Once Again, Here We Go Again...: ...this time with..."The Narcissist"!

By Andrew S. Benjamin, B.S, CBrC, CRC, CCC, CEC

After investing time and emotion into a blissful relationship, you begin to think this one may be the one. Then BAM! Out of nowhere they begin to show their true colors, telling you they no longer love you and abruptly leave without explanation. Now you’re left alone, wondering, What the hell just happened?

Andrew S. Benjamin, B.S, CBrC, CRC, CCC, CEC, has been there, and he recounts his true story of being in love with a narcissist. Through his experiences, you will learn the red flags to watch out for early in the dating process, how to get to the truth of a person before you have invested time and love into a relationship doomed from the start. With this book, learn to avoid the narcissists of the world and find the good, loving person meant for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: May 17, 2024
• ISBN: 9798890275707

Book preview

Chapter I

WICKED PERSONALITIES!

Quote from my first book What the Hell Happened?!! [Woman quote # 253]:

[Déjà vu]: Caesar / Lilith – I have ruthless cousins & ex-friends. I have probably seen every dirty thing that a woman could do 2 a good man who loved her. They took advantage of these men to the 59th power. Do you understand that? It was worse than a father being wrapped around his little girl’s finger! Do you understand? They literally used & abused these poor men, but when the men woke up, oh my goodness, it was on & ugly!

Truer words were never spoken. I didn’t comprehend the true nature and depths of the word ruthless until I encountered my last ex-girlfriend.

This chapter is to inform and warn people that your mate’s intentions may not be the same as yours; and when this occurs, someone always end up getting hurt either mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically – and in many cases such as this one, DEATH becomes the result!

If not for my wisdom in dealing with breakups, I would most definitely been transformed into a murderer receiving a 25-year prison sentence.

As Chris Rock said in one of his standup comedies, when you hear what’s going on in a relationship, and the man loses it and ends up hurting the woman, he doesn’t condone it – but he can understand.

What’s written here in this manual, it would be to your benefit to take heed to what’s being said because you never know who you may encounter that may take advantage of your good nature.

This book is not to scare you from dating, but meant to prepare you for the unexpected because when you are not prepared, you don’t know what to do, and that’s when people get into trouble.

As always when dating you meet The Representative. That’s the person they want you to BELIEVE they are. The nice person you would want. The caring person, loving, supportive, giving, nurturing, yada, yada, yada. However, as time goes by, you begin to see that they are NOTHING like they claimed to be.¹

In many cases, in their minds, they are not lying to you. They truly believe they are the individual they claim to be. These are the people that say to you (and I know you heard this statement before), I’m not that type of person.

Now follow me with this simple demonstration. As the Luv_Doctor who specializes in breakups, I discuss the ratchet behavior of women (because it’s women who I date), so I’m talking from my personal experience with them.

Please keep in mind that whatever I say about women holds truthful for men as well.

My ex-girlfriend (we’ll call her Lilith for this book) claims she’s not the type of woman that I discuss in my books and the topics in my Facebook (FB) group The Truth Hurts 2 (TTH2). She’s far from it.

I’m going to give you (the reader of this book) one assignment after evaluating this book.

Please come back here to page 2, and read the woman’s quote below and see if it didn’t apply to Lilith EXACTLY as it was stated.

Quote from my first book: [Woman quote # 451]:

[Déjà vu]: Caesar / Lilith – Hello, first off she was not honest with herself, with you from the beginning. She didn’t know what she wanted or where she wanted to go with you. Those should have been her first thoughts before all the traveling, phone calls, etc. started. We (meaning men and women), sometimes go through the motions of trying to be in a relationship and somewhere see we are not ready. Unfortunately for the other who is ready has had a lot of wasted time, and yeah it hurts, but we learn and live and that makes us only that much smarter the next time around.

These types of people are those that Go Through the Motions when they are in a relationship. These are the most dangerous individuals you can encounter because they don’t know themselves nor do they want to know. They refuse to self-reflect to see how confused and messed-up they are, therefore, they will waste their time and yours and EVERYTHING you invested in them. ²

The second most dangerous person on Earth is a fake friend. A lot of men and women stay single because they are tired of giving their all and ending up with nothing.

I discussed this with someone who told a story about a couple where things weren’t going well for them. The woman hasn’t for one day stopped thinking about her ex boyfriend. She was told she’s resents the fact that the ex wasn’t like her present boyfriend; yet she desires the ex boyfriend. She’s doing nothing but going through the motions with the present man and the relationship is DOOMED from the start because she hasn’t finished grieving the demise of the old relationship. She’s depressed and searching for happiness without mourning the death of the old relationship. She sees the new guy as a saint because he’s saying and doing all the things that she longed to hear and feel from her previous relationship.

I recently found out that women are not satisfied with good men; they are content with them. That’s two different things. Being content is going through the motions.

The phenomenon of why women don’t want good guys remains unresolved. Even in my books where I spoken with over 2,000 people, I couldn’t provide you with a logical answer.

[True story]:

My consigliore and best friend (Answer Man Mike) told me a story of a woman who accepted a marriage proposal. However, she calls her ex and finds herself at the ex’s house and they end up passionately kissing one another. The woman ends up calling the ex’s best friend and breaks down crying telling him she misses her ex. Mike offers to help and creates an intervention.

During the intervention, the woman says the guy she’s with is a good man. He treats her well; has money and respects her. He even treats her children well. She loves her man.

Mike warned her that if she marries that man it will be the biggest mistake she’ll ever make because she doesn’t love him.

She wants to argue that she does.

Mike silenced her with one question. If your fiancée is all that great – what are you doing here? ³

WOMEN ARE NEVER SATISFIED WITH A GOOD MAN!

WHY DOES A WOMAN NOT LOVE A MAN THAT TREATS HER WELL?!!

On Facebook there are discussion groups (such as my TTH2 group) where people place topics (situations) and people respond with comments providing their opinions and experiences.

Lilith’s response to this was: Motions is good. I believe everyone has their own personal desires when it comes to relationship, but are willing to sacrifice when a good man comes along, but in all fairness if a good man is all women wanted they would be satisfied. There are other things that women need that are important and some women are not willing to compromise.⁴ Once the dust settles a woman has to weigh out her differences because in fact no one is perfect. If a man’s quality outweighs his deficiencies and she loves him first and foremost, then there should be no doubts."

This is the very same person that posts Facebook memes of: If marriage isn’t the goal, I don’t know why you are in the relationship.

Throughout this whole manual, you will see the hypocritical mindset at work.

Hypocritical: behaving in a way that suggests one has higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case; the nature of hypocrisy or pretense of having virtues, beliefs, principles, etc., that one does not actually possess.

Now let’s examine this so you can see how Red Flags are missed.

Red Flags: are subtle warning signs that there is a problem that should be noticed and addressed. When you are in love, you see everything and comprehend nothing. This is where stupidity comes in; and stupidity is such a harsh word to describe this situation because the individual is only subconsciously protecting themselves. If a person chose to acknowledge the Red Flags, then all their hopes of happiness for their relationship will shatter – thus as a defense mechanism, they choose to ignore what was said and done by their mate in order to protect their investment in the relationship. This is where the illusion comes in. An illusion is when you think you have something that’s not there.

In this story, I thought I had someone that loved me for whom I was.

Even on Facebook, Lilith is quoted (word from word) on the very same subject of going through the motions: That’s what I love about you Andrew. Ain’t nothin phony about you. Either people will accept you or not! And you sure ain’t no follower, just to blend in to be accepted. You are unique. And I like it!

Notice the contradiction of Lilith’s statements which is her hypocrisy character. One moment its: I love you for whom you are, the next moment its there are other things that women need that are important and some women are not willing to compromise. If you are not willing to compromise then you don’t love the person because love is a give-and-take.

Patricia, a friend of mine in TTH2, recognized the Red Flag contradiction and pointed it out to me. Guilt will make you tilt. (meaning Hit Dogs Will Holler). The statement Lilith made was true because that’s what she was doing; just going through the motions with me."

All the affirmations of I love you on FB became lies – and these types of people focus on the lies because they don’t want to acknowledge THE TRUTH! This is where the terminology of Tend to believe your own bullshyt comes in.

Nevertheless, the fact of being a good person (in my case a man) is not good enough; and many women feel this way. In my first book, one woman is quoted:

Quote from my first book [Woman quote # 42]:

Unfortunately there is more to wanting to be in a relationship than the fact the person is good to you, there has to be a certain chemistry there and either there is or there isn’t ... when there is, a woman is more likely to put up with so much crap she wouldn’t normally do, hence why we are called masochist. But it is what it is. If just simply a good man who treated me right was all I needed, I’d be married a long time ago.

See me; I’m quick to tell you, I’M A FUCK-UP! There’s many things wrong with me. My vice (drugs) affects many aspects of my life; self-esteem, finances, unable to be manageable – but at the same time, I’m a decent person. I’m a functional addict. A working man, (Executive Assistant for Partners at Law Firms by trade). I don’t rob, steal, I’m not abusive and I desire stop. I give more than I take. In other words, I give you my all and ask for little; and the little I ask is for is respect; but that seems to be asking for too much because it’s barely ever given to me!

Immoral people can’t give respect when respect is earned. You have to be good-natured in order to do that. When people can’t give respect after someone has proven themselves worthy, that’s when the creeping, lying and cheating commences – thus playing you for a fool. It’s contradictory to play someone for a fool yet claim you love them.

Quote from my first book: [Woman quote # 21]

"Okay, so you took a chance on a woman that told you she was depressed. Often times with depression comes instability. Understandable that you decided to take a chance but at the same time due to that fact the end result should not be that surprising. I am not condoning what she did, nor do I know why she did what she did but in choosing to deal with someone who clearly told you she was depressed you signed up for whatever came with it. The inability to make decisions, the inability to think of others but oneself. [Simplistic definition of narcissism.]

The other thing could be that she got scared. So many times as women we say we want this and we want that, then we get that person and it seems so unreal. It’s like that woman is almost waiting for that brother to screw up due to past experiences that have always ended up that way. I’ve also met men who do the same thing. They say they want a good woman and they find one that does everything they ask for but are still not satisfied. Based on the email that I read that she sent you it just sounded like for whatever reasons she felt she couldn’t be with you anymore. I know it’s hurtful especially since she says YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD MAN, blah blah blah...and in your mind you are thinking, if I am such a good man why end it? Only she knows the reasons...use it as a learning experience and move on...take your time to get to know that next woman, that’s all."

The next personality one has to look out for is Self-Centeredness. These are individuals that are too interested in themselves to care about the needs or feelings of other people; they tend to ignore the needs of others and only do what’s best for them. These people are what you call MONSTERS!

A "MONSTER" is a callous entity that causes pain and suffering to others without remorse; simply to gain the instant gratification it desires at that moment. [Detailed definition of a Narcissist ] [Now you see why people who go through the motions are the most dangerous people.]

Women who have been in abusive relationships can more relate to what a monster is. Someone that batters them into an Intensive Care Unit. Someone whose very presence entering a room with them in it alone instills fear that terrorizes them.

I’m going to give you 20 words related to the word MONSTER so you can see and understand the true nature of the individual I’m about to discuss:

1. selfish

2. arrogant

3. bitch

4. conceited

5. egocentric

6. annoying

7. asshole

8. self-absorbed

9. egotistical

10. narcissist

11. jerk

12. rude

13. narcissistic

14. vain

15. ego

16. slut

17. cocky

18. stupid

19. ignorant

20. narcissism

The story of Lilith and me is not a physically abusive story, but an emotionally abusive one that would kill many people’s spirituality; and without the proper healing and therapy will destroy any hopes of a future successful relationship with anyone that has good intentions.

As the upcoming story unfolds, you will see all 20 synonyms (highlighted with a black background and white text, followed with its definition) come into play, focusing Lilith’s actions and personality.

Having more than one man is an issue of women as well. I was talking about Trinidadians where one man from Trinidad said: It’s true. Trinidadian women keep extra men and lie to satisfy their greed and personal needs. This appears to be the issue of American Black women as well.

Lilith’s mindset about this issue was: "Some women get so much attention and if she is highly attracted to whoever is giving the attention she will give in.⁵ ⁶ It also has a lot to do with how a women carries themselves and how she dresses. Some will wear a bait attire to lure men for pleasure...it’s done intentionally but I personally see this as a lack of discipline."

Quote from my first book [Woman quote # 11]:

Oh did I mention we don’t have sex anymore. So when he came thru the door I was all over him he told me to get off him because I got fat and feel like I am over 200 pounds. Granted I did gain 50 lbs. But it was because of medication. He knows I feel insecure about it. He’s always telling me he doesn’t think I’m fat now all of a sudden I am fat. I asked him earlier this week if he was still attracted to me he said of course baby I love u. Now this! All he wants me to do is stay in the house and he is content. Oh did I mention I make more money than he does own this house you see on the page (ready to sell it and move to Georgia) work for the government. All he has is the clothes he bought into this relationship and a warehouse job. But I loved him anyway. He treated me like no man could ever treat a woman. I wanted to build together. Seems like now he’s not wanting anything else. Why isn’t my husband not loving me the way he suppose to by taking care of my woman needs? Now I am ready to cheat on him just to satisfy them but it’s not in me to do it.

This is the stupid thinking that creates more problems in the relationship because when she cheats, she’s going to lose more than what she gained (a quick nut – if she gets it). She’s going to lose the stability of her home; and as bad as she has it home, she’s going to lose all three (husband, house and the man she cheated with) because the man she cheated with won’t stay because all he wanted was sex. Once he hit-it a couple times he will become a rebound – and rebounds never work!

The next person you need to be aware of are those that are in the Rebound mode.

Rebound: going from one relationship to the next right away to avoid the pain of a breakup to feel wanted.

Love is a gamble. Women’s mistake is gambling that everything they accumulated in the relationship will be maintained by The Jump-off who just wants sex!

The rent, bills, financial protection, protection of unforeseen events such as eviction, etc., all this is promised to the woman that’s ready to step outside her relationship when she’s not happy by the man that just wants some pussy!

[TOPIC]: WHY DO MEN LIE – BECAUSE STUPID WOMEN BELIEVE US.

Remember what I said, what I say about women holds truthful for men as well.

With women, tLove is a gamble. Women’s mistake is GAMBLING that everything they accumulated in the relationship will be MAINTAINED by The Jump-off! The rent, bills, financial protection, protection of unforeseen events such as eviction, etc., all this is PROMISED to the woman that’s ready to step outside a relationship when SHE feels it’s not going to work out – by the man that just wants some pussy! Remember my topic: Why do men lie – because stupid women believe us. So lure you in, they will tell you they don’t have anyone. They not dating anyone; haven’t met anyone; finds no one intriguing; and not looking for anyone. They’re only interested in you.

Truth of the fact is (as with this story), someone was always there; but due to the fact is she can’t have the relationship she wants with that individual, she will convince you to date her while all along wanting to date the other man – but the other man don’t want her the way she wants him to. Since the other man only wants sex from her, he will be fine with her dating someone else, as long as he gets to have sex with her, whenever he wants it. So, she will be seeing BOTH men at the same time until shit hits the fan.

My mother always told me: You can do what you like, but not as long as you like. Therefore, it’s only a matter of time before her indiscretions will become exposed.

As the story unfolds, you will see our non-compatibility was an outright lie. People will make up lies to justify the nonsense they do. They’re not going to blame themselves thus they will make up lies to blame you to make themselves look good.

As to not reveal any more surprises, I shall now commence with this manual’s story.

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¹  Red Flag – If a person tells you one thing and ends up saying the complete opposite later on, they have demonstrated they’re a liar. You didn’t spend enough time to get to know them – RUN!  

² Red Flag – Any time you see someone that will not take a look at themselves, that’s an individual that will take NO ACCOUNTABILITY to any actions of wrong doing – RUN!

³  Red Flag – Whenever a person gets silent after a question was asked of them, that means they know they are wrong but don’t want to admit it; say anything incriminating; keeping something from you they don’t wish you to know; or you caught them in a lie – RUN!

⁴  Red Flag – When a woman is fixated on trivial things such as a BIG penis and SEX, chances are they will cheat because there will ALWAYS be someone with a BIGGER penis than yours, and they will have SEX with them simply because she’s intrigued – RUN!

⁵ Red Flag – When a person talks like this means they are talking about themselves – RUN!

⁶ Red Flag – When a woman says anything of this nature means no matter what aman does for her, if she’s attracted to another man who gives her attention (and we all know he will  in order to get her into bed); he doesn’t have to do anything much for her, she’s going to cheat. Her man can give her The World and she will still cheat on him – RUN!

Chapter II

LILITH’S SEDUCTION

I was six months in from a breakup where a woman (Judy (who’s the 2nd book)) had cheated on me two months after I got us an apartment for her and her children to reside in. I left everything I accumulated within six years with that woman to move back into my parents home to get away from the deliberate disrespect I received within that household; from the same individuals I tried to create a family with.

At the end of this six month separation, I had just finished writing my 2nd relationship book: Here We Go Again…They Always Tell the Truth…Even When They Lie! According to the readers’ reviews of my first book, this book was better.

I had just started marketing this book on FB when a man who co-owned a Radio Blog Show invited me to discuss my new relationship book with his listeners. I sent him a few chapters so he would have material to interview me with and he told me it was good reading.

Little to my knowledge, he was playing me for a fool and talking behind my back to his friends telling them how much I hate Black women and they need to listen to me talk.

One of the people he spoke to was Lilith. He discussed one of my topics (a famous TOPIC of mine), if a woman gets into a stranger’s car and she gets raped, she deserves what she got. YouTube Video: https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=GGuHZi-YwDM.

Unknown by him, Lilith would agree with me and an argumentative debate would commence between the two of them.

Intrigued by the discussion, Lilith decided to listen in on the radio segment hearing from the horse’s mouth what I would have to say pertaining to the subject.

I’m the type of person I don’t tell you what you desire to hear, but what you need to hear. Women can’t stand to hear something they disagree with (especially when it’s The Truth), thus they were getting upset on the show. Instead of corresponding with them with the same anger, I remained cool, calm and collected with my even voice and demeanor in the discussion.

The host brought Lilith onto the show where she agreed with what I was saying. Since the host wanted people that wouldn’t side with me to attack me, he took her off the air before she could say anything else that will strengthen my argument; and brought on another person.

According to Lilith, she was intrigued with one of my responses on the air where I was asked what Kind of Luv_Doctor was I that didn’t get people together.

I responded with I’m a Love Doctor that specializes in breakups. People don’t realize that breakups are part of a relationship. I teach people how to deal with moving-on without getting themselves into trouble such as going to jail after beating up someone for playing them as a fool or earn a prison sentence for killing them for doing something grimy done to them.

Then I provided them with the scenario: if you broke your leg, would you see a Dentist to have it fixed? No. You would go to an ER (Emergency Room Doctor) to have it fixed. Since the Dentist can’t fix the leg, does that mean the Dentist is not a doctor? No. He’s a doctor that’s specializes with teeth.

Same principle here. During breakups (and people only acknowledge this when they are in the situation), when you are hurting from being played a fool; when you can’t function in daily life because your heart is bleeding; when you are in pain from missing someone because you spent so much of your free time with them; when you want to talk to someone about what the hell happened, that’s when people seek my assistance, knowledge and expertise because I have been in those positions time and again and I can best guide people out of their pain through EXPERIENCE – not book knowledge or guessing games.

After the show, Lilith contacts me via Facebook messenger and tells me I handled myself very well on the show and she agrees with my opinions and viewpoints. She’s going to support me and buy my book.

This made me felt good. Someone is actually supporting me by purchasing my book.

I decided to take a deeper look into Lilith, see what she looks like. What she’s about, her mentality, etc. So I went to her Facebook profile and oh my God, she was a stunning, highly attractive woman. There was one specific picture of her that was a black and white photo that only enhanced her looks. Everything about the picture said elegance like a professional shoot for the cover of Essence Magazine. Beauty. Woman-hood.

I was immediately attracted to this woman. However, since I had nothing to come to the table with, no job, living at my parent’s home, no money for bubble-gum, I quickly retreated into my home-made isolation booth within myself and accepted the fact that I had no hopes what-so-ever being with someone like her; and I was ok with that.

I just told myself, Just focus on the book Drew. That’s all she’s here for. That’s all you need from her – her opinions – of the book.

Lilith was my first real test of how good the book was written. She was someone that didn’t know me at all, so her reviews would be unbiased.

I believe it was about a week later that Lilith contacted me and says she received the book in the mail and started reading the book. She told me after reading the first three pages that she found the book was hard to put down. The book is definitely a page-turner and she’s having a hard time doing her work.

As a travelling nurse, she would see her patients in the day and then do her charting at home at night.

The deeper she got into the book, the more time we spent together.

We spent the first few days discussing what she had read and I enjoyed every moment talking with someone that could relate with what’s being said by me.

Many of the events of the book she experienced such as her ex husband taking down the door of her daughter’s room for being disrespectful. She told me many times she had to put the book down to self-reflect by what’s being said because the book was like telling her story.

Truth of the fact is, during our discussions, we were growing fond of one another. While I kept my feelings in check, her emotions were growing as much as mine. I noticed it when she got to the 3rd Chapter, she texted me and said: I’m starting to *like* Andy.

As she continued to read how I time-and-again went out of my way and fought to make things work with my ex and her family, she said to me she wish she had a man that done the things for her that I did for my ex.

Minutes turned to hours on the phone between us and we often deviated from the book to discussing our personal wants and desires.

In one very personal discussion she told me she had Herpes. I was wondering why would she reveal that to me? She must be interested in me to tell me such a thing.

Now the thoughts turn to me. Would I want a woman with a STD? Me, who loves Deep Sea Diving? Most guys would cease all thoughts about anything serious with her, but I’m not an ignorant man. I’m not going to dismiss a chance at happiness because someone made a mistake in life. Remember, I myself have a disease, addiction. I’m medically trained and I’m aware of the Herpes disease, so if I decide to give this a chance, I’ll study more up on it. But as of right now, I’m not giving this any real thought because she’s in Texas and I’m in New York. Long Distance Relationships don’t work.¹ So why even brainstorm something you are not going to be dealing with.

I asked Lilith how she knew the Talk Show Host that interviewed me and she told me she used to date him. More like have sex with him because he had a woman.

He was the first guy she’s ever been with since her divorce from her husband in two years and she thought she was overdue. She told me I had nothing to worry about because she wasn’t that good. He wasn’t that good, but you are telling me you slept with him two times. She told me he was something to do.²

This made me pay strict attention to what she was saying when discussing her life.

She’s a divorced woman of two failed marriages.

First marriage was to a man that she met at meetings for substance abuse. Those meetings are nothing but one great big fuck-fest in my opinion where the people with clean time prey on the new-comers. She was the new-comer for that man she married.

To my understanding she wanted to get clean from crack (same problem as mine) but different than me. When I run out of money, my run ends there. She told me she used to sleep with drug dealers and other people to get the next hit.

Only going by what SHE told me. Can’t verify if it’s true or not – but I believe it because that’s what the women do when they are on drugs – they exchange sex for money and drugs with ANYONE with money or drugs.

Well Lilith decides to be with the man to help her stay clean. She’s willing to do ANYTHING to stay clean, thus she has sex with him and in turn he teaches her to practice the 12 step program with him acting as her sponsor.

To my knowledge (according to her), one thing led to another and a few make-ups and breakups, she marries him – BUT DOESN’T LOVE HIM.³ She more feels indebt to him.

However, I understand he loves her because to this very day, he calls her from time-to-time to check up on her.

According to her, she didn’t love him because he was bossy and verbally abusive when he didn’t get his way. He was definitely verbally abusive when she gave him Herpes and he went and told all the members of the meetings that they go to.

In turn, cheats on him. According to her, the guy she was cheating with was a better lover and spent many times having sex with him.

As my mom taught me: You can do what you like, not as long as you like. He learns out what’s going on. To my understanding, they were in the middle of moving with him driving the U-hal and her tailing with the car they had. I guess the poor guy couldn’t take it anymore stops the U-hal approaches her on the highway’s soft shoulder. While she’s in the car, he confronts her with her infidelity.

What I found fascinating with the story was he knocks on the front car window and asks her to step outside – in which she refused and made sure the car doors was locked.

I guess he was going to fuck-her-up! Women like this always place themselves in compromising positions over a quick lay!

As to not get me into lying, she tells the husband she wants a divorce and continues to sleep with the fuck-buddy!

[PAY ATTENTION]:

After listening to the story, I asked her, since you did this to your first husband, what’s to say you don’t do it to me?

Lilith’s response was: Andrew, I was young then. Young & Dumb. I’m older now. I’m much more mature.

[PAY ATTENTION]:

I don’t do things like that anymore!⁴

When someone tells you something, the ONLY thing you can do is take it as face value because if you question them further (without proof), all you will do is start an argument, look insecure and chase them away.

The second husband, according to Lilith, was a player.

At first when she was introduced to him by a friend, she wasn’t interested in him. However, as time passed by, she claimed to love him. He must have laid the pipe well with her.

Take it from me, Lilith is one of those women that if you sex her good, she’s not going anywhere – and you get anything you want from her.

I myself am not a pipe-layer!

I’m asthmatic and it’s hard to pump and breathe. Being 52 yrs old also affects hang-time! More importantly, when I have sex, it’s for love-making, trust and respect, and to bond.

I pride myself as a Deep Sea Diver (oral sex). Trust and believe, when I’m done with you, back-arching, multiple volcanic eruptions will have your eyes WIDE OPEN with a smile on your face that says WTF???!!!!

I’m not designed to base my relationship just on sex though. When the sex dies, what else do you got? I want a woman where the sex is a benefit – not the relationship itself. I want to be able to wake up happy and cook my woman breakfast and serve her in bed. I want to be able to have discussions with her through-out the day.

I said in my first book: I don’t like to discuss sex. Many men will brag about what how he can make a woman feel. That’s a lie since he doesn’t know the woman. If he was as experienced as he claimed, then he’d know enough to know that he doesn’t know if he can satisfy her because It’s different strokes for different folks!"

Also, I don’t talk about sex because it’s not important to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex more than the next person. The reality is – and don’t let any man tell you different – that the best sex, the back-arching, mind-numbing, toe-curling, hair-pulling, back-raking sex, can only last 45 minutes, TOPS! Now, there are 24 hours in a day. What are you going to do for the rest of the 23 hours and 15 minutes that are left? Can you talk with the person without getting a headache? Can you stand being around this person? Would you be ashamed to bring this individual around your family and friends? These questions are far more important to answer than whether that person makes you scream. I can step on your foot and make you scream!"

So let’s say the second husband is doing her well!

To my understanding, according to Lilith’s mother and sister, all he did was take advantage of her by making her use her credit to purchase several financed cars, motorcycles, etc., etc., etc. – running her credit to the ground.

When I met Lilith, she was making decent money. However, car payments and insurance caused her struggle to the point where she was trying to sell her Mac computer. Every now and then she had to ask her ex-husband for money. The both of them had an arrangement where he left her several blank checks and when she asked him for money, he would confirm and she would withdraw the funds (around $200 at a time).

I told her if she was to be dealing with me; she would have to stop that. You can’t have a man and going to another man for money! It belittles the stature of your man as a provider.

Also, any man that gives any woman money is going to want sex from that woman later on.

THAT’S A FACT!

She claimed the money that her ex husband gives her is money to pay for the credit card debt for the cars.

Follow me as I explain the bullshit that’s going on here.

He presses her to purchase cars (more than one) for him in the THOUSANDS! But when she wants money every now and then, he gives her in the Hundreds. That’s a logical deal right?

Then after accumulating the debt, he leaves her to be with another woman that’s broke. He gives her money every now and then because every now and then he wants a favor involving money, Lilith would accommodate him.

However, I’m not her man, so I can do nothing right now. All I can do is point out to her.

I don’t recall the time it was mentioned, but Lilith tells me she’s finds herself intrigued with me, but don’t see how it will work. I don’t even have a job.

No sooner than she said that, two weeks later I received a job offer at one of the most prestigious and largest banks in America; working as an Executive Assistant to General Counsel in the Legal Department. It was also the largest paying job of my life! Good Money!

I forgot to put this in the second book, and since certain people are saying I can’t keep a job, I’m discussing it now since I have one.

Ever since watching Dallas on television with J.R. Ewing, I always wanted to be the Right Hand Man to a powerful executive. It’s not as easy as one thinks. In the legal field, it’s a revolving door where many secretaries get fired over personality conflicts, lack of skill or the attorney is having a bad day.

I once supported the attorney that represented famous subway shootings in NYC. That attorney had two Secretaries (assistants) and the Head Secretary was a bitch! That position alone had several secretaries before I got there (13 Secretaries), some crying and leaving on the first day. I lasted 3 weeks in which I was told by the corporate staff I did a good job because I lasted the longest (which was referred to as: The Hot Seat).

With this new found job, I just became more interesting to Lilith. I once supported the attorney that represented the famous Benard Goetz subway shooting in NYC. That attorney had TWO Secretaries (assistants) and the Head Secretary was a BITCH! That position alone had several secretaries before I got there (13 Secretaries) — some crying and leaving on the first day. I lasted 3 weeks in which I was told by the corporate staff I did a good job because I lasted the longest (which was referred to as: The Hot Seat).

However, I’m not going to let Lilith deviate me from my path. My path is to get myself together and work on the business I want to run, A Talk-show Host. So with my job, I pay for classes to become a television producer. I learn everything from handling the cameras on the studio’s floor; the Technical Director’s room, to organizing a production crew.

Within two months, I receive my Producers Certificate and now certified running a multi-million dollar facility – at whim! What’s even more honoring is that my classmates want to support my vision and be part of The Benjamin Administration (my staff for the Truth Hurts Show). My dreams are now becoming reality.

Of course this makes Lilith become more intrigued with me. From the brief time she met me (two months more or less); I went from jobless Author of several books to an Executive, to Facebook personality, to Television Syndication.

Going back to our book discussions, there’s a chapter where I discuss the West Indian Labor Day Parade. Lilith tells me she always heard about that parade and wanted to attend it. I assured her that would be the best time to come to New York if she ever came to New York, and I would be her personal escort.

I can’t recall how the September parade deviated to July 4th Independence Day weekend, but all I can remember is Lilith scheduled a vacation for this weekend and she decided to come and meet the author of one of the best books she’s ever read.

I paid her no mind because we’re half a country apart. People say things like: I’m coming; and never show up. But by surprise, she told me she purchased her airline ticket and sent me the confirmation.

I was shocked. I was like Holy Shit – she’s serious!

Let’s get serious!

---

¹ Red Flag – LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DON’T WORK 90% OF THE TIME!  If someone lives further than two (2) hours away from you – RUN!

² Red Flag – The worst thing you can do is to be with someone because you have nothing to do.  If someone was something to do – you will be something to do too – RUN!

³ Red Flag – Anyone that marries someone and doesn’t love them; don’t know what love is – and will be the same way with you – RUN!

⁴ Red Flag – After a certain age (30 yrs and above), their character adapts to whatever they do and it becomes their nature.  They may not do it as much, but when the opportunity arises, they will do the same thing all over again in the same exact way – RUN!

Chapter III

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

When Lilith told me she was coming to New York to see me, it saddened me.

I was approaching my 50’s, no children, never been married and no woman.

So guess what, for the weekend that Lilith is here, I’m going to make her My Wife and do everything I always wanted to do with a wife. I have a good job now. I can afford it.

I had three months to plan. I planned this for so long and so well, you would think I was on the President’s staff of preparing for the Pope’s arrival.

The first thing I thought of was creating a gift package. I love to spoil women, and I believed this one was worth it. I don’t mind doing anything for anyone, as long as they appreciate it.

What would this gift package contain was my next question. For this special woman – everything must be special and unique! Nothing average, nothing trivial, and as John Hammond would say in the movie Jurassic Park: Spare no expense.

Women love shoes! I don’t know what it is about them, but they love shoes more than anything.

So I went to Aldo Shoe Store which was on my way home from work. Quite expensive, but as I said, spare no expense! I saw a shoe that would make her feel as sexy as a stripper!

That was brought!

Then I purchased a black silk night gown with matching robe and belt from Macys! So you know that cost a pretty penny too!

I also purchased jewelry such as earrings and bracelets. By the time I finished purchasing everything, I spent over $500 – for a person I haven’t even met yet.

But in all fairness, she’s spent about $700 with airfare and hotel stay and rental car. So it balances out.

Of course all these things would lead to sex, but sex is not what I really had in mind. I already knew she would have sex with me. She was coming to NY. I was more concerned with what else she had to offer.

I had Lilith’s gift package stashed in her hotel room by the manager and told Lilith of one condition of this date: if you want me to spend the night in your hotel room, when I escort you to your hotel room door at the end of the date, simply take my hand and lead me in your room. If you say goodnight, I’ll leave quietly and see you the next day.

Lilith agrees.

Next thing I had to plan was where I would take her. That was easy for me because I know New York like the back of my hand; not just the tourist places, but places of Black History!

I need one more thing to make this special event complete. I went to Fifth Avenue Chocolates and had an engagement ring made of milk chocolate with the diamond white chocolate. It was large, so the joke would be greater.

That was actually my first engagement ring to her. So you see, I already had intentions of marrying her, I just have to take the time to learn if she was marriage material and worth marrying.

Three months later, after all the anticipation and talks of romance, it’s time to meet my princess!

It’s early morning around 11:00 am and I’m waiting at the airport for Lilith’s plane to arrive holding her engagement ring in a cute little gift bag.

As she walks through the arrival gate we finally meet for the first time. I’ve seen multiple pictures of her so I knew what to expect with looks. She’s attractive!

However, it’s amazing with long distance dating how you can talk to someone for hours, days, weeks, months and when you finally meet; it’s like meeting a stranger. Somehow, I got the sense she wasn’t into me. I’m now beginning to think I’m stuck for an entire weekend with someone that doesn’t like me.

We greeted with a hug and I escorted her to get her rental car. While waiting for the elevator to take us to JFK’s monorail that takes you to the car rental locations, she did the best thing ever to break the ice between us.

She said since you haven’t kissed me yet, may I have a kiss?

That lets me know that my insecurities were getting the best of me. With the kiss, I was more at ease with her.

Still a little uneasy, after picking up the car, I drove her to my neighborhood to introduce her to a West Indian meal at a well known restaurant. We decided to order two different dishes where she could get to taste both Ox Tail & Rice and Curry Chicken. I ordered the chicken and she order the tail and we shared our plates. It was her first time tasting these dishes and she liked them.

After our meal, I brought her to my home to introduce meet my parents.

Why did I do this, because at this moment, Lilith was of importance – therefore, I’m going to do everything that’s important with her. Remember, she’s my wife for the weekend and wives should know the immediate family.

Introducing my family, Lilith was able to see my stable background environment.

Then we got back into the car where I proceeded to show her NYC. Our first stop was the Brooklyn Bridge. We parked the car and I suggested walking over the bridge to take in the breath-taking sites of the entire island and the Statue of Liberty.

Not accustomed to walking because Houstonians take cars everywhere they go, she started whining like a child saying: Are we there yet?

I’m getting frustrated with her because we didn’t even get on the bridge yet – we only at the foot of the bridge.

While walking towards the bridge’s boardwalk, there were street vendors selling tourist trinkets such as buttons, refrigerator magnets, hats, etc.

She wanted some of them so I purchased them for her.

As we reached the middle of the bridge, she noticed the magnificent view of the Statue of Liberty. She was very appreciative of me taking her there.

We asked one of the street vendors to take our picture. I embraced her with a hug while we were both looking happy with our newfound love. It was one of the most memorable pictures we’ve ever taken.

Now I’m feeling very comfortable with this woman and I’m now glad she came. Now I’m at ease and I can be myself.

As we walked off the bridge towards Manhattan’s side, I told her the story of the slaves that were buried under every ancient building surrounding the Brooklyn Bridge area.

Going towards lower Wall Street, every old-fashioned building was erected by slaves. The architecture separates what the slaves built against the modern skyscrapers.

Then I told Lilith the story of the African Burial Ground and took her to that location. I showed her the several burial plots that were created when a federal building was torn down to erect a new one; and when construction went to the sublevels, they encountered bodies. When the city looked up the history of the site, it was the end of Manhattan at that time and that’s where the slaves were buried.

Almost every building, from the FBI building, to the Court Houses to the River has bodies under them.

New law prevents any of those buildings to be torn down as to not disturb the resting bodies.

I can see in Lilith’s watery eyes that she was truly emotional and appreciative of what I was showing her – her Black history. This made me value her even more.

The rest of the day would be like this as well. I would escort her showing her everything lower Manhattan had to offer.

Andrew Jackson’s burial site (the man on U.S. $20 bill). The man who’s considered a Dead President who wasn’t a President of the United States of America.

I had shown her the Federal Hall where George Washington took his oath as President as well as the Inn (Fraunces Tavern) that’s now an exclusive restaurant where he gave his retirement speech. Remember, this is slavery times where Blacks couldn’t be served there.

Then I have shown her the World Trade Center.

I love when people get emotional because it shows appreciation. Tears welled up in Lilith’s eyes again when she saw the footprints of the towers that fell and the 2,000+ people that died there. The footprints were turned into waterfalls.

I then showed her the exact locations on the Ground Zero’s site where I retrieved four bodies as a Volunteer Rescue Worker.

Lilith complained that her feet were hurting, but didn’t want to stop our tour, so I took her to the marina that have park benches behind the WTC; where the NYC Yachts are docked.

There she took one of my most favorite pictures of all time. That picture of her would be embedded within my mind for all time as well.

She was wearing a red top with parsley designs all over it. She was leaning on her wrist with the greatest smile I ever seen on a woman. I was truly beginning to fall in love with this woman.

Since her feet were hurting, I took her shoes off and passionately massaged her feet with loving care.

I love giving women attention and I don’t care who’s looking.

Then I wanted to verify everything I told her about myself, thus we took the River Taxi to New Jersey (another state) and took her to my job.

Being that it’s the weekend, I got to demonstrate the power I weld by getting her past security of a multi-million dollar building of a multi-billion dollar company; when the office is closed.

As we got on my floor, she was in awestruck with the Power Floor.

That’s the floor were all the corporations’ policies are created by Vice Presidents, Lawyers and CEOs. The entire floor has a distinct look of Cherry Wood railings, doors and desks that gives the rich, authoritative look.

I escorted her past several of my boss’s offices to my desk next to the office where I supported the main lawyer of the entire fortune 500 company and her subordinates in multiple states.

I tell you, it’s a wonderful feeling for a man to have his woman be proud of the job he has.

I side-glanced Lilith and noticed the awe-striking, dumb-founded look on her face of: WOW!

After a brief view of the trading floor that’s directly in-front of my desk, we left my job and went to another river park where you can see another breath-taking view of NYC. From this location, you can see the entire Manhattan island (from the tip of the Bronx to the Statue of Liberty) standing in one spot.

Actually the park is so romantic, I even planned our wedding to be there (if there were to be a wedding). The wedding pictures would be absolutely fabulous!

It’s now getting dusk and it’s time to go back to the car which was parked in Brooklyn. Lilith is not accustomed to all this walking so we sat on a park bench where I massaged her feet again. This time I will demonstrate my sexual skills by briefly sucking on her toes.

I actually saw her chest heave as the warmth of my mouth engulfed her toe digits.

I’m not done with her yet.

We take the river taxi back to New York and I take her to Battery Park and showed her what New York looked like in its born stages. No buildings, no bridges, just two-story houses, warehouses and boats.

It’s now night time and the most romantic thing you can do with a woman is take her on the Staten Island Ferry at night. I know I keep saying the word breath-taking, but that’s how the sceneries are – and this is the very first woman I’ve shown them all to in one day. That’s how much I’m interested in Lilith.

While