Discarded: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Independence and Healing

By Kari Elizabeth

Discarded is an inspirational story about a young woman’s determination and courage to overcome her childhood wounds and become the best version of herself as she overcomes life’s challenges. Growing up as an adopted child, she struggled to fit in. She journeys to discover who she truly is, gains independence, and finally heals herself from the painful experiences holding her stagnant. Finally breaking free, she recognizes her inner strength and is no longer Discarded.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 9, 2024
• ISBN: 9781304365699

Book preview

Discarded

A Journey of Self-Discovery,

Independence, and Healing

A Memoir

Kari Elizabeth

Discarded

Copyright © 2024 by Kari Elizabeth

All Rights Reserved

. No part of this book may be

reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means, without written permission of both the publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

Discarded A Journey of Self-Discovery, Independence and Healing Print ISBN: 979-8-8842-4730-7

Digital E book ISBN: 978-1-304-36569-9

This book contains original content written by the author, based on personal life events.

Lulu Publishing Services

www.LuluPublishing.com

Printed in the United States

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Dedication

I dedicate this book to my younger self, the little girl who felt discarded and unloved. But, always found the inner strength to beat the odds, rise above her struggles, and heal from her childhood wounds with grace, compassion, and love for herself.

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Contents

Dedication

3

Chapter 1 It Was A Lie from the Beginning

5

Chapter 2 The Misconceptions of Being Adopted

11

Chapter 3 Opposite Twins

31

Chapter 4 The Invisible Loner

40

Chapter 5 My First Family Job

51

Chapter 6 Falling In Love with the Masked Boy

61

Chapter 7 Moving into Adulthood

77

Chapter 8 Falling into Poetry

91

Chapter 9 Going Back to School with A Purpose

98

Chapter 10 The 2020 Shake-Up

106

Chapter 11 The True Meaning of A Twin

124

Chapter 12 Breaking Through the Barriers

140

Chapter 13 An Unexpected Loss

151

Chapter 14 Picking Myself Up with the Mamba Mentality

165

Chapter 15 My Spiritual Gifts

181

About the Author

198

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Chapter 1

It Was A Lie from the Beginning

My mind grapples with the pain and confusion within my soul. The feeling of abandonment cuts deep, as I feel like a piece of trash that was thrown away. Why didn’t they want me? What was wrong with me? and Was I not enough to love and care for unconditionally?

Nothing made sense from the moment I was born, as my circumstances were unique and insurmountable. I was born three months premature, weighing less than a pound. But I wasn’t alone.

My twin sister Taylor came out alongside me as we both fought for our lives. Feeling the warm embrace of our parents holding us in their arms didn’t exist as the nurses rushed us to the Intensive Care Unit.

I was born in the city of Angels with a slim chance of survival. As I took my first breaths, I was confronted with a congenital heart condition known as tetralogy of Fallot. The doctors were uncertain if I’d make it through the night and told my biological parents to be prepared for anything. But by the grace of God and the fantastic medical team at the hospital, I survived. We survived!

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We had beat the odds, even with our medical challenges.

Taylor, who is legally blind, and I, with a defective heart. I often joked that Taylor had been granted the blurred eyes while I was gifted a plastic heart.

Our premature birth, which should have been a joyous occasion, was filled with sleepless nights, daily tube feedings, and nurses coming in and out of our hospital room just to monitor that my twin and I were still breathing.

The complexity and complicated situation left my biological parents feeling overwhelmed as they attempted to do their best to care for us during this difficult time. My biological mother was juggling trips to the hospital in between taking care of my older half-sister, Kira. Kira, who was five years old at the time, didn’t understand the severity of her sick twin sisters.

At the time of my birth, my biological parents were living in the Valley where I was born and raised. After about three months in the hospital, my twin and I went home to be with our biological family. I don’t remember much about this time, but I’m grateful for this moment as it began a series of unfortunate events.

My biological mother had been changing my diaper when I went blue, immediately calling 911 as I went into cardiac arrest—

rushed to the hospital where I would stay another few months, as I received the first of four open heart surgeries. A life-sustaining stent 6

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was placed into my heart. My biological parents breathed a sigh of relief as I would survive my failing heart, but it led to an enormous amount of medical bills.

It was at this point that my twin and I were placed into the foster care system. The amount of suffering, shame, and financial strain led my biological parents to give up on us.

Reflecting on it now, I know the circumstances were too much for my biological parents to carry on their own. They chose to do what was best for them and, ultimately, what was the best decision for my twin and me at the time.

Not long after we were placed into the foster care system, my biological parents divorced and embarked on separate journeys in life, as they both remarried over the years.

Kira went to live permanently with her father down in Orange County. Sometimes, I wondered why my twin and I were put into the foster care system and Kira wasn’t.

What was so special about her where she retained a true family dynamic?

It was simple: Kira’s father wanted to raise and care for her, while my father couldn’t care for his fragile twin daughters. This harsh decision haunted me into adulthood.

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Growing up, I couldn’t understand why my biological parents easily gave me and my twin up. My foster mom, who would later adopt me, had her version of the story.

Your parents didn’t want you, she would tell me and my adopted siblings. This made me feel like I was an unwanted piece of trash. She made us feel like orphans and graciously took us in when nobody else wanted us.

I remember one moment when my adoptive mother claimed that my biological mother went to get a wedding dress on the same day as one of my open heart surgeries when my biological mother could have chosen to come to visit me at the hospital instead.

I never confirmed this piece of the puzzle with my biological mother, but it did spark my curiosity to investigate the truth of what truly happened. My adopted mother told many questionable things about my biological mother, almost in a way to feel superior to my biological parents. This made me feel very confused, hurt, and angry.

Digging deeper, I began to find hidden truths, which have been buried for years, through my online research of public records, which led me to find information about my biological parents struggling financially and legally due to my premature birth and medical conditions. It became clear that some facts from my adoptive mother ranged true, while others were a fabrication.

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We’re my twin and I taken away from our biological parents or placed into foster care voluntarily? I often asked myself.

My adoptive mother would constantly remind me that my biological parents had the opportunity to regain custody of my twin and me but chose to relinquish their parental rights. This gave way for my twin and me to be officially placed for adoption.

All I knew was that my biological mother's difficulties during her pregnancy were the catalyst for our medical challenges.

It was reported that she had overdosed during the pregnancy. To this day, my biological mother has never admitted to the painful struggles she had faced. Still, despite my biological mother’s shame around the circumstances that my twin and I had faced, we fought for survival together.

The impact of my biological parent's mistakes made me feel unwanted growing up. I felt alone and confused as to what happened. Growing up, I constantly questioned everything about what was true and what was a lie. I had difficulty feeling accepted by others, whether at school or in public. I never felt like I fit in anywhere and always kept to myself.

It was hard for me to trust people and believe what people said. It made me feel like people didn’t have my best interest at heart and that there was always an ulterior motive beyond their 9

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interactions with me. I felt used by people and trusted very few people growing up.

As I became an adult, my friends became my family. They were my true support system, who loved and supported me unconditionally.

It is all still an unsettling mystery, as I may never fully know the truth of what happened that led to my adoption.

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Chapter 2

The Misconceptions of Being Adopted Growing up, I never felt like my adoptive family was average. Then again, we weren’t a typical family. We all came from broken homes and different backgrounds. And I was the oldest among my adopted siblings.

Girls, wake up! Time for school, my adoptive mother would yell bright and early at 6 am. We’d get dressed, eat breakfast, and hop on the bus when it arrived at our doorstep. It was a morning routine for years, as my sisters and I all attended school together. I like to call it the original six. We were only a few years apart and were inseparable as kids.

Growing up with adopted siblings was a profoundly unique and enriching experience. We were all different but shared this common bond of being an adopted child. We never let this cloud our judgment of family, at least not until we were older. Our shared experiences fostered a deep sense of unity and strengthened the bonds that held us together through the toughest times during our childhood.

Looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t grow up as an only child.

I always had a sister to talk with, do our homework together at the dining room table, and play games. Our family's size was a source 11

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of constant energy and excitement as children. Whether it was laughing at the silly things we did or sitting down together to watch a movie, our family dynamic was extraordinary. My adopted siblings' diverse personalities and backgrounds brought unique nuances to our family dynamic.

My sisters and I bonded through neighborhood adventures.

My fondest memories were playing hide and seek, hiding from each other for hours, pedaling our bikes with zest around the block, and engaging in friendly races. As we pedaled furiously, my sisters sometimes burst into laughter, especially when I took a tumble.

Those moments, though embarrassing, were a testament to our shared laughter and camaraderie. I may have blushed, but I resolutely pedaled on, albeit slowly.

Our summertime memories were a symphony of carefree days. We would bask in the warm sun, hosting impromptu picnics in the yard and splashing around in the pool, the strains of music wafting through the air. Those moments when the world seemed infinite, our hearts danced to the rhythm of our innocent and youthful spirits.

I'm deeply thankful that the constant presence of social media and technology didn't influence our childhood. We were the last generation with the freedom to nourish our imaginations and form bonds with nature.

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Our holidays were nothing short of magical. Maria, our housekeeper and nanny, was the mastermind behind our celebrations.

My adoptive mother assumed the role of a vigilant overseer as we engaged in holiday decorating. With a demeanor akin to a seasoned drill sergeant, she issued firm commands to ensure nothing was damaged. As I reflect on it now, her background in the Navy sheds light on the origins of her need for control and her inclination to issue orders to us children.

We always felt immense excitement as Christmas approached. It was a cherished tradition to gather and watch Christmas movies together, eagerly awaiting Santa's arrival. I was never disappointed on the actual day of Christmas, as the