Descifred

By Paul Scifres

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and find thought-provoking articles and commentary in this collection of over seventy short articles written by Paul Scifres. The book is a culmination of over seventy short articles that try to make sense of different things, hence the title Descifred, a play on the author’s last name.

The writings are divided into three subtopics: “Just for Fun,” “Commentary,” and “Reminiscing.” The first section will elicit a chuckle while the second offers thought-provoking comments and at times biting commentary. The concluding section is reminiscing about the joys and sometimes poignant memories of the author’s life.

The articles have been written over a period of about twelve years targeted for small west Texas newspapers. After his retirement, the author put these short stories into this collection.

The articles are in the range of six hundred to seven hundred words and are deliberately written in easy-to-understand language designed for the enjoyment of readers from late grade school to highly educated discerning adults. The book is also family friendly that readers will not find offensive.

With his years of experience in writing articles covering meetings, conducting interviews, and local events, the author’s unique writing style has been conveyed in this collection of short articles.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 10, 2024
• ISBN: 9798892430869

Book preview

cover.jpg

Descifred

Paul Scifres

ISBN 979-8-89243-085-2 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-89243-086-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2024 by Paul Scifres

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Foreword

Part 1

Just for Fun

The Wind

Blue-Eyed People Are Mutants

Paper Towels

A Satirical Look at Advertising

My Cat Is a Politician

What's for Dinner?

Kids Getting Older; I'm Getting Younger

Jailed in Pecos

The Great Hunter

Burma-Shave

Be Careful What You Say

Lost Cell Phone

I Was Assaulted

Has Technology Gone Too Far?

Surviving the Deep Freeze

Celebrating Another Birthday

Ghosts and Haunted Houses

Pro, Con, and Anti

GPS Devices Lie

Cooking

SPAM

A Senior Moment

Winter Wonderland—Not

Something Stinks

Bull Market

You Can't Take It Back

Poop

Used to be a Techie

Peanut, Peanut Butter

Tired of Flo

Perry Mason

Part 2

Commentary

It's Guaranteed!

Alien

A Step Back in Time

Calories

No Electricity

Valentine's Day Is a Scam

Fun with COVID-19

Superbowl 2020

Facebook Has Gone Too Far

Being a Veteran

Do-It-Yourself Projects

Thoughts for Veterans Day

Giving Birth

To Gluten or Not to Gluten

Protect Me from Myself

Social Security

Gift Cards and Certificates

Abolish Labor Day

KISS

Unsocial Media

ID 10 T Error

Family Separation

Reasons This Country Will Fail

Knife Legislation Needed

July 20, 1969

TAANSTAFL

Absurdity

Part 3

Reminiscing

The Ghost of Wink Lakes

Proud to be a Veteran

Travelogue

Surviving Childhood

Green and Gold Stamps

Fighting

Man's Best Friend

Because I Said So

Keeping Cool

Car Troubles

Mrs. B

Remembering Dad

SAC

The Joys of Flying

Radar

Leland and Bettie

About the Author

Foreword

Why was this writing named Descifred?

According to the dictionary, the word decipher (pronounced dəˈsīfər) is a verb meaning to succeed in understanding, interpreting, or identifying something. The past tense, of course, is deciphered.

The last name of the author is Scifres (pronounced sīfər). It was, therefore, an easy transition to create the name of this book as Descifred as a play on words. That leads to the primary purpose of this book—to understand, interpret, or identify things, sometimes even in a nonsensical way.

The book is a culmination of over seventy short articles that attempt to make sense of different things. The writings are divided into three subtopics: Just for Fun, Commentary, and Reminiscing.

Most of the articles are in the range of six hundred to seven hundred words and are deliberately written in easy-to-understand language appropriate for the enjoyment of readers of all ages.

The first section, Just for Fun, will elicit a chuckle on several topics from humorous things from everyday life. Examples are paper towels, an explanation of wind, and making fun of advertising.

The next section, Commentary, includes political commentary and in some cases are a bit different view of a variety of nonpolitical topics. Examples are a close look at guarantees, gluten, calories in addition to political thoughts.

The final section, Reminiscing, are snapshots from the author's life that are sometimes humorous, sometimes nostalgic, important people in the author's life, and events dealing with growing up.

The articles have been written over a period of years as a hobby, and some have been selected for inclusion in this book. This writing will continue, so it won't be a surprise if additional books may be forthcoming.

Part 1

Just for Fun

The Wind

Seems it has been a bit windier than normal this winter. With the Ides of March around the corner and the usual blustery conditions in the offing, it seems that things have become even windier in recent years.

Growing up in Wink, Texas, February seemed generally pretty cold but not all that windy. March was the time to nail everything down that could even remotely have a chance of blowing away. And every door and window remained sealed in a seemingly vain attempt to keep the dirt out.

Data seems to support that it is getting windier. After a great deal of research and scientific study, it has been determined why things are getting windier.

The details may surprise you, and you may find it hard to believe, but the scientific facts are irrefutable.

The facts are that the windier conditions are man-made. And it could even be a conspiracy intended to drive prices up on such things as continual reroofing of homes, installation of tighter, dirt-proof windows, and more.

All of which are inflationary, so it makes sense that the extra wind that we seem to feel while digging the dirt out from between our teeth is indeed a conspiracy.

The evidence is scattered across Texas and throughout the country. It only takes a short drive in almost any direction to see the evidence. It can be seen to the east around Sweetwater, to the south around Rankin.

This is not exclusive to Texas. Evidence abounds in California. Just head west on I-10 around Palm Springs, and you will see more.

What I am referring to is, of course, all the giant fans that are being erected across the country. Just take a drive from Kermit to Odessa on Highway 302, and you will see about one hundred of these giant fans. Southeast to Rankin and you will see more of the fans with rotating blades that are over eighty feet long.

Heading east to Sweetwater, there are literally hundreds of these monstrous fans, blowing the air in seemingly random directions as they appear to have the ability to be aimed in any desired direction. The mystery is, who is controlling them?

Around Palm Springs, California, the number of these gigantic fans must be in the thousands. No wonder California is so parched; the high winds keep drying out the landscape and keep chances of rain fall to a minimum by blowing clouds away before they have a chance to form into rain clouds. And you wonder why it has been so dry around here lately. Just look around.

You may ask, where does the conspiracy factor come in to play? As alluded to in the paragraphs above, many people are lining their pockets. But it goes far beyond those that are profiting by roofing our houses and installing better windows.

The whole thing with the construction of these giant fans started around the end of the Cold War in the late '60s. It stands to reason that the entire thing is a brilliantly conceived and concealed conspiracy by our federal government. The first experiments were the Dust Bowl days of the 1930s.

But that experiment was deemed too radical as massive clouds of black dirt blew from Kansas to New York, obliterating Midwestern farms and blocking out the sun. A more subtle approach had to be found. Enter the large fans. The fans were finally perfected, and installation began in the late '60s.

Why would our own government stoop to such a thing? The answer to that is quite simple. By driving us indoors and creating more isolation and even affecting our mental state, it gives the government more control to do as they wish.

There you have it. Bottom line is a gigantic government conspiracy.

And there is not a word of truth in this entire column. The giant fans described are obviously the electrical wind generators sprouting across the country. The rest is pure baloney! A bit of science fiction sounded fun!

Blue-Eyed People Are Mutants

In a January 31, 2008 article found on the Science Daily website, it was said, "New research shows that people with blue eyes have a single, common ancestor. Scientists have tracked down a genetic mutation [emphasis mine] which took place 6,000–10,000 years ago and is the cause of the eye color of all blue-eyed humans alive on the planet today."

Based on that statement, it can certainly be said that blue-eyed people are therefore mutants. My own family is proof positive of that. My three oldest siblings all have blue eyes while the last three all have brown eyes.

Because the latter three brown-eyed kids are more intelligent and better looking and supports that belief. (Don't tell them I said that, or I may not live to write another column.) I'm sure my little sis will agree with me wholeheartedly as she is brown-eyed!

Around the office, Boss Smokey Briggs has blue eyes. I will not say anything more about that for fear of losing my job, but I will leave the conclusion to you.

The article went on to say:

Originally, we all had brown eyes, said Professor Hans Eiberg from the Department of Cellular and Molecular Medicine. But a genetic mutation affecting the OCA2 gene in our chromosomes resulted in the creation of a ‘switch,' which literally ‘turned off' the ability to produce brown eyes. The OCA2 gene codes for the so-called P protein, which is involved in the production of melanin, the pigment that gives color to our hair, eyes and skin.

With that in mind, if that gene also affects the color of eyes, then why don't people with blue eyes have blue hair and skin?

Perhaps that explains the Smurfs.

It also stands to reason, then, that all blue-eyed people are related.

There are other quirks about blue-eyed people.

At one time, it was considered a possible fidelity test. People used to believe that blue-eyed people could only have blue-eyed children, so a baby's eyes were sometimes used as a test to see if a spouse had cheated. It took a little while for science to clear that one up.

Supposedly, blue-eyed people are better at long-term and strategic thinking.

Okay, the research is still out on that one, but there is some evidence linking big blue eyes to these bonuses. Obviously, it is still disputed in the biology and psychology communities, especially by brown-eyed people.

Scientists at the University of Louisville, Kentucky, a 2007 report said, have apparently found a hitherto unobserved link between eye color and levels of intelligence. Blue-eyed people, they claim, are more studious, more strategic, more focused, and thus outperform brown-eyed people in exams. People with blue eyes are likely to achieve more in life than those with brown.

Obviously that report wasn't written by brown-eyed people.

In another study, it was reportedly found that 34 percent of participants considered people with brown eyes intelligent, kind, and trustworthy. In contrast, people with blue eyes were considered kind, sweet, and sexy, but only 7 percent of participants described blue-eyed people as intelligent.

That study was written by people with brown eyes.

Certainly, there are contradictions in this story. It just goes to prove that you can find support for almost anything you want to believe on the World Wide Web.

After all, since it's on the Internet, it must be true! And it should also be obvious what my eye color is.

Paper Towels

Have you ever looked at how many different choices there are for paper towels? Looking on the shelves of most grocery stores, for example, all seem to have at least six different brands with multiple options for each. Some have double rolls, some have half sheets, and most can be purchased in packages of two, four, six, twelve, or sixteen and some even more. Some also come in single rolls.

Not only do you have to decide how many rolls you want, but at what price? Single rolls of an inexpensive variety can be purchased for about a dollar, and prices go up from there to over $20, depending on quantity, quality, and brand.

Some are designed to fit in a roll dispenser for drying hands, such as those found in restaurant restrooms. Others may be folded towels for a similar function in restrooms or on restaurant tables.

However, most of the paper towels found in grocery stores are designed for home use and are typically in rolls for use as stand-alone or in some type of roll dispenser that may be either mounted horizontally on a cabinet fixture or vertically in a fixture to hold the roll on a tabletop.

And then there is the quality desired. Let's explore that a bit.

Brawny paper towels. The picture on the label is of a well-muscled lumberjack type of guy. Their propaganda says, Designed to cover anything from small spills to big messes. Built with the strength to take on the tough messes.

Packaged in numerous options as to quantity, half sheet, etc. It is also quite expensive.

Next is Bounty paper towels. Their advertising claims, Bounty, the quicker picker upper. The slogan has become somewhat of a catchphrase.

Like Brawny, it comes in many package variations and is also among the more expensive paper towels.

Viva is another popular brand. Their propaganda says, Traps messes 2x better when wet. From the kitchen countertop to bathroom surfaces and all the rooms in-between, Viva Multi-Surface Cloth towels help you keep an exceptionally clean every day.

Another expensive choice but perhaps not as expensive as Bounty or Brawny.

Then there are less expensive options. Most grocery store chains have their own store brands with price and quality covering a wide range but typically not as expensive as the options mentioned above.

Certainly, the better brands will do a better job of cleaning up spills and messes. But stop and think about that for a moment.

Sure, a cheap store brand might take ten times more towels to clean up a mess when compared to the expensive brands. I would venture to say that less than 10 percent of paper towels are used for actually cleaning up spills and similar messes. Why pay for the expensive brands when 90 percent of the towels aren't even used for cleaning messes?

If you come over to my house for dinner, the meal likely won't be appointed with napkins. You will likely get a paper towel. And if you are special, it might even be folded with silver wear placed neatly on the napkin.

The only mess that towel cleans up is wiping my mouth or perhaps my hands.

That is the bulk of the usage of paper towels around my house. I'm not really cheap; I prefer to say prudent, frugal, or economically conservative.

Another use around my house is cleaning up after one of the pets when they have an accident. The more solid variety type of mess. For that, the paper towel is only used to keep my hands away from the deposit.

Certainly, if that mess is of the liquid variety, then it would be classified as a spill.

The paper towels do get used for wiping down windows and things of that nature, but expensive towels are not needed for that.

Why spend more money when a cheaper brand will be more than adequate than the expensive brands?

Next, we should talk about toilet paper.

Uhh…maybe not.

A Satirical Look at Advertising

It seemed the