Successful Keys to the Marriage Journey

By Deborah Roses Isaac M.Div. D.Min.

Successful Keys to the Marriage Journey is meant for real people in real marriages trying to navigate real struggles.

Deborah Roses Isaac, who has enjoyed and endured more than fifty-seven years of marriage (with the very same person) explores how to be a better spouse and how to grow better instead of growing bitter.

She draws on wisdom from the Bible to answer questions such as:

• How can you resist the temptations Satan brings to you?
• How can ambition become a stumbling block to you and your family?
• Why is it so important to avoid flirting with others?
• What are the key characteristics of a successful marriage?

The author also observes that couples who are determined to stay together without settling for mediocrity work through dissatisfaction. This means figuring out how to get acquainted with each other on a deeper level, as well as being honest and transparent about who you really are.

With lots of work and by coming together with Him, you’ll enjoy a marriage that stands the test of time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 12, 2024
• ISBN: 9798385019144

Deborah Roses Isaac M.Div. D.Min.

Deborah Roses Isaac met her future husband when she was in the eleventh grade. They became sweethearts and were married three months after graduating from high school, which was more than fifty-seven years ago. During their time together, they have experienced highs and lows. As a pastor, teacher, and mentor, she has passed on to young women what God taught her about being a wife.

Book preview

Copyright © 2024 Deborah Roses Isaac, M.Div.,D.Min.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1915-1 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1916-8 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1914-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024903153

WestBow Press rev. date:  06/04/2024

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version. Public domain.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked ESV taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1 A Divine Institution

Chapter 2 Classifications of Love

Chapter 3 Lust Can Destroy Love

Chapter 4 The Journey

Chapter 5 The Marriage Concrete

Chapter 6 The Ingredient of Commitment

Chapter 7 Key Ingredient of Compassion

Chapter 8 Treat Your Spouse with Value

Chapter 9 Invite Jesus

Chapter 10 Keep Romance in Marriage

Chapter 11 Harmony in Marriage

Chapter 12 Keeping Marriage God’s Way

Chapter 13 Division

Chapter 14 Unity Seen in Togetherness

Chapter 15 Brotherly Love

Chapter 16 Get over the Hurt

Chapter 17 What God Says About Divorce?

Bibliography

To the Forever Marriage Support Group and to each of the couples that shared, prayed, and encouraged.

CHAPTER 1

6090.png

A Divine Institution

Marriage is the first divine institution established and ordained by God, according to Genesis 2:21–25. Within the marriage institution, God established the family. The God-ordained marriage is God’s foundational institution of human society. Every institution has governing orders. In this sacred institution of marriage, almighty God Himself pronounced the order. In God’s pronouncement of marriage between husband and wife is a relationship that takes precedence over every other human relationship. In marriage they are to cleave (i.e., glue) to each other as a gift consecrated to God; this means that the husband gives himself completely to his wife, and the wife to her husband. They are no longer just me and you; they are we because they are as one. One flesh signifies a physical, sexual bonding and a lifelong relationship. They are still two persons, but together they are as one, according to Ephesians 5:31 (KJV). For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This doesn’t mean they no longer respect and include the extended relatives as family; it just means their priorities have changed.

The holy scriptural order is God, spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and all people. It also doesn’t mean that they cease being individuals. Marriage is a holy union composed of individuals with unique needs, thoughts, and behaviors. When individuals marry, the relationship they knew with each other before becomes something different, something they had not seen in each other. Suddenly, the lovebirds see a surprise package that may not be so appealing to them. The needs of the individual begin to strongly show up. And by nature, we are a needy people. And survival depends on who is at the center of our lives, individually and collectively. You cannot be the center of your own life and the center of attention and expect a successful marriage. Nor can you make your spouse or children the center of your life and be in order and successful in building up your family.

Jesus gave the instruction He wanted us to follow for success in everything in Matthew 6:33 (NIV). But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. God must be first. Having God at the center of our lives is paramount. We are created by God with a fundamental desire and longing for stability, dependability, and fruitful fellowship with God, and our nature shows this need.

Since God created us in His image, with His nature imprinted on us, we innately strive to fulfill the hunger for stability, intimacy, and fruit in our relationships. We can only reach this in its entirety in our eternal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

It is according to God’s Word as it is given to us in Philippians 4:13 (KJV). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The kind of consciousness Christians must have is submission to Jesus Christ. The most needful thing for us to do is shed all our self-sufficiency, realize our weakness and sin, and accept the salvation of our Lord’s free grace.

Regrettably, people have failed to live up to the image of God within ever since the fall of Adam and Eve. It’s through willful misrepresentation of our God-given need for stability, dependability, intimacy, and productivity, so much so that we miss what God intended for us. As a result, we substitute immediate gratification and selfishness for stability, and if we aren’t careful, we will choose cheap sexual relationships and illicit romance rather than fulfilling sexual and emotional intimacy within the limits of marriage. It is a great mistake. These kinds of substitutes can only add up to sin, hurt, blame, and estrangement from God. There can be no replacement or substitution for marriage that God put together. It will not work; it is a waste of time and time to repent. What is needed at that junction is God’s forgiveness for turning our backs on God’s institution. Yet we also need forgiveness from others.

We serve a good and gracious God, but His design must not be change from that of the world and the flesh. We were created to be in committed relationships, first with God and second with spouse and family.

A Christian marriage should be a place of love, delight, grace, and compromise. Yet more often than ever, sadly, we can witness that this is not the case at all. Unfortunately, many Christian marriages are in just as much terrible turmoil and suffering as non-Christian marriages. As a pastor, it is my experience that they all seem to follow the same pattern. They meet, they date, they are on cloud nine in love, and they cannot stand to be apart for very long without an insatiable longing to see each other.

Everything is beautiful. They talk and agree, they give each other compliments, and they show their love and concern in a million ways. After months or years of this kind of dating, they just can’t stand to be apart, so they set the wedding date and tie the knot. Now they are together as husband and wife, and it is completely different than boyfriend and girlfriend.

The newlywed honeymoon time is exhilarating and fun. When the honeymoon is over, reality sets in and they are used to each other; that big flame starts calming down to a flicker. He is so used to her now that he doesn’t open the door for her anymore; they both open their own car door. She never had to open a door; now she opens all her doors. He never saw her unless she was looking her best, but now he sees her when she looks her worst. She could smell his best cologne, and now he bathes (if he bathes) and skips the cologne. There is surprise after surprise. Or rather, reality after reality. Now all kinds of issues are on the table to take care of that cause them to act as opposite gang members instead of one flesh. If this slippery slope keeps getting more and more slippery, some couples decide to just throw in the towel. This is a result of taking each other for granted.

Some couples start looking in the direction of having an affair to get solace and fulfillment somewhere else. When this kind of divisiveness starts, divorce court may be the next stage of negative development. Some seek separation and counseling to try to get a better understanding of how to handle things and do better; some will decide to go through the motions of being married for the children’s sake or for financial, family, or business reasons; and some will want out no matter what. This is a time for humility and willingness to yield to God and seek God’s way.

Marriage is ordained by God, yet many marriages fail because the world, the flesh, and our selfish desires are too often adhered to. My husband and I have been married for over 57 years, and it’s been a journey of trial and error, and learning and unlearning of how to stay on the journey.

CHAPTER 2

6090.png

Classifications of Love

There are four different classifications of love that are beneficial in marriage. In the Greek language they are, agape, philia, eros, and storge.

6209.png Eros Love

A third type of love, eros, expresses sexual love, but the word is nowhere to be found in the New Testament. Eros love is lust, passion, and romance, and it’s driven by physical attraction and sexual desire.

6209.png Storge Love

The fourth Greek word for love is storge. It is an unconditional type of love. It is a natural, familial love such as the love between a parent and child. It’s the kind of love that makes you feel safe, cared for, and secure.

In the New Testament, the negative form of storge is used twice. Astorgos means lacking natural or instinctive affection, without affection to kindred. Romans 1:31 (KJV) tells us, Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful. The Greek word translated as no love is astorgos. In 2 Timothy 3:3 (KJV), it is translated without love. Paul informs us that this is what we have seen in the last days. The Bible says people will lack natural love for their own families.

6209.png Philos and Storge Love

Romans 12:10 (KJV) tells us, Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another. We find an interesting compound: philostorgos is translated as be devoted. Philia and phileo originate from the Greek word philos. The word combines philia and storge and means to cherish one’s kindred. Believers in Christ, children of the same Heavenly Father, are to