The Power of A Sacred Pause: Seeking God’s Perspective Through the Pursuit of Parenthood

By JD O'Donnell

In 2022, JD O’Donnell made a spontaneous decision to walk away from her job, retirement, health insurance, and even her reputation to embark on a yearlong sacred pause that allowed her to rest, reflect, pray, and discover how she ended up in a state of angst. With the hope that she would eventually emerge with a new sense of purpose and direction, O’Donnell leaned into her sacred pause as unresolved issues from her past began surfacing and forced her to face relationships and wounds formerly pushed aside.
In a retelling of her deeply personal journey, O’Donnell pours her heart and soul into recounting her experiences with infertility, adoption, depression, betrayal, and heartbreaking loss. As she reveals how she allowed herself the time and space to revisit the periods in her life that held the most significance, she discloses how, despite feeling pain and despair, she discovered cathartic healing and a renewed purpose. O’Donnell’s remarkable story is an unfiltered testament that invites others to embrace vulnerability, unlock their resilience, and forge an unshakeable bond with the divine.
The Power of a Sacred Pause shares inspirational insight into a Christian woman’s transformative journey of spiritual resilience and healing as she bravely faced unresolved life experiences with Jesus by her side.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Feb 15, 2024
• ISBN: 9798385019847

JD O'Donnell

JD O’Donnell is a wife, mother, grandmother, and blogger who paused a twenty-year career to embark on a soul-searching quest to seek solace, divine guidance, and healing. The Power of a Sacred Pause is the first installment in a series.

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Copyright © 2024 JD O’Donnell.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the Holy Bible, King James Version.

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1982-3 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1983-0 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-1984-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024903799

WestBow Press rev. date: 06/07/2024

DEDICATION

Jax, you have been a pillar of strength, loyalty, and encouragement. Your ability to pivot with every challenge helps me remain grounded. You have always given me the grace to be myself—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Ivy and Gracie, your presence in my life is my greatest joy. You both have given my life purpose and meaning. Every trial, challenge, or roadblock I experienced prepared me for my life with you. God’s timing and wisdom have blessed me beyond measure, and my love for you pours out of every part of my existence. I am incredibly proud of the capable, independent, loving, and caring women you are.

Dave, thank you for cherishing my daughter Gracie so wholeheartedly. I am immensely thankful for the unwavering love and devotion you have showered upon her. Your presence in our lives fills me with great joy.

Jane, you are the source of familiarity, comfort, and reason. You are my past, present, and future; I am beyond grateful for you. Thank you for being present in every season of my life and being one of the few people who see me and love me unconditionally.

My precious granddaughter, I desire you to grow up knowing how deeply and profoundly you are loved and adored. You inspire me daily to be my best self, and your presence in our life encouraged me to write and share the stories that have shown me how faithful God has been to me and our family. Always know that you are not alone and that Jesus is always with you.

CONTENTS

Introduction

1     Poor JD or PJ

2     Infertility

3     Ivy

4     Betrayal

5     Uncertainty

6     Here We Go Again

7     A Family of Three

8     Gracie

9     Weeks

10   The Power of My Sacred Pause Revealed

Epilogue

Start Your Sacred Pause

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

SPIRITUAL TRANSFORMATION IN THE

PURSUIT OF PARENTHOOD

On April 1, 2022, I woke up with no idea that I would write and submit my formal resignation within two hours, ending my twenty-year career. Noting that I resigned on April Fool’s Day, the first response was that it was a prank. It wasn’t. I was done. My chest felt like it would implode, which I had become accustomed to, and I struggled to comprehend how I was willing to walk away from my job, retirement, health insurance, and even my reputation. The level of chest-tightening anxiety I felt had been increasing steadily over the last year, and each day, I tried to convince myself that I could endure the dysfunctional and soul-crushing environment I found myself in. As a loyal and dedicated employee, what appeared to be an out-of-left-field resignation was so contradictory to my character that it surprised everyone. As a lifelong planner, I suddenly found myself without my daily to-do list and no idea what would come next.

Rejecting the retired label, I embarked upon a yearlong sabbatical called My Sacred Pause. I was demoralized, defeated, exhausted, and unsure if I would ever return to the workforce. I decided to rest, reflect, pray, and discover how I ended up in such a state of angst and hoped that I would emerge with a new sense of purpose and direction. Rest has never been a strong suit of mine, so having abundant time on my hands was both foreign and terrifying. Throughout my career, I thrived on busyness, juggled multiple projects efficiently, and managed several teams. I had incredible stamina and work ethic and was unprepared for how ending my career would impact my confidence, self-worth, and perspective. I needed to completely deconstruct my life and face some hard truths and false narratives I had accepted before I could consider my next steps.

Within weeks, as I leaned into My Sacred Pause, unresolved issues from my past surfaced, and issues related to my overcommitment to work revealed that busyness distracted me from facing some relationships and wounds that needed my full attention. Several months preceding my abrupt resignation, Jax, my husband of forty-one years, retired due to health issues related to long-term COVID-19, forcing the sale of our small manufacturing business that we started thirty years earlier. Ivy, our oldest daughter, separated from her husband and moved into our home with her eight-month-old daughter. Our youngest daughter, Gracie, and her husband, Dave, were settled in Montana. My workload was intense, often being away from home 160 days a year, working sixty to seventy hours weekly. With what had previously been an empty nest home, my house was full again, yet my workload seemed to increase. With too many project commitments and feeling underappreciated and creatively restricted, I couldn’t find a pathway to a resolution, my anxiety grew, and each day became a struggle.

Resigning closed the doors to what I believed was causing my distress, only to discover instead of relief, my anxiety grew with the realization that I was suddenly a boat without a rudder, circling aimlessly for direction. Relying on my intuition, I knew I had to examine the root of my intense work ethic, requiring me to remove all social media and any temptation to keep myself relevant. I had to disappear physically and emotionally, focusing on my longing to be closer to God. Choosing not to seek a therapist’s help was intentional as I felt that this chapter of my life required me to rely on Him to guide me through the healing my mind and body craved. Isolating myself to reflect on the past and experience the emotional pain I had left trapped inside my body was the first step of My Sacred Pause. I chose to only communicate with family and a tiny circle of friends to ensure no undue influence would muddy my thoughts or tempt me to return to or participate in the chaos I painstakingly left.

In those early days, I sometimes felt like a wounded animal trying to heal myself, and deep down, I wondered if I should just be put out of misery. Once successful and thriving, suddenly I was lost. Throughout the first several months of My Sacred Pause, two thoughts tugged at my heart: writing and serving in the church. I felt compelled to write about the challenges of my past, and at the same time, I was seeking ways to serve others.

As I began to journal, I uncovered that throughout my life experiences, every challenge had one common thread: my enduring faith. For every experience of loss, grief, disappointment, or betrayal, my writing would reveal that God was always present, and with each trial I faced, my faith strengthened. I became more curious about the genesis of my beliefs and how my relationship with God could be transformed into a sustaining faith. In the newness of the stillness within my mind, I began to seek how God perceived me, and the more I dove in to understand God’s perspective, the closer I began to rebuke false narratives and accept who I was versus who I was expected to be.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I often had more questions than answers. Without a clear vision for my future and purpose, I found a deeper understanding through journal writing. What began as a healing exercise turned into a desire to capture the stories to share one day with my grandchildren. As I wrote, I felt a nudge to keep writing, and I wondered if sharing what I had written could provide encouragement and hope for others. Spiritually accustomed to time in the waiting, I prayed for an indication that I was on the right track. Without a response and little clarity, I continued to write and pray. There were long periods of doubt when I believed my stories were too personal, too much to hear, bear, and process, and I had to face the nagging fear that no one would care enough to read my words or want to hear my story.

On the first anniversary of My Sacred Pause, I published my first blog article, My Faith Revealed. I began to share how my faith in Jesus was a constant companion through my challenges and heartache. One of the most significant revelations of My Sacred Pause was the gratitude I felt for never feeling alone in my pain. The driving force for sharing my most vulnerable moments is the hope that others will see the love, compassion, and grace of Jesus through my story.

I continued in My Sacred Pause to rest, pray, and journal. Without clear divine guidance, I began to notice a renewal of curiosity and a desire to learn more about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I have always believed in them, almost with a childlike blind faith, yet I never fully understood their story. My quest had me exploring and studying the Bible, ancient Christianity, and numerous other works on spiritual transformation. Now sixty-two and several months post My Sacred Pause, I am compelled to write and offer hope and the message of enduring faith to others.

My Sacred Pause gave me the time and space to heal and fully explore what led to my abrupt resignation. Understanding myself and seeing my life events from a new perspective gave me peace and hope for what God has designed for me. The Power of a Sacred Pause shares the story of God’s relentless faithfulness in my first thirty-five years. His unwavering provision didn’t give me immunity from additional periods of waiting for answers or direction. I had to learn to reflect, listen, and pay attention during the times when the answers seemed beyond my grasp or comprehension.

The Power of a Sacred Pause begins during my early twenties, with my journey through infertility continuing through the ups and downs of the pursuit of motherhood and family, and concludes with the sorrow and grief I experienced at only thirty-five, with losing my dad when he was only sixty-two. Recognizing most people incur periods in life where frustration, loneliness, and hopelessness exist, mine may not compare to others who have endured unimaginable loss, pain, and suffering. I am just like you. My life and story are not newsworthy or salacious. What makes my stories remarkable is the reflection of Jesus within each of my life experiences. The good news is that my story is also your story. I encourage you to see yourself in each chapter written. And my prayer is that you will recognize Jesus at work throughout my life, giving me comfort, strength, and hope, and that you will be compelled in your own life to experience The Power of a Sacred Pause.

CHAPTER ONE

POOR JD OR PJ

Poor JD (shortened to PJ) is a nickname bestowed upon me by my family when I was a young adult due to lighthearted jesting. I was always the designated storyteller willing to poke fun at myself with a hint of naive charm. The room would erupt in laughter as I weaved stories with humor, embellishment, and self-deprecation.

During one of the storytelling moments, someone shook their head as if to imply they felt sorry for me and muttered, PJ. The rest of the crew roared with laughter, and the nickname stuck. I was accustomed to deflecting any sign of hurt or weakness so no one could have known they had just pointed out my hidden identity. I became an expert at masking the inner battle of the critical voice that frequently nagged me with relentless doubts and insecurities.

The nickname became a shackle, a reminder of my perceived intellectual shortcomings. Poor JD, they would jest, and I willingly accepted the name since a part of me believed they were right. There was no maliciousness meant toward me and I could have shut it down, but I didn’t. The nickname has tugged at me for thirty years, and only recently have I learned how and why I willingly accepted the notion of being OK with the handle. Being called PJ was like being called naive and silly.

The sense that I could not succeed due to my mediocre academic record attached itself to my inner identity, in direct contrast to my ability to exude self-confidence. Very few knew the battle of doubt that would ravage my mind and body, holding me captive throughout my life. My anxiety was nocturnal, only surfacing in the darkest hours of the night. As a self-proclaimed night owl, I have always been the last to bed and the first to rise. Sleeping became the battleground for who I wanted to be and who I feared I was. Anxiety became my nemesis regardless of the day’s activity, stress, or fatigue level. Laying my head down to rest was like waving a white flag of surrender. An alarm clock has never been needed as my anxiety awakens me routinely and effectively. Unable to silence the thoughts, I would give in, get out of bed, and get to work. My family had grown accustomed to seeing me in pajamas at the computer, sipping hot tea, hair askew, and with laser focus and intensity, completing projects I convinced myself were somehow urgent.

Finding myself overworked and exhausted was a catalyst for my early resignation, and I was determined to find the root of what drove the out-of-balance work ethic.

As the youngest of two girls in the 1970s in Southern California, I embraced the nickname and still hear the inner voice reminding me that I am inadequate. Those who have known me for the last forty years might be shocked at these admissions because I have had a successful business and career. I have often been described as intelligent, fearless, and confident. The most common and sometimes hurtful word to describe me has been intimidating. However, two realities can coexist, and to most people, including my daughters, I am a fearless badass. I became an expert at quieting the voice that continuously badgered me in the middle of the night, wearing a mask of the stoic, self-confident, visionary leader by day. There were very few witnesses to Poor JD. I remember sharing my family nickname with coworkers, and they didn’t believe me. They viewed me as a confident leader and were convinced I had made up the story or was embellishing it. At one point, two coworkers had the opportunity to meet some of my family and were shocked when I was greeted with a loud PJ!

The contradiction between who I strived to be, who I presented myself as, and how I was branded is