roots of Reality: Identifying Your Dark Drivers

Chapter 14

Bridging Theory and Reality: The Genesis of CARE to Lead®

Conclusion

What’s Next

Acknowledgments

Endnotes

Introduction

Large drops of rain hit the windshield faster than my wipers could clear them. The dreary Monday morning was a gloomy day for a gloomy mood. The rain fell with an angry force, and the wind battered the car, trying to get in.

I pulled into my driveway and turned off the ignition. That’s when I noticed Love Will Find a Way by Amy Grant playing on the radio. As I listened, one line caught my attention. That was the moment I realized with utter clarity I was, in fact, an angry young woman who wanted to see changes but had no idea where to begin. A woman just like the one Amy described in her song.

I cried in my car for what felt like an eternity, reflecting on my life and the choices I had made. Here I was in my early thirties. I had managed to destroy two marriages, and my career had gone nowhere. Like the sky that morning, my future looked dismal.

What I didn’t know then, and wouldn’t for many years, was something deep within my subconscious drove the choices I had made, the insecurities I held, and the stories I believed. An invisible but massive web of hidden memories and secrets held within the deepest recesses of my subconscious. A web—completely invisible to my conscious mind—that acted as an operating system driving me to repeat patterns of behavior, often negative, that drastically impacted my life. I call this web the Dark Drivers.

My own Dark Drivers led me to failed relationships, a stalled career, and a path of self-destruction. At the time, I had no idea it was happening.

I Didn’t Know the Dark Drivers Were in Control

I got my first real job at eighteen years old, working as an administrative assistant in the engineering department of a nuclear power plant. It was common in my hometown to go from high school directly to work in one of the many steel mills or a plant like this one.

Pittsburgh was booming back then, and I loved living there. My future looked bright. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart, and I felt like the world was mine for the taking. I showed up for my first day at work full of excitement and energy.

But that excitement wore off quickly. This was my first experience interacting daily with college-educated professionals. However, in a matter of weeks (possibly days), I felt completely inadequate in this new role.

I was no stranger to hard work. My parents were hard workers. My dad was a blue-collar man who worked in an oil refinery and ran a motorcycle shop on the side. My mom quit school at a young age. She would open the motorcycle shop in the morning and stay until my dad finished his day job so he could keep the shop open for the evening hours. Work was the mantra, and college never entered the conversation.

Thrusting into this new environment of college graduates, I realized how small I really was. I had never felt so out of place in my life. They seemed to have it all—confidence, impressive job titles, and salaried positions. Prior to this day, I’d never thought about any of those things. Those were things I didn’t know I wanted until that moment. And underneath that desire was a sinking feeling I never could have them. Not only did I feel inadequate to be their administrative assistant, but I also felt inadequate to be in their company. I was sure I had to quit before they figured out I wasn’t like them… and within my first year of employment, I did.

I went on with my life. I married my high school sweetheart, and I got pregnant shortly after. I worked some odd jobs teaching aerobics and working at a cosmetics counter at our local department store. Yet the memory of those engineers lingered. I wanted a professional job one day too. I wanted it, but something inside me made me feel like it was out of reach.

Nonetheless, I couldn’t shake the feeling I would be missing something and would not be enough until I, too, had a college degree and a professional job. I decided to go back to school. I chose elementary education as my field of study. It felt like the path of least resistance for an undergrad student with a young family.

It took five years, but I did it. On a magical sunny spring day, I accepted my diploma with my five-year-old daughter and two-year-old son looking on. I felt complete. For the first time ever, I felt I was a good example for my children. I was a professional teacher with a degree and a teaching certificate. I believed my career worries were over.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Dark Drivers Were Impacting My Choices

Teaching jobs weren’t easy to land in those days. New teachers had to pay their dues by substitute teaching, sometimes for several years, before schools would offer full-time. I knew that was the case, but somehow, I thought I’d be the exception. As it turned out, I wasn’t.

Ultimately, that same fear of failure that caused me to leave the job at the power plant resurfaced. The reality hit me on the last day of school, where I’d spent the year as a long-term substitute. I had given my heart and soul to that job, trying to prove my worth for the full-time position for the coming school year. I wrote the curriculum, volunteered to set up a new computer lab, tutored students after school, and became involved in every aspect of the school and its mission. I felt pride, and I felt like I was finally enough.

Then, as the students gave me hugs and said their goodbyes on that sunny June day, the principal asked me to step into his office, where he told me the school had given the full-time position to someone else.

At that moment, my world stopped. I stood paralyzed in disbelief as the principal’s voice rambled on in a garbled mush, sounding in my mind like Charlie Brown’s teacher. This devastated me, like a punch in the gut. I felt inadequate, like a failure. My worst fears became my reality. I didn’t even listen as the principal told me there was another long-term substitute role for the following year, ensuring me work for the next school year as well as new opportunities.

It didn’t matter to me. The fear of failing, humiliation, and shame took first place in my mind that day. Instead of accepting the role for the following year, I walked away from teaching. I rationalized it. I told people it was better for my family. But I knew the truth on the inside. I left teaching before everyone figured out I wasn’t good enough.

This pattern continued for more than ten years. I was a teacher in a business school and a flight attendant. I even got my insurance license and began selling long-term care insurance. I went from job to job and career to career, never lasting more than two years. I thought this was my destiny, leaving me miserable and ashamed.

I began to realize the patterns I observed in my professional life mirrored my personal life. I recognized the fear of failure and the constant feeling of not being enough had driven me to quit jobs and end relationships prematurely. It became clear if I wanted to create lasting change and reach my full potential, I needed to change the way my own thinking impacted my life.

The Transformation Began

Little did I know that moment of despair crying in my car would become the beginning of a long voyage of personal transformation. Nor did I know it would also lead me to what would ultimately become my professional passion, leadership development. I didn’t know it then, but it was the best day of my life—the day I realized I had to make a change.

From that day forward, I embarked on an intentional mission of seeking knowledge and understanding. I devoured books on human behavior, neuroscience, metaphysics, and more. I sought guidance from psychologists and spiritual teachers, eager to unravel the patterns of behavior that had been holding me back.

I became obsessed with learning. I was reading every spare moment I had.

Through my studies and untold hours of self-reflection, I realized my negative patterns of behavior were on autopilot. Patterns driven by hidden forces within me that influenced my actions and choices. That revelation led me to recognize that by uncovering and addressing these forces, I could transform my life. I also realized if I learned how to do it, it would enhance my ability to help others transform their lives as well.

The path to transformation wasn’t easy. I explored various practices like meditation, yoga, self-coaching, and therapy to gain mastery over my thoughts and emotions. I learned to engage my conscious mind and process decisions with intellect rather than fear or insecurity. I had to face many personal demons, which I’ll share with you in the coming chapters. But, with consistent practice, I began to see positive shifts in my career and personal life. I pursued a master’s degree in organizational leadership and embraced leadership roles with confidence and purpose.

Eventually, I found myself in a high-level corporate position I had once only dreamed of. I will dive deeper into this as the book progresses, but for now, it’s enough to say I stopped quitting jobs out of fear. I started going for jobs that served as steppingstones, and I had complete confidence every step of the way. It was as though my professional life was reborn.

This transformation was playing out in my personal life too. It felt complete the moment I met Alex, a wonderful man whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was truly a new life.

Shortly before our wedding, I found myself sitting in my office as a vice president of human resources in a national engineering company, feeling both happy and proud. The position was more than I had ever imagined I could achieve. At that moment, I loved every aspect of my job and my life. So, it surprised everyone that morning when I handed in my resignation, not out of fear or insecurity but out of confidence that I could do