The living twin: The twin who grew up alone

By Peter Bourquin and Carmen Cortés

Did you know that many people who are born as a single child began life accompanied by a brother or sister that died during pregnancy and vanished leaving no trace whatsoever? And did you know that the frequency which this occurs is amazingly high?
It's a well-known fact, verified by science for some decades now, that a 10% of babies who are born started their life as a part of a twin pregnancy and then lost their sibling during the first months of gestation. This phenomenon had remained purely statistical until quite recently. Only in the last few years has psychology started to become interested in the effects that this experience may have on the surviving twin.
Wha might the consequences be of spending the first weeks or months of one's life with a twin in utero, but then to suffer their loss and be born alone? How can person process and assimilate this primary experience, when frequently it is ignored and relegated to the unconscious levels of our self? The answers to these and other questions constitute the core of this book, which also includes around fifty testimonies that enable us to listen firsthand to the multiple manifestations that result from the experience of being a lone twin.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hakabooks
• Release date: Jun 11, 2024
• ISBN: 9788410173323

Peter Bourquin

Originally from Germany, he has lived near Barcelona since 1998. Founder and co-director of the institute ECOS - School of Systemic Constellation. Writer and humanist approach therapist. Trained in Family Constellations, Gestalt Therapy, Brainspotting and Integrative Psychotherapy with Richard Erskine. Since 2001 he has provided training in family constellations performed in various Spanish cities. He assists in the training and supervision of professionals with various therapeutic institutes in Spain and Latin America. He is a didactic member of the German and Spanish associations (DGfS and AEBH). He has authored two more books, FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS (2007) and THE ART OF THERAPY (2011), both published by the Editorial Desclée de Brouwer, Bilbao, Spain as well as numerous articles. His books and articles are published in Spanish, Portuguese, German and English.

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THE LIVING TWIN

THE LIVING TWIN

The twin who grew up alone

Peter Bourquin

Carmen Cortés

Translated by: Sharon Farley

TITLE: The living twin. The twin who grew up alone.

AUTHORS: Peter Bourquing and Carmen Cortés©, 2024

COMPOSITION: Hakabooks - Calibri, cuerpo 11

COVER DESING: Hakabooks©

COVER PHOTO: shutterstock©

1ST EDITION: june 2024

ISBN: 978-84-10173-32-3

HAKABOOKS

08201 Sabadell - Barcelona

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The total or partial reproduction of this work by any means or procedure, whether electronic or mechanical, computer processing, rental or any form of transfer of rights is prohibited, within the limits established by law and under the legally provided warnings. the work without written authorization of the copyright holders.

All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

We have dedicated this book to the ‘living twin’, a term we have used in reference to those who began life as part of a multiple birth, usually of twins, but lost their brother or sister either during the pregnancy, at birth or in their early years. When speaking of the ‘twin’, we refer both to identical and non-identical twins, and also triplets.

Though initially surprising, since the seventies it has been a scientifically known and corroborated fact that between 10 and 15% of human pregnancies begin as multiple gestations, of which only one in ten finally results in a twin birth. This means that at least one in ten people begins life accompanied by a twin brother or sister that they lose during the course of the pregnancy, the majority of those during the first three months of gestation. In these cases, science names them as the vanishing twin, in reference to the fact that, generally, this twin leaves no visible trace. However, if the gestation has been more advanced, there may be some biological footprint that appears during the birth, such as a second placenta or a papyraceous foetus.

Remarkably, despite the fact that within the realm of psychology there exists a special curiosity and fascination for the study of live twins, as they permit the study of personality development in it’s multitudinous peculiarities, until quite recently barely any attention has been given to that which this experience of loss represents for the surviving twin. Above all, one must take into account that it deals with the strongest known human bond, going beyond even that of the relationship with the mother.

Therein lies precisely the nucleus of this book; for several years now we have considered what may be the consequences for a person who began the first few weeks or months of life together in the womb with a twin sibling, later undergoing the experience of their loss and being born alone. The answers to this and other questions are those we engage with in this book. We have based the work as much on publications and research undertaken in Germany, England and the USA, as on our own research and experience, both professional and personal. Since 2005, when we conducted our first workshop for twins in Madrid, we have regularly offered workshops for lone twins. From these events, thanks to the stories of those affected, their voice frequently appearing in this book in the form of personal testimonies, we have come to understand the importance of having begun life accompanied and the consequences that may arise in diverse areas of life after having suffered the loss of that sibling.

Our primary intention in writing this book is that it be of use to those people who have passed through this experience. If reading it assists them to understand themselves better and to take a few steps towards the healing of this old wound, caused by the loss of the person closest and most loved, then this work has achieved its purpose.

Secondly, we hope that it also serves to familiarize professional therapists with the singularities of lonely people who are twins; in many cases, with problems that have not undergone substantial changes when processed via other channels, it is considered a valuable hypothesis that the core experience behind these difficulties consists of the loss of a twin sibling.

Abraham Maslow once said: When the only tool you can count on is a hammer, all problems look like nails. Of course, it would be wrong to reduce all the difficulties that a person experiences as due to being a lone twin, nevertheless it is precisely the first experiences in our lives that mark us the deepest and form the foundations of our existence.

At the same time, we hope this book will fill some of the gaps that exist today on the issue of lone twins in the psychology field.

In terms of methodology, we have decided to embark on the issue by first addressing the biological perspective of the phenomenon followed by the psychological view; thirdly, we open the way to personal experiences that allow us to see in detail how this experience can influence various aspects of the lives of those affected. Thereafter, we present our understanding of how the process of integration and the healing of the wound occur. Finally, we wanted to include some examples of how the issue of the loss of a twin has left its mark on culture, our own and others.

We also wish to reference here the fact that this book is the result of the collaboration of its authors, Peter Bourquin and Carmen Cortés, not only as far as its writing is concerned, but also in terms of years of work both in researching this topic and conducting workshops on it. Therefore, what is stated here is jointly fully endorsed.

Finally, it is relevant to mention that this is still a pioneering work given that only a very few books have been published on the subject. Therefore, as in any primary work, we place particular emphasis on the provisional nature of the findings presented here and the need for further research because, as so often happens, uncovering some answers raises new questions.

PART I: The Biological Perspective

"The history of man for the nine months preceding his birth would, probably, be far more interesting and contain events of greater moment,

than all the three score and ten years that follow it."

— Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834)

1. The beginning of life - from conception to birth

It is quite likely that the beginning of life, to arrive at the point of having a human body when we are finally born, is for each of us the most amazing journey and process we will ever undergo. This process takes place in a dark, protected and, until recently, secret environment, though this doesn’t make it any less impressive. It happens beyond our field of vision and, often, early in pregnancy we may not even be aware of the process that has begun deep within the intimacy of the female body.

This first stage of our life had been shrouded in mystery and subject to the most bizarre speculations until just a few decades ago. Thanks to the development of various applied technologies in the field of obstetrics - such as the use of ultrasound, photography or the development of new intrauterine instruments for measuring vital signs - it is now possible, for the first time in the history of humanity, to see, hear and observe live what happens within that previously veiled and strictly private space that is the womb.

Amongst the pioneering endeavours in the research and discovery of new techniques for gaining insight into what happens within the womb, most noteworthy is the Swedish scientist Lennart Nilsson, one of the innovators of medical photography, particularly for the scope of his work. He was the first person to photograph gestation within the womb and the different stages of human reproduction. His book ‘A Child Is Born ‘, published in 1965, contains beautiful images. In it we see reflected for the first time the moment in which the sperm penetrates the egg and when the embryo nests in the uterus, as well as the foetus at various stages of gestation.

Here we will simply offer an outline that will help us understand a little more of what happened to us in that space: this is how the beginning of our lives was.

Conception - The meeting between egg and sperm

We all know that we are alive thanks to a sexual encounter between our parents: after a phase of excitement, the man ejects a certain quantity of semen into the vaginal tract of the woman. But that which usually happens naturally, instinctively or, even, impulsively, conceals large doses of wisdom, foresight and preparation: for the sexual encounter between male and female cells to occur successfully, many things must happen.

The sperm

Sperm in men are grown in the seminiferous tubules and have a maturation process of about two months, during which they undergo various transformations. In this process the original cell of 46 chromosomes (the number equal to all other human cells) alters, in a visionary act of foresight, to have only 23. The mature sperm has a head, equipped with a helmet, where the DNA is found, also, a midpiece and a long tail like a whip. In humans there are two sex chromosomes, approximately shaped like an X or a Y; among the chromosomes carried in the head, the sperm will carry one of these two. Depending on whether it harbours an X or a Y, the sex of the future being is determined, as the egg always bears the X chromosome.

And so, our hero is ready for the task. At the moment of sexual encounter, ejaculation occurs and the man releases into the vaginal tract of the woman an amount of sperm that can contain between 200 and 300 million sperm. Of these, only 300-500 actually reach their goal, though not without first overcoming considerable difficulties. To begin with, the vaginal environment is acidic and it is only by virtue of the alkaline nutrients and fluids which also form part of semen that sperm can survive; secondly comes the issue of distance, a sperm of about 60 microns has to travel about 12 cm, the equivalent for us of about 120 km. Furthermore, the road is not always clear, once it arrives at the neck of the cervix it has to journey through it, and this is only possible for a few days during the female cycle; habitually, the cervix is blocked by thick cervical mucus, only after ovulation is the mucus replaced by a thinner, more transparent version that the sperm is able to penetrate. Once inside the uterus, they must orientate themselves amid this vast chamber full of cavities and recesses where it is very easy to get lost.

A strong, fast sperm that doesn’t meet with any great obstacles in its path can perhaps take a couple of hours to reach the fallopian tubes, others that go more slowly or have more difficulties may take days to arrive. But most, as noted above, will never even arrive.

The ovum

In women, the eggs begin to form very early whilst still in the womb, during the second trimester of their gestation. By around the fifth month there already exists an abundance of them in the ovaries of the female foetus, which can reach up to five million.

Much later, with the changes that occur at puberty in response to a signal from the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus, ovaries begin to produce hormones that will start the process of maturation of future eggs. As part of this process, the eggs, which at this stage are still called oocytes, will develop to have 23 chromosomes each instead of the usual 46, and thus, on meeting the sperm they will amass 46 between them.

Within the ovaries each month the following ritual takes place: a group of nursemaid cells will care for and feed an egg, surrounding and forming what is called a follicle. Within it, the ripening egg receives a diet rich in hormones that, after two weeks, will transform it into a mature ovum. When this moment arrives, the follicle rises to the surface of the ovary creating a protuberance that in due time breaks the ovary wall, and thus the egg, surrounded by a mantle of protective cells, is free. Here the fallopian tubes are waiting to collect the egg released. This, unlike the sperm, is a cell that lacks mobility in itself but, also unlike sperm, has help as the tubes are carpeted with cilia that are constantly beating and pushing it toward the uterus.

Normally, a healthy woman of childbearing age releases an egg each month from one of her ovaries, but, exceptionally, it may occur that two or three are released, resulting in twins or triplets.

The meeting

And now we approach the moment for which our heroes have been created and so meticulously prepared. Once the egg has been expelled from the ovary, it begins its slow descent into the uterus through the fallopian tubes and, if lucky, it might be that here it meets with sperm that are rising through or have already entered into the tubes. Although only one sperm can penetrate the egg, all contenders are necessary, as the enzymes they all carry in their heads will cause the layer of cells lining the egg to gradually disappear leaving its surface to finally become exposed.

Once the road is clear, the surviving sperm try to penetrate the egg. As one achieves entry, the tail detaching and the head delving into the female cell, a strong chemical reaction occurs that blocks the passage of the others, since the intrusion of another with its own bundle of chromosomes would render the egg nonviable. Within the egg, the membranes surrounding the cores of both cells dissolve and the two nuclei unite, but it will still take several hours, up to twelve, until the DNA helices of the two nuclei approach each other, make contact and ultimately fuse together. And it is at this point that a new life commences with all its unique and individual features.

First trimester - Embryo Development

From fertilization until implantation in the uterus may take 6-10 days. During this time the newly formed zygote grows. In the early days this growth is simple; the cells divide and multiply, but remain homologous. This first group of undifferentiated cells is called the morula.

After a few days as a mass of cells, it starts to produce differentiations and some of these migrate to the periphery creating a sphere with an inner space that has been the other group of cells. The inner part will later form the embryo and the outside will be responsible for embedding itself into the uterus wall, forming the placenta and the outer membrane or chorion. Here the new being is called a blastocyst.

Between the sixth and tenth day implantation occurs in the uterus, a very delicate task, which it is believed that only between 20% and 40% of fertilized eggs actually achieve.

At this point, if the implantation is successful, we can begin to talk about the embryo and from here the changes in this tiny being are extremely quick. At three weeks after conception it already has a head and tail and the rudiments of the dorsal spine. Around day 25 the heart starts to beat, the first organ that functions in the new being, and the nervous system begins to develop. The embryo has a primitive brain and small nodules appear that later develop into arms and legs.

The second month of pregnancy is the most intense moment of embryonic development. The brain continues to develop and most of the organs and structures of the embryo are formed: the liver, kidneys, glands, fingers, muscles, testicles or ovaries, and nerves, which sprout up connecting every organ and muscle to the brain. The tail disappears and skin forms while the cartilage that formed the skeleton begins to harden and become bone. At the end of this month the embryo already has a face with eyes, a nose and lips. The ears are developed, the tongue already has taste buds, and nascent teeth also appear. By now it measures about seven centimetres, has a fully human appearance and, from here until the end of gestation, is referred to as a foetus.

From the seventh week the developing child starts moving, initially with reflex movements that soon give way to other precise and fully intentional movements. We include here an account written in 1970 by Dr. Rockwell, director of anesthesiology at Leonard Hospital, New York, about a very curious experience he had in 1959. The story is taken from the book ‘Womb Twin Survivors’ by Althea Hayton: